This is great because it has all the charm of kiddie porn but none of the FBI problems! Check out former Webster star Emanuel Lewis getting handsy with some slut whom I don’t recognize. While nothing funny specifically is going on, the situation definitely made me chuckle.

This is great because it has all the charm of kiddie porn but none of the FBI problems! Check out former Webster star Emanuel Lewis getting handsy with some slut whom I don’t recognize. While nothing funny specifically is going on, the situation definitely made me chuckle.

I have nothing against Emanuel Lewis in spite of my rap album entitled “Webster’s Gonna Catch A Fat Beatin’.” I say more power to him if he’s actually pulling quality tail as a grown man who looks like a chubby 6th grader. But if you’re this girl, what the f? If I were a hot chick, an idea I often toy with, do you know how charming you’d have to be to overcome being 4 feet tall with the sex appeal of a kid who pissed his pants on Santa’s lap? You’d have to be pulling rabbits out of hats and making me laugh and cry and possibly understand the Israel/Palestine conflict through song. And even then I wouldn’t f you. Could you imagine the shame you’d feel if you fed Webster? It’s not even like he’s been famous in the past 20 years. I’d probably need to take a rape shower if I recognized him in public, let alone if he stuck his probably-disturbingly-large-because-God-loves-ironic-cock-size penis into me. I think a vat of sulfuric acid wouldn’t be a far cry.

[thanks Jason for the tip!]

As if hot European Aussie babes (the only thing less surprising than that would be if they were Japanese) in bikinis having an ice cream fight in slow motion weren’t awesome enough, the addition of a midget to the mix sends it off the charts. Best video evar?

H/T: ]]>

As if hot European Aussie babes (the only thing less surprising than that would be if they were Japanese) in bikinis having an ice cream fight in slow motion weren’t awesome enough, the addition of a midget to the mix sends it off the charts. Best video evar?

H/T: Funtasticus

I have no clue why this is happening and I’d hope this isn’t an actual little kid, but who knows? Asia just had to go and one-up our American David Goes to the Dentist clip, didn’t they?

[media id=2]

I’m really hoping that’s a midget because I’d ]]>

I have no clue why this is happening and I’d hope this isn’t an actual little kid, but who knows? Asia just had to go and one-up our American David Goes to the Dentist clip, didn’t they?

I’m really hoping that’s a midget because I’d be shocked and appalled that China (I’m assuming this is China based upon the wacky letters in the upper right corner but if it’s not, well, let’s pretend) would have any sort of human rights violations going on like this. In case it’s not a real little kid, I’d like to point out that midgets are pretty sneaky like that though…doing stuff like pretending to be little kids or painting themselves orange so that you think you’ve entered a place filled with whimsy and wonder but instead you’re still just at an Arby’s and you didn’t seduce your way into a golden ticket at all. Sigh.

[via]

Via Work Product comes this special little story about the mysteries of midgets.

Midgets are pretty mysterious, primarily because when have you ever actually spoken to a midget? Like I don’t even know how I would respond if a midget spoke to me. ]]>

Via Work Product comes this special little story about the mysteries of midgets.

Midgets are pretty mysterious, primarily because when have you ever actually spoken to a midget? Like I don’t even know how I would respond if a midget spoke to me. I’d probably pick him up and, in a very condescending voice, say, “Yes, I am a big person and thus know more about the world.” Then they probably wouldn’t be too pleased because the little freak was just asking me what time it was. Also I don’t know why I always take a picture of a midget when I see them on the street and then giggle like a Japanese schoolgirl. I’m waiting for the day when a roving band of midgets comes and throws molotov cocktails through my apartment window to get even for my crimes against them (though I’m not entirely sure how they’ll be able to throw it since their arms are pretty much as long as a piece of Italian salami, which doesn’t allow much torque on your throws).

Anyway exterminating them or domesticating them as pets isn’t the worst idea. Just saying.

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This just proves that when you think you’ve seen it all, think again. Just think… dwarf cage fighting will be huge when the Super Bowl rolls into town in January. BE ONE OF THE FIRST TO WITNESS THE NEXT BIG THING…

You know how you know you’re a great bar owner? You have midgets and topless oil wrestling at your establishment.

The liquor license for a Canton business will be suspended for 60 days because two women wrestled topless at a recent “midget wrestling ]]>

You know how you know you’re a great bar owner? You have midgets and topless oil wrestling at your establishment.

The liquor license for a Canton business will be suspended for 60 days because two women wrestled topless at a recent “midget wrestling event.”

The penalty is substantial, Mayor Kevin Meade said after the city liquor commission voted unanimously Wednesday to suspend the license for Outskirts Bar and Grill at 725 W. Locust St.

“It’s meant to send a message to other businesses in town that this won’t be tolerated,” Meade said.

Outskirts owner Kim Scott cried after the vote.

“I’m not being treated like any other business,” she said. “Don’t tell me I am, because I’m not.”

Outskirts hosted a Micro Wrestling Federation event on Aug. 16.

Scott said she had a contract with the group for male wrestlers to perform. When the group arrived, Scott said, two women in oil were wrestling topless while she was outside smoking.

Scott said she stopped the match as soon as she found out the women were topless.

You know who I feel bad for? The midgets. They’re trying to run a legitimate business in the form of their wrestling federation and they have to get lumped in with such classless individuals as the topless girls. Don’t these people understand that the diminutive performers are serious athletes? And what about the little wrestler with the preacher gimmick? Father McLittle must have been outraged at the blatant slap to the face of his religion.

Topless women. How awful. I’d much rather have a bunch of drunken depressed men, 50 year-old bar skanks, and stale beer served in poorly-cleaned glasses. Thanks Canton!

I take the train everyday so you can imagine my disappointment when I read a study about the majority of women being groped on trains and I’m somehow not involved.

You’re on the subway, heading to work, when someone rubs up against ]]>

I take the train everyday so you can imagine my disappointment when I read a study about the majority of women being groped on trains and I’m somehow not involved.

You’re on the subway, heading to work, when someone rubs up against you in an inappropriate way. In New York City is happens to women more often than you think.

CBS 2 HD has learned the Metropolitan Transportation Authority has no real plan to deal with the problem.

It’s rush hour and the subway is full of people in a hurry to get somewhere. And that’s when it usually happens.

“Somebody came up behind me and touched my butt,” Judith Doren said.

A study by Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer found 63 percent of women surveyed reported being sexually harassed while on subways and another 10 percent said they were sexually assaulted.

The study also found that 69 percent of the women surveyed reported they had felt the threat of sexual assault or harassment while on the city subway system.

“Felt the threat”? Sounds to me like a couple of fatties were sticking their big ol’ butts out and waiting for a grouping which went unfulfilled.

I dunno though, I also feel like this number might be slightly inflated. Like I’m sure I’ve gotten penises all over me on the train (some deliberate, some not; who are you to judge?!?!)…it’s kind of what happens when you’re in extremely close quarters with a couple hundred other people in a 40×10 box. There was a midget on the 6 train the other day and fortunately for him, the train wasn’t packed. Otherwise I would have delicately placed my scrotum on his head. It’s not sexual harassment, it’s a fact of life.

So it turns out that this bitch flashing her tits is Bridget the Midget, who is probably the most famous midget pornstar, but this is the first time I’ve heard of her and I think she’s pretty f’ing smart. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO LOOK.

Some kid who totally wasn’t any sort of ethnicity drove his grandmother’s car down MARTIN LUTHER KING BLVD (DING DING) and crashed it. It’s a slow news day, blow me.

Matthew Sands had to look twice at the driver of a red Geo ]]>

Some kid who totally wasn’t any sort of ethnicity drove his grandmother’s car down MARTIN LUTHER KING BLVD (DING DING) and crashed it. It’s a slow news day, blow me.

Matthew Sands had to look twice at the driver of a red Geo Tracker that passed him on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard Tuesday morning.

Mafatau told police he tried to stop the vehicle as the 7-year-old boy crashed into a bush near Burger King west of the mall. The boy drove off around the mall and then crashed into a bush and tree near Outback Steakhouse when Sands stopped his car and tried to get the keys out of the Geo.

The boy then threw the vehicle in reverse and backed into Sands’ car in the mall drive off Granville Avenue.

“He was awful small to be driving,” said Sands of Hartford City.

You know who else is awful small to be driving? Midgets. And we not only let them drive their stupid midget cards with sticks and booster seats everywhere, but we also let them LIVE. And REPRODUCE! So f that, let this little kid drive all he wants. At least he’s going to grow some day.

You wanna see what all the hoopla is about The Incredible Hulk movie? Well here you go…

If that doesn’t make you want to go see it tonight, I don’t know what will.

H/T: TMZ

Well, I enjoy both fun wrestling moves and midgets, so finally, these two twains can connect into one happy intersection. This may not be the longest clip, but it’s damned impressive. Watch a midget’s face grind in a faceplant position across a wrestling ring in this video below…

So, ]]>

Well, I enjoy both fun wrestling moves and midgets, so finally, these two twains can connect into one happy intersection. This may not be the longest clip, but it’s damned impressive. Watch a midget’s face grind in a faceplant position across a wrestling ring in this video below…

So, is this like a thing all midgets can do? Like, if I just opt to start throwing them down the block? I guess there’s no way to find out without trying but every time I pick up a midget they’re all like “Hey what are you doing dude?” I just did that in a squeaky midget voice when conjuring up that image in my head. It’s pretty funny when you think about it like that. In text, not so much. Stupid midgets. Cooperate with me more.

Try not to wear your designer watches to such wrestling matches. Many a rolex watches and fossil watches have been ruined by these matches and it is proffered that light mens watches are worn.

Somehow this story completely fell under my radar. A couple weeks back, The Sun found out about some dude dressed as a gnome that was “terrorizing” a town in Argentina. I guess just his existence was terrorizing because I can’t imagine a midget doing much damage other than like maybe ]]>

Somehow this story completely fell under my radar. A couple weeks back, The Sun found out about some dude dressed as a gnome that was “terrorizing” a town in Argentina. I guess just his existence was terrorizing because I can’t imagine a midget doing much damage other than like maybe running full speed into your ankles or something. Anyway, the midget-y goodness begins like 30 seconds in.

Stage one: Scare brown people.
Stage two: ?
Stage three: PROFIT!

This is kind of old but, whatever, I only do midgets once a week. That’s just the way it works. Remember La Pequena Amy Winehouse? Well that midget is really making a go of it. Check out his newest drag-based impersonation…La Pequena Hillary Clinton.

On the ]]>

This is kind of old but, whatever, I only do midgets once a week. That’s just the way it works. Remember La Pequena Amy Winehouse? Well that midget is really making a go of it. Check out his newest drag-based impersonation…La Pequena Hillary Clinton.

On the plus side, I absolutely would f him over the real Hillary Clinton. What can I say? He has thinner calves.

I challenge you to not watch that more than once. The song and the dance combine for a hypnotic, drug-like experience.

I really can’t do this justice. All you need to know is that this is a clip of a Latino transvestite midget dressed like Amy Winehouse dancing along to rehab, then blurting our phrases in a surprisingly husky voice.

If I were a midget, I’d probably just do dumb ]]>

I really can’t do this justice. All you need to know is that this is a clip of a Latino transvestite midget dressed like Amy Winehouse dancing along to rehab, then blurting our phrases in a surprisingly husky voice.

If I were a midget, I’d probably just do dumb crap like this too. Not like I could ever have a normal and productive life. Why not just try to get famous by putting on a wig and singing in my husky Colombian or whateverthef voice and rubbing myself to Amy Winehouse songs? I’d probably just traipse around crowded public areas in suits and stare menacingly at people, then start breakdancing to Gangsta’s Paradise. Throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks…that should be every midget’s motto.

I’ve been slacking on Midget Friday lately because, well, a good midget video is hard to find these days. However, I’ve found an…intriguing…one. I have no clue what’s going on but the title is “Crazy Drunken Midgets video”.

I certainly believe this video lives up to the immense hype ]]>

I’ve been slacking on Midget Friday lately because, well, a good midget video is hard to find these days. However, I’ve found an…intriguing…one. I have no clue what’s going on but the title is “Crazy Drunken Midgets video”.

I certainly believe this video lives up to the immense hype that the title gives. There are midgets. And they appear to be crazy and drunk! Video delivers!

I’m unclear though if this really is an old video or not. Like it looks old because it’s black and white and there’s an old car but I also feel like a midget would have been killed for shenanigans like this back in the olden days. They probably would have gotten killed for shenanigans like this back in 1990 actually. They should probably be killed today, quite frankly. Little sausage fingered bastards. Why are there no midget scientists? Or politicians? Because they contribute NOTHING.