Police said that several in the small town of Beatrice (population: 12,500) complained about the reports of an indecent mannequin in the Hannah’s storefront.

The City Attorney Tobias Tempelmeyer told the Associated Press, “We’re not able at this point to issue a determination whether it’s obscene or not.”

Hannah’s store owner Kevin Kramer put a bikini on the mannequin to address the townspeople and police’s complaints of obscenity. Kramer’s lawyer says that they may file a lawsuit over the dispute and any obscenity claims.

I can’t blame the townspeople for complaining, especially the women. That mannequin had no business showing off her taut body for all the world to see. Even without a head, she was probably the sexiest woman to ever step foot in that town.

I feel bad for the mannequin, though. As the movie “Mannequin” taught us all, she was probably just waiting for a special person to love her. Instead she was bent over and naked for all the world to see, probably stifling back tears. Which ironically is also how women who want me to love me get treated. See, Nebraskans? We’re not so different, you and I.

Mannequin’s wardrobe malfunction draws complaints [Denver Post]

Harms claims she was fired by Hearthstone CEO John Smith after he said her fetus had a “negative agenda” and was “hostile towards him.” Harms also said that Smith consulted with psychics about the “negative energy” coming from her fetusm which reminded him of his own unhappy times in his mother’s womb.

The suit also alleges that Smith called a chiropractor, whom Smith described an “energy worker,” who claimed that Harms’ fetus had encounters with Smith in a previous lifetime.

Well, if the suit’s allegations are true, this is probably not the most sane and welcoming way to treat a female employee and reflects pretty poorly upon the company. But, at the same time, at least you’d know if you work with Hearthstone Homes, you’re not going to be getting a house that’s built and then filled with the spirits of fetuses. So, that’s kind of a trade-off in that respect. Hearthstone Homes: No Fetus Souls Here!

Fired For Fetus? [KGOR]

[O]fficers learned that the injured man and two others had been arguing with other people at the birthday party. Flood says the man told 21-year-old Anna Godfrey that she was fat.

Officers said Godfrey then tackled the man and took a bite.

Flood said the ear chunk was not found.

No sh-t it wasn’t found. That hunk of ear is somewhere in Godfrey’s entrails along with a half-eaten Snickers and a horrified mouse wearing a miner’s helmet.

Just for future edification ladies, there is nothing wrong with being fat. But there is something wrong with your response to adversity being, “I need to face my problems head on and then eat a part of them.” Call me crazy, but those two twains are probably related. Especially if you attempted to generously apply butter to the ear beforehand.

Police: Woman Bites Man After Being Called Fat [ABC News]

Police say a woman has abandoned her 18-year-old daughter at a hospital, saying she can’t control the girl, in what may be the latest use of Nebraska’s unique safe-haven law.

The woman told officials at BryanLGH Medical Center West that her daughter, who was adopted, is bipolar and has a learning disability, Assistant Police Chief Jim Peschong said Monday.

“The adoptive mother says that the daughter refused to take some medication for some conditions that she has,” Peschong said. “She won’t listen to her, can’t control her.”

If the young woman’s status is confirmed by the state, she would be the 30th child abandoned under Nebraska’s safe-haven law since it went into effect in July. A spokeswoman for the Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services did not return a call seeking comment Monday.

Well, that seems like a good idea. I find it kind of funny since Nebraska is fairly conservative in every way, meaning they’d probably prefer you not abort a child, yet you can just go, “Heyyy f it, let those 10 year-olds go into the wild! They’ll figure it out! There are berries and crap out there!”

In related news, abandoned 18 year-olds are more than welcome to stay at my home. What I lack in nutritious foods and education for you, I’ll more than make up with copious jizm. And episodes of Muppet Babies.