Guyism » MILFs

Watch over 2,000 moms play Zumba Fitness in the middle of LA

Matt Hawkins — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 17:45:40 +0000

Is your mom way into Zumba Fitness, that Latin dance inspired workout regimen? Does she happen to own a gaming console? Did she mysterious make a trip to LA last week? If yes to all of the above, try to spot in her the following crowd of 2,000.

The video game version of the latest craze in fitness has been red-hot on the Wii, so it was a given that a Xbox 360 iteration, via the Kinect, would happen. Since traditional gamers at this point could give a rat’s ass about Microsoft’s motion based input device.

Sorry, but the only things I can think up re fairly misogynistic, so all I’ll say is look at euphoric the women folk look (and especially sound). Also, note the random smattering of dudes. I wonder if any of them got lucky.

It’s also sad that Richard Simmons was born so early. Yet, I don’t think it’s too late for an interactive version of Sweating To The Oldies, along with Deal A Meal cards that are AR enabled, for your 3DS and Vita.

The ultimate bucket list for men: 50 things to do before you die

A. Isaac — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 12:00:59 +0000

Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

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There are few things men can uniformly agree on. We spend most our time going back and forth on blondes vs. brunettes, curvy vs thin, boobs vs. butts, and more sports disagreements than we even care to include here. But undoubtedly, every man on earth can agree on this — live life to the fullest.

So before you breathe your last, before you kick the bucket, do some of the 50 things on this list.

50 Two Chicks At The Same Time
Peter Gibbons: “What would you do if you had a million dollars?”
Lawrence: “I’ll tell you what I’d do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.”

Unfortunately, Lawrence never gets his proper due for delivering one of the greatest lines in movie history. (“Office Space”-1999)

49 Attend Multiple Sporting Events In The Same Day
A single game may bring you joy but a second one can indeed be orgasmic for the diehard sports fan. Guyism’s advice? Shoot for a late autumn Saturday. A tailgate in the morning followed by an early afternoon college football game and then a NBA game at night. If you’re feeling extra saucy, rally the next day for a Sunday NFL tailgate/game.

48 Go To The Playboy Mansion
Some dream of a world free of war, others dream for an end to world hunger but for shallow men everywhere there is just one dream that stands head and shoulders above the rest. A trip to the Playboy Mansion. To just once enter the hallowed grounds and enjoy a cold beverage while bunnies run topless–just once. Truly, you would die a happy man.

47 Beat Up A Childhood Bully
Remember that kid that stole your milk money in elementary school? Remember that kid that pushed you off your bike? Well, thanks to Al Gore, we have this thing called the internet–so nobody is safe from a few good stalking techniques. Friend your old rival on Facebook and ask for a meet up. Then give him one in the kisser and run like hell.

46 Be A Groupie For A Girls Band
Gene Simmons allegedly slept with over 4600 women. Eric Clapton is well over the 1000 mark. And Bret Michaels, well, I’m sure a few hundred is a good estimate. Unfortunately, you don’t hear about the other side. Surely, there are female musicians who are feeling randy after a 4 hour concert right? So grab yourself a backstage pass and head off to the nearest Pussycat Dolls show. You won’t regret it.

45 Find Out If Jessica Simpson Is Indeed “Sexual Napalm”
Let’s ignore for a second that John Mayer is a gigantic douche and focus on his comments about former girlfriend Jessica Simpson. If a guy like Mayer, who has bedded Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Love-Hewitt says some chick is “sexual napalm” in the sack, then by God, I want to know what all the fuss is about.

44 Run With The Bulls
A bit cliche? Perhaps. But there may not be a stronger will to live than running for your life from a wild beast. Just make sure you’re really fast or have an unbelievable tolerance for pain in the rare chance you get gored.

43 Twins
Of the 50, this may be the hardest one to achieve. There are approximately 5 million identical female twins in the world. Not only do you have to find them, but you somehow have to convince them that an incestual sexual romp is in their best interests. Good luck on that. If you pull it off, please let us know. We’ll humbly erect a statue in your honor sir.

42 Hitchhike All The Way Across The Country
We’ve all wanted to take that cross-country road trip with friends, but doing it with complete strangers? That’s a whole other animal. Assuming you don’t get hacked up to pieces by a serial killing trucker, the wild stories alone would make you the hit at any party.

41 Attempt The Century Club
The ultimate way to warm up for a weekend bachelor party–100 shots of beer in 100 minutes. If you can last sans throwing up, your reward is a blacked out night reminiscent of “The Hangover”. Just be careful not to steal Mike Tyson’s tiger. He’ll get a tad upset.

40 Attend A Victoria’s Secret Show In Person
For many men, a Victoria’s Secret catalog is responsible for several hours of alone time in the bathroom. Attending a show in person? Assuming you have the imagination of Leonardo DiCaprio in “Inception”, that’s at least a decades worth of spank material. Less than 20 feet away as Marisa Miller and Miranda Kerr strut in front of you in bra and panties…yes, please.

39 Participate In An Eating Contest
There isn’t a guy out there who hasn’t bragged about his eating prowess at least once. And while it’s one thing to eat 10 hot dogs at the family BBQ, it’s quite another to scarf down an obscene mountain of food when the heat is on. But what do you have to lose? Your dignity? Nah, you lost that a long time ago.

38 Successfully Photobomb A Bachelorette Party Picture
As men, we are required by law to enjoy a group of girls who are drunk and willing to sleep with you in the bar bathroom. But after awhile, even our Wilt Chamberlain-esque sexual libido cannot overcome the annoying shrill of a bachelorette party. So wait for that moment when the girls are gathered together for that one epic shot–you know, where the “duck face” is in full force and hop in right before the flash goes off.

Extra Credit: Include a crotch grab or a full-moon.

37 Hustle Someone At Pool
Putz around the table for a few minutes and use the wrong end of the stick to lull your opponent to sleep. Then when the timing is right, double your wager and attack the table like you’re the Black Widow. The only risk? If it’s not your home turf, odds are you’re getting your a– beat by a sore loser.

36 Join The Mile High Club
Everybody talks about it but few have actually done it. The pure logistics of a sexual escapade 35,000 feet up is dangerous enough. Getting caught by a flight attendant is not only embarrassing but may land you a fine or arrest upon landing. Your best bet to complete the task? Cross-country or international flight, preferably a red-eye, and wait for the flight attendant to pass out drinks. That should give you and the lucky lady enough time for two minutes of steaming hot action.

35 Get Into A Time Machine And Beat George Lucas Senseless For Making Indiana Jones 4
A few nights a year, I wake up in a cold sweat screaming “NO, NO!”. Unfortunately, I’m not reliving that drunken one night stand with fat Theresa in college. It’s much, much worse than that. Folks, we have to face this cold, hard fact–Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was created. And the only way to rid ourselves of this pain is to find Doc Brown, get the Delorean and head back in time to beat George Lucas senseless.

34 Hit A Royal Flush
You’ve probably played poker for years–maybe you’ve even been lucky enough to hit a straight flush with your buddies. But a Royal Flush? Almost unheard of. The odds before a hand starts, about 1 in 650k. If you do hit it, make sure to walk away from the table never to play again. Retire right there on the spot.

10 of the hottest MILFs in sitcom history

Joel Stice — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 12:00:21 +0000

Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d start taking some time on the weekends to share some classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

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Not a lot of explanation needed here. These ten TV moms make tuning into the boob tube just that much more enjoyable. Most of us weren’t fortunate enough to have friend’s growing up with moms that could have posed for Maxim magazine in between tee-ball games and Cub Scout trips. In a perfect world, every guy would have a friend with a “MILF” as sexy as these women of the small screen.

10 Peg Bundy – Married with Children
Peg Bundy looks like a woman you’d find at Costco buying hair spray in bulk only to completely neglect buying any food for her family. But there was something about that mountain of red hair and those spandex pants that was attractive… in a flea market kind of way. Peg was lazy, selfish and seemed to be disinterested in anything Al or her kids had to say. Which is exactly why you’d probably have a chance with her, she was just waiting for somebody to unleash her wild side.

9 Angie Lopez – George Lopez
Oh, George Lopez, you crazy Chicano, how do you ever put up with your alcoholic mother and condescending father- in-law? Oh, that’s right you’re married to a hot wife who makes living with two kids and annoying parents at arm’s length bearable. Angie kept the blood pressure of male viewers rising to the tune of “Low Rider” for six seasons on George Lopez.

8 Marge Simpson – The Simpsons
There aren’t a lot of cartoon mom’s out there: Wilma Flintstone, Betty Rubble, Peggy Hill, and Lois Griffin. But Marge is in a field all her own. She’s patient, responsible and slightly neurotic with a bit of a gambling problem. She may look like the typical Springfield housewife, but there’s a reason Homer J remains loyal and true. She’s known for getting down in public places and rocks the blue hair like nobody else.

7 Nancy Botwin – Weeds
Without a doubt the sexiest drug dealing soccer mom in suburbia. Widowed Nancy hasn’t had much luck with men over the past five seasons. A corrupt politician who tried to kill her and a D.E.A. agent husband who was murdered, Nancy definitely comes with a bit more baggage than your average single mom. Don’t think courting her is going to be a bed of roses, the woman creates drama and lives in a world that’s about to unravel at any second. On the plus side, you’ve always got a good hookup.

6/5 Gloria Delgado and Claire Dunphy – Modern Family
Claire and Gloria are pretty new to TV land but certainly make Modern Family enjoyable to watch. Claire is a bit anal retentive and very athletic which translates to an animal in the bedroom, who will tell you to take off your shoes before entering the house, then promptly rip off your clothes and give you a workout. And how lucky can Ed O’Neill be, to be in his 60′s and with possibly the hottest woman on a sitcom right now? She’s got to be the second most popular export to come out of Columbia.

4 Samantha Stephens – Bewitched
It’s been forty years since Samantha made witchcraft sexy on Bewitched, but she’s still reason enough to tune into Nick at Nite. She was constantly making Darrin’s life miserable with her magic spells and evil mother dropping in, but would always save the day in the end. “What?! Darren’s boss is coming to dinner and the roast isn’t even cooked, oh whatever shall I do…?” Wiggle, wiggle. Elizabeth Montgomery’s flirtatious nose wiggle was irresistible and made her the hottest black magic mom in primetime.

3/2 Sheila Keefe and Janet Gavin – Rescue Me
If you looked up the term “crazy bitch” in the dictionary you’d see pictures of Janet and Sheila… taking pills… and trying to strangle each other. It’s easy to argue that Tommy Gavin drinks because of 9-11 or losing his son, but there’s no doubt that these two women are a factor. The psycho gene only adds to their bad girl sex appeal. Should you be lucky enough to go home with one of these MILFs make sure you locate the closest exit, should you wake up in a drug haze in the middle of a blazing inferno.

1 Becky Katsopolis – Full House
The lyrics “I wish that I had Jesse’s girl” never rang so true. Becky was the only reason to tune into to Full House and put up with the rest of the obnoxious cast. Becky was the hottest mom on TGIF and stole the hearts of millions of pre-pubescent teenage boys for eight seasons while shacking up with that two-bit jingle writer, Uncle Jesse. Tune into the revamped 90210 to catch Lori Loughlin in full fledged cougar form still making the men say, “have mercy.” Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Mom gets surgery to look like daughter

Chris Spags — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 15:00:22 +0000

So this is creepy…a British 50 year-old got out of a long-term relationship and got a bunch of plastic surgery to look just like her daughter. There’s a surreal quality to this video that’s very entertaining.

A 50-year-old mum from Burnley has spent £12,000 on cosmetic surgery to make her look more like her daughter.

Janet Cunliffe has had a boob job, her upper and lower lids done and her nose reshaped. She’s also had fillers in her lips.

Janet and daughter Jane have identical blonde hair and even wear each other’s clothes on a night out.

Apparently now the pair get confused for sisters when they go out.

REALLY? They get confused for sisters? In what respect? The only way I could see them being confused for sisters is if someone looks at the daughter and goes, “Oh, you’re pretty. Your sister’s flesh appears to be melting off her face though, she might want to get that checked out.”

The whole sharing clothes and going partying together thing is kind of creepy. Like the mom is clearly jealous of the daughter and wants to be here in a Single White Female sort of way. Good thing the family had money, otherwise Mama Bear would be looking to kill her daughter and wear her skin to replicate the experience.

[via]

THE HOTTEST TV MILFS AND COUGARS OF THE 80s

A. Isaac — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 03:00:00 +0000

Peg Bundy-Married with Children

Listen, any time a chick has a libido like hers and a huge rack to boot, she collects 200 bucks and passes go for this list.

Clair Huxtable-The Cosby Show

Why did it seem like Clair never aged a day? Damn, Bill Cosby was one lucky SOB

Angela Bower-Who’s the Boss

Let’s see, she was a jersey chaser and she owned her own ad company. Do we need any other reason?

Maggie Seaver-Growing Pains

Or is it Maggie Malone? You gotta love the fact that she was The Veronica Corningstone of 80s Tv.

Katherine O’Brien Howser-Doogie Howser, M.D.

Maybe the biggest unknown on this list but certainly worthy of a spot. Come on she had Doogie when she was like 17 so at at the very least we know she was easy

Elyse Keaton-Family Ties

A bit too hippy for my liking but you can’t go wrong with a blond milf

Diane Chambers-Cheers

Probably a little young on the cougar side but hey, I’m not complaining. Chalk up another jersey chaser to the list.

Maddie Hayes-Moonlighting

Rebecca Donaldson-Full House

Not only is she by far the hottest milf from the 80s but you could make an argument that she’s the hottest milf on TV right now (90210).

HOT CELEBRITY MILF BIRTHDAYS

A. Isaac — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:20:00 +0000

I’m not sure when you go from cougar to milf. I’m assuming a cougar is an unmarried 30-40 year old women. But what if that womens been divorced and has kids.

How then do we classify her?

Hmm?

Anyways, take a look at these fine older women as they celebrate their birthdays…Catherine Zeta-Jones, Heather Locklear, and Cheryl Tiegs…

Catherine Zeta Jones-39

Heather Locklear-47

Cheryl Tiegs-61

Amy Jacobson has big boobs and does not want you to question them

Chris Spags — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:30:39 +0000

Via Fark comes this awesome article in today’s Chicago Tribune about disgraced reporter Amy Jacobson, who was photographed by a competing news station in a bikini at a subject’s home (some dude whose story she was trying to get to the bottom of), then unceremoniously canned. Long block quote below, but an interesting story so bear with me. Or look at her big mom boobs, whatever.

The former WMAQ-Ch. 5 reporter is seeking more than $1 million in damages from WBBM-Ch. 2 parent CBS, Channel 2 boss Joe Ahern and others, complaining that a tape it aired of her in bathing attire at the home of a potential news source in July 2007 subjected Jacobson to “enormous public humiliation and disgrace.”

Jacobson wound up losing her TV job and, eventually, her home, according to the suit filed Monday in Cook County by attorney Kathleen Zellner on behalf of Jacobson, husband Jaime Anglada and their two children, all of whom alleged to have “suffered from observing the devastating effects on the person they love most.”

Jacobson’s suit, which states “some would say” she was “the best in the business” before the July 5, 2007, incident was recorded by Channel 2, alleges the station never should have shot the video, should never have aired it and should not have edited it the way it did.

The suit asserts Channel 2 portrayed her as “an adulteress and disreputable reporter” and said the station leaked word of the tape to newspapers, leading to published reports it used to justify airing the video.

Jacobson has said she originally intended to take her kids swimming at Chicago’s East Bank Club before she detoured to the Plainfield home of Craig Stebic, whose wife had vanished two months earlier and remains missing to this day, at the invitation of Stebic’s sister.

Whatever journalistic splash Jacobson had hoped to make by Stebic’s pool by ingratiating herself with potential sources instead resulted in the self-inflicted sting of a belly flop, reported everywhere from England to Australia. Even Geraldo Rivera weighed in, decrying her ethics and calling her dismissal “a no-brainer” on Fox News Channel.

Sources told the Chicago Tribune last year that Jacobson’s decision to brief police on her interaction with Stebic, without telling her WMAQ bosses, played a role in her ouster. That breach of standards, which made her a part of a story she was covering, one she had been warned she was getting too close to, was just the latest incident to cause bosses to lose their confidence in Jacobson’s judgment, the sources said.

While one Chicago TV executive at the time called Jacobson’s misstep “egregious,” another said she might have survived it had it not been for an accumulation of incidents.

I can’t really tell if she’s hot, but if I were a dude who just killed my wife and pretended she went missing, I prooooobably wouldn’t be able to go out and get tail too often. Kind of blows your cover a bit.

I can definitely relate to Amy though. When you’re a serious investigative reporter like us, sometimes you have to put yourself in awkward situations for the news. Sometimes it’s appearing at a dude’s place with your boobs flopping around, sometimes it’s taking a load on the chin. It’s like that guy who gives me free access to videos on YouTube. He said he was the heir to YouTube…his name is like Johnny Youtubener. Man, the things I’ve had to do for access to their videos. Wait. YouTube videos are free for everyone? What? Are you serious? Fuck. I swore this wouldn’t happen again after that guy in the restroom gave me a paper towel and said he didn’t do that for everyone..that I was special. DAMMIT JULIO. YOU AND YOUR SWEET SWEET LIES.