A recent episode of Conan looked at a recent trend in local news asking the question, “Is it time for dogs to have a social network of their own?” You’ll be horrified to see how many clips from local news ask that question verbatim.

Answer: No. No ]]>

A recent episode of Conan looked at a recent trend in local news asking the question, “Is it time for dogs to have a social network of their own?” You’ll be horrified to see how many clips from local news ask that question verbatim.

Answer: No. No it is not time for dogs to have a social network of their own. If a dog can start typing or communicating through some technological advancement, sure. But if it’s just you holding your dog up to the computer or, even worse, typing while speaking in a baby voice aloud, you deserve nothing less than to be eaten alive by Cerberus. FACT

KTLA in Los Angeles is the best example of a local news station that really liberally stretches the definition of the word “news.” Exhibit A: Two segments in the same show about a Hooters Swimsuit Contest.

Even better than Edward R. Murrow rolling over in his grave, covering his erection, ]]>

KTLA in Los Angeles is the best example of a local news station that really liberally stretches the definition of the word “news.” Exhibit A: Two segments in the same show about a Hooters Swimsuit Contest.

Even better than Edward R. Murrow rolling over in his grave, covering his erection, then rolling over again is this GIF from anchor Chris Schauble when discussing the segments:

I feel so much better prepared for water cooler talk today! Thanks, KTLA!

Twitter and Facebook are already aflutter over this cover of the May 21, 2012 TIME. The issue contains a story about 26-year-old mom Jamie Lynne Grumet and her 3-year-old son. The cover illustrates it in graphic detail. Warning – a mildly NSFW pic awaits you after the jump.

Twitter and Facebook are already aflutter over this cover of the May 21, 2012 TIME. The issue contains a story about 26-year-old mom Jamie Lynne Grumet and her 3-year-old son. The cover illustrates it in graphic detail. Warning – a mildly NSFW pic awaits you after the jump.

I feel like I’ve heard this in some stand-up act but it bears repeating: If the kid is old enough to actually ask for you to breastfeed, you probably shouldn’t be doing it any more. That adage is probably even more applicable when on the cover of a national magazine.

The issue of TIME with the cover story on “Attachment parenting” hits newsstands on Friday.

A six-year-old girl crapped herself after her school wouldn’t let her go to the bathroom, resulting in a lot of shame. Naturally, the local news station KY3 decided to help her out by making it their top story.

Next up on the local news: A parent talks about how everyone ]]>

A six-year-old girl crapped herself after her school wouldn’t let her go to the bathroom, resulting in a lot of shame. Naturally, the local news station KY3 decided to help her out by making it their top story.

Next up on the local news: A parent talks about how everyone in school thinks their first grader son is gay. KY3 will break down why exactly kids say that about him along with a private tour of the young man’s Barbie collection. KY3 News…changing lives.

The Avengers is coming out in mere weeks and the nerd hype is palpable. How palpable? Somehow, fitness magazine Muscle & Fitness is featuring the Incredible Hulk on the cover of its May issue.

I hope it includes the Incredible Hulk workout plan of A) Shoot ]]>

The Avengers is coming out in mere weeks and the nerd hype is palpable. How palpable? Somehow, fitness magazine Muscle & Fitness is featuring the Incredible Hulk on the cover of its May issue.

I hope it includes the Incredible Hulk workout plan of A) Shoot yourself with gamma rays and B) Attempt to control anger but fail miserably with great regularity. And they say women are the only ones suffering from body dysmorphia. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPETE WITH MUSCLE & FITNESS’S STANDARDS OF BEAUTY WHEN THEY’RE 8 FEET TALL, GREEN, AND OBSCENELY VASCULAR?????

New Hulk Image on the Cover of Muscle & Fitness Magazine [Comingsoon]

The Times has an article about the history of interactive gaming. In it is a pretty neat HTML5 extension that lets you destroy their Web site. Destroy print media as efficiently as it destroys itself! Yay!

On local ABC affiliates, they’ll often splice in national news anchors like Diane Sawyer with cutaways from local news reporters in order to make it seem like one big happy family. Reporter Krista Fogelsong, and her ‘humid hair,’ wrecked that.

That was so painfully awkward. I mean look at this:

WTVF anchor Rhori Johnston was just trying to bring the good people of Indianapolis the news when his script set out to sabotage him. So, naturally, Rhori did what anyone would do when trying to pronounce ‘hallucinations’: Give up and move on.

Man is the Rhorster going to be pissed ]]>

WTVF anchor Rhori Johnston was just trying to bring the good people of Indianapolis the news when his script set out to sabotage him. So, naturally, Rhori did what anyone would do when trying to pronounce ‘hallucinations’: Give up and move on.

Man is the Rhorster going to be pissed when they roll out their new special report ‘The Hidden Perspicacity of Onomatopoeia.’

What’s going on in the head of KRDO weather reporter Rachael Plath during this segment? We may never know. But it was enough to make her yell, “Son of a bitch! Oh, why is this happening?” on the way out.

I’d say some technology-related error would be ]]>

What’s going on in the head of KRDO weather reporter Rachael Plath during this segment? We may never know. But it was enough to make her yell, “Son of a bitch! Oh, why is this happening?” on the way out.

I’d say some technology-related error would be the easy bet, but is it off base to say that I’m putting the the odds for ‘crippling diarrhea’ at 8-1 followed by ‘extremely painful menses’ at 5-1? The safe money is with the tech problems, but with that type of emotional volatility, shedding uterine lining seems like a nice dark horse.

The Oregonian was justifiably upset that it erroneously reported on the facts behind the passing of 17-year newspaper veteran Bob Caldwell. But man is this hatchet job they laid afterwards the most brutal article I’ve ever seen printed.

The gist of this article? ]]>

The Oregonian was justifiably upset that it erroneously reported on the facts behind the passing of 17-year newspaper veteran Bob Caldwell. But man is this hatchet job they laid afterwards the most brutal article I’ve ever seen printed.

The gist of this article? “Hey, so no charges were filed and that guy is still dead BUT ANYWAY he totally was paying a girl just out of college for sexual favors and was blown literally seconds before dying. Well, rest in peace, big guy.”

I hope dead dudes avoid print media just like the rest of us.

Bob Caldwell was with 23-year-old Tigard woman when he went into cardiac arrest [Oregon Live]

On certain holidays, you can expect local newscasts to act a little silly. Exhibit A: Los Angeles CW affiliate KTLA dressed up their weatherman as Cupid and paired him with some lingerie models. The problem? These might be the least exciting lingerie models of all-time.

Given the previous problems ]]>

On certain holidays, you can expect local newscasts to act a little silly. Exhibit A: Los Angeles CW affiliate KTLA dressed up their weatherman as Cupid and paired him with some lingerie models. The problem? These might be the least exciting lingerie models of all-time.

Given the previous problems with a KTLA weatherman blowing up on camera, you’d think KTLA wouldn’t test another one. Lesson not learned.

Kind of inappropriate for a newscast kids could stumble upon though, no? Oh, wait, they had those jackets. That’s right, that totally covered up everything and lent a lot of credibility to the pointless segment with a licensed meteorologist dressed up like the Gimp. My mistake.

[Thanks, Comedy Wizard!]

Jersey Shore stars Jenni “J-Woww” Farley and Snooki “Snooki” Snooki have been on a media tour to promote this season of the MTV hit show and their upcoming spinoff. This morning, they visited the morning show of Live with Kelly…and popped balloons with J-Woww’s boobs.

Snooki did not partake ]]>

Jersey Shore stars Jenni “J-Woww” Farley and Snooki “Snooki” Snooki have been on a media tour to promote this season of the MTV hit show and their upcoming spinoff. This morning, they visited the morning show of Live with Kelly…and popped balloons with J-Woww’s boobs.

Snooki did not partake in the balloon popping competition because she has a fear of balloons. I don’t know how she came up with something more absurd than the competition itself, but there you go.

KING 5 reporter Meg Coyle was doing her job, reporting on a Seattle story of interest about sledding being prohibited on a local hill due to the dangerous conditions. Then, some female reporter came in rather bitchily. And things got awkward.

I didn’t realize that reporters were supposed to ]]>

KING 5 reporter Meg Coyle was doing her job, reporting on a Seattle story of interest about sledding being prohibited on a local hill due to the dangerous conditions. Then, some female reporter came in rather bitchily. And things got awkward.

I didn’t realize that reporters were supposed to be the cool teachers who allow you to cut class twice a semester without punishment. I strongly dislike the female sledder. Yes lady pushing 40, you have all the answers and the way you’re sledding down an icy hill mere feet from oncoming traffic is brilliant. Keep stupidly sledding the days away like you’re Calvin and/or Hobbes, preferably while drunk or covered in lubricant. You’ll show that damn weasely reporter!

Love the male anchor, though. Takes a lot of balls in today’s climate to go “Wah wah wah” to someone on a live newscast. You’ve come a long way, Seattle.

Pole dancing? Cool. Reporting on pole dancing? Less cool. Being coerced to pole dance as part of news report? Back to cool. Being a male reporter coerced to pole dance during news report? The least cool outcome possible. That’s exactly what happened to Toledo NBC affiliate WNWO’s reporter Joe Galli ]]>

Pole dancing? Cool. Reporting on pole dancing? Less cool. Being coerced to pole dance as part of news report? Back to cool. Being a male reporter coerced to pole dance during news report? The least cool outcome possible. That’s exactly what happened to Toledo NBC affiliate WNWO’s reporter Joe Galli in this segment.

Like the moves, love the shame. If there’s one thing the news needs, it’s less reporting on news and more men on poles. If I were Brian Williams, I’d watch my ass right now. WNWO is innovating out there. Just a matter of time before everyone else falls in line.

Live TV is a stressful thing but it’s important to keep your cool. Apparently, KTLA meteorologist Henry DiCarlo didn’t get that memo. In this clip, DiCarlo throws a hissy fit and storms off during a live shot when told that the newscast was running long and his weather segment needed ]]>

Live TV is a stressful thing but it’s important to keep your cool. Apparently, KTLA meteorologist Henry DiCarlo didn’t get that memo. In this clip, DiCarlo throws a hissy fit and storms off during a live shot when told that the newscast was running long and his weather segment needed to be cut.

Yes, Henry. The world needed to know that Los Angeles and its neighboring regions are going to have the same moderate temperatures they have every day of the season. How could the people have lived without knowing those things? You’re a real hero.

VIDEO: KTLA’s Henry DiCarlo Throws A Fit When There’s Not Enough Time For His Forecast [TV Spy]

Ann Curry was interviewing Bill Clinton (and The Office‘s Mindy Kaling, for some reason) about holiday book picks. And then she did what any person might accidentally do when sitting next to Bill Clinton…she mentioned “semen.”

While I’m sure the jokes are tiresome at this point, if anyone can ]]>

Ann Curry was interviewing Bill Clinton (and The Office‘s Mindy Kaling, for some reason) about holiday book picks. And then she did what any person might accidentally do when sitting next to Bill Clinton…she mentioned “semen.”

While I’m sure the jokes are tiresome at this point, if anyone can understand and forgive the perils of accidentally dropping “semen” somewhere you shouldn’t, it’s Bill Clinton.

Christian Bale made headlines recently for being one of the first American stars to make the move over to China’s growing film industry with movie The Flowers of War. But when he tried to go visit detained human rights activist Chen Ghuangcheng with a CNN camera crew, Chinese security guards ]]>

Christian Bale made headlines recently for being one of the first American stars to make the move over to China’s growing film industry with movie The Flowers of War. But when he tried to go visit detained human rights activist Chen Ghuangcheng with a CNN camera crew, Chinese security guards were not so thrilled to see him.

Poor Christian Bale. All he wants to do is hang out with some guy under house arrest and he can’t do that? Don’t they know he’s from Hollywood? Show some respect.

Either way, if I’m one of these Chinese guards and I hear an incoherent unnecessarily guttural voice having trouble breathing through a latex mask, I’m definitely shitting myself.

Christian Bale And China Are Fucking Done, Professionally [Dlisted]

Oh the high pressure lifestyle of being a producer for a local news station in Boise, Idaho. At least that seems to be the case in this clip from Boise’s KBOI in which the producer gets angry at screwed up graphics on the newscast, cursing twice without knowing his mic ]]>

Oh the high pressure lifestyle of being a producer for a local news station in Boise, Idaho. At least that seems to be the case in this clip from Boise’s KBOI in which the producer gets angry at screwed up graphics on the newscast, cursing twice without knowing his mic is on.

The seven potatoes watching this newscast will be irreparably traumatized.

Annie Stensrud may have just been having a bad day. Maybe she had a cold and took too high of a dose of Nyquil. Who knows? But man, she sure sounds drunk in this clip from Mankato’s KEYC newscast this past weekend.

Now obviously we can’t say she’s drunk ]]>

Annie Stensrud may have just been having a bad day. Maybe she had a cold and took too high of a dose of Nyquil. Who knows? But man, she sure sounds drunk in this clip from Mankato’s KEYC newscast this past weekend.

Now obviously we can’t say she’s drunk on-air because I wasn’t there and you weren’t there. But having heard drunk people in my life once or twice, Annie Stensrud sure seems like it.

Then again, if I had to live in Mankato, I’d probably be shitfaced half the time, too. No offense, Minnesota, you’re okay by me, but I’d probably have a more relaxing and fulfilling vacation in Freddie Mercury’s colon than in your state.

On-Air Blooper of the Day [The Daily What]

I don’t know what the consensus is about Erin Burnett, host of CNN’s OutFront. She seems okay to me whenever I’ve seen her. But her reaction to this news story about smoking pot, and legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin’s joking confession, makes her seem like the goofy white mom in an ]]>

I don’t know what the consensus is about Erin Burnett, host of CNN’s OutFront. She seems okay to me whenever I’ve seen her. But her reaction to this news story about smoking pot, and legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin’s joking confession, makes her seem like the goofy white mom in an anti-drug ad.

Is it really something to brag about that putting on a pair of goofy “Elton-John-as-a-stoner” glasses are the closest you’ve come to smoking pot? Yeah, smoking is a personal choice (uh, assuming it’s legally prescribed in your state) and whatever. But you show me a woman who claims to have never smoked pot in her life and I’ll show you a bore and a liar.