Drunk girls are generally pretty insufferable. It’s either hostility/Ciness, a series of “Woo’s” with arms extended, or vomiting onto something. Granted, you can usually f them through most of these scenarios, which helps make them more palatable, but I’m not quite ready to say that makes her the victim. But at the same time, the Mexican guy was provoked by the beer tossing and Mexican guys often provide me with food deliveries and, um, wispy moustaches. Decisions!

Unrelated, is that the most amazing mullet ever on the dude who comes over to the Mexican guy after the girl gets knocked down or am I just imagining things? I also love how he leisurely saunters over since he clearly has no intention of defending the girls’s honor but clearly he has to try to act tough in the hopes of getting into the drunken bikini bottom of one of the whores. “Hey BRO, that’s not cool. *Mexican dude gets angry again* Hey. Hey. Oh, you’re holding him back…cool…YEAH YOU’RE A DICK BRO.”

Now this is no reflection on Taco Bell because tacos, burritos, and nachos are fantastic and whatever. But why is it that we always assume that white guys rapping somehow equates to funny? I mean the top selling rapper of the past decade is a white guy. But I’m supposed to bwahaha my way to speedy Mexican food because a couple white guys dressed in supposedly out of character clothing and put together an adequate-yet-not-mind-blowing couple of rhymes about their affinity for Taco Bell? I don’t get it.

If I were Taco Bell, here’s what I’d do: I’d get the rights to Speedy Gonzales, then have him do a series of commercials in which he sits in his study with a pipe and discusses the virtue of Taco Bell in perfectly spoken, eloquent English. Then he finds out that tacos are cheap or whatever and he completely loses this distinguished demeanor and regresses to the poor Mexican stereotype version of the character because he’s so excited over the tremendous value. AND why wouldn’t Warner Bros do it since it’d basically revitalize one of their products and make a lucrative revenue stream for it. Who wouldn’t go for this? Uh, other than Mexicans. Sorry guys but all of your societal progressions have to be sacrificed so WE CAN SELL SOME FING TACOS! HELL YEAH!

May 5 is Cinco de Mayo in Spanish, commonly seen a celebration of Mexican culture, heritage and pride.

But Latino Americans say it’s a very misunderstood celebration here in the States. For starters, it’s not Mexican Independence Day.

“In the New Orleans area, I’m surprised…it’s become very, very, very big,” says Azucena Diaz, host of a music show on Hispanic Radio Station KGLA, Radio Tropical 1540 here in New Orleans.

“In the United States, it’s celebrated with big events. In Mexico, we do not celebrate it.” Diaz says the big celebrations in Mexico are for Independence Day and Revolution Day, November 20.

[via]

It may be called swine flu around the world, but a senior Israeli official on Monday changed the term in order not to pronounce the name of the animal whose meat is banned by Judaism.

“We will use the term Mexican flu in order not to have to pronounce the word swine,” said Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman of the ultra-religious United Torah Judaism party.

Eating pork is prohibited by Judaism, the religion practised by the majority of Israelis. Islam, adhered to by most of Israel’s Arab minority, likewise bans the consumption of pork.

[via]

Man that’s awesome to see all sorts of puppets getting together and overcoming their differences. So what if I’m a puppet with a headdress and you’re allegedly a black puppet though you look kind of grayish (zombie perhaps?), we can all unite under our hatred for the Latino puppet. Oh, here he is. Um, yeah Jose, good to see you. Yeah, you can love Jesus too, I guess. Whatever. That guy’s still a dick. And I’m pretty sure he stole my puppet hubcaps.

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I’m really not in favor of when ethnicities reinforce stereotypes because then that makes me less of a humorist/satirist and more of a racist. Which I’m not okay with unless I get a really cool outfit to come along that looks vaguely like Ebenezer Scrooge’s hat and bed sheets. Because what fun is it being a racist if you don’t get to look silly? It really just helps the cause.

Anyway the only way this could have been more stereotypical is if they mariachi band-ed their way out of the van and found a way to f up my food order at Chipotle.

I will never understand the hatred people have for Heidi Montag. Yeah she’s a publicity whore and she’s not very talented and she hasn’t really done anything to deserve the modicum of fame she has, but I’d still leave some modi-cum on her huge breasts and dammit that has to count for something in this crazy work-a-day world.

It’s also pretty awesome how she’s done so much with so little. Covers of magazines, countless articles about her, fashion lines and CDs (forget that these failed…hard), it’s all really impressive. It just goes to prove my theory that if you’re a woman willing to get implants and make an ass of yourself publicly, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be famous. In fact, most women should probably just quit their office jobs and dreams of making a difference in the world and just learn to shake their asses for paparazzi and blow the editors of celebrity weekly magazines (or handsome bloggers with a penchant for posting news items solely because they have a girl in a bikini). All this rah rah feminism stuff is pretty tiring, isn’t it ladies? Food for thought (that you can’t eat lest you no longer be physically attractive and thus culturally irrelevant again).

Shawnedria McGinty was taken aback by “Memin Pinguin” comics she found at her local Wal-Mart. The series, by Mexican illustrator Valencia Burgos, tells the story of a young black boy who often gets into trouble and isn’t too bright. The character is something of an iconic cultural image in Mexico, much like Bugs Bunny is over here. McGinty did a little research in order to try and better understand the comics and was disappointed to find that her gut instincts were correct: The comics? Are kind of totally racist:

“They are calling him names. They call him an animal in one section. His mom is spanking his butt and it looks like they are drowning him,” said McGinty, who went so far as to buy a Spanish dictionary to better understand the comic books.

She found one passage particularly offensive. In the frame, Memin Pinguin is being kicked by a light-skinned man and called “a black troublemaker.”

“Memin Pinguin” caused a stir in the States a couple of years back when the Mexican government issued a postal stamp commemorating the character. The comic book was then reissued after not having been published for a number of years. So it’s a wee bit surprising, given the blacklash those stamps received, that Wal-Mart would decide to carry it in its stores. In the United States nonetheless! Now they are feeling the wrath of the African American community.

Yeah I mean this caricature isn’t exactly flattering but when that stamp was released, Mexico made a good point about Speedy Gonzalez being a complete atrocity of racism but for some reason that’s okay because we’re America and he’s a mouse. Perhaps if Mexico had made Memin into some sort of monkey racial stereotype named “Jorge Curioso” and had him engage in adventures with a human character called “El Gringo en el Sombrero Yellow-o” then it’d be cool.

I want to know more about this dude though, from Memin’s wiki:

Ernestillo: The intelligent and hard working one. His mother died when he was young and has since been raised by his father, an alcoholic carpenter. Ernestillo is so poor he has no shoes.

Man, this sounds like a really funny comic. Dead parents, drunken carpentry, a lack of shoes. At the very least, the adventures of Ernestillo should replace Beetle Bailey. We get it, the military is incompetent.

Adding to tomato confusion, the government is about to start testing numerous other types of fresh produce in the hunt for the source of the nation’s record salmonella outbreak — even as it insists tomatoes remain the leading suspect.

Investigators are mum on exactly what other vegetables are getting tracked.

Items commonly served with fresh tomatoes is the only hint Food and Drug Administration food safety chief Dr. David Acheson would give, calling it “irresponsible” to point a finger until he has more evidence that some other food really deserves the extra scrutiny.

The reason is that the outbreak continues, with 869 people now confirmed having taken ill. Most troublesome, at least 179 of them fell ill in June, the latest on June 20. That is more than two months after the first salmonella illnesses appeared, meaning the outbreak is continuing weeks longer than food-poisoning specialists had expected — and suggesting the culprit is still on the market.

I know this might be an unconventional thought, but if you don’t want salmonella, maybe you should stop inserting yourself into Mexican rectums.

And seriously why the f do Mexicans have to crap on everything? How about you bastards use a f’ing toilet and a sink to wash your hands when you’re picking out veggiefruits? If I may speak to the Mexican gentlemen causing all this (his)panic for a second…”No me gusta, señores.”

A car has plowed into a bike race along a highway near the US-Mexico border, killing one and injuring 10 others.

Police investigator Jose Alfredo Rodriguez says the 28-year-old driver was apparently drunk and fell asleep when he crashed into the race.

A photograph taken by a city official shows bicyclists and equipment being hurled high in to the air by the collision.

Rodriguez says Juan Campos was charged with killing Alejandro Alvarez, 37, of Monterrey.

You hate to see a bunch of people get injured as a result of one person’s failures at life. Even if they are Mexicans. And I know we all think that Mexicans are barely people, but come on, let’s put that aside for a minute. Wait, we don’t all think that? Oh. I thought there was a bill passed to that effect. It must have been in my dreams. Sigh.

You know what they should do? Hire some Mexicans to clean up that mess. They must be pretty plentiful for hire in Mexico. Work on that, Johnson.