A little league umpire is an easy job. You call a lot of strikes and stay out of the way. One umpire did not get that memo and showed up a little kid on a called strike three in the most douchey way possible.

Either way, I’m ]]>

A little league umpire is an easy job. You call a lot of strikes and stay out of the way. One umpire did not get that memo and showed up a little kid on a called strike three in the most douchey way possible.

Either way, I’m sure this umpire will have a long and prosperous career. If there’s one thing little league parents are known for, it’s their tolerance and indifference regarding their children’s respective experiences in athletics.

Somewhere between Toddlers and Tiaras and WorldStarHipHop is this video in which a couple of little girls have a fight at a dance recital. It’s adorable and terrible!

I’m happy for the little girl that she didn’t back down in spite of a big size differential but, ]]>

Somewhere between Toddlers and Tiaras and WorldStarHipHop is this video in which a couple of little girls have a fight at a dance recital. It’s adorable and terrible!

I’m happy for the little girl that she didn’t back down in spite of a big size differential but, man, she’s already shaping up to be a problem. Is it possible for someone to be a prodigy at a career in reality TV? If so, I’m putting all my money on Petulant Little Girl stock futures.

Meet Akiva. He’s a little dude in a karate outfit. He also fell into a laundry hamper while trying to grab his shoe and finds himself completely incapable of getting out. He is awesome.

I love how non-plussed Akiva was by the whole situation. He could have ]]>

Meet Akiva. He’s a little dude in a karate outfit. He also fell into a laundry hamper while trying to grab his shoe and finds himself completely incapable of getting out. He is awesome.

I love how non-plussed Akiva was by the whole situation. He could have hung out in there for days if he had to. Started a new life there. Made friends with some socks and hopefully not-too-disgusting used underwear. It’d be like a somewhat disgusting “Be Our Guest” performance. The power of positivity.

Watch two adorable little kids struggle to sound out the word for a delicious summer treat.

Cute as hell now. But once your daughter reaches about 10 or 11, you’ll stop being proud of youtube videos featuring her and popsicles and start being mortified.

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Watch two adorable little kids struggle to sound out the word for a delicious summer treat.

[via Tastefully Offensive]

This to-do list from a little kid probably looks not unlike most of yours if you were being honest with yourself.

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This list could also serve as the property of a moderately functional alcoholic. Worth noting.

At this point it takes a lot for any video game related Kickstarter to truly stand out. Thankfully, in the case of Zombie Playground, it has a decent premise, some killer concept, plus more.

The concept is simple: you’re a kid who must take down zombies ]]>

At this point it takes a lot for any video game related Kickstarter to truly stand out. Thankfully, in the case of Zombie Playground, it has a decent premise, some killer concept, plus more.

The concept is simple: you’re a kid who must take down zombies that have infested your elementary school. You’ll be fighting alongside school chums, who are other players online, and your arsenal will include toys plus random junk found in class and the like.

Actually, it might be a bit more complicated than that; the game’s creators keep saying it’s “a zombie apocalypse as seen through his or her imagination.” Honestly not sure what that means. So is there no actual undead infestation, or one is happening, which the kids are viewing in some other manner?

And there isn’t even any actual game footage as of yet. Which makes sense, since that’s the point of the Kickstarter: to raise money to make the game in the first place. But the concept art that is being used is simply fantastic, and if the final product will be able to match up, then it’s sure to be a home run.

But the reason why I’m personally excited is because it’s sounding an awful like an updated version of Zombies Ate My Neighbors, one of my all time fave games from back in the day. Granted, if that was indeed the case, they would have stated as such, since what zombie loving video game maker worth their salt doesn’t know about that 16-bit classic?

Anyhow, fingers crossed. To donate, simply click here.

You will not want to cross the unidentified seven-year-old girl in this note, particularly if it’s over you trying to prevent her from accessing the Web. She’s like the Dexter of password-protected Internet.

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Good for you, kid. If you want to watch ]]>

You will not want to cross the unidentified seven-year-old girl in this note, particularly if it’s over you trying to prevent her from accessing the Web. She’s like the Dexter of password-protected Internet.

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Good for you, kid. If you want to watch 2 Girls 1 Cup on a loop instead of learning your ABCs or long division, that’s your right as an American. And probably a mandatory part of your education if you’re a Brazilian. They teach 2 Girls 1 Cup in social studies there.

In this video, a little girl teaches her new dog how to poop. It is the most adorable thing you’ll see today (unless you think about the poop..don’t think about the poop).

This dog learned a valuable lesson today. Otherwise he would have gone through life unable ]]>

In this video, a little girl teaches her new dog how to poop. It is the most adorable thing you’ll see today (unless you think about the poop..don’t think about the poop).

This dog learned a valuable lesson today. Otherwise he would have gone through life unable to poop. If there’s one thing dogs are known for, it’s their reluctance to defecate anywhere and everywhere. This little girl may have just saved this puppy’s life.

Lip-dubs and their ilk are usually pretty played out. But if you’re going to watch one today, make it this awesome one set to Kelly Clarkson’s “Stronger” from the kids fighting the good fight at Seattle Children’s Hospital.

It’s okay if it got a little dusty in your room just ]]>

Lip-dubs and their ilk are usually pretty played out. But if you’re going to watch one today, make it this awesome one set to Kelly Clarkson’s “Stronger” from the kids fighting the good fight at Seattle Children’s Hospital.

It’s okay if it got a little dusty in your room just now.

If you want to donate to the Seattle Children’s Hospital, you can do so here. If you can’t afford to donate, hug a kid. I mean like, assuming you have a kid or the express permission to hug someone else’s kid. Don’t just go randomly hugging kids. That couldn’t possibly end well.

Just donate. That part’s all good.

In today’s edition of New Meme You Should Know we bring you Movie Critic Kid, the pint-sized Roger Ebert of the sandbox. Though his film acumen may not have reached full maturity, he still has a keen eye for film. Deconstructing the industry of film critique ]]>

In today’s edition of New Meme You Should Know we bring you Movie Critic Kid, the pint-sized Roger Ebert of the sandbox. Though his film acumen may not have reached full maturity, he still has a keen eye for film. Deconstructing the industry of film critique to the point of hilarity, this toddler not only makes a mockery of criticism he also captures our laugh with the innocent observations only a child could have. Now if only he was the offspring of Drunk Dad we’d be well on our way to the meme family we’ve all been waiting for.

This is Zach, a three-year-old kid with a love of dinosaurs. Unfortunately, that love is severely tested when Zach finds himself faced with a large animatronic dinosaur.

Should Zach continue to nurture these skills, he’ll be sacrificing people in the name of self-preservation at a historic rate. ]]>

This is Zach, a three-year-old kid with a love of dinosaurs. Unfortunately, that love is severely tested when Zach finds himself faced with a large animatronic dinosaur.

Should Zach continue to nurture these skills, he’ll be sacrificing people in the name of self-preservation at a historic rate. He’s like a young George Costanza.

A six-year-old Colorado boy was suspended from school for sexual harassment after quoting a line from LMFAO’s hit “Sexy and I Know It.” How many lives must LMFAO ruin before they’re stopped?

Denver’s KMGH reports that first grader D’Avonte Meadows was suspended for ]]>

A six-year-old Colorado boy was suspended from school for sexual harassment after quoting a line from LMFAO’s hit “Sexy and I Know It.” How many lives must LMFAO ruin before they’re stopped?

Denver’s KMGH reports that first grader D’Avonte Meadows was suspended for three days after saying the song’s choral line of “I’m sexy and I know it” at Sable Elementary School.

D’Avonte dropped the lyric while standing next to a female classmate in a lunch line.

When reached by the Associated Press, the local school district said they wouldn’t comment on the specifics of the case but that their guidelines define sexual harassment as any unwelcome sexual advance, regardless of age.

According to D’Avonte’s mother, this is the second time her son has gotten in trouble for quoting the song. But she doesn’t think her son knows what sexual harassment is, saying:

“They’re going to look at him like he’s a pervert. And it’s like, that’s not fair to him.”

I get the school has a zero tolerance policy but maybe we can make it like a .0001 tolerance policy that includes the guideline “If the sexual harassment occurring comes in the form of a pop song that appears on TV with animated pieces of chocolate dancing to it, we’re all good.” Not sure if that’s perfect legal language but a little common sense probably goes a long way here.

In this video, a little child wearing a zebra print hoodie meets a lion behind the glass. The lion thinks the kid is a baby zebra and acts accordingly. It’s hilarious and yet one shattered piece of Plexiglass away from being the saddest thing to ever occur.

I was waiting ]]>

In this video, a little child wearing a zebra print hoodie meets a lion behind the glass. The lion thinks the kid is a baby zebra and acts accordingly. It’s hilarious and yet one shattered piece of Plexiglass away from being the saddest thing to ever occur.

I was waiting for the kid to look behind him and go, “Holy shit, that big terrifying cat is trying eat me” or some similar little kid variation. Instead, he handled the situation with more cool than I would have as a 27-year-old adult. I’m not saying this kid should want to be a TV wildlife personality…but we definitely need him to be one. Otherwise, nothing in this world makes sense.

This kid is like a modern day prophet. Or, at the very least, a Capri Sun-drinking version of that viral Louis CK video about how everything’s amazing and no one is happy.

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And..cue various corners of the Internet calling ]]>

This kid is like a modern day prophet. Or, at the very least, a Capri Sun-drinking version of that viral Louis CK video about how everything’s amazing and no one is happy.

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And..cue various corners of the Internet calling this kid a Communist for not embracing consumerism and big business. “Rainbows don’t keep China from enslaving us all,” yells an angry older man whose face is lit by both the glow of his computer screen and his misguided rage.

You’re going to see this approximately 973,000 times in your Facebook feed over the next couple days, we’ll wager, so let’s just get this out of the way. In this video, a dad and his kid sing Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”. Watch it.

Very cute. And completely obnoxiously trite, which the ]]>

You’re going to see this approximately 973,000 times in your Facebook feed over the next couple days, we’ll wager, so let’s just get this out of the way. In this video, a dad and his kid sing Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”. Watch it.

Very cute. And completely obnoxiously trite, which the daughter in the front seems to be aware of:

Anyway, congrats on your secure future of Internet fame and all-but-assured appearance on Good Morning America.

Breastfeeding is a healthy way of rearing a child that many moms should do. No one’s disputing that. But attempting to breed good will for public breastfeeding with this ad from Kentucky’s Healthy Hometown is a poor idea at best.

I’m pretty sure that if your infant ]]>

Breastfeeding is a healthy way of rearing a child that many moms should do. No one’s disputing that. But attempting to breed good will for public breastfeeding with this ad from Kentucky’s Healthy Hometown is a poor idea at best.

I’m pretty sure that if your infant child is giving soliloquies and flashing pearly white teeth befitting a Miss America pageant, you’ve injected more than enough titty juice into their bloodstream.

Additionally, when did society start to think I needed all my life advice from talking babies? Between this and the eTrade baby providing me with financial advice, I’m getting a little tired of babies telling me how to live my life. Next car with a ‘Baby on Board’ sign is getting sugar in the gas tank. It’s time for a rebellion.

Kids running and screaming are pretty much the peanut butter and jelly of obnoxious child behavior. But man, this kid sent to us by Comedy Wizard might be the most obnoxious little guy ever.

Kind of a bummer when you can just tell how a little kid is going ]]>

Kids running and screaming are pretty much the peanut butter and jelly of obnoxious child behavior. But man, this kid sent to us by Comedy Wizard might be the most obnoxious little guy ever.

Kind of a bummer when you can just tell how a little kid is going to be as an adult. The tea leaves are not looking good for you, little man. Start by getting that scream down to a dull roar. You can build on this. It gets better.

A six-year-old girl crapped herself after her school wouldn’t let her go to the bathroom, resulting in a lot of shame. Naturally, the local news station KY3 decided to help her out by making it their top story.

Next up on the local news: A parent talks about how everyone ]]>

A six-year-old girl crapped herself after her school wouldn’t let her go to the bathroom, resulting in a lot of shame. Naturally, the local news station KY3 decided to help her out by making it their top story.

Next up on the local news: A parent talks about how everyone in school thinks their first grader son is gay. KY3 will break down why exactly kids say that about him along with a private tour of the young man’s Barbie collection. KY3 News…changing lives.

With a title like Battlefield America, what would you think this movie is about? Bad surprise! It’s about little kids dancing. From the creative geniuses who brought you You Got Served comes one of the weirdest movie ideas of 2012, a curious melange of Fight Club and So You ]]>

With a title like Battlefield America, what would you think this movie is about? Bad surprise! It’s about little kids dancing. From the creative geniuses who brought you You Got Served comes one of the weirdest movie ideas of 2012, a curious melange of Fight Club and So You Think You Can Dance with a little Bad News Bears shredded on top. Oh, and all the dancers are pre-teens. The only reason for a red-blooded American male to watch a dance flick is to ogle nubile female flesh in the glory of unfettered movement, so casting one that’s all little dudes seems like an attempt to grab a… different kind of audience. I almost expect Chris Hansen to walk out from behind the curtains once the film starts, holding a stack of AIM printouts.