Even famous people get old. They do their best to disguise this from you via plastic surgery, incredibly expensive skin cream containing stem cells from ground up homeless babies, and other assorted arcane beauty rituals too terrible and horrifying to describe here. Some of them are so good at ]]>

Even famous people get old. They do their best to disguise this from you via plastic surgery, incredibly expensive skin cream containing stem cells from ground up homeless babies, and other assorted arcane beauty rituals too terrible and horrifying to describe here. Some of them are so good at this that no one really realizes they’ve gotten old until they fall and break a hip or end up on the Oscars telecast the next year in the “In Memoriam” part of the show. And then everyone turns to their friends and says “Damn, who knew?” Who knew, indeed. Well, you will, thanks to this handy little guide we’ve put together of 15 famous folks who are older than you think.

15 Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Age: 51


Yes, that’s right, Elaine from Seinfeld is the same age as your mother. The good news is that now all your creepy Elaine fantasies (I know you have them you degenerate animals) will also include her cutting the crusts off your sandwiches and doing your laundry on weekends. The bad news is that after having one of these fantasies you will need either years of intense therapy or a power drill to stick in your ear if you don’t have health insurance. So, uh, have fun with that.

14 Ralph Macchio
Age: 50


Yup, the Karate Kid is 50. Ralph Macchio is 50. 50. Sorry, just trying to wrap my head around that. To be fair, he looks surprisingly good for his age. I mean, given the way his career went you would figure that he would look like a methed out version of Skeletor by now or like Mickey Rourke’s ballsack. But nope, he still has that boyish face that made every dude who knew karate on multiple continents want to terrorize him. I’m just saying, sure Mr. Miyagi is dead but with today’s new hologram technology, they could totally pull off another Karate Kid flick. Yeah, it would kinda sad and embarrassing but so is Battleship and they still made that shit.

13 Denzel Washington
Age: 57


Denzel Washington seems like he’s almost ageless, doesn’t he? He’s one of those rare actors where age is just never an issue. That’s why he can get away with playing the same character over a twenty year span like he did in American Gangster without it being weird. That’s also why no one probably realizes he’s only a few short years away from getting the senior citizen discount at the movie theater or eating dinner at four o’clock in the afternoon. I’m sure the ravages of time will start to show up sooner or later but for now, Denzel just has one of those faces that just never seems to change, which is why I’m guessing that he’ll still play the lead role in the Nick Cannon biopic in 2045 after Nick Cannon becomes infamous for drowning Mariah Carey in a bathtub sometime in the next thirty years. You know I’m right. About all of it.

12 Madonna
Age: 53


Madonna is still desperately hanging onto her image as a sex icon with her lizard-like talons and because of that everyone still thinks of her in those terms but really, the next time she tries to hump a stage in a wedding dress she’ll probably just end up breaking her hip. Perhaps the time has come to applaud her just for staying buff into her fifties instead of mocking her for her gaunt, ropey physique. I mean, after all, she could probably kick my ass and most of yours too. To be fair, she’s able to stay ahead of the game by sucking the life essence from everyone around her, kinda like the Mummy but still, goddamn, those arms are like the arms of a Terminator. I’m not sure whether this means we need Brendan Fraser or John Connor to defeat her in the end but for now, let’s just all agree to stay out of her way.

11 William Shatner
Age: 81


Shatner kinda has that weird Betty White thing going on where no matter how old he gets we still think of him as sort of ageless. Sure, we know he’s old but if you asked 100 people how old they think Shatner is, I’m guessing only a tiny, tiny percentage would guess that he’s actually over 80. Leonard Nimoy is easier to peg because his head and face increasingly look like a statue from Easter Island as he gets old, but Shatner? He seems like he’s perpetually in his early 60s, right? But he’s actually 81 which means we all have to start preparing for a world in which Captain Kirk boldly goes where, well, everyone eventually goes: the mortuary.

10 Tom Cruise
Age: 49


It’s not so much that Tom Cruise is 49 years old – I think people would accept that number, at least on the surface – but it’s that in only a couple of months Tom Cruise will turn 50, and well, I don’t think people are ready to live in a world in which Tom Cruise is 50. There is just something about that that feels… wrong. I think it’s because he hasn’t really seemed like he’s aged all that much since playing Maverick in Top Gun. I mean, yeah, his face is a bit more weathered but let’s give credit where credit is due – the man might actually be a vampire. He’s like some unholy combo of Lestat, Maverick and Xenu: Warrior Princess. He might never actually die. Damn, maybe we all should get the ol’ Thetans flushed out.

9 Julianne Moore
Age: 51


Julianne Moore didn’t really become famous until she was in her 30s so it shouldn’t really be a huge surprise that she has pushed past 50. But still, does she really look much different now than she did in Boogie Nights? No, which is all the more impressive when you consider that most people with her skin tone and hair color (Species: Gingerus Americanus) start to look like the old Nazi at the end of Indiana Jones and the Lost Crusade after he sips out of the wrong Grail as they get older. Sure, she doesn’t exactly look young but she sure as hell doesn’t look old either. Maybe the Fountain of Youth was really in Marky Mark’s pants the whole time? Who knew?

8 Johnny Depp
Age: 49


Like with Tom Cruise the idea of Johnny Depp being 50 seems incongruous at the very least. At the most, it’s an idea which seems completely batshit nuts like the sky being made out of hot dogs or Snooki being named the new Surgeon General. There’s no way Johnny Depp can be 50, right? Well get ready because in only a few short weeks, the dude is going to hit that milestone. I suggest we all celebrate it by moving to France and banging supermodels and smoking out of ostentatious cigarette holders while we laugh and swim in a pile of money. It’s what he would want and who are we to deny his birthday wishes? Fine, I’ll do it for all of us. You’re welcome, world. You’re welcome.

7 Tom Skerritt
Age: 79


That’s right, Maverick’s mentor is almost 80 years old now. I guess it makes sense when you consider that Top Gun was made over 25 years ago now and even in that, Skerritt was kind of an oldster. But still, you’re never really prepared for when someone you watched as a kid turns out to be knockin’ on heaven’s door, you know? Sure, sure, there’s the occasional heroin related accident or – in probably Val Kilmer’s case – the occasional ham sandwich related accident that sends them riding to Valhalla on their spirit horse but old age? Man, that just bums me out. I refuse to let any of the actors I watched as a child get any older. Goddammit, this article is starting to depress me…

6 Jennifer Tilly
Age: 53


That big boobed poker playing lady that you can’t stop lusting after? Yeah, she’s the same age as your mom. Think about THAT the next time you’re pawing at yourself at 2:00 AM, half-drunk, watching poker on the Travel Channel while she wins hand after hand using only the power of her magical Two-Pair. Just remember that she is probably spending the winnings on Polly-Grip and Werther’s Originals. Either that or… or… sorry, I got distracted there. Are we sure those, er I mean she, yeah… she, is 53? Really? Screw it, I’m all in.

5 Samuel L. Jackson
Age: 63


Sam Jackson is 63 years old. Just think about that for a moment and let it sink in before we continue. The man – and Sam Jackson is most definitely The Man – is already at the age where he can start getting discounts for being an old geezer. And yet, there he is, playing Nick Fury on the big screen and sweet-talking his phone in TV commercials. It’s a testament to how badass Sam Jackson really is that when that commercial airs, the possibility at least exists that he’s thawing the icy heart of that robot vixen Siri with his talk of hot Gazpacho, right? I mean, how many 63 year-old men do you know who could pull that off? Hell, how many 63 year-old men do you know who can even operate an iPhone without having a stroke or accidentally blowing something up? And yet, there’s Samuel L. Jackson, sweet-talking Siri while making Gazpacho and no one says a goddamn thing. Now that’s a man for whom age is utterly meaningless.

4 Chuck Norris
Age: 72


Chuck Norris is such a badass that… well, actually no he’s not. He’s a 72 year-old man who probably can’t eat anything more firm than applesauce, who probably has to wear a diaper on long car rides and who fretted like an old maid until Sly Stallone agreed to soften The Expendables II until it was a Chuck Norris-approved PG-13 rated family friendly film. What a hard ass! No, but really, it’s kind of amazing that people still think that Chuck Norris could break anything other than his own hip after skipping out on his calcium supplements. You may think he’s a badass, but the dude is old as dirt.

3 Sigourney Weaver
Age: 62


When people think of Sigourney Weaver they think of her as the badass warrior chick who put the beat-down on those freaky aliens. What they don’t think about is a lady who in less than a decade will probably be sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch, her liver-spotted hands knitting a quilt for those dear aliens the next time they come to visit her. Okay fine, perhaps that’s a slight exaggeration but you can’t deny that you were pretty surprised when you saw that she was in her 60s, now can you? Don’t lie to me. It’s unbecoming. Still, like Madonna, I’m guessing she could still kick most of our asses and I’m guessing half of you would still get an erection while she was doing so. I apologize, this got weird, but again, don’t even try to lie to me.

2 Sean Connery
Age: 81


Sure, I think we all know that Sean Connery is kinda old, but in our heads we still picture him as strong and virile, James Bond in his retirement years, still crushing ass and sipping martinis. But look at that picture. That’s not just an old man, that’s an OLD man. That’s crushing up pills in the applesauce and sipping Metamucil old. The spirit of Bond has clearly left him and in its place is a dude who’s older than my grandpa – and not nearly as energetic. And my grandpa is dead. And now so is my mental image of the original Bond. Hell, the only time you’ll probably ever hear him utter that name now is when he’s saying the following: “Bond… Gold Bond. Yes, that’s right, Gold Bond Powder. I need it for my diaper rash…”

1 Harrison Ford
Age: 69


In less than a year, Harrison Ford will be 70 years old. Now, I don’t know about you but I am not prepared for a world in which Han Solo and Indiana Jones are in their 70s. That’s just an awful thought, wrong and horrible. I mean, on an intellectual level, I think we get it – after all, the dude was 35 years old when the first Star Wars came out and like me, I’m guessing a lot of you weren’t even born when that happened – but on an emotional level… nope, not ready for it. We all reeled when the dude was in his 50s and we sort of shook our head and tried to pretend that it wasn’t true when he was in his 60s but there’s no ignoring 70. There just isn’t. I mean, that’s even older than Ronald Reagan was when he was elected President and I think we can all agree that dude was OLD. Try to imagine Ronald Reagan playing Indiana Jones in 1981. You can’t do it, can you? At least not without laughing. But that’s where we find ourselves today with Harrison Ford, which is such a depressing thought that there was no way anyone else could have been number one on this list.

Madonna has a new album called MDNA set for release on March 26, so of course now we’re starting to get promotional pictures of the soon-to-be 54 year-old striking all kinds of, uh, sexy poses. While I will give her credit for looking pretty good at her age, ]]>

Madonna has a new album called MDNA set for release on March 26, so of course now we’re starting to get promotional pictures of the soon-to-be 54 year-old striking all kinds of, uh, sexy poses. While I will give her credit for looking pretty good at her age, why do I get the sneaking suspicion that in the 2020′s we’re still going to be seeing photos of Madonna trying to look all hot doing things and wearing the clothes of people a third of her age? *shudder* Oh wait, she’s already doing that. (54/3=18). Never mind.

Madonna held court today in front of a packed house of reporters for Super Bowl XLVI. Most of the questions were straightforward. Was there a surprise in store for the performance? Is she rooting for Eli Manning or Tom Brady? Yada, yada, yada.

The microphone was then ]]>

Madonna held court today in front of a packed house of reporters for Super Bowl XLVI. Most of the questions were straightforward. Was there a surprise in store for the performance? Is she rooting for Eli Manning or Tom Brady? Yada, yada, yada.

The microphone was then passed to Gerald McCoy of the Ocho Cinco News Network. It was there that things started to get weird. Not only did he act like a nervous fan but then McCoy asked “The Material Girl” for a kiss.

Fast forward a few questions later, somebody asked about Alex Rodriguez and his centaur painting. Then, Bill Plaschke asked about Madonna’s boobies and wardrobe malfunctions.

Watch the shenanigans below.

[NFL Network]

Rumors are swirling that Madonna will have some company for her Super Bowl halftime performance. A performance that I’m sure will be as exciting as some of her most recent work which includes, uh, er, “Born this way?” That was one of her newest songs right? Wait, that was

Rumors are swirling that Madonna will have some company for her Super Bowl halftime performance. A performance that I’m sure will be as exciting as some of her most recent work which includes, uh, er, “Born this way?” That was one of her newest songs right? Wait, that was Lady Gaga? Weird. Could have fooled me.

Anyways, here are some of the rumored acts with odds attached.

Britney Spears 100:1

Janet Jackson’s titty will look like a Sesame Street episode if these two get horny on stage.

Ferris Bueller 50:1

It’s been 20+ plus years since Ferris invaded the streets of Chicago with an impromptu performance. Could this be his comeback?

Cee Lo Green 10:1

His most famous song includes the repeated use of the ‘F’ word. Awesome. Our Monday morning conversations will revolve around stupid acronyms like FCC, FTC, and QBR. Ooh, sorry, ESPN.

Nicky Minaj 5:1

Speaking of titties, Nicky Minaj’s popped out during a televised summer concert on Good Morning America. Judging from this fella’s reaction, it was the greatest thing ever.

LMFAO 3:1

Dammit. If we’re forced to listen to these fools, could they at least bring along internet sensation Keenan Cahill.

It seems like at some point, every musician decides that he or she should also be a movie star, usually with hilarious(ly stupid) results. Therefore, a list like this could probably be 100 names long. So don’t take this as a comprehensive list or anything. Instead, look at it ]]>

It seems like at some point, every musician decides that he or she should also be a movie star, usually with hilarious(ly stupid) results. Therefore, a list like this could probably be 100 names long. So don’t take this as a comprehensive list or anything. Instead, look at it sort of like Congress. The people on this list are representatives of a larger group, they are often hilariously inept, and for every success story there are dozens of failures. Plus, Barney Frank once played Dirk Diggler in an off Broadway performance of Boogie Nights. The similarities are endless. With all that said, let’s just get on with it. Here are 11 pop stars who tried to act.

11 David Bowie
Over the last 40 years, David Bowie has actually racked up 30 different acting credits, ranging from his starring role in 1976’s The Man Who Fell to Earth to his role as the Goblin King in Labyrinth. Along the way, he’s lent an air of cool to almost everything he’s touched and has managed to mostly avoid embarrassing himself – unusual for this sort of thing. That probably speaks more to the fact that he’s David friggin’ Bowie than anything else because if you look at his list of credits, there is some hilarious shit in there. I mean, come on, I already wrote that he played something called the Goblin King and somehow he escaped that without mockery so clearly he’s kind of bulletproof.

Most Ridiculous Role: Pontius Pilate in The Last Temptation of Christ. You know, this is the reason why everyone thinks the whole world was on cocaine in the 1980’s. I mean, you should probably never be watching a movie about Jesus and think “Wait, is that David Bowie?” Or hell, maybe you should now that I think about it.

10 Sting
Sting, like Bowie, has actually chalked up a fairly decent list of credits over the years. His most famous performance (or infamous, depending on your point of view) was probably as Feyd Rautha in Dune, which was notable because, well, it was Sting starring in Dune. That would be like casting Adam Levine or the dude from Coldplay in one of the Lord of the Rings movies. Still, the weirdness of that aside, Sting has managed to turn in a few decent performances, most notably as the bar-owning father of the main character in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, which he somehow managed to pull off without people pointing at the screen and saying “Hey, there’s Sting,” which might sound simple enough, but that’s a tough trick for any rock star turned would-be actor.

Most Ridiculous Performance: It has to be his role in Dune. That shit’s just weird, right?

9 Madonna
At various points in her career, Madonna has tried to reinvent herself as an actress, usually with disastrous results. The one exception was probably her role as Eva Peron in Evita, which actually earned her some critical acclaim. But since that was a musical, it doesn’t really count. Any time she’s actually tried to act without singing, it, uh, it hasn’t gone so well. Whether it was hamming it up as Breathless Mahoney in Dick Tracy (cast presumably because Warren Beatty wanted to bang her) or her role as a femme fatale in the Basic Instinct rip-off Body of Evidence (cast presumably because the director wanted to bang her) or as a castaway in the hideous Swept Away (cast because the director, Guy Richie, was banging her), Madonna has mostly just been met with eye-rolls and hoots of derision. No wonder she hasn’t bothered to try again for almost a decade.

Most Ridiculous Performance: Probably her role in Swept Away, if only because the entire movie was a complete debacle that almost ruined the career of her husband, Guy Richie, but let’s not forget how embarrassing Body of Evidence was, in which she spent the whole movie humping dudes and pretending she was Sharon Stone.

8 Roger Daltrey
Roger Daltrey, frontman for The Who, has no less than 55 acting credits on his resume, which, considering you’d be hard pressed to name even one of them, is either impressive or kind of sad. Mostly, Daltrey has popped up in various terrible television shows, playing a variety of mostly forgettable characters, most of whom seem to exist for the sole purpose of people pointing and saying “Hey, there’s Roger Daltrey, let’s watch this show for five minutes before we get bored and changed the channel.” To Daltrey’s credit it seems like, for the most part, this whole acting thing is just something he’s done to pass the time and have a little fun in between bouts of resurrecting the corpse of The Who and sniping with Pete Townshend.

Most Ridiculous Performance: Like I said, they’ve been mostly forgettable, but if I had to pick one, it’d probably be his performance as the 800 year old immortal pipe-smoking, hapless womanizer Hugh Fitzcairn in the television series version of Highlander. Why is it ridiculous? Just read that description again.

7 Diana Ross
Diana Ross’ acting appearances have been few and far between over the years, but every so often she’ll pop up and remind people that she exists – and that she should probably stop trying to act. Her most memorable appearances were probably as Billie Holliday in 1972’s Lady Sings the Blues and as Dorothy in the ridiculous movie The Wiz, made in 1978. In more recent years, she’s done a handful of TV movies which is probably about as far as she should push herself although you just know that deep in her diva heart she thinks she should be playing the lead in Twilight or something.

Most Ridiculous Performance: The aforementioned The Wiz. Have you see this shit? It’s ridiculous. Not only does this Wizard of Oz remake star a 34 year old Ross as Dorothy, it also stars Michael Jackson (yeah, really) as the Scarecrow, Nipsy Russell as the Tin Man and Richard Pryor as the Wiz. Do I really need to say anything else?

6 Courtney Love
Believe it or not, there was actually a moment, following her performance as Althea Flynt, Larry’s wife, in The People vs. Larry Flynt, when Courtney Love actually seemed like she could become a respectable actress. That was probably the height of her entire career, and in retrospect the fact that she could pull off the role of a fucked up stripper junkie turned porn star who dies of AIDS probably, uh, shouldn’t have been that surprising. Since then, Courtney’s career has been derailed by the fact that she’s, well, that she’s Courtney Love.

Most Ridiculous Performance: Sure, there’s her role as Althea, but did you know that she also had a minor role, back before she was famous, as Gretchen, Nancy’s friend, in Sid and Nancy? Which is ridiculous only when you consider that she basically used the movie as the template for her real life relationship with Kurt Cobain. Actually, ridiculous probably isn’t the right word. What’s that word that I’m looking for? Oh right, creepy. Creepy. Yes, that’s it.

5 Vanilla Ice
Vanilla Ice is on this list simply because, as a people, we cannot afford to forget the atrocities of his film, Cool as Ice. No, he’s never really done anything else of note in his acting career, but that doesn’t matter. He is the Osama bin Laden of this list. His actions endangered us all as a species and entire countries should have been invaded in order to stop Cool as Ice from being made. Never forget.

Most Ridiculous Performance: His entire life.

4 Tina Turner
Tina Turner is kind of the opposite of actor John Cazale, famous for appearing in only five movies, all of which were nominated for an Oscar, and all of which are considered classic 1970’s movies. Like Cazale, Tina Turner only appeared in a handful of movies, and like Cazale all are noteworthy. Unlike Cazale, all of them are noteworthy for being completely ridiculous. She is basically the John Cazale of ridiculous movies. Here are her three film roles, presented without comment: as the Acid Queen in Tommy, as Aunty Entity in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, and as The Mayor in The Last Action Hero.

Most Ridiculous Performance: Uh, all of them? If I had to pick, and I guess I do, I’d probably pick her role in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, if only for the outfit.

3 Jon Bon Jovi
Jon Bon Jovi has had a surprisingly eclectic career, popping up largely without fanfare in everything from his role as a naval lieutenant in the World War II submarine action flick U-571 to his most recent appearance in the craptacular New Year’s Eve. And for the most part – and to his credit – he’s managed to pull it off without people doing that whole pointing “Hey, there’s Bon Jovi!” thing. That at least hints at real talent. He’s also appeared in Ally McBeal, in Sex and the City, and as a male slut in Moonlight in Valentino. That’s at least 48% better than whatever the hell Bret Michaels or Vince Neil have pulled off, right? Then again, they do have the market cornered on “rock stars who tried to be porn stars and made sex tapes” market, so hey, maybe that’s something for Bon Jovi to shoot for. Just a thought.

Most Embarrassing Performance: Honestly, Bon Jovi has managed to have a nice little acting career without any ridiculous or embarrassing moments. Then again, if you need to laugh at him, there are always his band’s videos.

2 Mariah Carey
Mariah Carey tried to become a movie star and the result was so horrible that it made her lose her mind. I mean, here are the facts – prior to Glitter, she was probably the most successful pop singer in the world, she was married to a respected music producer and people generally envied her. Today, she has no career, she’s married to Nick Cannon and she spends most of her time appearing in weight loss ads aimed at Hoveround-bound housewives. Now, I’m not saying there’s a direct correlation, but…

Most Embarrassing Performance: Her role in Glitter is in the Embarrassing Performances by a Musician Trying to Act Hall of Fame. To her credit, she wasn’t the most ridiculous thing about Precious though, so there is that. Then again, that’s like saying that Herpes isn’t as bad an STD as the rest.

1 Mark Wahlberg
Hey, remember when this dude was Marky Mark? I have no idea how he pulled it off, but somehow that ridiculous dude went from that to being an Oscar nominated actor. That would be like Kim Kardashian being nominated for a Nobel in physics or like me being nominated for a Pulitzer. (Hey, wait a minute…) But starting with his iconic role as Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights and continuing through the present, Mark Wahlberg has actually pulled it off. Today, when people see him they don’t think “Hey, there’s Marky Mark.” They think “Hey, there’s Mark Wahlberg, the famous movie star.” That’s damn near a magic trick. Maybe he’s a wizard. I don’t know. What I do know is that perhaps no one in history has ever made the transition from ridiculous pop star to big time movie star as seamlessly as Wahlberg. Does the Marky Mark thing still pop up every now and then to a chorus of laughter? Yeah, but it doesn’t dominate anymore and that’s kind of amazing given that once upon a time this dude was just this shy of being Vanilla Ice.

Most Embarrassing Performance: Somehow, in a movie – Boogie Nights - in which he plays a karate kicking moron porn star and flashes a giant stunt cock, Mark Wahlberg isn’t a completely ridiculous joke. Seriously, is this dude actually the devil or something? How did he pull that off? If I had to pick one embarrassing performance, it would probably be his role in M. Night Shyamalan’s ridiculous The Happening, but even then that one wasn’t really his fault. He was just caught up in a nightmare of suck.

Madonna, who has not been relevant in quite some time, will be the halftime performer for Super Bowl XLVI. The news, which comes exclusively from SBNation, coincides with the Material Girl’s debut single in February.

As Andrew Sharp reminds us, this version of ]]>

Madonna, who has not been relevant in quite some time, will be the halftime performer for Super Bowl XLVI. The news, which comes exclusively from SBNation, coincides with the Material Girl’s debut single in February.

As Andrew Sharp reminds us, this version of a 53-year old Madonna is a safe choice and less likely to have a wardrobe malfunction.

After the debacle with Janet Jackson in 2004, old school Madonna would’ve been far too risky for the NFL. But today’s Madonna is a mom more famous for charity than lack of chastity, and a natural fit for the NFL’s biggest stage, especially considering the direction the NFL’s taken in the years since 2004′s controversy.

She may not match Prince, but she’s better than Paul McCartney, and certainly an upgrade over 2011′s apocalyptic amalgam of the Black Eyed Peas, a half-dead Slash, and Usher.

Exclusive: Madonna To Perform At Super Bowl XLVI Halftime Show [SBNation]

Madonna was given a bouquet of hydrangeas for a fan while sitting at the podium during a Venice Film Festival press conference for her new film W.E.. And of course she was grateful and appreciative. Just kidding, she rolled her eyes and acted like a bitch. Here’s the clip!

We all have some embarrassing videos of ourselves as children somewhere, hopefully never to be unearthed (a video of myself singing “You Are My Sunshine” to my mom at age four comes to mind). Well, some dude named Robert Jeffrey is sharing his with the world via Vimeo. And it’s ]]>

We all have some embarrassing videos of ourselves as children somewhere, hopefully never to be unearthed (a video of myself singing “You Are My Sunshine” to my mom at age four comes to mind). Well, some dude named Robert Jeffrey is sharing his with the world via Vimeo. And it’s transcendent.

You’ve got to respect how young Mr. Jeffrey doesn’t break stride throughout the entire song. It’s not a short song and the kid just flaunts it the entire time. I don’t want to belittle the accomplishments of all the little boys I watch regularly from a well-placed van, but this is probably the finest young boy voguing I’ve ever seen.

Boy Demolishes 1991 New Hampshire Lip Synch Music Video Opportunity [The Hairpin]

Celebrity gossip items (other than Charlie Sheen news) you may have missed this week…

— Anne Hathaway made $750,000 on Oscar night. Gwyneth Paltrow made $500,000. For wearing jewelry. Seriously.

— It’s also been reported that Anne allegedly grew to hate James Franco ]]>

Celebrity gossip items (other than Charlie Sheen news) you may have missed this week…

— Anne Hathaway made $750,000 on Oscar night. Gwyneth Paltrow made $500,000. For wearing jewelry. Seriously.

— It’s also been reported that Anne allegedly grew to hate James Franco during rehearsals for the Academy Awards. Wow, you would never have known it. They were such a great pair!

— Mila Kunis was doing a whole lot of flirting with Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers at a party after the Oscars. Yes, Aaron Rodgers was at an Oscars party. Jay Cutler was apparently too much of a pussy to attend.

— Justin Bieber turned 17 on Tuesday and went to dinner with his girlfriend Selena Gomez. Normal, right? Yes, until you find out that a female Bieber allegedly fan punched Selena in the face (which she denies despite holding her head and crying).

— Robert Pattinson says that dating Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart is very traumatic. Understandable. Just watching her is hard enough.

— Paula Abdul is doing great since leaving Idol. And by doing great I mean accusing her boyfriend of kidnapping her on Valentine’s Day.

— Michael Lohan joined the cast of Celebrity Rehab without telling his daughter Lindsay first and that really made her mad. Because? Because that’s what they do.

— Madonna is a douchebag. I can call a woman a douchebag, right?

— Scarlett Johansson took an overnight trip to Cabo San Lucas with Sean Penn. She’s 26, he’s 50. Playa.

— Mike Huckabee basically called Natalie Portman a slut for getting knocked up.

— Katie Holmes has filed a $50 million libel lawsuit against Star Magazine. Because Tom told her to.* (*Not really, but probably.)

— Victoria Beckham has no need for handicapped people and their “special” parking spaces.

— Christina Aguilera: The Mugshot.

— And finally, Kacey Jordan won the porn star pageant on The Howard Stern Show. Maybe Charlie Sheen does know what he’s doing after all.

This week’s sexy video comes to us from the fine people over at FHM and features the one and only Kylie Bisutti doing lots of fun things in very little clothing. Winning!

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— Rihanna might get naked, just hot for Playboy. (A) She’s already been naked, and (B) She might as well get naked again with what she’s been wearing lately. This is the ]]>

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— Rihanna might get naked, just hot for Playboy. (A) She’s already been naked, and (B) She might as well get naked again with what she’s been wearing lately. This is the strict definition of a no-brainer.

— Emma Watson’s college experience is going quite well. If you don’t mind having fake nude photos of you being circulated around campus, that is.

— In a bit of shocking news, Madonna has been replaced by Victoria’s Secret Angels for the upcoming series of Dolce and Gabbana ads. My guess is that the computers doing all the airbrushing finally gave out.

— Dina Lohan, Lindsay’s totally sane mother, wants to sue Glee claiming that the show defamed LiLo by saying she was crazy and asking how many times Lindsay has been to rehab. Good luck winning that case.

— Speaking of Lindsay Lohan, it appears that she has a new sponsor. No, not the kind of sponsor she needs to stay on the wagon, she now appears to be sponsored by Pepsi. And if she isn’t, then the folks at Pepsi probably need to put a halt to this right away.

— And speaking of great parents, Britney Spears’ mom and dad got back together. Finally some stability in Brit’s life.

— Tony Danza interrupted the funeral of a friend of his by ripping into the priest for what he was saying. Why? Because he’s Tony Effin’ Danza, that’s why.

— In case you didn’t hear, Jessica Simpson is now engaged to former NFL tight end Eric Johnson. The best part: She had to buy her own engagement ring.

— Joan Baez fell out of a treehouse.

— Harrison Ford went on Conan and well, he might like alcohol.

— Jake Gyllenhaal might be gay or something, so says Anne Hathaway. Let me know if you figure out what she means.

— Tiger Woods wrote a personal letter/essay for Newsweek. Let me know if you understand a word of it.

— DMX got arrested. Again.

— Ryan Reynolds is the sexiest man alive, according to People magazine.

— Ellen Degeneres is the most likable person on the planet, according to other people.

— And finally, Sarah Palin thinks Michelle Obama doesn’t care about white people. Pffft, who does?

This weekend’s sexy video is a follow-up to that GQ photo shoot of Lea Michele and Dianna Agron of Glee fame that caused so much uproar, so if you are offended by hot babes in their 20′s doing things in their underpants pretending to be hot babes in high school doing things in their underpants then you might not want to watch. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Yeah, right…

I don’t know much about Dolce & Gabbana (actually I don’t know anything about Dolce & Gabbana), but I think perhaps they need to have their heads examined if they think putting Madonna in lingerie and other supposedly sexy outfits is going to sell them some product. ]]>

I don’t know much about Dolce & Gabbana (actually I don’t know anything about Dolce & Gabbana), but I think perhaps they need to have their heads examined if they think putting Madonna in lingerie and other supposedly sexy outfits is going to sell them some product. Granted Madonna does have some nice old lady cleavage action going on in a few of these photos, but with the kind of dough this company and Madonna have they could have hired the art director from Avatar to make these photos look as good as they do for all I know. Whatever… here’s Madonna trying her best to relive her glory days…