Some celebrities have so much money rolling in that they think it’s just going to keep coming in forever. Then it doesn’t. And they end up on lists like this.

In today’s Guyism Speed Round, Katie Nolan discusses Michael Jackson’s new deal with Pepsi, a kid with an unwanted and rather unfortunate tattoo, and more.

Make sure to subscribe on YouTube to see the hidden video.

After six weeks, the manslaughter trial against former Michael Jackson doctor Conrad Murray is over as the jury delivered a guilty verdict after nine hours of deliberation. Investigators found that Murray ordered nearly 4 gallons of propofol in his treatment regimen for Jackson and administered the drug inside the singer’s ]]>

After six weeks, the manslaughter trial against former Michael Jackson doctor Conrad Murray is over as the jury delivered a guilty verdict after nine hours of deliberation.

Investigators found that Murray ordered nearly 4 gallons of propofol in his treatment regimen for Jackson and administered the drug inside the singer’s rented home, a practice that all the prosecution experts said was unheard of. Jurors also heard testimony about how Murray left Jackson’s bedroom for a period after providing him with propofol and spent his time making calls and sending texts to a former girlfriend. When he realized Jackson was in distress, Murray gave the pop star CPR on a bed, a decision that also deviated from the suggested method requiring a hard surface under the patient.

Murray was additionally faulted for waiting more than 20 minutes to call 911, not keeping proper records and failing to tell the paramedics and ER doctors that he had given Jackson propofol.

Murray also now must deal with a civil lawsuit brought against him by Michael’s father Joe Jackson, who along with his wife Katherine and several of Michael’s siblings were on hand for the reading of the verdict.

The reaction to the verdict on the Internet was, as expected, massive, sweeping and instantaneous…

Conrad Murray Found Guilty In Michael Jackson’s Death [MTV]

Get ready for the next big thing in crappy/annoying/obnoxious dance games!

Okay, fact: Ubisoft makes and publishes some truly stellar titles. As much as I don’t dig Child of Eden as much as I had hoped, I’m still glad it’s out there, and am especially thankful that Ubi helped ]]>

Get ready for the next big thing in crappy/annoying/obnoxious dance games!

Okay, fact: Ubisoft makes and publishes some truly stellar titles. As much as I don’t dig Child of Eden as much as I had hoped, I’m still glad it’s out there, and am especially thankful that Ubi helped make it happen. They also published No More Heroes 1 & 2, which are still my all time favorite games from this generation. Never mind how Ubi totally dropped the ball when it came to promoting them. Plus, even though I’m not into them, even I can acknowledge that the Tom Clancy games, plus Assasin’s Creed, are very well put together. That being said…

But also, fact: Ubisoft pumps out some truly amazing crap, and have developed the same reputation that EA worked so hard to shake. It’s easy to point and laugh at any company that’s so obviously going after the easy money, but in the end, business is business. That being said, some of the things they publish is on par with some of the most rinky-dink of publishers, to the point that one biggest and most powerful entities in gaming should be flat-out embarrassed. With the Michael Jackson Experience being the prime offender. What an amazing opportunity to create the ultimate music game, which they totally dropped the ball on. And here comes the follow-up starring the Black Eyed Peas? Then again…

Again, fact: The Black Eyed Peas are the perfect fit. Because just like Ubi, they often leave me scratching my head, wondering how in hell they got to where they are and why they’re still popular. They also have an affinity for gaming, or so that’s the image their stylists want to put forward. From that one music video in which it’s all pixelated (welcome to the party guys, you’re all just five years late)…

… Or better yet, how they shamelessly rip off the look and feel of a prominent chiptunes act in Japam. Compare this…

… To this…

Yup.

What’s the point in writing a song if you can’t completely brag about yourself to everyone listening to it? There is none. And these artists all seem to know it. This selection of songs is living proof of just how selfish musicians can be. From all ]]>

What’s the point in writing a song if you can’t completely brag about yourself to everyone listening to it? There is none. And these artists all seem to know it. This selection of songs is living proof of just how selfish musicians can be. From all styles of music, from the popular songs to the slightly more obscure, from the ones doing it intentionally to the ones who just didn’t realize they were being cocky bastards. Here’s a list of some of the cockiest songs we’ve ever heard.

Disclaimer: 98% of Hip Hop songs are cocky, so we apologize if your favorites didn’t make this list. We encourage you to add yours in the comments section below.

22 California Love – 2Pac feat. Dr. Dre
Cockiest Lyric: Soon as I stepped on the scene, I’m hearin hoochies screamin/Fiendin for money and alcohol/the life of a west side playa where cowards die and it’s all ball

I’m from California. I’ve got the pride too. But I don’t walk around telling the other 49 states about all the hoochies that are screaming for me (and believe me they are). It’s a great place to live, but a little modesty goes a long way.

21 Don’t You Want Me – The Human League
Cockiest Lyric: Now five years later on you’ve got the world at your feet/Success has been so easy for you/But don’t forget it’s me who put you where you are now/And I can put you back down too

It’s like this song was written by Gordon Gekko himself. Puff up your ego all you want, she’s not coming back to you.

20 Gives You Hell – The All American Rejects
Cockiest Lyric: I wake up every evening/With a big smile on my face/And it never feels out of place/And you’re still probably working/At a 9 to 5 pace/I wonder how bad that tastes

There is bowing out of an unsuccessful relationship gracefully, and then there is what The All American Rejects did: rubbing your fame and fortune into your “probably already filled with regret about dumping you” ex’s face via a hit single. It’s a terribly cocky and spiteful thing to do… And we would all do the same exact thing if we could.

19 I Believe I Can Fly – R. Kelly
Cockiest Lyric: I believe I can fly

The original title for this song was “I Believe I Can Have Sex with a Minor on Videotape and Get Away With It”, but R Kelly’s record label thought “I Believe I Can Fly” would make the singer seem a little less full of himself.

18 Hard to Handle – The Black Crowes
Cockiest Lyric: Action speaks louder than words/And I’m a man of great experience/I know you’ve got another man/But I can love you better than him

One thing about guys is that we will always think we are better than the guy you chose to be with and we just need that one opportunity to prove it. When in reality… you’ve probably made the right choice. Still, that didn’t stop The Black Crowes from kicking out this timeless classic on the subject.

17 Number One – Nelly
Cockiest Lyric: Oh if my uncle could see me now/If he could see how many rappers wanna be me now/Straight emulating my style

Look, Nelly. Congratulations on your success. But emulating your style? I don’t think the band-aid on the face look ever ended up catching on. Take it down a notch.

16 My Chick Bad – Ludacris
Cockiest Lyric: My chick bad/My chick hood/My chick do stuff that your chick wish she could

Luda’s song bragging about his girl has ruined every woman in the world for me. Just knowing that I’ll never get a chick as “hood” as his has made me give up entirely.

15 Rebel Yell – Billy Idol
Cockiest Lyric: In the midnight hour/She cried more, more, more

So much for the phrase, “I never kiss and tell”. Billy Idol’s ego gets the best of him in “Rebel Yell” as the chorus lets as know repeatedly how much he made his girl squeal in to the wee hours of the morning.

14 I Me Mine – The Beatles
Cockiest Lyric: I-me-me mine/I-me-me mine/I-me-me mine/I-me-me mine

Three of our favorite words before we learned what sharing was way back in kindergarten. And thanks to George Harrison, we can sing it as adults while we steal Legos that belong to somebody else.

13 It’s Gonna Be Me – N Sync
Cockiest Lyric: You’re just too blind (too blind), too see/But in the end, ya know it’s gonna be me

Men (and I use the term loosely when speaking about the members of N Sync) are too proud to ever admit that they’ve lost. Despite obviously losing the girl, these fellas remain cocky and tell the world that she’ll be back eventually.

12 The World’s Greatest – R. Kelly
Cockiest Lyric: I’m that star up in the sky/ I’m that mountain peak up high/Hey, I made it/I’m the world’s greatest

On the list again, R? If that’s even your real name… I understand being confident and inspirational, but do you think people really want to hear it from a guy who is best known for urinating on children?

11 Piece of Me – Britney Spears
Cockiest Lyric: I’m Miss American Dream since I was 17/Don’t matter if I step on the scene/Or sneak away to the Philippines/They’re still gonna put pictures of my derriere in the magazine

If this was pre-breakdown Britney, I’d say brag away, honey. The fact that she has two kids that are half Kevin Federline means that her right to be cocky is officially revoked.

10 Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don’t – Brand New
Cockiest Lyric: I am heaven sent/Don’t you dare forget/I am all you’ve ever wanted/What all the other boys all promised.

Aside from having one of the greatest titles ever, this song from Long Island-based, Brand New goes on to mock cockiness by being overly-cocky itself. Other highlights: “we are the best at what we do” and “this is the way you wish your voice sounds”.

9 I Wanna Talk About Me – Toby Keith
Cockiest Lyric: I wanna talk about me/Wanna talk about I/Wanna talk about number one

I sympathize with Mr. Keith. We’ve all dated that girl at some point in our lives. But a whole song devoted to wanting to talk about yourself doesn’t make you come off any better than her. Does anyone want to hear Toby Keith sing about himself? Come to think of it… Does anyone want to hear Toby Keith sing?

8 I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson – DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince
Cockiest Lyric: I’m rough like a freight train/smooth like ice/And yo Jeff, straight up/I think I can beat Mike Tyson

Scrawny Will Smith (not in his prime) thinks he can take Mike Tyson (in his prime) and actually win. As the song goes, we learn that confidence will only get you so far. Moral of the story: Stop being so cocky or you’ll end up getting the shit kicked out of you.

7 The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations on a Shaker Hymn) – Weezer
Cockiest Lyric: I’m the baddest of the bad/I’m the best that you’ve ever had/I’m the tops, I’m the king/All the girls get up when I sing

Hipsters everywhere, pump your fists in the air, as Rivers Cuomo leads his bandmates in this epic six-minute song about being the greatest man that ever lived… in 11 different styles of music, mind you. Who says that just because you wear dorky glasses or sport a pedophile mustache that you can’t be cocky?

6 The Girl is Mine – McCartney/Jackson
Cockiest Lyric: [Paul] I’ve heard it all before, Michael/She told me that I’m her forever lover, you know/Don’t you remember?
[Michael] Well, after loving me, she said she couldn’t love another

Guys are never willing to admit when a girl just isn’t into them. In this duet, Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson’s egos do battle over the same girl. Neither one of them believes that it is possible for the girl to be into someone other than themselves. You’re being played, fellas. Get off your high horses and recognize it.

5 The Greatest Love of All – Whitney Houston
Cockiest Lyric: I found the greatest love of all/Inside of me

This ballad about learning to love yourself is really quite cocky when you think about it. The absolute greatest love of all belongs to you and only you, Whitney? Truth is, the only way Whitney would find the greatest love inside of her is if she were sleeping with me. How’s that for cocky?

4 I’m Too Sexy – Right Said Fred
Cockiest Lyric: I’m too sexy for my shirt/too sexy for my shirt/So sexy it hurts

“I’m Too Sexy” is one of those songs that never should have been a success. Just like Rebecca Black’s “Friday” or any song ever written by The Black Eyed Peas. Then again, Fred had a point. How many times have you thrown on a mesh shirt and a giant hoop earring and not felt like the sexiest person on the planet?

3 Without Me – Eminem
Cockiest Lyric: The center of attention, back for the winter/I’m interesting, the best thing since wrestling

Now Eminem doesn’t exactly specify which type of wrestling he’s better than, but if it’s midget wrestling… he couldn’t be more wrong. Nothing beats midget wrestling.

2 Life’s Been Good – Joe Walsh
Cockiest Lyric: I have a mansion forget the price/Ain’t never been there they tell me it’s nice/I live in hotels tear out the walls/I have accountants pay for it all

Joe Walsh’s feel good classic about life being good is really just a giant middle finger to everyone who isn’t a rock star. Try listening to this song from your cubicle on a Tuesday and see how good life’s been to you

1 Power – Kanye
Cockiest Lyric: I’m living in that 21st century/doin’ something mean to it/Do it better then anybody you ever seen do it/Screams from the haters, got a nice ring to it/I guess every superhero need his theme music

It might surprise you to learn that Kanye is full of himself. Until “Power”, we were all under the impression that modesty was his best attribute. Thank you for clarifying.

You know you’ve made it when someone does a Game Boy Color version of your hit song.

8-bit versions of hit songs btw is hardly anything new. Here’s a longtime fave, part of a meme amongst chiptuners back in the day: Axel F from Beverly Hills Cop…

… ]]>

You know you’ve made it when someone does a Game Boy Color version of your hit song.

8-bit versions of hit songs btw is hardly anything new. Here’s a longtime fave, part of a meme amongst chiptuners back in the day: Axel F from Beverly Hills Cop…

… For those interested, there’s a whole album of similar arrangements that one can scope out here.

On, and I’m not even the biggest Michael Jackson fan in the world, but this chiptunes version of The Way You Make Me Feel is as the kids say “the jam” (or at least used to at one point)…

Finally, it’s not really the same thing as above, but why the hell not: a mash-up of Battletoads and Jaz-Z…

Rebecca “Friday” Black Hits Game Boy Color [Kotaku]

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— Shakira has decided to call it off with her boyfriend of 11 years. Behind me in line there, buddy.

— Keira Knightley is also now single. For some reason I don’t care about ]]>

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— Shakira has decided to call it off with her boyfriend of 11 years. Behind me in line there, buddy.

— Keira Knightley is also now single. For some reason I don’t care about that as much.

— Tom Hanks’ son is a rapper. Also, his name is Chet.

— Charlie Sheen sure knows how to party. With pr0n stars. Three to be exact. At the same time.

— The 2011 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue cover model short list has been revealed and it’s a who’s who of who? (I’m betting on Irina Shayk.)

— The Los Angeles County Coroner says Michael Jackson’s death should have been ruled a homicide.

— Gucci Mane got a new face tattoo and as face tattoos go this one is about as different as one could be.

— Kelsey Grammer might be a cross dresser.

— Eva Longoria? Bankrupt.

— Winona Ryder? Crazy.

— Kate Hudson? Pregnant.

— Victoria Beckham — also pregnant.

— JWoww now says that she was under anesthesia in those alleged nude photos that are just waiting to be released. “Under anesthesia” has to be code for something, right?

— Mike Tyson is being sued for $115 million. And it’s one doozy of a lawsuit too.

— Speaking of a lot of jack, 50 Cent made $8.7 million on Twitter. That is NOT a typo.

— Keira Knightley, Anne Hathaway and Jessica Biel are scheduled have test screenings for the next Batman movie. I vote for Jessica.

— And finally, Lea Michele is kind of a c-word. But she’s sorry about that, so it’s okay.

This week’s sexy video is a follow-up on an earlier post we did here that featured Jessica Alba in a bikini for Harper’s Bazaar. Did I mention Jessica Alba in a bikini?

There have been quite a few music video mash-ups floating around on YouTube lately, but few are quite as well put together as this Jackson 5/Nirvana combo called “Smells Like Rockin’ Robin.”

I guess I just don’t know enough about how musicians hear music to understand how someone ]]>

There have been quite a few music video mash-ups floating around on YouTube lately, but few are quite as well put together as this Jackson 5/Nirvana combo called “Smells Like Rockin’ Robin.”

I guess I just don’t know enough about how musicians hear music to understand how someone puts something like this together, but this mash-up leaves me with a bit of a weird feeling after hearing it. I think if you told Kurt Cobain that one day he’d be preforming right there next to Michael Jackson for an audience of hundreds of thousands, he’d have thrown up a little in his mouth. Although seeing what Courtney Love has done to his estate and his daughter… something like this would have barely registered on his radar.

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Photos of a nipple-taped, drugged –up Angelina Jolie have allegedly surfaced. Star magazine claims to have these photos, yet for some reason hasn’t published them yet.

>>> I guess now we know why

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Photos of a nipple-taped, drugged –up Angelina Jolie have allegedly surfaced. Star magazine claims to have these photos, yet for some reason hasn’t published them yet.

>>> I guess now we know why Miranda Kerr got married. She’s frikkin’ pregnant. Thanks a lot, Orlando. Douchebag…

>>> Lindsay Lohan is getting out of jail, but rather than go directly to rehab (as she is supposed to do), she is going to get to spend some time with her family first, because, as we all know, her family is such a solid rock upon which she can lean.

>>> Chris Tucker owes $11 million in back taxes. Time for another rendition of Rush Hour!!

>>> Oliver Stone is an idiot.

>>> Jersey Shore’s Snooki explaining why she wouldn’t wear a bikini during the filming of their second season, says its because one-piece suits are more provocative. If by provocative she means keeps people from vomiting (as much) when they see on the beach, then yes, they are more provocative.

>>> This was all said before Snooki got arrested for being drunk off her ass while filming an episode of the show. Now THAT’s provocative.

>>> In other Jersey Shore news sure to make you want to stab your brain with an ice pick, the group rang the bell at the New York Stock Exchange.

>>> Kendall Jenner, the 14 year-old sister of Kim Kardashian, did a little photo shoot. A photo shoot that might be appropriate for someone maybe 10 year older than her. Yeah… Anyone else see another Kardashian sex tape looming in the 2010′s?

>>> Michael Jackson was obsessed with Nazis. Naturally.

>>> Remember a few weeks ago when Amanda Bynes said she retired from acting and I asked you to see if you even would notice. Well, you won’t get the chance because she just unretired. And once again I say, see if you notice.

>>> Tara Reid got drunk and flashed her vagina. No this is not a story from 2009. Or 2008. Or 2007. Or… never mind.

>>> Yet another Mel Gibson rant hit the streets this week. This time his target was former James Bond Timothy Dalton, the father of Oksana Grigorieva’s 12-year-old son. In the rant Mel raises the bar for the number of times one can say the word f–k in a paragraph. It’s really quite impressive.

>>> Mel Gibson didn’t just limit his craziness to voice mails though. Now there’s e-mail too!!!

>>> And finally, Ellen DeGeneres quit American Idol and I don’t care. But for those that do, it seems that Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler (is he out of rehab?) will be your new judges. Oh yeah, Kara DioGuardi got fired too. That’s why there’s two new judges, I guess.

I’m sorry I don’t have any sexy babe videos to post this week, but I do have the trailer for the new Seinfeld movie Serenity Now. Give it a look and have a great weekend, people.

I would be much more likely to get up early and watch the World Cup if I knew that Darth Vader was taking penalty kicks for the Galactic Empire. I wonder what the Imperial March sounds like on a vuvuzela?

Well, I guess this commercial is some sort of ]]>

I would be much more likely to get up early and watch the World Cup if I knew that Darth Vader was taking penalty kicks for the Galactic Empire. I wonder what the Imperial March sounds like on a vuvuzela?

Well, I guess this commercial is some sort of cable company advertisement in Mexico. I wouldn’t normally post something like this, but it seems like Geroge Lucas is getting pretty liberal with the use of his characters in advertisements these days. This is just one of several commercials I’ve seen with Star Wars characters in it, which is kind of a disturbing trend if you ask me. Makes me sort of glad that Michael Jackson owned all the rights to the Beatles catalog for so long. I feel like if it weren’t for a few people with good heads on their shoulders, we’d be watching Steve McQueen playing goalie against Darth Vader while “Let It Be” plays in the background in this commercial. And I dunno know about you, but I don’t want to remember any of those three things when I go to pay my cable bill.