The Cannes Film Festival has come to a close – what hit? What missed? What sold? Read on, buddy. Most of the movies that show at Cannes are a little out of our wheelhouse, but sometimes you have to impress a girl or your boss or something, ]]>

The Cannes Film Festival has come to a close – what hit? What missed? What sold? Read on, buddy. Most of the movies that show at Cannes are a little out of our wheelhouse, but sometimes you have to impress a girl or your boss or something, so here are the flicks that people will be talking about around the water cooler on Tuesday.

Love

The new film by Michael Haneke, the Austrian director famous for bleak and terrifying examinations of human frailty, swept the awards, winning the Palme d’Or – the festival’s biggest prize. Starring Emmanuelle Riva and Jean-Louis Trintignant, the movie examines two senior citizens as they deal with the end of their lives after one suffers a stroke. Critical reaction was unanimously positive, with people streaming out of the theater in tears. It’s been picked up for U.S. release by Sony Classics.

Reality

The Grand Prix – the second prize of the festival, essentially – went to Reality, the new film from Italian director Matteo Garrone. Garrone’s last film, Gommorah, was a must-watch examination of life among the Camorra organized crime groups of Naples, and it seems like he’s not venturing far from the subject matter with Reality, which is about a former mafia hitman desperate to be a reality TV star.

Holy Motors

One of the most shocking omissions from the awards was French director Leos Carax’s Holy Motors. The story of a man who takes on ten different identities in a single day was seriously polarizing, with audiences either hating it or loving it. Carax had been trying to get the film made since 1999, and many thought it had a good chance at the Palme d’Or, but it would up shut out.

The Paperboy

I wrote a little bit about Lee Daniels’ new movie last week (it’s the one where Nicole Kidman pees on Zac Efron), but it performed pretty dismally, with most critics comparing it more to Daniels’ atrocious Shadowboxer than Precious. Daniels, in an interview with GQ, blames racism for the movie’s lukewarm reaction. Uh-huh.

Cosmopolis

David Croenenberg’s latest also ran into mixed reviews at the festival, with critics either loving it or hating it. No American films won any awards at the jury selection, however, which is somewhat unprecedented. It’s a vicious and somewhat incoherent critique of capitalism that has some stunning visual images, but many felt it just didn’t hang together in the end. I’ll still see it.

Ol’ Honest Abe is getting ready to splatter brains all over the United States. When Abraham Lincoln discovers that a cabal of vampires is getting ready to plan a coup and take over our great land, he decides that he’s the only one that can stop them. Hell, the real ]]>

Ol’ Honest Abe is getting ready to splatter brains all over the United States. When Abraham Lincoln discovers that a cabal of vampires is getting ready to plan a coup and take over our great land, he decides that he’s the only one that can stop them. Hell, the real Lincoln used to wrestle fools into submission all the time, so I’m sure he could take some fruity Draculas no problem. Directed by Wanted‘s Timur Bekmambetov and co-produced by Tim Burton, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter hits theaters on June 22nd. What, they couldn’t do President’s Day?

Remember when awesome dudes made crazy makeup for aliens, instead of computers? Guess what: they still do. I have to say that I’m not 100% sold on Men In Black 3 (and that awful Pitbull theme song isn’t doing it any favors). But one thing that has me hopeful is ]]>

Remember when awesome dudes made crazy makeup for aliens, instead of computers? Guess what: they still do. I have to say that I’m not 100% sold on Men In Black 3 (and that awful Pitbull theme song isn’t doing it any favors). But one thing that has me hopeful is this recent behind-the-scenes featurette, which features legendary special effects man Rick Baker. Baker was the first man to ever win an Oscar for Best Makeup (for An American Werewolf In London), and his credits since have included classics like Videodrome and Hellboy. He also worked on the first two Men In Black movies, so it’s a good call to have him back on board.

The good news: this movie stars Will Ferrell and Zach Galifinakis. The bad news: it’s directed by the guy who made Dinner For Schmucks. Comedy directors get off easy most of the time – if the stars are funny and the material is good, all they have to do is ]]>

The good news: this movie stars Will Ferrell and Zach Galifinakis. The bad news: it’s directed by the guy who made Dinner For Schmucks. Comedy directors get off easy most of the time – if the stars are funny and the material is good, all they have to do is point the camera in the right direction. With two great screen personalities in the lead, The Campaign looks like a winner on paper, but for some reason Warner Brothers tapped schlockmeister Jay Roach to direct. You may remember him from the Austin Powers movies. Do you still think those were funny? Yeah, me neither. But maybe this time will be different.

I’d be pissed if actors left while I was making a movie, but that’s just me. Quentin Tarantino is filming Django Unchained in New Orleans as we speak, but things don’t seem to be going as well as they could be. Two of the production’s actors ]]>

I’d be pissed if actors left while I was making a movie, but that’s just me. Quentin Tarantino is filming Django Unchained in New Orleans as we speak, but things don’t seem to be going as well as they could be. Two of the production’s actors have left the set for unknown reasons.

Action movie legend Kurt Russell was slated to play henchman Ace Woody, one of the underlings to the crime lord played by Leonardo DiCaprio, reports AICN. Why exactly he left the movie is anybody’s guess, as he doesn’t have any other commitments at the moment. Reports from the set don’t indicate any disagreements with the director, so this is just a mystery. The part won’t be recast – instead, it’ll be combined with another henchman, Billy Crash, played by Justified‘s Walton Goggins.

The other dropout is The Dictator‘s Sacha Baron Cohen, which makes a little more sense. He’s kind of needed to promote his new comedy (which is receiving lukewarm buzz), so splitting his attention isn’t such a good idea. He was slated to play a fairly important plot character, though – a rich weirdo who buys a female slave for “companionship.” The role was originally intended for Jonah Hill, and it looks like Tarantino will need to do a quick recast to keep the film on schedule.

If you want to feel bad about humanity, one visit to Twitter’s trending topics will do it. Here’s the worst of what trended this week.

The only reason for there to be trending topics on Twitter is so the company can make a little money by letting gullible companies ]]>

If you want to feel bad about humanity, one visit to Twitter’s trending topics will do it. Here’s the worst of what trended this week.

The only reason for there to be trending topics on Twitter is so the company can make a little money by letting gullible companies buy the top spot. Otherwise, they only serve as a peek into the minds of the world’s worst people, people too dumb to think of something to Tweet about so they follow the herd like lemmings off a cliff.

If I Had A Gun

One of the most interesting things about Twitter is the ability of global trends to go completely misunderstood by ignorant Americans. When Oasis singer Noel Gallagher played his old band’s hit “If I Had A Gun” at a concert in Argentina, the title soon hit the trending topics list. But once it was there, people started taking it a little too literally.

Okay, that last one? That’s basically guaranteeing you a visit from the Secret Service. And they’re not looking to sell you cookies. The sad thing is, it’s really not even that hard to get a gun these days. Sure, there’s a waiting period, but think of it like the Fail Whale: once it’s over, you’re free to spray your violent idiocy all over the world.

R.I.P. Ad-Rock

The death of Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys came as a shock to Twitter, and tons of people expressed their regrets. Many of those people, however, didn’t really know who Adam Yauch was. Here’s a hint: he wasn’t Ad-Rock.

That last guy there? He’s a professional hip hop DJ. He toured with Eminem and had his own show on New York’s legendary Hot 97. It’s one thing for dumbass teenage kids to get this wrong, but professionals?

#ReplaceBandNamesWithRape

“Replace X with Y” trending topics are almost always excuses for unfunny douchebags to strut their stuff, but last week saw one of the most odious examples. Twitter, like most of the rest of the Internet, is all about white male privilege, and making japes about rape is an outgrowth of that. After some more reasonably-minded people started protesting the hashtag, it brought out waves of manchildren saying things like “Rape is just a word, maaaan.” Here’s a little thought experiment for you: walk up to a woman you want to have sex with someday and tell her “rape is just a word.” See how far you get.

Ah, Twitter. The one place on Earth where human decency makes you the object of derision. What topics did you think were the stupidest on Twitter this week? Post suggestions in the comments and I’ll dig up the worst of the worst for next week.

You know what Kickboxer needed less of? Anything that wasn’t kicking. Thankfully there’s a supercut that does the job. Kickboxer is widely acclaimed as one of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s greatest works, letting the Muscles from Brussels impact tons of faces with his pummeling feet. But it also has dialogue and ]]>

You know what Kickboxer needed less of? Anything that wasn’t kicking. Thankfully there’s a supercut that does the job. Kickboxer is widely acclaimed as one of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s greatest works, letting the Muscles from Brussels impact tons of faces with his pummeling feet. But it also has dialogue and subplots and other garbage. So why not cut all that out and make four solid minutes of kicking? Enjoy!

Some sort of disconcerting news came from the money-making director: it’s blue people all the way down from here on out. In an interview with the New York Times, Cameron made a startling announcement about his production company, Lightstorm Entertainment. “Last year ]]>

Some sort of disconcerting news came from the money-making director: it’s blue people all the way down from here on out. In an interview with the New York Times, Cameron made a startling announcement about his production company, Lightstorm Entertainment. “Last year I basically completely disbanded my production company’s development arm. So I’m not interested in developing anything. I’m in the Avatar business. Period. That’s it. I’m making Avatar 2, Avatar 3, maybe Avatar 4, and I’m not going to produce other people’s movies for them. I’m not interested in taking scripts. And that all sounds I suppose a little bit restricted, but the point is I think within the Avatar landscape I can say everything I need to say that I think needs to be said, in terms of the state of the world and what I think we need to be doing about it. And doing it in an entertaining way.”

I don’t know about you, but this is kind of messed up. All the stories Cameron wants to tell can be told with giant blue computer people? Could you do Terminator 2 with Na’vi? I don’t think so. Don’t get me wrong – I thought Avatar was pretty cool, minus all the fruity New Age having sex with trees stuff. But it seems bizarre that such a successful filmmaker would restrict himself like this. What do you think?

The Avengers grossed over $200mm in the US during its weekend debut, making it the unquestioned biggest film opening of all time. But there is one question: Who was the MVP of the fight with the Avengers versus Loki and his space pals?

There’s no hard ]]>

The Avengers grossed over $200mm in the US during its weekend debut, making it the unquestioned biggest film opening of all time. But there is one question: Who was the MVP of the fight with the Avengers versus Loki and his space pals?

There’s no hard and fast criteria for which I’ll be selecting the MVP here but we’re loosely using advanced statistic concepts from basketball and baseball and a liberal dose of my gut feelings on the topic. There will be spoilers. Got it? Away we go!

8. The Chitauri (Alien Invaders)

Let’s get this out of the way up front: The Chitauri alien invaders couldn’t have been more worthless as a team. Wave after wave of them, each only as marginally effective as the last. These guys are the embodiment of a Replacement Player in the Value Over Replacement Player (VORP) concept. At best, they were a slightly more destructive version of the Washington Generals.

Verdict: When you have tens of thousands of soldiers and end up destroying like two blocks of New York for fifteen minutes before being vanquished, you might need to spend more time gameplanning.

7. Captain America

Captain America is the one character whose motives were never in question throughout the film. Chris Evans’ character is a soldier his primary concern is putting the lives of others ahead of his own. Other than his ornate jingoism, Captain America’s primary strengths are his hand-to-hand combat and leadership. Both were on display in the final battle.

But when you’re next to a Norse God conjuring thunder and another dude destroying alien spaceships with Robin Hood-era weaponry, it’s hard not to come across as just a more likable version of Chris Bosh on this superteam.

Verdict: If you’re being built up as the leader of the group, hitting three aliens in the head with a shield while working as a glorified traffic cop for the human survivors earns you a LEAST VALUABLE PLAYER award. Let’s hope they don’t test for performance enhancing drugs, too.

6. Hawkeye

Hawkeye had to overcome a lot in this movie, what with the brainwashing and subsequent murder of a lot of innocent people. But he put in work during the final battle, taking out hordes of enemies with a slightly more advanced version of something you’d see in Game of Thrones. And Jeremy Renner got to practice his smashing-through-windows skills for his part in the upcoming Bourne movie reboot. A win-win for all involved parties.

Verdict: Hawkeye makes the most of a limited skillset and, though he doesn’t accomplish his goal of shooting Loki in the eye, he did get to blow him up. A delightfully destructive consolation prize, to be sure.

5. Thor

Is it possible to feel underwhelmed by a superpowered Norse warrior demigod with the ability to conjure bolts of lightning and take on armies of men without breaking a sweat? Because, if so, I’d say Thor accomplished it. Maybe Chris Hemsworth’s Thor didn’t have his heart in it since he was battling against his prodigal half-brother, but it felt like watching LeBron James unravel in last year’s NBA Finals. All the skills were there and the numbers weren’t awful, but in a fight in which so many other Avengers rose to the occasion, Thor just kind of phoned it in.

Verdict: A Norse god really should have been able to take over this match-up. Thor’s passiveness on the battlefield was obvious. His performance in the post-credit shawarma scene was a tour de force, though, for whatever that’s worth.

4. Loki

Loki’s the type of guy who talks a big game but just doesn’t have the abilities to back it up on the field. If you look at his actual performance, what did Tom Hiddleston’s character really accomplish? Failing to possess Tony Stark, pointlessly stabbing his adoptive brother Thor, riding an alien warcraft before getting blown up, and getting hilariously smashed by the Hulk is pretty much all he contributed to the fight.

Verdict: Though his swagger and foresight definitely made it seem like the alien forces had a shot at winning, Loki was just overmatched. There’s only so much clever monologues and unnecessary Shakespearean dialect can overcome a big talent disparity.

3. Black Widow

Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow had the same competitive disadvantage as Captain America. But she somehow fought off just as many alien invaders while also figuring out how to close the portal that all of the alien invaders were coming through. No Super Serum, no rage-induced shape shifting, just good ol’ fashioned Russian ingenuity.

And while it’s not a consideration in her ranking here, you’d have to imagine her elite ability to get the rest of the castmates to check her out on-set was good for the movie’s morale.

Verdict: I’m sure most of us weren’t expecting a lot from Black Widow but she closed an alien space portal, displayed top-notch striking skills, and had the sexiest outfit (non-Thor Division). Black Widow earns a nod for the Sixth (Wo)Man Award for coming off the bench to provide a big spark.

2. Iron Man

Say what you will about Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark and the arrogance he displays in every scene, but the man brings it every time he’s called on. While his offensive skills are omnipresent, what’s more impressive about Iron Man’s performance is how he’s willing to do the little things to win. Evasive tactics when his suit was near death, backdoor cuts to eliminate Chitauri soldiers without wasting laser ammo, guiding nuclear missiles into alien portals. You know, the little things.

Even better, Iron Man took to heart the criticism that Captain America laid at his feet earlier in the film and showed true grit and selflessness throughout the battle. While his personality may not necessarily scream “leader,” his contributions on the field did.

Verdict: The bottom line is that the Avengers wouldn’t have escaped with a win without Iron Man’s huge contributions all over the battlefield. While he may not win the big award today, the diversity of his skills had to have silenced a lot of Monday Morning Superhero Quarterbacks.

Next time though, you may want to let go of the nuclear missile once you’ve already aimed it at the alien warship rather than walking it up like a kid going to his first day of kindergarten.

1. The Hulk

Mark Ruffalo’s portrayal of the violent monster far surpassed previous Australian and former-neo-Nazi interpretations of the character. In the final fight scene, Hulk destroyed countless alien invaders, oversized alien snake spaceships (to the point they had to dectuple team Hulk with a firing squad just to mildly inconvenience him), and classic New York architecture. And he did it while missing half the fight — remember, he showed up halfway through on a moped. That’s the big green rage monster version of Willis Reed in the 1970 NBA Finals.

Throw in the facts that he single-handedly incapacitated the opposing team’s big bad with his hilarious smashing of Loki as well as saved Iron Man from becoming a billionaire playboy-sized hole in the ground and you’ve got an amazing performance unparalleled in superhero history.

Oh, and he contributed this moment with Thor, which deserves to be immediately inducted into the GIF Hall of Fame:

Verdict: Hulk has to be the unquestioned Most Valuable Player and, most importantly, he does it for the love. The love of violently destroying things while in tattered Salvation Army clothes. I’m not sure we’re emotionally ready for him to get another solo movie, but this Hulk is truly a pantheon superhero movie character by any metric.

The relationship between a movie character and their blade is an important one that speaks of strong bonds and a troubled history. So when two sword-wielding combatants meet on the battlefield you know it’s going to get up close and personal. High-tech weaponry is cool and all, but sword ]]>

The relationship between a movie character and their blade is an important one that speaks of strong bonds and a troubled history. So when two sword-wielding combatants meet on the battlefield you know it’s going to get up close and personal. High-tech weaponry is cool and all, but sword fights have provided some of the greatest and most intense moments in cinema. These are some of our favorites. What are yours?

9 ‘Rob Roy’

Throughout the movie, there’s a build-up of hatred toward Tim Roth’s character and compassion for Liam Neeson’s. It doesn’t lead to a wild sword fight on the edge of a cliff or in a burning citadel, but rather a cold, calculated and brutal showing in front of a private audience. The superior acting, excellent choreography and twisting of the viewer’s expectations make this a truly special sword fight. You’ll want to watch this one twice.

8 ‘Star Wars Episode I’

The best and most redeeming part of this film is the solemn, yet somewhat manic battle between the two Jedi and Darth Maul. Are they outmatched because of Darth Maul’s dual lightsaber, his superior grasp of the force, or both?

7 ‘The Princess Bride’

This is a fun and memorable fight because the two men battling are calm, cool, collected and have lots of amusing dialogue. Their constant movement through the rocky, cliff side set, periodic acrobatics and the easy flow of the fight make this fun to watch every time.

6 ‘Blade’

Just as you’re catching your breath from a crazy fight scene where Blade brutalizes an entire building full of vampires in viscerally inventive ways, this sword fight begins. The hyper-quick pace, great camerawork and charming 90s special effects make this a seriously kick ass scene.

5 ‘The Matrix Reloaded’

It’s Neo versus…everyone. The château this fight takes place in has all types of medieval weapons for everyone to go nuts with. We’re talking Sai’s, spears, swords, maces and even a frickin’ trident. The ninja-fied acrobatics and stunts, the sweet slow motion interludes, the constant destruction of the environment and the awesome assortment of weaponry keep every second interesting.

4 ‘Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back’

This is a great fight that sees the lightsaber being used to spectacular effect for the first time in cinema. The sound effects, deliberate pacing and twist at the end are what make this memorable.

3 ‘Die Another Day’

When we think of fencing, “aggressive” and “violent” are not words that come to mind, but in this Bond movie they manage to take this type of sword fighting and make it a fast, nail-biting experience that only gets better as they change from fencing to one-handed sword play.

2 ‘Kill Bill’

Here, our protagonist Beatrix Kiddo takes her Hattori Hanzo sword to the Crazy 88s club, on the long road to her revenge. The fight that ensues is one of the bloodiest and craziest in all of cinema, involving loads of talented stunt people and a level of technicality that would make any choreographer’s head spin.

1 ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’

The story goes that the actor who played the part of the swordsman had worked for months to become proficient in swordsmanship for what was to be a major fight between himself and Indiana Jones in the marketplace. But due to time constraints as well as a bout of dysentery that Harrison Ford and the crew were dealing with thanks to the local Tunisian cuisine, Harrison pulled Steven Spielberg aside to suggest doing a gag instead of an actual fight. And so, one of the best sword fights of all time was born; an instant classic that never even involved into a sword fight at all.

You already know that China owns all of our money, right? Now they’re getting our movie stars. A few years ago, director Dayyan Eng announced that he’d secured Kevin Spacey to star in Inseparable. The Screen Actors Guild strike of 2008 opened holes in a lot of stars’ schedules, and ]]>

You already know that China owns all of our money, right? Now they’re getting our movie stars. A few years ago, director Dayyan Eng announced that he’d secured Kevin Spacey to star in Inseparable. The Screen Actors Guild strike of 2008 opened holes in a lot of stars’ schedules, and they needed to make paper. Spacey’s signing for the movie made him the first American star to take the lead in an entirely Chinese-funded movie. Eng’s first film, Waiting Alone, received raves in China and America, but when he came to Hollywood to pursue projects all he was offered were romantic comedies and horror movies.

It’s kind of ironic that a director had to return to China to get more creative freedom, but this is the wacky world we live in today. Inseparable is about a young Chinese man who befriends a mysterious expat and finds that he’s got some very weird secrets.

This week’s hilariously bad movie idea comes courtesy of a Onslaught Media. Currently looking for funding on Kickstarter, Harmless is a horror movie “in the popular Found Footage style” that tells the tale of a husband who finds a mysterious box of porn in the closet that, ]]>

This week’s hilariously bad movie idea comes courtesy of a Onslaught Media. Currently looking for funding on Kickstarter, Harmless is a horror movie “in the popular Found Footage style” that tells the tale of a husband who finds a mysterious box of porn in the closet that, once opened, uses its supernatural smut powers to tear his family apart. Quick tip: there’s no such thing as a “mysterious” box of porn. Dude bought that porn and is just making up all the ghost stuff to throw you off the trail.

I may sound like an old-ass dude here but Poltergeist is just about a perfect horror flick and doesn’t need a remake. And yet, because we live in an era where Hollywood is allergic to new ideas like that kid I killed in 5th grade was ]]>

I may sound like an old-ass dude here but Poltergeist is just about a perfect horror flick and doesn’t need a remake. And yet, because we live in an era where Hollywood is allergic to new ideas like that kid I killed in 5th grade was allergic to peanuts, here we are. MGM has announced that they will continue development on a remake of Tobe Hooper’s 1982 horror classic about a family who moves into a house on an Indian burial ground and proceeds to get totally abused by ghosts.

Post-bankruptcy MGM is desperate to do something with their classic films to make more money, and they have a number of remake projects on the slate, but Poltergeist doesn’t make a lot of sense. The project has been languishing for years, with House Of Sand And Fog‘s Vadim Perelman most recently attached to direct. The new gossip doesn’t name a director, but Sam Raimi (Evil Dead) is in as producer with Nathan Kahane, Roy Lee and Rob Tapert. The Hollywood Reporter has the whole story, such as it is.

Hey, remember that famous boat that sank and killed a bunch of people? Let’s build an exact copy of it and sail it across the Atlantic. What could happen?

In the “bad ideas” department, we bring you “Titanic II.” No, not the hilarious fake sequel to ]]>

Hey, remember that famous boat that sank and killed a bunch of people? Let’s build an exact copy of it and sail it across the Atlantic. What could happen?

In the “bad ideas” department, we bring you “Titanic II.” No, not the hilarious fake sequel to the James Cameron movie, but rather the hilarious real sequel to the sunken boat. The Boston Herald is reporting that Australian billionaire Clive Palmer is creating a “high-tech replica” of the Titanic at a Chinese shipyard and is planning its maiden voyage for 2016.

The ship’s first crossing will replicate the original Titanic’s route from New York to London, but global warming has melted all of those pesky icebergs so thousands of people probably won’t die. I dunno, to me this just seems like tempting fate in the absolute worst way. I wouldn’t get on a blimp called the Hindenberg II and I probably won’t take a job in the new World Trade Center. You have to listen to the universe when it talks to you about this stuff.

The world of the sci-fi future has taken many forms, and they’re all here. Test your nerd knowledge with this awesome supercut. Seriously, dudes, if you can identify every movie in this rapid-fire montage of clips you’re a better nerd than I. Alternate futures from Inception to Slither are touched ]]>

The world of the sci-fi future has taken many forms, and they’re all here. Test your nerd knowledge with this awesome supercut. Seriously, dudes, if you can identify every movie in this rapid-fire montage of clips you’re a better nerd than I. Alternate futures from Inception to Slither are touched upon and discarded at breakneck speed. Which one will you choose?

“Hey, we need to promote this new Ang Lee movie.” “Sure, dude, send out that picture of the tiger on the boat.” Based on the novel by Yann Martel, Life of Pi is about a zookeeper’s son who gets stranded on a boat with a Bengal ]]>

“Hey, we need to promote this new Ang Lee movie.” “Sure, dude, send out that picture of the tiger on the boat.” Based on the novel by Yann Martel, Life of Pi is about a zookeeper’s son who gets stranded on a boat with a Bengal tiger. Oh, and a hyena, an orangutan, and a zebra (not pictured). Will they all get along? Will there be wacky hijinks? The book is a sort of fanciful analogy that examines three religions – Hinduism, Christianity and Islam. Suraj Sharma stars as Pi. I don’t know the name of the tiger. This promotional image has to be one of the most bizarre things to ever come out of a major studio. The film is scheduled to be released on December 21st.

Apparently kids aren’t going to enough movies anymore and the solution is to let them act like dumbasses and ruin it for everybody else. In a panel about industry issues at this weekend’s CinemaCon, several of the corporate owners of theater chains commented that it might be ]]>

Apparently kids aren’t going to enough movies anymore and the solution is to let them act like dumbasses and ruin it for everybody else. In a panel about industry issues at this weekend’s CinemaCon, several of the corporate owners of theater chains commented that it might be time to stop discouraging cell phone use and texting during movies. In the words of Greg Foster of IMAX, not being able to use your phone during a movie makes kids feel “a little handcuffed.” Regal Entertainment’s Amy Miles agreed, stating that some of her franchisees were experimenting with making screenings of 21 Jump Street “cell phone friendly.” Okay, seriously: you are going to a movie to watch a movie. I don’t give a damn if you got pumped so full of Ritalin that you now have ADD and can’t pay attention to something for more than five minutes. It’s not my problem. I don’t want to see your little iPhone light up so you can play Draw Something during a movie. If you want to play Draw Something, go to the Goddamned bathroom. Thankfully, Alamo Drafthouse’s Tim League was the voice of reason on the panel, stating that “Over my dead body will I introduce texting into the movie theater.” Deadline has more.

No, that’s not a jar full of pee. This long-troubled production is finally making it to theaters. Early reports are that it’s going to own. Directed by Australian filmmaker John Hilcoat, who was last seen behind the camera for Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, Lawless stars Shia LaBeouf, Jason Clarke and ]]>

No, that’s not a jar full of pee. This long-troubled production is finally making it to theaters. Early reports are that it’s going to own. Directed by Australian filmmaker John Hilcoat, who was last seen behind the camera for Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, Lawless stars Shia LaBeouf, Jason Clarke and Tom Hardy as a trio of bootleggers in Virginia who quickly discover that the booze business isn’t all fun and games. The supporting cast is seriously awesome, including Gary Oldman and Guy Pearce, and the story is rife with all kinds of shenanigans. The flick’s set to open at Cannes, but here’s a first look.

In sweet-ass supercut news, why not feast your eyes on this incredible montage of movie characters feasting their eyes on you? One of the first rules of acting in movies is never look directly into the camera, but people still do it. There are many reasons for a character to ]]>

In sweet-ass supercut news, why not feast your eyes on this incredible montage of movie characters feasting their eyes on you? One of the first rules of acting in movies is never look directly into the camera, but people still do it. There are many reasons for a character to make eye contact with the audience – to let them in on a joke, punctuate a dramatic moment or drive home a point. This incredible supercut set to a classic Manic Street Preachers song collects a metric ton of them. Stare back at the abyss, won’t you?

Morgan Spurlock’s new documentary is all about the lengths we dudes go to in order to look good. We do go to lengths. Mansome takes on the trend of manscaping in all its forms, from dudes painstakingly removing all of their body hair to growing truly epic beards. With a ]]>

Morgan Spurlock’s new documentary is all about the lengths we dudes go to in order to look good. We do go to lengths. Mansome takes on the trend of manscaping in all its forms, from dudes painstakingly removing all of their body hair to growing truly epic beards. With a rogue’s gallery of famous dudes including Zach Galifinakis, Will Arnett, Jason Bateman (who also produced it), Adam Carolla and more, this looks to be a pretty solid flick. What do you think about men who care this much about their personal appearance? Can they even be called men at all?