The microphone was then passed to Gerald McCoy of the Ocho Cinco News Network. It was there that things started to get weird. Not only did he act like a nervous fan but then McCoy asked “The Material Girl” for a kiss.

Fast forward a few questions later, somebody asked about Alex Rodriguez and his centaur painting. Then, Bill Plaschke asked about Madonna’s boobies and wardrobe malfunctions.

Watch the shenanigans below.

[NFL Network]

Anyways, here are some of the rumored acts with odds attached.

Britney Spears 100:1

Janet Jackson’s titty will look like a Sesame Street episode if these two get horny on stage.

Ferris Bueller 50:1

It’s been 20+ plus years since Ferris invaded the streets of Chicago with an impromptu performance. Could this be his comeback?

Cee Lo Green 10:1

His most famous song includes the repeated use of the ‘F’ word. Awesome. Our Monday morning conversations will revolve around stupid acronyms like FCC, FTC, and QBR. Ooh, sorry, ESPN.

Nicky Minaj 5:1

Speaking of titties, Nicky Minaj’s popped out during a televised summer concert on Good Morning America. Judging from this fella’s reaction, it was the greatest thing ever.

LMFAO 3:1

Dammit. If we’re forced to listen to these fools, could they at least bring along internet sensation Keenan Cahill.

It seems like at some point, every musician decides that he or she should also be a movie star, usually with hilarious(ly stupid) results. Therefore, a list like this could probably be 100 names long. So don’t take this as a comprehensive list or anything. Instead, look at it sort of like Congress. The people on this list are representatives of a larger group, they are often hilariously inept, and for every success story there are dozens of failures. Plus, Barney Frank once played Dirk Diggler in an off Broadway performance of Boogie Nights. The similarities are endless. With all that said, let’s just get on with it. Here are 11 pop stars who tried to act.

11 David Bowie
Over the last 40 years, David Bowie has actually racked up 30 different acting credits, ranging from his starring role in 1976’s The Man Who Fell to Earth to his role as the Goblin King in Labyrinth. Along the way, he’s lent an air of cool to almost everything he’s touched and has managed to mostly avoid embarrassing himself – unusual for this sort of thing. That probably speaks more to the fact that he’s David friggin’ Bowie than anything else because if you look at his list of credits, there is some hilarious shit in there. I mean, come on, I already wrote that he played something called the Goblin King and somehow he escaped that without mockery so clearly he’s kind of bulletproof.

Most Ridiculous Role: Pontius Pilate in The Last Temptation of Christ. You know, this is the reason why everyone thinks the whole world was on cocaine in the 1980’s. I mean, you should probably never be watching a movie about Jesus and think “Wait, is that David Bowie?” Or hell, maybe you should now that I think about it.

10 Sting
Sting, like Bowie, has actually chalked up a fairly decent list of credits over the years. His most famous performance (or infamous, depending on your point of view) was probably as Feyd Rautha in Dune, which was notable because, well, it was Sting starring in Dune. That would be like casting Adam Levine or the dude from Coldplay in one of the Lord of the Rings movies. Still, the weirdness of that aside, Sting has managed to turn in a few decent performances, most notably as the bar-owning father of the main character in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, which he somehow managed to pull off without people pointing at the screen and saying “Hey, there’s Sting,” which might sound simple enough, but that’s a tough trick for any rock star turned would-be actor.

Most Ridiculous Performance: It has to be his role in Dune. That shit’s just weird, right?

9 Madonna
At various points in her career, Madonna has tried to reinvent herself as an actress, usually with disastrous results. The one exception was probably her role as Eva Peron in Evita, which actually earned her some critical acclaim. But since that was a musical, it doesn’t really count. Any time she’s actually tried to act without singing, it, uh, it hasn’t gone so well. Whether it was hamming it up as Breathless Mahoney in Dick Tracy (cast presumably because Warren Beatty wanted to bang her) or her role as a femme fatale in the Basic Instinct rip-off Body of Evidence (cast presumably because the director wanted to bang her) or as a castaway in the hideous Swept Away (cast because the director, Guy Richie, was banging her), Madonna has mostly just been met with eye-rolls and hoots of derision. No wonder she hasn’t bothered to try again for almost a decade.

Most Ridiculous Performance: Probably her role in Swept Away, if only because the entire movie was a complete debacle that almost ruined the career of her husband, Guy Richie, but let’s not forget how embarrassing Body of Evidence was, in which she spent the whole movie humping dudes and pretending she was Sharon Stone.

8 Roger Daltrey
Roger Daltrey, frontman for The Who, has no less than 55 acting credits on his resume, which, considering you’d be hard pressed to name even one of them, is either impressive or kind of sad. Mostly, Daltrey has popped up in various terrible television shows, playing a variety of mostly forgettable characters, most of whom seem to exist for the sole purpose of people pointing and saying “Hey, there’s Roger Daltrey, let’s watch this show for five minutes before we get bored and changed the channel.” To Daltrey’s credit it seems like, for the most part, this whole acting thing is just something he’s done to pass the time and have a little fun in between bouts of resurrecting the corpse of The Who and sniping with Pete Townshend.

Most Ridiculous Performance: Like I said, they’ve been mostly forgettable, but if I had to pick one, it’d probably be his performance as the 800 year old immortal pipe-smoking, hapless womanizer Hugh Fitzcairn in the television series version of Highlander. Why is it ridiculous? Just read that description again.

7 Diana Ross
Diana Ross’ acting appearances have been few and far between over the years, but every so often she’ll pop up and remind people that she exists – and that she should probably stop trying to act. Her most memorable appearances were probably as Billie Holliday in 1972’s Lady Sings the Blues and as Dorothy in the ridiculous movie The Wiz, made in 1978. In more recent years, she’s done a handful of TV movies which is probably about as far as she should push herself although you just know that deep in her diva heart she thinks she should be playing the lead in Twilight or something.

Most Ridiculous Performance: The aforementioned The Wiz. Have you see this shit? It’s ridiculous. Not only does this Wizard of Oz remake star a 34 year old Ross as Dorothy, it also stars Michael Jackson (yeah, really) as the Scarecrow, Nipsy Russell as the Tin Man and Richard Pryor as the Wiz. Do I really need to say anything else?

6 Courtney Love
Believe it or not, there was actually a moment, following her performance as Althea Flynt, Larry’s wife, in The People vs. Larry Flynt, when Courtney Love actually seemed like she could become a respectable actress. That was probably the height of her entire career, and in retrospect the fact that she could pull off the role of a fucked up stripper junkie turned porn star who dies of AIDS probably, uh, shouldn’t have been that surprising. Since then, Courtney’s career has been derailed by the fact that she’s, well, that she’s Courtney Love.

Most Ridiculous Performance: Sure, there’s her role as Althea, but did you know that she also had a minor role, back before she was famous, as Gretchen, Nancy’s friend, in Sid and Nancy? Which is ridiculous only when you consider that she basically used the movie as the template for her real life relationship with Kurt Cobain. Actually, ridiculous probably isn’t the right word. What’s that word that I’m looking for? Oh right, creepy. Creepy. Yes, that’s it.

5 Vanilla Ice
Vanilla Ice is on this list simply because, as a people, we cannot afford to forget the atrocities of his film, Cool as Ice. No, he’s never really done anything else of note in his acting career, but that doesn’t matter. He is the Osama bin Laden of this list. His actions endangered us all as a species and entire countries should have been invaded in order to stop Cool as Ice from being made. Never forget.

Most Ridiculous Performance: His entire life.

4 Tina Turner
Tina Turner is kind of the opposite of actor John Cazale, famous for appearing in only five movies, all of which were nominated for an Oscar, and all of which are considered classic 1970’s movies. Like Cazale, Tina Turner only appeared in a handful of movies, and like Cazale all are noteworthy. Unlike Cazale, all of them are noteworthy for being completely ridiculous. She is basically the John Cazale of ridiculous movies. Here are her three film roles, presented without comment: as the Acid Queen in Tommy, as Aunty Entity in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, and as The Mayor in The Last Action Hero.

Most Ridiculous Performance: Uh, all of them? If I had to pick, and I guess I do, I’d probably pick her role in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, if only for the outfit.

3 Jon Bon Jovi
Jon Bon Jovi has had a surprisingly eclectic career, popping up largely without fanfare in everything from his role as a naval lieutenant in the World War II submarine action flick U-571 to his most recent appearance in the craptacular New Year’s Eve. And for the most part – and to his credit – he’s managed to pull it off without people doing that whole pointing “Hey, there’s Bon Jovi!” thing. That at least hints at real talent. He’s also appeared in Ally McBeal, in Sex and the City, and as a male slut in Moonlight in Valentino. That’s at least 48% better than whatever the hell Bret Michaels or Vince Neil have pulled off, right? Then again, they do have the market cornered on “rock stars who tried to be porn stars and made sex tapes” market, so hey, maybe that’s something for Bon Jovi to shoot for. Just a thought.

Most Embarrassing Performance: Honestly, Bon Jovi has managed to have a nice little acting career without any ridiculous or embarrassing moments. Then again, if you need to laugh at him, there are always his band’s videos.

2 Mariah Carey
Mariah Carey tried to become a movie star and the result was so horrible that it made her lose her mind. I mean, here are the facts – prior to Glitter, she was probably the most successful pop singer in the world, she was married to a respected music producer and people generally envied her. Today, she has no career, she’s married to Nick Cannon and she spends most of her time appearing in weight loss ads aimed at Hoveround-bound housewives. Now, I’m not saying there’s a direct correlation, but…

Most Embarrassing Performance: Her role in Glitter is in the Embarrassing Performances by a Musician Trying to Act Hall of Fame. To her credit, she wasn’t the most ridiculous thing about Precious though, so there is that. Then again, that’s like saying that Herpes isn’t as bad an STD as the rest.

1 Mark Wahlberg
Hey, remember when this dude was Marky Mark? I have no idea how he pulled it off, but somehow that ridiculous dude went from that to being an Oscar nominated actor. That would be like Kim Kardashian being nominated for a Nobel in physics or like me being nominated for a Pulitzer. (Hey, wait a minute…) But starting with his iconic role as Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights and continuing through the present, Mark Wahlberg has actually pulled it off. Today, when people see him they don’t think “Hey, there’s Marky Mark.” They think “Hey, there’s Mark Wahlberg, the famous movie star.” That’s damn near a magic trick. Maybe he’s a wizard. I don’t know. What I do know is that perhaps no one in history has ever made the transition from ridiculous pop star to big time movie star as seamlessly as Wahlberg. Does the Marky Mark thing still pop up every now and then to a chorus of laughter? Yeah, but it doesn’t dominate anymore and that’s kind of amazing given that once upon a time this dude was just this shy of being Vanilla Ice.

Most Embarrassing Performance: Somehow, in a movie – Boogie Nights - in which he plays a karate kicking moron porn star and flashes a giant stunt cock, Mark Wahlberg isn’t a completely ridiculous joke. Seriously, is this dude actually the devil or something? How did he pull that off? If I had to pick one embarrassing performance, it would probably be his role in M. Night Shyamalan’s ridiculous The Happening, but even then that one wasn’t really his fault. He was just caught up in a nightmare of suck.

Madonna, who has not been relevant in quite some time, will be the halftime performer for Super Bowl XLVI. The news, which comes exclusively from SBNation, coincides with the Material Girl’s debut single in February.

As Andrew Sharp reminds us, this version of a 53-year old Madonna is a safe choice and less likely to have a wardrobe malfunction.

After the debacle with Janet Jackson in 2004, old school Madonna would’ve been far too risky for the NFL. But today’s Madonna is a mom more famous for charity than lack of chastity, and a natural fit for the NFL’s biggest stage, especially considering the direction the NFL’s taken in the years since 2004′s controversy.

She may not match Prince, but she’s better than Paul McCartney, and certainly an upgrade over 2011′s apocalyptic amalgam of the Black Eyed Peas, a half-dead Slash, and Usher.

Exclusive: Madonna To Perform At Super Bowl XLVI Halftime Show [SBNation]

Mila Kunis’ Cell Phone Hacked
“Mila Kunis is the latest celebrity whose cell phone has been hacked, and the hacker is leaking several pictures of a seductive Justin Timberlake…”

Charlie Sheen: I’m “Absolutely” Sober Now
“I don’t know, the tiger blood [thing], it was so silly and people took it so seriously and I figured, alright, I’ll continue to give the people what they want, you know?”

Disney Star Brenda Song Not Pregnant, Says Mom
“It’s very upsetting to our family…”

Michelle Trachtenberg’s Revenge Against High School Bullies Who ‘Tortured And Ridiculed’ Her
“Pretty good revenge, I’m not gonna lie!”

Anna Faris: Fame Destroyed My First Marriage
“I had a running joke with my friend: ‘I hope somebody roofies me tonight!’ I didn’t care what people thought.”

Madonna’s Stalker Dressed in Guy Ritchie’s Clothes
“At least he didn’t bring her hydrangeas.”

The Situation — I’m Sorry I Jacked the Handicapped Stop
“The Situation is expressing some serious remorse for parking his Ferrari in a handicapped spot in NJ…”

Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead in a Badger Den
“Percy Foster, star of X-rated movie Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It’s Up Your A**e We Go, was about to be rocketed into the ranks of celebrity porn lookalikes…”

Adele, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber Land New Guinness Records
“‘Poker Face’ was honored for Most Weeks on U.S. Digital Hot Songs chart at 83 weeks.”

Michael Jackson Tribute Concert To Be Hosted By Jamie Foxx
“The show … is slated to feature performances by Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green, Leona Lewis, Ne-Yo, Craig David, Pixie Lott, Alexandra Burke, Alien Ant Farm and Motown legend Smokey Robinson.”

Kat Von D is Stressed & Losing Her Hair; Wearing Wigs
“It’s worse than anyone her age should have.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
The latest music video from Avril Lavigne performing her song “Wish You Were Here.”

Megan Fox: Why I’m Waiting to Have Kids
“The primary reason she and Green have waited to start a family, Fox says, is because they want to be financially stable.”

Amy Winehouse’s Dad Says Singer Died From Seizure
“…there were traces of the prescription drug Librium, which is commonly used to relieve anxiety and control agitation caused by alcohol withdrawal…”

Levi Johnston: Bristol Palin Told Me, “Let’s Get Pregnant”
“Bristol Palin felt so slighted by Sarah Palin’s 2007 pregnancy, she wanted to one-up her famous mom with a bun in the oven of her own…”

Dina Lohan Not Concerned with Daughter Ali’s Sudden Weight Loss
“Dina is adamant though that Ali is just going through a very big growth spurt…”

Material Girl Forces Volunteers to Look Away at TIFF
“…eight of those volunteers were asked to turn their faces to a wall so that they would not look at the pop-star-turned-movie-director as she made her way to her press conference about the film.”

Reese Witherspoon’s Black Eye — The First Pic Of Her Injury
“…Reese Witherspoon looked in good spirits despite sporting a black eye and bruises as she headed to a birthday party…”

Kate Gosselin: I’m Sure You Will See My Kids on TV Again
“I feel sad for my kids because of all of the opportunities that they’re now questioning what’s gonna happen.”

Bam Margera — Detained By Cops After Taxi Cab Punch-Out
“According the him, the cabbie started the whole thing by calling his lady friend a ‘slut.’”

Point Break is Getting a Remake. Officially, This Time
“The new version will be set in the world of international extreme sports and also involve an FBI agent infiltrating a criminal ring.”

Hannibal Lecter is Getting His Own TV Show
“…the show will ‘center on Lecter’s early days, namely his time going head-to-head with FBI agent Will Graham.’”

TODAY’S VIDEO
The first trailer from Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part 1.

Simon Cowell: I Had a “Bizarre” Blind Date With Denise Richards
“She turned up 8 months pregnant and had a dog in her handbag.”

Denise Richards Denies Date With “Hot Piece of Ass” Simon Cowell
“If I was being set up, I didn’t know it!”

Price Is Right Producers SUED for Sexual Harassment
“Lanisha Cole, the longest tenured model on TPIR, filed the lawsuit … in L.A. County Superior Court.”

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler Are Still Dating
“Anybody that knows me knows that I’m definitely a guy’s girl.”

Elisabetta Canalis Breaks Silence on George Clooney Split
“I have always seen cold and controlled men as the right ones for me.”

Madonna Offered $300K To Partner With Cougar Dating Website
“To us, Madonna is without a doubt the queen of Cougars, and therefore, we at CougarLife are extremely interested in exploring a unique partnership with you.”

Paris Hilton — Training to Become Most Powerful House DJ EVER
“Hilton has been traveling the world to shadow some super-famous DJs to get some guidance for her upcoming house music album.”

Holly Madison Tells Hef’s Runaway Bride: “Get A Life!”
“She can’t think of anything on her own, so she has to do everything I’ve done.”

Reese Witherspoon Not Pressing Charges Against Driver
“the actress, 35, is not planning to press charges against the 84-year-old woman who struck her with her car in Santa Monica, Calif. on Wednesday.”

Famous Designer John Galliano — Guilty of Hate Crime
“Former Dior designer John Galliano has been found GUILTY of making anti-Semitic and racist comments in Paris…”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Behind the scenes video of Jennifer Lawrence being turned into Mystique for X-Men: First Class.

See Chaz Bono, Other DWTS Celebs in First Official Costume Pics
“With pro partner Lacey Schwimmer at his side, activist and author Bono looks dapper in a vest, tie and slacks.”

Rob Kardashian — No Time for Dancing With the Stars Rehearsals
“…Cheryl is ‘fed up’ with what she perceives to be Rob’s lack of interest in the show.”

Lindsay Lohan Taking Shoplifting Classes, But Has Yet To Make Dent In Community Service
“Lindsay has completed around 45 hours of her service at the women’s shelter.”

Jennifer Lopez Reveals First Fight Of New American Idol Season
“I got really, really upset.”

Madonna Readying New Album For Spring Release
“She said the first single is due out in February or March, with the full album following in the spring.”

Regis Philbin — I’ll Be Gone In November
“November 18, 2011 … mark the date…”

Eddie Murphy To Host 2012 Oscars
“I am enormously honored to join the great list of past Academy Award hosts from Hope and Carson to Crystal, Martin and Goldberg, among others.”

Soulja Boy APOLOGIZES to U.S. Military — “I Am Deeply Sorry”
“Soulja Boy says he ‘let my words get the best of me’ when he released a new rap video saying, ‘F**k the troops’.”

Ryan Gosling, Eva Mendes Kiss, Hold Hands at Disneyland
“Eva was skipping around like a little girl…She would lean into him and she held his arm the entire time.”

Vin Diesel Says R-Rated Riddick Will Shoot in Canada; Offers New Concept Art
“I am grateful to have Universal in such support of this complex character’s journey… not many studios would back an ‘R’ rating. Very cool.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
A bonus extended clip from the X-Men: First Class Blu-ray (courtesy of SlashFilm).

That’s honestly embarrassing. Not even her arbitrary dislike of a random flower or the fact that she was acting like a bitch (spoiled aging diva acting cunty? I refuse to believe that’s possible!). But rather that she’s been in this industry for, what, 700 years and she doesn’t get that you shouldn’t do something completely hateable in front of a live mic in a room full of cameras? Plus I thought vampires couldn’t be captured on film. There are just a lot of logical flaws here.

MADONNA HATES HYDRANGEAS, YOU STUPID IDIOT [FilmDrunk]

Charlize Theron swears off marriage
“Some would say because I came from a very troubled marriage.”

Amber Rose denies sending nude photos to Nicki Minaj’s boyfriend
“This is the second time this year that Rose, who is currently dating rapper Wiz Khalifa, has been the victim of nude photo leaks.”

Lindsay Lohan’s Hamptons birthday celebration off
“Despite hitting the town Wednesday night now that her house arrest has ended, Lindsay Lohan is planning a low-key birthday celebration this weekend.”

Randy Jackson, Steven Tyler confirmed for American Idol season 11
“…the unknown for season 11 continues to be the just-completed run’s other popular new judge, singer Jennifer Lopez…”

Man blames Jerry Seinfeld, The Marriage Ref for his divorce
“Kohlenberg alleges that his ex, Christine, became so obsessed with becoming a star after the couple’s March 2010 appearance on the show that it broke up their marriage.”

MSNBC suspends Mark Halperin for calling President Obama “a dick” on live TV
“I can’t explain why I did it. It’s inappropriate, disrespectful. I’ve already apologized, and I will again to the President.”

Pamela Anderson sued for building failure
“Hallier blames Pam on his company’s failure to sell a number of the condos and is suing for $22.5 million.”

Madonna reveals plans to open an orphanage in Malawi
“My short term goals are to build an orphan care center that will service and reach at least 1,000 children…”

Crazed fan rushes “Octo-Mom” at celebrity boxing match
“Things went awry, however, when the belligerent fan jumped into the ring, tossing out marriage proposals.”

Courtney Love reportedly steals famed photographer David LaChapelle’s car
“Courtney did take his car. David was flipping out and going crazy at the front desk that Courtney stole his car.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Behind the scenes of Beyonce’s new L’Uomo Vogue cover shoot.

You’ve got to respect how young Mr. Jeffrey doesn’t break stride throughout the entire song. It’s not a short song and the kid just flaunts it the entire time. I don’t want to belittle the accomplishments of all the little boys I watch regularly from a well-placed van, but this is probably the finest young boy voguing I’ve ever seen.

Boy Demolishes 1991 New Hampshire Lip Synch Music Video Opportunity [The Hairpin]

Gary Coleman still has not been buried
“Gary’s manager says that the burial money is tied up between his parents and his widow.”

Charlie Sheen’s ex-Goddess Bree Olson — It’s Playboy time
“So far, no word on when the spread is set to hit the shelves.”

Leonardo DiCaprio & Bar Refaeli split
“They [also] split in 2009, but were back together the following year.”

Bristol Palin: Why I changed my face
“Yes, it improved the way I look, but this surgery was necessary for medical reasons.”

Kobe Bryant named in lawsuit
“A sports memorabilia company is suing a competitor over its use of L.A. Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant’s image.”

Controversial Princess Diana film showing her last moments set to debut at Cannes
“…the royal family and other British officials have conspired in an elaborate cover-up.”

Lindsay Lohan sentenced to 3 years probation & psychological counseling
“This is a separate issue than the sentence Lohan received for violating the terms of her DUI probation.”

Will Smith’s 53-foot trailer angering SoHo residents as he films MIB 3
“Clocking in at 1,150 square feet, the titanic trailer is larger than most two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartments in the city.”

Madonna’s brother not sure about Lourdes’ new song & career move
“To tell you the truth I don’t know if Lourdes is a good singer or performer…”

Prince bans Whitney Houston from his concerts
“Whitney attended several Prince concerts in the last few weeks and appeared to be ‘intoxicated’ at each show.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Taylor Swift’s new music video for her song Mean.

President Trump? ‘We think it’s a stunt,’ says an NBC exec
“If he wants to spout off about things, we’re happy to let him. But our inclination is that he’s not serious about running for president. We think it’s a stunt.”

Rebecca Black under police protection following death threats
“One of the threats came over the phone and another emailed.”

Lady Gaga calls Madonna plagiarism charges “retarded”
“I’m a songwriter. I’ve written loads of music. Why would I try to put out a song and think I’m getting one over on everybody?”

After much ado, Lady Gaga approves ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic parody
“Yankovic said the singer’s manager has apologized to him for the mix-up…”

Dr. Dre victorious in lawsuit against Death Row Records
“Dre will now receive all of the online sales for his classic album, while Death Row can only sell the album in CD, 8-track, vinyl or cassette form…”

Catherine Zeta-Jones: ‘There is no need to suffer silently’
“If my revelation of having bipolar II has encouraged one person to seek help, then it is worth it.”

Lindsay Lohan dropped then added back to Gotti flick
“Lindsay is no longer going to play Victoria Gotti … but instead will take on the role of John Gotti Jr.’s daughter-in-law Kim.”

50 Cent joins Nicole Scherzinger tor ‘Right There’ music video
“‘Well, I was really wanting to date her,’ the rapper said with a grin.”

Chris Martin hates Gwyneth Paltrow’s pretentious dinner parties
“It’s a little odd when your hubby doesn’t want to talk at a party promoting your project, no?”

Justin Timberlake to host Saturday Night Live
“…while he’s never officially joined the cast of the show, JT has made it clear that he’s right at home on the long-running sketch comedy program.”

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen unveil new optical line
“Just one week after announcing their new online shopping site, the Olsen twins are at it again.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Jessica Simpson behind the scenes of her shoot for People’s “50 Most Beautiful People” issue.

Man caught trying to sell Michael Jackson’s chest X-rays for $3K
“The X-rays were taken when the King of Pop was suffering from pneumonia on March 26, 2007.”

Lawyer in Michael Jackson trial says singer killed himself over finances
“The crux of the defense is going to be that Michael Jackson engaged in a desperate act and took desperate measures that caused his death.”

LeAnn Rimes fires back at reports claiming she is too thin
“To those who have to turn to other’s lives and judge with no real knowledge of how anyone lives, you can you know what!”

Wonderbra billboard voted best poster ad of all time
“In second place was Saatchi & Saatchi’s ‘Labour Isn’t Working’ poster for the Conservative Party from the 1970s.”

Bristol Palin earns $262,000 as abstinence ambassador
“The figures behind Bristol’s massive paycheck came from a Candie’s Foundation tax form from 2009.”

Miley Cyrus is back with Liam Hemsworth
“The couple were together for over a year until they called it quits in August last year.”

Alec Baldwin says 30 Rock is ending next season
“Our contracts are expired [in 2012], and Tina [Fey] is gonna have a big career directing films and writing.”

Motley Crue’s Vince Neil charged with domestic violence
“Complicating things a lot more — Neil is on probation for his DUI conviction last year.”

Madonna slams “wild and totally false” Malawi school rumors
“Neither Madonna nor Raising Malawi is being investigated by the FBI or the IRS.”

Natalie Portman’s dad wrote a book
“Misconception, the self-published debut novel by Long Island fertility specialist Dr. Avner Hershlag, [is] now making the rounds of major houses.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Rihanna behind-the-scenes for her Rolling Stone cover shoot.

ABC wants Chris Brown and Rihanna together
“Indeed, sources at ABC have confirmed to me that producers want to ‘milk this event for everything its worth,’ high moral news standards (and, one assumes, laws, especially those involving convicted felons and their subsequent behavior) be damned.”

Oprah Winfrey sets the date for her final show
“Harpo Productions confirmed Friday that the talk-show queen will air the final episode of her iconic daytime TV program, The Oprah Winfrey Show, on May 25.”

Is Hugh Hefner’s fiancée cheating on him with Dr. Phil’s son?
“Despite Crystal’s impending June 18 wedding date to the Playboy founder, sources tell us that she and Jordan are very happy together.”

Liz Taylor said James Dean was molested by his minister
“I’m going to tell you something, but it’s off the record until I die. OK?”

Whoopi Goldberg smoked pot before her Oscar speech
“In an old video of The View co-host, which surfaced in the Internet Thursday, she admitted she was stoned while accepting the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role in Ghost.”

Kurt Angle arrested for being drunk in a car
“Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … highway patrol in Grand Forks found Angle sitting in his car in the median separating lanes.”

Michael Vick’s high school won’t hang his jersey
“Despite a Facebook campaign by students, Michael Vick’s high school has declined to display his jersey once again.”

Madonna’s Malawi school scrapped, charity in trouble
“Raising Malawi’s board of directors has been replaced as its former executive director, Phillippe van de Bossche, is accused of using funds for expenses like a car and driver and gold club membership.”

Charlie Sheen dumped his book agent
“Just two weeks ago, McGuigan was shopping a deal to publishers for Sheen’s life story, with the working title Apocalypse Me.”

Elizabeth Berkley signs on for Saved by the Bell reunion
“Jimmy Fallon has made it his personal mission to have the cast of Saved by the Bell reunite on his show.”

Celebrity gossip items (other than Charlie Sheen news) you may have missed this week…

— Anne Hathaway made $750,000 on Oscar night. Gwyneth Paltrow made $500,000. For wearing jewelry. Seriously.

— It’s also been reported that Anne allegedly grew to hate James Franco during rehearsals for the Academy Awards. Wow, you would never have known it. They were such a great pair!

— Mila Kunis was doing a whole lot of flirting with Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers at a party after the Oscars. Yes, Aaron Rodgers was at an Oscars party. Jay Cutler was apparently too much of a pussy to attend.

— Justin Bieber turned 17 on Tuesday and went to dinner with his girlfriend Selena Gomez. Normal, right? Yes, until you find out that a female Bieber allegedly fan punched Selena in the face (which she denies despite holding her head and crying).

— Robert Pattinson says that dating Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart is very traumatic. Understandable. Just watching her is hard enough.

— Paula Abdul is doing great since leaving Idol. And by doing great I mean accusing her boyfriend of kidnapping her on Valentine’s Day.

— Michael Lohan joined the cast of Celebrity Rehab without telling his daughter Lindsay first and that really made her mad. Because? Because that’s what they do.

— Madonna is a douchebag. I can call a woman a douchebag, right?

— Scarlett Johansson took an overnight trip to Cabo San Lucas with Sean Penn. She’s 26, he’s 50. Playa.

— Mike Huckabee basically called Natalie Portman a slut for getting knocked up.

— Katie Holmes has filed a $50 million libel lawsuit against Star Magazine. Because Tom told her to.* (*Not really, but probably.)

— Victoria Beckham has no need for handicapped people and their “special” parking spaces.

— Christina Aguilera: The Mugshot.

— And finally, Kacey Jordan won the porn star pageant on The Howard Stern Show. Maybe Charlie Sheen does know what he’s doing after all.

This week’s sexy video comes to us from the fine people over at FHM and features the one and only Kylie Bisutti doing lots of fun things in very little clothing. Winning!

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— Rihanna might get naked, just hot for Playboy. (A) She’s already been naked, and (B) She might as well get naked again with what she’s been wearing lately. This is the strict definition of a no-brainer.

— Emma Watson’s college experience is going quite well. If you don’t mind having fake nude photos of you being circulated around campus, that is.

— In a bit of shocking news, Madonna has been replaced by Victoria’s Secret Angels for the upcoming series of Dolce and Gabbana ads. My guess is that the computers doing all the airbrushing finally gave out.

— Dina Lohan, Lindsay’s totally sane mother, wants to sue Glee claiming that the show defamed LiLo by saying she was crazy and asking how many times Lindsay has been to rehab. Good luck winning that case.

— Speaking of Lindsay Lohan, it appears that she has a new sponsor. No, not the kind of sponsor she needs to stay on the wagon, she now appears to be sponsored by Pepsi. And if she isn’t, then the folks at Pepsi probably need to put a halt to this right away.

— And speaking of great parents, Britney Spears’ mom and dad got back together. Finally some stability in Brit’s life.

— Tony Danza interrupted the funeral of a friend of his by ripping into the priest for what he was saying. Why? Because he’s Tony Effin’ Danza, that’s why.

— In case you didn’t hear, Jessica Simpson is now engaged to former NFL tight end Eric Johnson. The best part: She had to buy her own engagement ring.

— Joan Baez fell out of a treehouse.

— Harrison Ford went on Conan and well, he might like alcohol.

— Jake Gyllenhaal might be gay or something, so says Anne Hathaway. Let me know if you figure out what she means.

— Tiger Woods wrote a personal letter/essay for Newsweek. Let me know if you understand a word of it.

— DMX got arrested. Again.

— Ryan Reynolds is the sexiest man alive, according to People magazine.

— Ellen Degeneres is the most likable person on the planet, according to other people.

— And finally, Sarah Palin thinks Michelle Obama doesn’t care about white people. Pffft, who does?

This weekend’s sexy video is a follow-up to that GQ photo shoot of Lea Michele and Dianna Agron of Glee fame that caused so much uproar, so if you are offended by hot babes in their 20′s doing things in their underpants pretending to be hot babes in high school doing things in their underpants then you might not want to watch. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Yeah, right…

I don’t know much about Dolce & Gabbana (actually I don’t know anything about Dolce & Gabbana), but I think perhaps they need to have their heads examined if they think putting Madonna in lingerie and other supposedly sexy outfits is going to sell them some product. Granted Madonna does have some nice old lady cleavage action going on in a few of these photos, but with the kind of dough this company and Madonna have they could have hired the art director from Avatar to make these photos look as good as they do for all I know. Whatever… here’s Madonna trying her best to relive her glory days…

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Despite her having to, you know, spent the next few weeks in the slam, Lindsay Lohan apparently got over on E*Trade for that Super Bowl commercial she claimed made fun of her earlier this year. At least she has that going for her, which is nice… I guess. (BONUS: Fantastic court room sketch of Lindsay being handcuffed right… over… here.)

>>> Speaking of LiLo, Minka Kelly thinks Lindsay should move to Guam. That or burst balloons for a fetish site. One of those things.

>>> Katherine Heigl is giving away one million dollars. To animal charities. Do I qualify as an animal? Don’t answer that.

>>> Snooki’s working on an album. No, I am not making that up.

>>> A crazed, ice pick-wielding fan was arrested outside Madonna’s apartment this week. Dammit, I told him to got Paris Hilton’s place, not Madonna’s.

>>> Speaking of Paris Hilton… She was detained in Japan, questioned about cocaine, then forced to return to America. And the Japanese stick it to us once again.

>>> Miley Cyrus got an underboob tattoo. I’ll just leave that one alone.

>>> Speaking of trashy jailbait, Taylor Momsen’s new video is, umm, interesting. And by interesting, I mean she strips to her bra and panties in the video.

>>> Speaking of white trash, the Karissa Shannon sex tape is a done deal.

>>> And in other news about people no one cares about, Chyna was taken to a hospital with alcohol poisoning. You remember Chyna, right? Anyone?

>>> Jodie Foster is defending Mel Gibson and his insanity. In other news, Jodie Foster still exists.

>>> In even more shocking Mel Gibson news, apparently Mel gave his wife Oksana Grigorieva $15 million to keep that insanity thing I just mentioned under wraps. Well done, Oksana. In her defense, he could have given her a billion dollars and I don’t think she could have managed to keep it hidden.

>>> Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are broke. Maybe there is justice in this world after all.

>>> Kim Kardashian and Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin broke up. Expect Miles to break his leg any day now.

>>> And finally, I have found my Halloween costume.

This week’s sexy video comes to us from GQ, who managed to get the hottest WAG in the world, Irina Shayk to basically blow the minds of every male in the entire world (that includes the homosexual men as well… it’s that great). You’re welcome.

I used to be a fan of Gossip Girl’s Taylor Momsen. She was my favorite jailbait for a month or two. .Then I heard her speak. And saw photos of her on the set. And performing. Now, I’m not such a big fan. Now I think of her as a slightly more attractive, even more detached from reality version of Kristen Stewart. That’s not a good thing. Like she cares. Oh yeah, Madonna and Lourdes Leon Ciccone are in some of these photos as well. Like we care.