Best Miss Universe ever...

I don’t think any single Miss Universe has done more with her title than Miss Universe 2004 Jennifer Hawkins from Australia. Just in the last month or so we’ve seen her modeling lingerie and modeling bikinis twice. Impressive. I mean, it’s been seven years since she won the title and I don’t see a single other former Miss Universe out there with this kind of recent resume. Is she eligible to win the title a second time, because really she needs to be like the President and have a four-year minimum term or something.

Leila Lopes of Angola Wins Miss Universe
“I consider myself a woman endowed with inner beauty. I have acquired many wonderful principles from my family and I intend to follow these for the rest of my life.”

Jennifer Lopez, Bradley Cooper Go on Romantic Dinner Date
“Both sexy stars are coming off big-time breakups.”

Charlie Sheen Lands New Movie Role
“…Sheen is set to star with Jason Schwartzman in the indie film A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charlie Swan III.”

Justin Bieber: My Teachers Were Mean To Me
“I wasn’t a bad kid, I just talked a lot in class.”

The X Factor Scores Big with Rihanna
“RiRi loved doing the U.K. finale last year, and the feeling from Simon was obviously mutual.”

Angelina Jolie Handcuffs Purse to Wrist in Toronto
“Angelina Jolie carried a unique fashion accessory to Brad Pitt’s Moneyball premiere…”

Kim, Khloe Kardashian Deal With “Friction” Over Pregnancy Race
“If Kim were to get pregnant first, that would cause tension, because it would highlight Khloe’s struggle.”

Reese Witherspoon Accident — Driver Feels “Awful,” Staying Off the Road
“…the woman thinks the Santa Monica corner is especially dangerous because there’s a large tree blocking sight lines for drivers.”

Salma Hayek’s Husband Speaks Out About Child-Support Case
“Salma Hayek’s husband has broken his silence in the big-money child support dispute over his child with supermodel Linda Evangelista.”

Erin Andrews’ Advice to New DWTS Cast
“There’s a day that you’re going to practice and your body hurts and you’re so tired you can’t even think about performing another dance, but when it’s over, you miss it a lot.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Lady Gaga’s first fashion film, featuring her song “You and I”.

I’m also partial to how the Miss Universe YouTube channel doesn’t even tell you any of the girls’ names. It’s just another delightful “f you” to both women and people who hate jingoism. “Not only do you bitches not get any identification about who you are as human beings, we’re only defining you by the fact you were born in a particular location on the globe.” Next up on the 2011 Miss Universe pageant: We put the women in dog collars and make them defecate on a wee pad while they talk like Scooby Doo! Yay!

Miss Japan Is Awesome [Warming Glow]

Nice profile...

We already know that former Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins is an excellent lingerie model thanks to these photos we saw of her last week, but now thanks to the Mercedes Benz Fashion Festival we also now know she’s good at walking the runway in a bikini. That is a bikini, right? Or is that a bra and panties? Or is that the trick? It’s a bikini that looks like a bra and panties. Oh, you wacky fashion people, you’re so confusing and sneaky. Yes, you are.

This is by far my favorite outfit in the collection...

Much like Miss USA Alyssa Campanella, former Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins is doing her best to bring joy to the world by posing in lingerie. This is really what those pageant titles stand for, sexy babes looking hot while wearing little clothing, despite those namby pambies who wanted to get rid of the swimsuit competitions. You can’t fight the moonlight.

Wow... that is just too hot...

Jennifer Hawkins (Miss Universe 2004, in case you’re scoring at home) is a very attractive woman, as evidenced by the many photo shoots she’s done over the years. But none of those photos hold a candle to what we see here today. Leave it to the geniuses over at Maxim Australia to put together a photo shoot with just the right amount of cleavage, handbra, and booty action. First Paul Hogan, and now this. They really are artists down there, those Aussies.

I don't know about the universe, but those are some stellar globes...

Current Miss Universe Ximena Navarrete decided to break out some of the good stuff that won her the crown in this month’s GQ Mexico. Now for some background on our universe’s representative: Ximena’s real name is Jimena, but she prefers to use an X instead of a J, because, well, she likes X better (on my birth certificate is to j …. but I like to x:). I just hope when the aliens come and they look for our universe’s leader they don’t take her title too seriously.

I understand that you are beautiful and people probably see you and bow down to your every whim and fancy, but answering a question such as this, in the manner that you did, makes you seem like a stuck-up b**ch.

A better answer would have been to flip the question around and ask Billy Baldwin what his “one big mistake” from life would have been and what he did to “make it right.”

“Uh, my biggest mistake would probably have been either becoming an ‘actor’ or the film Red Rover, where I played a–what am I telling you for, we’ve all seen it, right? And I guess the way I would have made it right was to, uh, stop acting and go back to school at Hamburger University, so that I could fulfill my dreams of one day becoming a night McManager at a Massapequa McDonalds. Wow, when I think about it, this question makes me kinda sound like a hypocrite.”

You’ve done nothing  ”major, major” in your life that your not proud of? Really? I mean that’s just insulting to the judges and everyone watching.

But hey, you’re in Las Vegas, Nevada, with Billy Baldwin and Bret Michaels for at least the next few hours, you have plenty of clock left to fit a lifetime of regrets into those few hours. If you want to keep your pristine image, I suggest not climbing on to any STD infested buses with Bret Michaels and shying away from wedding chapels while in the company of any stray Baldwins that may be lurking around backstage.

Our favorite pole dancer Rima Fakih didn’t take home the gold at the Miss Universe pageant but our neighbor to the south Miss Mexico Jimena Navarrete did so it wasn’t a total loss for North America. Glad to see Mexico getting its just due for all the hotties they produce down there. Next year I’m going with Miss Italy, whoever it ends up being.

Miss Venezuela went back to back in Miss Universe last night. However, as an unbiased perverted observer, I thought there were at least 4/5 other chicks that were much hotter

What say you?

The poll of the day…

It was a loooot of fun!

We visited the Detainees camps and we saw the jails, where they shower, how the (sic) recreate themselves with movies, classes of art, books. It was very interesting. I didn’t want to leave, it was such a relaxing place, so calm and beautiful.

[for more on the situation that I can't be assed to cover, visit the source]