It’s been a busy day for Xbots. First we learned how Halo was at one point an Apple thing, and if it had remained as such, there’s a good chance that there wouldn’t have been a Xbox 1, let alone a Xbox 360. Next we discovered the existence of the Xbox 720 via Real Steel. Supposedly. And now we have a look at how watching cable television on your console will work…

… Right off the bat, one has to assume that the Kinect won’t be the only means of managing everything. It’s been successful I realize, but not everyone has one quite yet. Still, one can never be too sure about these kinds of things.

At least we finally have a full list of all the “Entertainment Partners” that are participating, via the Major Nelson blog. I’ve taken the liberty to skip the ones that we already have access to, like Netflix, Hulu, and Facebook. BTW, does anyone seriously Facebook on their consoles?

• ABC iView – Australia
• AlloCiné – France, Germany, Spain, U.K.
• Antena 3 – Spain
• Astral Media’s Disney XD – Canada
• BBC – U.K.
• blinkbox – U.K.
• Bravo – U.S.
• Canal+ – France, Spain
• Channel 4 – U.K.
• Channel 5 – U.K.
• CinemaNow (Best Buy) – U.S.
• Comcast – U.S.
• Crackle – Australia, Canada, U.K., U.S.
• Dailymotion – Available in 32 markets
• EPIX – U.S.
• GolTV – Spain
• HBO GO – U.S.
• Hulu – Japan
• iHeartRadio (Clear Channel) – U.S.
• LOVEFiLM – Germany, U.K.
• Manga Entertainment – U.S.
• Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment/Real Sports – Canada
• Mediaset – Italy
• MSN with MSNBC.com – Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Mexico, Spain, U.K.
• MUZU.TV – France, Germany, Italy, Spain, U.K.
• Rogers On Demand Online (RODO) – Canada
• RTVE – Spain
• SBS On Demand – Australia
• Syfy – U.S.
• Telefonica – Spain
• Televisa – Mexico
• “The Today Show” – U.S.
• TMZ – U.S.
• UFC – Canada, U.S.
• Verizon – U.S.
• VEVO – Canada, U.K., U.S.
• YouTube – Available in 22 markets
• ZDF – Germany

… Things are starting to become clearer; those with Comcast or Verizon will be able to watch all their regular content via an associated app (or at least heavy hitters like MTV, Spike, Food Network, Comedy Central, CNN and Nickelodeon; no word yet if my favorite channel, Game Show Network, will be included). Otherwise, certain networks have their own dedicated portals, like Bravo, Syfy, and HBO. Though it remains to be seen if each will have it’s own subscription fee.

Which would suck, since that would be a ton of digital receipts to keep track of. Yet I don’t see any other way. Though we might finally have what everyone’s wanted, and that’s the chance to cherry pick the channels we actually watch (though the only way that would actually work is if EVERY network is accounted for). BTW, about damn time that YouTube made an appearance, it’s absence this long has been borderline inexcusable. Also, I’m predicting the UFC one to be a runaway hit.

Anyhow, all will be known when the new service launches later this winter, which is actually quite soon!

The show calls Chelsea a “new type of heroine”. I hope that’s a type that means they should be calling for a new type of heroin and immediately injecting it into her in the hopes it gives her the “meth hot” fashion finds so trendy right now.

In all seriousness though, good for her. Whether or not she makes it or not, at least she’s actually moving to LA and trying to chase her dream.

But in even more seriousness, I could not have laughed harder at anything in the world than at the part at 2:04 in which Chelsea declares “Life hasn’t been a cake walk for me.” I mean, come on. Don’t make it that easy.

Check it out on MTV starting October 11th.

Watch the Trailer for Chelsea Settles, MTV’s Anti-Hills [Vulture]

I certainly hope they explain away why they’re wearing Metallica, AC/DC, and Winger shirts in 2011. Maybe Beavis and Butthead have become super-hipsters, entirely too self-aware to change with the times or acknowledge any sort of social enjoyment of pop culture. Or they really like lead singers who dress up in little school boy shorts. I’m down with either explanation, really.

The duo returns on MTV this fall though a premiere date has yet to be announced.

When you have success in the animation world and your show somehow still gets canceled, I guess just wait a few years and try again because it seems like a lot of animated shows are getting revived these days after going off the air for several years — thirteen in the case of Beavis and Butt-Head . Doesn’t sound like they’re going to stray real far from the original premise, either.

The new series would keep Beavis and Butt-Head in their perpetual high-school state, but it would be updated so that the pals — who obsessively watch music videos on a battered TV set — could lob their snarky comments at more current targets like Lady Gaga.

Lady Gaga, Kanye West, the plethora of crappy emo bands circling the drain of music —  the list of egos and videos to choose from these days are endless, as writer and creator Mike Judge will surely to take aim things like Twitter accounts and YouTube videos as Beavis and Butt-Head navigate through a world that is far more tech savvy than it was when the show originally went off the air in 1997. I mean he’d have to incorporate YouTube into the show as MTV probably hasn’t even played a music video on their airwaves since 1997, the same year Beavis and Butt-Head went off the air.

The return of “Beavis and Butt-Head” will be a backdoor means for MTV to return to showing music videos — something the network was founded upon but abandoned in the last decade to make room for popular reality shows like “Laguna Beach,” “The Hills” and “Jersey Shore.”

Huh? They’re going to play music videos on a music video television station? Who’s going to drink on “The Real World”? How will I know when someone is 16 and pregnant? Who will manhandle Snooki if there are music videos on all the time?!?

“Huh, huh, you said ‘manhandle.’”

They’re back! [NY Post]

When you have no discernible talent and the economy is in shambles, it’s always a good idea to ask your company for a raise.  That’s apparently what they teach the kids today at the Situation School Of Business. The cast went on strike over the weekend and is now asking for an obscene $30,000 per episode to continue filming or they are going to walk.

The Hollywood Reporter says MTV will soon get the gang back for somewhere around $30,000 per episode – a 200 percent increase over last season.

It is truly the end of days for culture when these people can get $30,000 a week to drink and catch venereal diseases in Miami Beach. And on top of that they want to write books? Books? How do you insert fist pumps into books? Is it a pop-up book? Books: How do they work?

The Situation is already set to release a self-improvement (what else?) book called “Here’s the Situation.” The advice tome will find the muscular “Jersey Shore” star handing down wisdom regarding proper grooming, tanning tips, and hitting the gym to get those ripped abs.

Yeah, we all need to know the best way to tan. Tanning is so mind-numbingly difficult that I’m going to need at least 4 chapters on it or I fear I’ll end up becoming a flabby albino mess. It’ll probably be the first book written on orange paper, so that the people reading won’t feel awkward about the self-tanner on their hands smearing all over words that I’m sure will rival Hemmingway, insomuch as they are in fact legible words and not just pictures of “The Situation” pointing to his stomach.

If it actually is written in word form, it will be the first book ever transcribed in crayon, jello shots and Ed Hardy stickers.

His fellow “Shore” residents are horning in on the world of letters as well. Jenni “J-Woww” Farley and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro are set to publish “Never Fall in Love at the Jersey Shore”

Best case scenario is that this book is printed in vodka…

Seriously, MTV needs to kick these morons to the curb. They all love exercise, so why not let them walk all the way back to Jersey?

‘Jersey Shore’ Cast Goes On Strike, Writes Books [Aol TV]

“Hey, buddy, why don’t you sway the ol’ eyes up to my face where the mouth part of my body is trying to give you an interview.”

I expect this type of behavior from host of the show Aziz Ansari because of this clip:

But I expected better from Sway. Who am I kidding? How could you not look at those things when they are out on display like that? They are quite hypnotic…

…wait, what was I saying? Oh, and that’s how you build your own birdhouse out of Popsicle sticks and a spot welder.

MTV Movie Awards slideshow [MTV]

Personally, I’ve become very fed up with MTV. The channel used to be about talented musicians making videos to sell records, but it has slowly morphed into a breeding ground for a generation of “look at me” people with no discernible talent, who will do anything for a camera and have no problem throwing away their self-respect for a magazine cover. Case in point: The cast of Jersey Shore.

No talent. No skills. No hair product left behind. Just a bunch of self-proclaimed Guidos/Guidettes, who only seem to enjoy drinking and dancing and fighting. And now, with talk of the current cast maybe getting too “famous” to do a third season, let’s see how committed to this premise of Guidohood a group of new people really are. Let’s start taking these people to places they wouldn’t want to live and putting them in situations that make them supremely uncomfortable. This is a list of a few places that they could put a new cast of Jersey Shore that would actually intrigue me enough to watch.

7 Chernobyl
“Woooohoooo, Chernobyl. That’s in the Bahamas, right?” Well, not quite my Jersey friends. It’s more like Six Flags, if Six Flags had been doused in kerosene and blitzkrieged by Ukrainian men with blowtorches. “Radioactive fallout” does sound like quite an awesome club, but it is actually– you know what, it’s actually the coolest club this side of Belarus. They have music there with bass so loud, it’ll make it feel like you you’re growing a third arm in the middle of your forehead. And all the drinks there glow in the dark…and you can fist pump your heart out to the shrieks of a Geiger counter. You’re so VIP that we aren’t going to let anyone else even live near you. A whole city to yourselves. You need to start glowing and represent up in here! Probably best if you “represent” with a Hazmat suit on…

6 A Brooks Brothers store
Seriously, can we not find these people some clothes that don’t make me go into seizures when I look at my television set? Now I understand that New Jersey calls for a lot more in terms of golds, sequins, neon pinks, and airbrushing, when it comes to fashion. But can we find them some clothes that normal people wear? I mean, it doesn’t have to be Brooks Brothers, but can we at least find these people a GAP or something? A little less wife-beater and spandex, and a little more sleeves and bras, kids. I just think it’d be interesting seeing them try to work at a place where people have to dress like normal human beings for a change. I’m all for style, but there’s a line that these people cross that is detrimental to fashion everywhere.

5 Amish Country
No dance clubs. No music. Nowhere to plug-in the hair dryers. Having to use alcohol in moderation? This would be like the show “Perfect Strangers,” but a hundred times funnier and in real life. Let’s see if all that fist pumping can be used to churn butter and maybe all those sit-ups will help with the barn raising. Plus, “Snooki” in a bonnet with no sunglasses and “The Situation” sporting an epic beard and shoes that may have (they don’t, but don’t tell them that) buckles on the front. It’s about to get all Scarlet Letter up in here. I feel an old fashioned shunning coming on…

4 A State Correctional Facility
Come on. How much different would the show even be? It seems like the only thing the guys do is take their shirts off and lift weights, anyway. All they do is drink, and fight, and f– you’ve seen the show. The (possibly roided-up) dudes on the show would all have a place to work out everyday (sans membership fee), and since they all end up sleeping with each other anyway, the women from the show could come for conjugal visits. And you haven’t really gotten tore up until you’ve gotten drunk off of homemade toilet wine. New experiences. New friends. New ways to get some of that pent-up aggression out (getting beat up by the guards for stealing eight cans of Aqua Net hairspray) and a head full of reasons you shouldn’t get in a fight every time you get drunk. You guys like bars, so here is a bunch of them.

3 A Night at a Musical
Let’s see how they like a world of top hats, monocles, opera glasses and paper fans. OK, it’s not that stereotypically bad (unlike the show), but I just have trouble seeing these Jersey folks fitting in at opening night at the Met. The arrogance from both sides of that fence would be suffocating. This is a chance for MTV to make them do something with their lives other than drinking at nine in the morning. Next season, make them perform in an opera or put on a play. Turn these people into good-natured theater patrons. “The Situation” in CATS! Think about that Playbill cover. Admit it…you’d be somewhat interested to see that show. “Snooki” in Les Mis. That performance could very well set musicals back a hundred years. And we could all watch it happen on MTV…

2 Working at a distillery
It could be for beer or vodka or Jagermeister — I don’t think it really matters at this point because it’s free and it’s there. Here’s the episode breakdown: One cast member would die from a euphoria induced heart attack before they even get in the building. One drowns in a vat of the liquor. One girl gets married. Another drowns in a puddle of her own vomit. And one of the male cast members is taken away in handcuffs after he makes several sexual advances on a metal still that company personnel and local law enforcement will later deem “lewd and inappropriate.” And that’s just the first day!

1 Afghanistan
Sorry. Ed Hardy doesn’t make Army fatigues, so you’ll just have to make due with what the rest of thee army gets. Lets put these folks to work and use their aggressive nature for positive gains. The men want to fight, then damn it, they can go hand-to-hand combat with the terrorists. The women always say they want to find a man to take care of them. Plenty of Army men to choose from. And you know they aren’t going to leave in the middle of the night because you’re all trapped in the middle of a hostile dessert community. And dog tags mean that it’ll be way easier to get you home or to the hospital when you pass out drunk at the club. And when the Army finally pulls out of Afghanistan…well, don’t just feel you should come home right away. Take your time and play it by ear. Wouldn’t want you making any rash decisions.

I know this is probably staged and it’s all for show, but seriously, what kind of entertainment is this? If you wanted to watch people get hit in the face, why not watch MMA or boxing? On second thought, Snooki probably has more experience laying haymakers than Chuck Liddell. The only difference between Jersey Shore and the show The Ultimate Fighter is a semblance of talent.

Snooki punches gal in Miami bar [NY Post]

Poor The Situation. While I’m really starting to think the show, in spite of its wonderful qualities, and the cast members are getting really overexposed (seriously, Leno, The Tonight Show, and Kimmel in one week?), you can’t blame them for understanding that they need to do what they can now before they’re shunted to the back of the reality TV bread line. At least they’re not taking themselves too seriously and having some fun with it. Good for them.

If nothing else, I’m going to be very disappointed if we don’t see a spinoff with The Situation. A dating show with his sexy rock hard stomach winning personality presence would certainly be a solid way to kill an hour a week.

It seems to me like this was a bit fake…he just appears when the camera is panned away to increase shock value and then everyone is like “Oh no he di’n't!” and then people think, “Oh that Kanye, he’s so unpredictable and edgy” and Taylor Swift is like “Hey, now y’all remember me for something other than being lucky enough to take a face full of Jonas Brother splooge” while the MTV people go, “Yessssss, talk about us” while clad in a black cape concealed in darkness.

But yeah, if it’s real, that look of terror on Taylor Swift’s face would definitely be the main giveaway. That’s the “We don’t have no one who looks like you in my town” type of face that To Kill A Mockingbird was based on.

I would have to hope that Eminem was in on this, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he wasn’t. Assuming he was just a pawn in Bruno’s dangerous scrotal games, the reaction is logical but a bit immature. You’re in entertainment at the MTV Movie Awards, you can expect there to potentially be a joke at your expense. I really used to love Eminem, but he takes himself entirely too seriously and acts like he’s beyond reproach because he so poignantly made fun of Hannah Montana in his newest album or how he made that one song that consisted almost entirely of fart sounds. Brilliant stuff, really. Like a young Beethoven.

Anyway, I’m glad he got a pair of sweaty foreign balls and ass to the face. That’s basically how Relapse and Encore made me feel as a listener.

That is true, Chris Brown is young. I remember when I was young. Now, I like watch TV or go get dinner but, back then, I didn’t have hobbies, so I’d just punch Rihanna and bite her face. See? Just one of those things you do with immaturity.

Really though, taking advice on how to treat a lady from Mike Tyson is roughly the equivalent of..taking advice from Mike Tyson on how to treat a lady. There’s actually no more absurd scenario I can conjure up than that. I’d probably learn more on how to treat a lady from my cat’s litter box than Mike Tyson. Oh litter box, you have all the answers. Also the cat feces. Both those things.

[via]

With probing questions like that, I could see how John McCain was temporarily flustered. Unfortunately, since he didn’t quite understand the reporter’s question, he may have agreed that he was planning on committing thousands of infants to juvenile prisons or raping kitty cats. Which probably didn’t totally help his chances with the election.

“The show fits the MTV brand because it really feels like it belongs on our network, because you can’t imagine it anywhere else. It has a rebelliousness in terms of attitude, it feels fresh, it feels inventive, and it’s really about a group of people working together to live their dream and have fun along the way,” said Tony DiSanto, executive vice president of series development and programming at MTV.

It’s true…when I think of the various miscreants on shows representing “the MTV brand”, Down’s Syndrome is probably pretty close to what I typically envision. Now if only they could incorporate a sexy retarded girl with big boobs. I hear Jessica Simpson could use the work.