Since Li-Lo can barely keep it together, it costs a lot of extra money to put her in a movie. Like a lot. We all know that Lindsay Lohan is box office poison, so it’s not surprising that most of her work now comes from made-for-TV movies. ]]>

Since Li-Lo can barely keep it together, it costs a lot of extra money to put her in a movie. Like a lot. We all know that Lindsay Lohan is box office poison, so it’s not surprising that most of her work now comes from made-for-TV movies. Her latest feature, Liz & Dick, is a biopic of Elizabeth Taylor for the Lifetime network. Here’s a little backstage info for you: whenever an actor is cast for a project, the producers need to take out insurance on them in case something happens. Could be an injury, could be an arrest, it doesn’t matter: if they drop out, the production needs that extra money to find a new star, reshoot, et cetera. For most actors, this insurance is fairly cheap, because they’re not going to screw up.

Not for Lindsay. The producer of Liz & Dick went on the record this week to say that Lohan may be “the most insured actress to ever walk on a soundstage.” This isn’t the first time that Lindsay has had insurance troubles – she was bumped from the production of Inferno when they didn’t want to shell out the cash to insure her – but Lifetime seems willing to spend the cash, betting that it’ll lead to good ratings. Good luck with that, guys. E! has the whole scoop.

Of course we all knew that Lindsay Lohan would be at Coachella. It was a giant party within 1500 miles of where she lives, so naturally she was there. The surprising part is how good she looked. She was at last year’s event too, and I ]]>

Of course we all knew that Lindsay Lohan would be at Coachella. It was a giant party within 1500 miles of where she lives, so naturally she was there. The surprising part is how good she looked. She was at last year’s event too, and I fully expect her to be at next year’s program as well. She’s never let little things like being on probation or assaulting someone (allegedly) stand in the way of a little fun.

In our continuing series taking a look at some of most legendary ladies men, today we will discuss the alleged sexual history of Wilder Valderrama, and one of the most head-scratching lists of accomplishments in the history of the world. How does he do it? What magic does ]]>

In our continuing series taking a look at some of most legendary ladies men, today we will discuss the alleged sexual history of Wilder Valderrama, and one of the most head-scratching lists of accomplishments in the history of the world. How does he do it? What magic does he possess? And better yet, how does he rank amongst other legendary celebrity swordsmen? You be the judge.

Jennifer Love Hewitt (1999)

One of the first in the long line of men to have dated Jenifer Love Hewitt only for it to end in J-Love not getting the husband she so desires.

Majandra Delfino (2000-2001)

Another sexy lady who Fez bagged while he was working on That 70′s Show, Venezuelan-born actress and singer Delfino can be excused for falling for Wilder’s charms since English is her second language.

Mandy Moore (2001-2002)

Mandy Moore was at the height of her fame around this time so the explanations for why Valderrama was able to snag her and other women of her ilk are beginning to make people scratch their heads a little bit.

Lindsay Lohan (2004)

Fresh off her very popular role in Mean Girls 17 year-old Lindsay Lohan began dating Valderrama, which may be the tipping point for when LiLo’s life began to go downhill at an ever rapid rate.

Ashlee Simpson (2005)

Valderrama was still on That 70′s Show , which is the only explanation we have for why Simpson, also at the height of her fame with her second #1 album out, also fell for Fez’s charms.

Avril Lavigne (2009)

Note the gap in time here. That 70′s Show ended in 2006.

Demi Lovato (2010)

You may recall that Lovato quit her tour in 2010 to enter a treatment facility for physical and emotional issues. Coincidence?

Minka Kelly (2012)

Another lengthy gap as perhaps women were finally realizing that Wilder Valderrama was, well, Wilder Valderrama. That is, until a pretty much out of work Minka Kelly, fresh off breaking up with Derek Jeter succumbed to whatever magic spell Valderrama is able to cast. And he has a full-time job again, so look out, ladies.

Other less-substantiated alleged flings…

Jessica Alba, Mischa Barton, Mila Kunis, Christina Milian, Heidi Mueller, Pink, Ariana Richards, Rihanna

I know, Lindsay Lohan is only 25, but this video of her face changing over the years makes her look like she’s 40. It’s amazing to see how hard life’s been on LiLo, especially of late. Not that she didn’t bring most of it on herself and why ]]>

I know, Lindsay Lohan is only 25, but this video of her face changing over the years makes her look like she’s 40. It’s amazing to see how hard life’s been on LiLo, especially of late. Not that she didn’t bring most of it on herself and why she’s been relegated to guest spots on Glee to help revive her acting career.

Forbes just released their list of the most overexposed celebrities. Many on the list made perfect sense, a few, though, I would replace with someone else. Someone more “deserving.”

Their list was compiled by E-Poll Research, of Encino, Calif., which ranks more than 6,600 celebrities based on ]]>

Forbes just released their list of the most overexposed celebrities. Many on the list made perfect sense, a few, though, I would replace with someone else. Someone more “deserving.”

Their list was compiled by E-Poll Research, of Encino, Calif., which ranks more than 6,600 celebrities based on 46 factors. Very scientific. However, I thought that rather just show you their top 10 I’d come up with my own list off the top of my head (very unscientific) and see how they compare. Let me know which list you agree with more.

10 Katy Perry

Forbes #10: Khloe Kardashian. Khloe makes sense, as you will see, but between Katy Perry’s marriage, divorce, ever-changing hair color, and middling musical ability I don’t quite get what all the fuss over her is about.

9 Justin Bieber

Forbes #9: Levi Johnston. Levi Johnston is overexposed? Does anyone even remember him? Well, he did do that Playgirl spread, so maybe that’s what they’re talking about. As for The Biebs, let’s just say we’re not all fans.

8 Tim Tebow

Forbes #8: Kourtney Kardashian. Kourtney’s actually the least annoying of the three sisters. And though not totally his fault, no below average quarterback should be getting as much attention as Tim Tebow.

7 Lady Gaga

Forbes #7: The Situaton. A year ago Lady Gaga would have been higher on my list, but she seems to have taken things down a notch lately. Hopefully for good.

6 The Situaton

Forbes #6: Kate Gosselin. Did anyone even care that The Situaton went to rehab recently? Anyone?

5 Khloe Kardashian

Forbes #5: Paris Hilton. How is Paris Hilton overexposed? No one even knows she exists anymore. On the other hand, the last day we see Khloe Kardashian will be a great day.

4 Kate Gosselin

Forbes #4: Nadya Suleman. Suleman’s recent foray into nudity aside, has she really been in the public eye much lately? As for Kate Gosselin, I thought this woman’s show got canceled. So why is she still being talked about? At all?

3 Lindsay Lohan

Forbes #3: Snooki. Never before has anyone gotten as much attention as Lindsay Lohan for basically doing nothing more than being a pain in the ass to society.

2 Snooki

Forbes #2: Lindsay Lohan. Grrrreat. Snooki’s pregnant. Giving the world one more reason to talk about perhaps the least talented person on TV. (Her main competition for that title, by the way, would be her castmates.)

1 Kim Kardashian

Forbes #1: Kim Kardashian. In the dictionary under the word “overexposed” is a picture of Kim Kardashian. And she probably got paid for her photo to appear there.

Reports are issuing from the bowels of Hollywood that Li-Lo is in talks with Fox to play herself on an episode of Glee this season. Oh boy, it’s Lindsay Lohan comeback number eight million! I’m going to be absolutely honest with you out there in ]]>

Reports are issuing from the bowels of Hollywood that Li-Lo is in talks with Fox to play herself on an episode of Glee this season. Oh boy, it’s Lindsay Lohan comeback number eight million! I’m going to be absolutely honest with you out there in Guyism land and say that I have never and will never see the appeal of Glee. Musicals are what you pretend to watch to make girls sleep with you, but usually you only need to suffer through one a year. Doing it every week is North Korea-level brain torture.

But apparently the show made people like Gwyneth Paltrow, the most unlikable woman on Earth, so maybe it can work wonders for Lindsay. Paltrow is actually the impetus for Lohan’s interest in the show, as her Holly Holliday character used Lindsay as a punchline last season. But since everybody knows Lindsay’s acting days are basically behind her, she’ll be appearing in the last resort of the washed-out celeb: playing herself as a guest judge at the national glee club championships, according to Entertainment Weekly.

Oh, who are we kidding? She’s going to get wrecked on booger sugar and get thrown off the set, then Tweet about it for four straight days. And then she’ll have some other opportunity to reclaim her lost stardom. Which she’ll blow. Repeat until dead.

For those who don’t follow Lindsay Lohan as closely as I do (yes, it’s quite a life) she’s returned to sporting red hair, the color she had before all hell broke loose in her life. She also wore these tight leather pants. More importantly this justifies my inclusion ]]>

For those who don’t follow Lindsay Lohan as closely as I do (yes, it’s quite a life) she’s returned to sporting red hair, the color she had before all hell broke loose in her life. She also wore these tight leather pants. More importantly this justifies my inclusion of her on our 66 sexiest redheads list. Though when she was ranked it was before whatever the hell she did to her face to make it look like she had a reaction to some bad seafood. Still, tight leather pants, so there’s a glimmer of hope.

In today’s Guyism Speed Round, Katie Nolan discusses Lindsay Lohan’s return to SNL, Christina Hendricks & Olivia Munn’s leaked photo controversy, and more.

Subscribe on YouTube to see these first every morning.

For some reason people keep hiring Lindsay Lohan to pose for pictures with the latest job coming from something called Jag Jeans. That’s nice and all, but the real news is that LiLo says she isn’t a party girl anymore. “I still need to go ]]>

For some reason people keep hiring Lindsay Lohan to pose for pictures with the latest job coming from something called Jag Jeans. That’s nice and all, but the real news is that LiLo says she isn’t a party girl anymore.

“I still need to go through the process of proving myself,” Lohan, who’s hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend, tells Matt Lauer in an interview that will air on Today Thursday.

With her legal problems nearly over, Lohan says she’s a different person now, and that she’s gotten partying out of her system.

“That’s not my thing anymore,” she says. “I went out, actually, a few months ago with a friend. And I was so uncomfortable. Not because I felt tempted, just because it was just the same thing that it always was before. And it just wasn’t fun for me. I’ve become more of a homebody, and I like that.”

Uh. Yeah. Sure.

In another shocking development, milquetoast Anne Hathaway says that she and Lindsay are like sisters in sin.

“Lindsay Lohan and I have more in common than people think”, Hathaway, 29, tells The Sun. “We’ve all done things we shouldn’t. It is just that I did stuff at college when nobody knew about it, so I’m not a saint. I wasted time doing self-destructive things.”

“I found you can only dance on so many table tops,” said Hathaway, currently engaged to Adam Shulman. “I got all that out of my system and I am healthy and grounded.”

A) Did anyone out there reading this go to college with her? and B) If you did, can you please confirm this whole dancing on table tops thing for us? Preferably with photographs. Thanks.

Lindsay Lohan: Partying ‘Is Not My Thing Anymore’ [People]
Anne Hathaway: Don’t take things too seriously – especially yourself [The Sun]

For an actress who hasn’t, you know, actually acted in anything since a brief topless scene in 2010, Lindsay Lohan sure does get to appear in a lot of magazines. (Thank you, Terry Richardson.) Which I suppose is a good thing because as you can ]]>

For an actress who hasn’t, you know, actually acted in anything since a brief topless scene in 2010, Lindsay Lohan sure does get to appear in a lot of magazines. (Thank you, Terry Richardson.) Which I suppose is a good thing because as you can see she photographs very well. I mean, I really should be ignoring her at this point, but when she does photo shoots like this one for Love magazine she becomes pretty hard to ignore.

Lindsay Lohan and photographer Terry Richardson were made for one another. He’s a great photographer who gets the sexiest women in the world to pose scantily clad for amazing photographs, and LiLo needs money and is willing to be photographed wearing anything, everything, and

Lindsay Lohan and photographer Terry Richardson were made for one another. He’s a great photographer who gets the sexiest women in the world to pose scantily clad for amazing photographs, and LiLo needs money and is willing to be photographed wearing anything, everything, and nothing. One of these sets of photos (the color ones) are for Love magazine (love Love magazine) and the other is for I don’t know what, but there’s loads of cleavage so it’s all good.

Because it’s so rare that Megan Fox’s name ever comes up anymore when discussing Hollywood I thought this story about how she is also in talks for the role of Elizabeth Taylor for a Lifetime movie that reportedly Lindsay Lohan is the frontrunner for was ]]>

Because it’s so rare that Megan Fox’s name ever comes up anymore when discussing Hollywood I thought this story about how she is also in talks for the role of Elizabeth Taylor for a Lifetime movie that reportedly Lindsay Lohan is the frontrunner for was worth sharing.

That, and the fact that I found it utterly amusing.

“I’ve been talking to Lindsay Lohan directly, and with her reps, and have been in conversations with other actresses, including Megan Fox,” Larry Thompson, the executive producer of Lifetime’s Liz and Dick, told E! News exclusively.

Thompson declined to elaborate further on specifics of the negotiations, but added that being in talks with more than one actress is not meant as an affront to the talent involved, but rather is simply de rigueur for projects of this nature.

“It’s a very serious selection,” Thompson continued. “It’s like casting for Hollywood royalty.”

He left out one part there at the end. The part where this was for A LIFETIME MOVIE.

Lindsay Lohan would do a movie if it were only to appear on the Internet viewable by just females between the age of 40 and 43 in Papua New Guinea if it meant she would be able to cash a paycheck. Whereas Megan Fox, while having pretty much killed her career by talking shit about Michael Bay, has made more money from those Transformers movies than I care to think about. Plus she has those sweeeet 90210 residuals her husband’s (ugh) still banking.

My money’s on Lindsay in this one based on casting couch experience alone.

Lindsay Lohan, Look Out: Megan Fox Also in Talks to Play Elizabeth Taylor [E!]

Hardly a day goes by that there isn’t some story out there about something silly Lindsay Lohan has been doing. So rather than bore you daily I figured today we’d just do a summary of the last week in LiLo’s life. It’s rather impressive.

First ]]>

Hardly a day goes by that there isn’t some story out there about something silly Lindsay Lohan has been doing. So rather than bore you daily I figured today we’d just do a summary of the last week in LiLo’s life. It’s rather impressive.

First let’s start with the fact that some studio is actually considering using Lindsay to play the part of Elizabeth Taylor in a movie. That’ll be the crowning jewel on Liz’s legacy if that happens, I’m sure. Luckily it’s just for a Lifetime TV movie.

Next, it seems that Lindsay owes the IRS a few bucks. Shocking, I know since she always seems to handle her money so well.

According to official documents filed in Los Angeles, the Internal Revenue Service has obtained a lien against Lohan for $93,701.57 for failure to pay her federal income tax.

But wait, there’s more. She’s also being sued by the paparazzi for “claiming he was badly injured when the car in which Lindsay was riding tried making a fast getaway from a Hollywood club and nailed him.”

And finally, it seems that Lindsay decided that she didn’t need an invitation to a pre-Golden Globes party. She’d just sneak in the back and make her way to the front and get her picture taken like she belonged there.

Yes, it’s been quite a week for our girl. Stay tuned.

Lindsay Lohan May Play Elizabeth Taylor in TV Movie [Us]
IRS Cracking Down Over MASSIVE Tax Debt [TMZ]
Lindsay Lohan Sued by Paparazzo Over Car Accident [TMZ]

Taking full advantage of the fact that apparently the men of the world really, really like looking at airbrushed photos of Lindsay Lohan (seriously, her Playboy issue is said to be killing it) the folks down at Maxim Australia busted out their own set of pics. ]]>

Well played, Maxim...

Taking full advantage of the fact that apparently the men of the world really, really like looking at airbrushed photos of Lindsay Lohan (seriously, her Playboy issue is said to be killing it) the folks down at Maxim Australia busted out their own set of pics. Oh, it’s the fact that men like looking at big ole chesticles regardless of whether they’re real, fake, or Photoshopped. Oh yeah. Silly me, for a second I forgot.

The world seems overrun with worthless celebrities, blowhards and fame-whores with nothing to offer the world other than the sale of their own dignity for the enjoyment of slack-jawed yokels everywhere. Obviously, some of these fools need to go away. And fast. Of course, we can’t include every worthless ]]>

The world seems overrun with worthless celebrities, blowhards and fame-whores with nothing to offer the world other than the sale of their own dignity for the enjoyment of slack-jawed yokels everywhere. Obviously, some of these fools need to go away. And fast. Of course, we can’t include every worthless celebrity on this list because then it would be roughly 968 names long and I’m pretty sure I would get a nosebleed or at the very least get the urge to run wild with a hatchet by the time I hit number 50 and nobody wants that. Note: this will be epically hate filled and will probably piss some people off, but what the hell, at the very least this should earn me an invitation to the next Playa Hater’s Ball and none of you should begrudge me that. Now, with all that said, let’s get on with it.

9 Paris Hilton
The only reason Paris Hilton isn’t higher on this list is because no one really seems to give a shit about her anymore, at least according to the ratings from her latest miserable reality show which show that her audience basically consists of a retarded squirrel and a ham sandwich by this point. Still, Paris will always deserve to be on this list because she is basically the Queen Mother of the vapid fame-whore movement. I mean, come on, she literally became famous for sucking a guy’s dick. Now while I can applaud that kind of dedication to good old fashioned whoredom, unfortunately it paved the way for a generation of talentless ambition freaks, soulless monsters with cash registers for brains and hearts made of greed, all flooding the airwaves in a tidal wave of dumb noise, spray tanned giant asses and naked stupidity. Paris Hilton started all that. She made being a dumb whore fashionable and for that, she needs to go away.

8 Nancy Grace
Nancy Grace is the parasitic beast wriggling on the ocean floor of popular culture, sucking up every monstrous and hate-able thing she can, feeding on it in order to earn ratings and invitations to stupid reality dance shows. She trades on the misery and despair of others, and the worst part is that she actually clothes herself in some self-righteous do-gooder persona, like she is some sort of avenging angel. Well, why is it then, that the only “downtrodden” and “hopeless” people she advocates for are all stereotypical Natalee Holloway types, photogenic white, middle-class types who make for a nice, tidy story on the cover of People magazine? Where are all the stories on behalf of the poor African–American kids who go missing? Where are the indignant pleas for justice on behalf of the those poor, ugly folks doomed to be forever ignored by the press because they’re not photogenic enough? Those are the people who could really use her help. But instead, Nancy Grace prefers to appeal to the dimwitted carnivores of pop-culture, those who eat that shit up like popcorn at a movie theater. And because of that, she really, really needs to shut up and she really, really needs to go away.

7 Ashton Kutcher
I was all set to include Charlie Sheen on this list, but really, he’s pretty much already gone away. So instead I figured I’d include his talentless replacement, a doofus who has become more famous for being Ashton Kutcher: male concubine, than for anything he’s done in a movie or television show. It’s not that Kutcher is all that obnoxious – okay, fine, he totally is – so much as he’s generally, well, worthless. What does he actually add to anything? Is there anybody out there who sees his name attached to a project and thinks “Oh, man, I’ve gotta see that!” He basically exists now to spew dumb shit on Twitter and make Demi Moore look bad, which let’s be honest, isn’t that hard to do, but come on, man. Maybe it’s time to go back to Iowa for a while, Ashton. Or just go anywhere that we don’t have to see you. But no matter where you choose to go, just make sure that, for now anyway, you just go away.

6 Betty White
Wait… what? I know, I know, this one will probably make a bunch of people mad if only because, if I have learned anything over the years, it’s that on the internet people will get mad about literally anything. But I also recognize that Betty White is beloved. And honestly, this isn’t a knock on her. She’s great. It’s just that, well, the poor old lady needs to go away for a while. She’s a human punch-line at this point, the 2011 version of the Where’s the Beef lady or the Macarena. She shuffles onto the stage or screen, says something vaguely shocking and everybody howls. Good. Great. But… enough already, you know?

5 Jon and Kate Gosselin
The good news is that these fools seem to be on the way out. The bad news, though, is that they basically cashed in the lives of their own children for fifteen minutes of tacky fame. Jon has become an Affliction wearing joke, a tabloid punching bag whose greatest accomplishment in life is that he gave Lindsay Lohan’s dad a soul mate. Kate, meanwhile, just comes across like the Wicked Witch of the West, a humorless harridan obsessed with keeping her talons firmly affixed around the throat of whatever notoriety she’s “earned” by pooping out a whole litter of children. And she does it all with that same “I just smelled something terrible” look on her face that Nancy Grace has. Tthese two are awful and they have very likely ruined their kid’s lives and doomed them all to a lifetime of therapy and for that, they can kindly go away.

4 Anyone on ‘Real Housewives of… [fill in the blank]‘
This is the world Paris Hilton built. This is the world we all let happen. And every time you see one of these plastic faces on your TV, leaking botox and shame all over the place, spewing inane bullshit and, well, just generally being completely awful in every conceivable way, you should be ashamed of yourself. I know I am.

3 Snooki
Honestly, I could include virtually the whole cast of Jersey Shore here but for the most part, those dudes and lady dudes (and in J-Woww’s case, that seems like it might actually be an appropriate term) seem like harmless goofballs. The biggest exceptions are, of course, The Situation and Snooki. The Situation, though, seems like he’s already been burnt out. His ridiculous candle has already been snuffed and no one seems like they even care about the poor fool anymore. But Snooki… well, Snooki just won’t go away and that’s a problem because out of all of these idiots, she’s the one who seems the most despicable, like she understands only all too well that she is just America’s clown and just keeps feeding the beast with one ridiculous thing after another. Which wouldn’t be too bad except she is so obviously transparent about it. She’s on the TV, she’s all over the net, she’s got her own fragrance (eau de whore?) she’s got some lame spin-off coming up and she’s even all over the New York Times best seller list. A part of me appreciates her hustle. Another bigger part of me just finds her annoying as hell, and that part of me wishes she would just do the right thing and go away.

2 Lindsay Lohan
Look, I don’t want to see that crackwhore who lives in a box down the street and who sounds like she has a smoker’s cough from hell and who would probably trade in one of her last few remaining teeth for a moment of drugged out bliss, do anything, so why in the hell would I want to watch the slow-motion train wreck that is Lindsay Lohan’s life? There aren’t too many differences, except for… what’s that? Lindsay Lohan still has huge boobs? Well, carry on then. No, but for real, there is absolutely nothing interesting or attractive about Lindsay Lohan anymore. We get it, she likes drugs and she’s ruining her life and her family is terrible and blah, blah, blah… enough. It just never changes. She’s not America’s Sweetheart. She’s America’s Trainwreck. People don’t even want to make fun of her anymore. That’s how old this shit has gotten. They just want her to go away.

1 Anyone With the Last Name Kardashian or Jenner
Oh God, these friggin’ people. I don’t even know where to begin. They’re awful, just awful. I suppose I could start with this: this whole ridiculous clan is famous because of two things – Kim was filmed getting reamed by some dude and the original Kardashian patriarch was one of the ghouls responsible for getting OJ off the hook. What a legacy! Naturally, people who come from such fine, upstanding stock have parlayed that into epic fame-whorishness. These people would sell anything and everything. Their dignity was the first to go and now everything else is on the table too. They are so awful that they have even dragged multiple sports stars with them down into the gutter. It’s terrible. Of course, the core of this insane circus are Kim and her worthless sisters. I mean, it’s bad enough that Kim is famous just because she let some dude film himself banging her but her sisters are famous because they are simply related to that someone. They don’t even have the fame cache of a celebrity sex tape! They’re just… there. Okay fine, Khloe had that stint as the copilot of the Millennium Falcon but that was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. In this galaxy and in this time, they are just human avatars of greed and pointless fame and because of that, they all need to go very far away.

Lindsay Lohan, she of the leaked Playboy photo layout, is off in Hawaii, hanging out in a bikini, because God knows she certainly deserves a probation-office approved vacation from not working.

Personally I think I prefer these photos over her Playboy spread anyway. It’s ]]>

Lindsay Lohan, she of the leaked Playboy photo layout, is off in Hawaii, hanging out in a bikini, because God knows she certainly deserves a probation-office approved vacation from not working.

Personally I think I prefer these photos over her Playboy spread anyway. It’s Lindsay, not airbrushed, in her natural environment, falling out of her bikini top, and just generally being the pillar of society that we’ve come to know and love.

Though her trip to Hawaii hasn’t been without it’s pitfalls as someone stole her $5,000 purse which also happened to have $10,000 in cash inside, because we all carry that kind of cash don’t we? You never know when you’ll need to buy, ummm, well, the only people I know that carry that kind of cash are degenerate gamblers and people who do lots of blow, so…

Lindsay’s $5,000 Chanel purse was stolen last night from a Hawaii house party — and inside the bag … her passport, important probation docs, and a boatload of cash.

Sources tell us, Lindsay stayed long after police left — driving the entire party into a frenzy for hours looking for the purse — and up until this morning, she had come up empty.

But that’s when one of her friend’s eyed a suspicious-looking local, and asked if he knew where the bag was. We’re told the local denied everything, but showed up with the bag minutes later … claiming he found it on the street somewhere.

We’re told Lindsay was so ecstatic to have the bag back, she didn’t bother asking questions — despite the missing $10,000.

Eh, it’s only cash. There’s plenty more where that came from, right? If only we could all break the law as often as LiLo and still be granted permission to fly to Hawaii to attend parties and hang out on the beach, what a better world it would be. Love ya, California!

Lindsay Lohan PURSE RETURNED … Minus $10,000 [TMZ]

Several sources are saying that this is the cover for Lindsay Lohan’s soon to be released issue of Playboy. So much for it being unveiled on The Ellen DeGeneres Show on December 15. No one has said where exactly it came from though, so it might just be clever marketing ]]>

Several sources are saying that this is the cover for Lindsay Lohan’s soon to be released issue of Playboy. So much for it being unveiled on The Ellen DeGeneres Show on December 15. No one has said where exactly it came from though, so it might just be clever marketing on the magazine’s part.

I don’t see much special about the cover, but I’m still eagerly anticipating seeing whether there will be anything inside that we haven’t seen before in the issue. I hope the layout is like these other celebrities and not another nude/non-nude photo shoot like we had to go through with Heidi Montag awhile back. And for LiLo’s sake, I hope her career also turns out better for her after this issue than it did for Heidi. Then again, I doubt Heidi got nearly $1 million for her photo shoot.

The life of a movie star can be a complicated one. One day you’re beloved by everyone and the next you’re hopping on a couch in front of a terrified Oprah and nobody can watch any of your movies anymore without laughing for all the wrong reasons. It happens. ]]>

The life of a movie star can be a complicated one. One day you’re beloved by everyone and the next you’re hopping on a couch in front of a terrified Oprah and nobody can watch any of your movies anymore without laughing for all the wrong reasons. It happens. All too often. Hence, this list. Some of the actors and actresses on this list have lost whatever credibility they had simply because it’s become clear to everybody that they are as good an actor as Helen Keller was an opera singer. Still others have lost all semblance of credibility because their private lives have become so weird and/or ridiculous that it’s become impossible to watch them without thinking of how stupid the whole damn thing has gotten. Whatever the reason, the one thing all of these seven actors and actresses have in common is that none of them have any credibility left.

7 Steven Seagal
Granted, Steven Seagal has always been pretty ridiculous. Once upon a time, that was part of his charm. But there is the kind of ridiculous that makes people cheer for you while you’re snapping the arm of Tommy Lee Jones or sparring with Gary Busey on a giant battleship and then there is the kind of ridiculous that makes people wonder if you’re legitimately insane because you’re wandering around in a giant dashiki sexually harassing costars a third of your age or fighting pit bulls and crackheads on some shitty reality show. And sadly for Steven Seagal, he crossed the line separating those two shades of ridiculousness a long time ago. Today, if you see his name attached to anything – movie, TV show, a string of misguided and discontinued sex toys – you can be assured that the only thing you’ll want to see snapped is your own neck so you don’t have to spend all your time being tortured by Seagal being, well, Steven Seagal.

6 Kevin Costner
I know it’s hard to believe but once upon a time Kevin Costner was one of the biggest movie stars in the world. It’s true. Following the success of Dances With Wolves and the epic success of his ridiculous version of Robin Hood, it seemed like Costner could do no wrong. Well, other than try to speak with an English accent, but people seemed willing to let that slide. Then came Waterworld. Then The Postman. And then? Well, suddenly the fact that Costner couldn’t really act was a little more difficult to overlook. I mean, seriously, when’s the last time that Costner even showed up in anything the least bit noteworthy? As a leading man, his credibility is not only gone it’s been obliterated and then pissed on by a gang of diseased goats. At best he’s a character actor now, which wouldn’t be so bad if not for the fact that, again, the dude really can’t act. So what’s left? For Costner, I guess all that’s left is sitting in a dark room, drunk, watching Bull Durham over and over again and wondering where it all went wrong. Either that, or swimming in a pile full of money like Scrooge McDuck. So, yeah, we shouldn’t feel bad for Costner. Feel bad for me. I’ve actually watched both Waterworld and The Postman, which I’m pretty sure means that Veteran’s Day was my holiday.

5 Nicolas Cage
Poor Nicolas Cage is a victim of a combination of factors which have sunk the last vestiges of his credibility. First of all, his tendency to overact his ass off has left him a caricature of himself, a manic weirdo who chews so much scenery that even Al Pacino thinks he needs to calm down. Second, the dude has picked some astoundingly awful movies to star in. If you don’t believe me, here is the list of movies that he has starred in over the last decade:

Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, Christmas Carol: The Movie, Windtalkers, Sonny, Adaptation (the one truly good movie in the whole damn decade), Matchstick Men, National Treasure, Lord of War, The Weather Man, The Ant Bully, World Trade Center, The Wicker Man, Ghost Rider, a cameo in Grindhouse, Next, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, Bangkok Dangerous, Knowing, G-Force, The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call, Astro Boy, Kick-Ass, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Season of the Witch, Drive Angry, Seeking Justice, and Trespass.

Jesus! Other than Adaptation, and a handful of half-decent dramas and modest hits, the only movies that Nicolas Cage has starred in over the last decade have been Gigli level bombs or shitty popcorn flicks for Disney. This dude once won an Oscar! Just look at that list again. I shouldn’t even have to continue. But I will, since I’m a professional. Aside from his hilariously awful career choices, the dude’s public image has also been ruined by the fact that he’s, well, weird as hell, he gives his kids dumb comic book names and he’s wasted all of his money on crazy shit like gold plated mustache combs and locks of hair from the original Superman actor. I’m not sure if either of those are actually true, but they might as well be. And to top it all off, now his adult son is running around karate kicking lampposts and getting the shit beaten out of him on the sidewalk by everyone from his personal trainer to his own wife. Add everything I just wrote up and it’s no wonder that everyone laughs when they see Nicolas Cage and his flyaway hair pop up on the big screen.

4 George Lucas
Okay, technically George Lucas isn’t an actor but he still belongs on this list because let’s face it, whenever the dude’s name pops up on the big screen, it either elicits one of two reactions: either there is a sense of excited awe coming from true believer nerd types who refuse to admit that George Lucas has spent the better part of the last decade and a half bending them over and extracting money from their asses like they were some kind of demented ATM machines, or there is barely suppressed laughter and derisive groans from everyone else. This is because Lucas just can’t leave well enough alone and in his endless pursuit for technological perfection (aka money) he has subjected us to everything from Jar-Jar Binks to recut after recut of Star Wars, just because he feels like you should pay another twenty bucks to see nipples on the Ewoks this time or Jabba sing show tunes. His utter willingness to market complete crap has become so obvious and so ridiculous that no one can take him seriously anymore, and so when his name pops up in a trailer, rather than movie magic, the only thing most people are picturing is a giant Jar-Jar Binks gibbering at them like some nightmare from hell. And that’s why he’s on this list.

3 Lindsay Lohan
Come on, just look at the picture. That’s her trying to look good for a court appearance. I’ve seen meth heads that can pull it together better than that. It’s gotten so bad that reportedly after her Playboy shoot, Hugh Hefner looked at the pictures and basically said “Uh, I think we need a do over here,” and that dude is so old, senile and horny that he’d probably try to bone Anna Nicole Smith’s corpse. To put it another way: Lindsay Lohan is too strung out and beaten up for porn. I don’t need to say anything else, do I?

2 Mel Gibson
There is probably not another movie star more toxic than Mel Gibson right now. This is what happens when you go on an epic bender that sees you repeatedly insult Jews, sexually harass a friggin’ police officer, slap around your baby mama and the baby, demand blow jobs from said slapped around baby mama and then threaten arson. I know that sounds wildly implausible and completely outrageous but for Mel Gibson, that’s just his normal Thursday routine at this point. And everybody knows it. If they made another Lethal Weapon movie I’d be terrified that he’d start making racist comments towards Danny Glover and then would set him on fire, ranting and raving about blow jobs the whole time. Look, I just don’t want to risk a scene which sees Riggs accuse Joe Pesci of killing Jesus before freaking out and punching one of Murtaugh’s kids because they ran out of vodka on the set. And I think I’m not alone in this and that’s why Mel Gibson is so high on this list.

1 Tom Cruise
Tom Cruise isn’t as toxic as Lindsay Lohan or Mel Gibson, and he can still at least get movies made, so why is he number one on this list? Because he has the unique fortune to not only be responsible for destroying his own credibility with his off the deep end couch jumping Xenu gibbering weirdness, he also destroyed the credibility of Katie Holmes. No matter how ridiculous things have gotten for the other actors on this list at least none of them dragged another actor’s career with them completely into the abyss like Cruise did with poor Katie’s career. Everyone forgets but just prior to her relationship with Cruise, Katie Holmes was starring in the massively successful Batman Begins. A few well-executed couch jumps and an endless array of vacant what the hell happened to me looks on her face later and she’s been reduced to making her comeback in a movie opposite Adam Sandler in drag. As for Cruise himself, well, since he went completely off the deep end, he’s really only had one well received role – as a completely psychotic nutjob of a movie executive in Tropic Thunder. In other words, the only role that people will buy Cruise in anymore is as someone who is completely fucking crazy. That’s not a coincidence. For that, and for completely ruining the credibility of his own wife, Tom Cruise has earned the number one spot on this list. Congrats, Tom. Now please don’t sue me or send a team of lawyers high on Xenu blood to rough me up and pick through my trash looking for ways to ruin my life. Thanks, pal, you’re a peach.

So now there’s more news out there regarding Lindsay Lohan’s upcoming photo spread for Playboy magazine, and it’s not that great, because when I see the words “strategically covered up” I feel a dreaded sense of disappointment setting in. Hugh Hefner wasn’t pleased with the initial photos ]]>

So now there’s more news out there regarding Lindsay Lohan’s upcoming photo spread for Playboy magazine, and it’s not that great, because when I see the words “strategically covered up” I feel a dreaded sense of disappointment setting in.

Hugh Hefner wasn’t pleased with the initial photos of Lindsay Lohan from her shoot for Playboy. Lohan had been on-set between court dates last week with photographer Yu Tsai, hairstylist Serena Radaelli and makeup artist Francesca Tolot, but the shoot was extended into the weekend after Hef didn’t like the results. “He felt the initial shots looked too much like a Kate Moss-inspired fashion story — Lindsay’s choice — where he wanted more of a classic Hollywood Marilyn Monroe feel,” a source said. This weekend, Lohan was accompanied by lawyers, agents and publicists who, sources said, “gave their two cents about what was considered ‘nude’ and what was not.” Sources said Lohan ended up delivering the Monroe-inspired images Hefner wanted. She’s expected to appear nude, but “strategically covered up” in certain shots.

Why does this sound so familiar? Oh yes, because SHE ALREADY DID THAT FOR NEW YORK MAGAZINE three years ago!

Lindsay’s rep also tells us that “the pictorial is absolutely fantastic and very tasteful and will be accompanied by an interview that will let readers see another side of Lindsay.”

Sorry, there’s only one side of Lindsay we want to see and it ain’t gonna happen in any damn interview.

Lohan does it Hef’s way [Post]
Lindsay Lohan Channels Marilyn Monroe in Playboy [People]