How a urine-and-butt-rubbingless 1957-J-No. 2. would look

Tisch faces charges of criminal mischief for her actions against the “1957-J-No. 2.” painting at the Clyfford Still Museum. Her actions may also leave her liable as the damages to the painting cold cost in the ballpark of $10,000.

Police say Tisch punched and attacked the painting with her pants down. Officials were unclear on what spurred on the attack.

Fortunately for Tisch, her attempt to urinate on the painting failed, leaving that off the list of charges.

Honestly, I don’t know why magazines spend millions of dollars on exclusive celebrity interviews when they could interview a woman like Carmen Tisch for free. I’d much rather know why she decided to drunkenly rub her ass on a random painting than what Casey Anthony is up to. Was she so trashed that she thought the painting called her a jive turkey? Inquiring minds want to know!

Denver woman arrested for punching, damaging $30 million Clyfford Still painting [Denver Post]

The picture above (gracefully covered with a hot dog to protect your innocent eyes from French dong) was featured on the La Redoute Web site on a listing for short sleeved boys’ shirts.

The retailer pulled the picture and issued an apology on their Facebook page, saying, “Nous allons renforcer le processus de validation de l’ensemble des communications de la marque pour que cela ne puisse se reproduire à l’avenir.” I presume that translates to “Sorry for all the dick, y’all.”*

It’s unclear as to what the man pictured thinks about all of this. Typical of society…never thinking about the man showing his dong behind some kids.

*It actually means “We will strengthen the validation process of all brand communications for this can not happen again in the future.” But still.

French Online Retailer Features Naked Man In Ad For Children’s T-Shirts [The Gloss]

According to the proposal, any adult film would need to use condoms for any sex scenes in order to receive a permit from the city.

Adult film companies might also find themselves charged additional fees to ensure that an inspector is on set to make sure their films comply with the condoms-required ruling.

Los Angeles City Attorney Carmen Trutanich is one of the lone voices against the proposition, filing a lawsuit that calls the proposal a “needless and wasteful expenditure of public resources made in connection with a measure which the voters have no power to adopt.”

Safety in your sex life is important, don’t get me wrong. But this does seem kind of ridiculous. When you watch the new Mission: Impossible, do you need to see someone behind Tom Cruise tethering him to a harness? No. You just assume that there are professionals dedicated to ensuring the actor won’t fall to his death in front of your eyes. The same applies here.

What’s next in porn? Requiring meaningful and loving connections between characters? Perhaps making sure the actors are married prior to filming a scene? Sounds like a slope more slippery than a thousand condomless money shots.

Adult Film Condom Proposal Qualifies for June Ballot [NBC Los Angeles]

The FDA claims that Arsenault’s mission is in violation of regulations against transport of human cells and tissues, crimes that could result in Arsenault a $100,000 fine and years in prison.

The agency requires that all sperm donors be tested for sexually transmitted diseases seven days prior to giving a sperm donation. Though Arsenault does get regularly tested, he doesn’t meet the agency’s strict guidelines.

Arsenault believes he’s doing a good deed, saying that his years in church have taught him that many people struggle with fertility problems. He says that the FDA’s interference is a breach of constitutional rights to privacy and reproductive choice, telling the AP:

“It’s not that much more different than a couple knowing each other who want to have a baby,” Arsenault said. “It’s just from me it comes in a cup versus sex.”

Given the guy’s religious background combined with religion’s disdain for ejaculating in a manner not leading to pregnancy, doesn’t this kind of seem like a clever scheme for this guy to drop some loads without pissing off God? I can’t imagine why you’d lodge this bizarre fight against the FDA otherwise.

Also, I understand that a blonde guy who doesn’t smoke or drink is a good get for sperm donation — and I’m all in favor with the government not meddling in personal affairs — but I’m going to side with the FDA on this one. I’d personally rather have a hundred bar restroom oopsies than ten perfect little Aryan dreams sent via FedEx overnight. You know who’d rather have the latter? Hitler. So basically a vote for mailing inadequately-tested jizm across the US without FDA approval is a vote for Nazi rule. You want Nazi babies with AIDS, women taking semen from a Web site? I certainly hope not.

Feds issue warning to unconventional sperm donor [MSNBC]

While I appreciate the work they do at Next Media Animation, I hope they get back on track with their next release. Otherwise we have to look forward to stuff like, “NMA News: This Dude Shawn We Know Once Ate A Sandwich And Totally Crapped Himself” or “I Found A Dollar Today, A Story On NMA News.”

Note: Objects in picture may have significantly more penis than it would appear.

HEMA’s new “Mega Push-Up Bra” claims it can push women’s chests up two cup sizes. So, in some respects, the campaign is kind of brilliant.

Pejic has previously walked both the men’s and women’s shows for Jean-Paul Gaultier and the men’s shows for Marc Jacobs and his bios consider the 20-year-old one of the world’s leading androgynous models.

And hey, props to Andrej. If you can look as good as 99% of the female models out there without, you know, being a woman, that’s a damned impressive feat.

Has Mr. Pejic stirred your now-confused loins? Well, you can see more pictures at the Daily Mail.

A MAN modeling women’s lingerie? Andrej Pejic proves a push-up bra can create serious cleavage… even for the truly flat-chested [Daily Mail via Buzzfeed]

As The Post reported last month, Chase also alluded to receiving sexual gratification from a full-service copy machine by marveling that “it even has a hole in it where you can stick your d–k in and get a blow job.”

He told another staffer who inquired what a server is, “This part is for storage. This part is for filing. Oh, and this part is where I stick my d–k and get a blow job,” the report said.

It’s believed that Chase made comments to at least three female staffers.

In response to his actions, Chase received a letter of reprimand and will be forced to undergo sensitivity training, a punishment some coworkers felt was merely a slap on the wrist.

It is unclear whether the purported sex with the server or the copy machine was consensual.

If you’re going to make the dodgy life choice to sexually harass three women, there are probably less creepy ways to do it. In fact, I’d say they’d probably welcome the prospect of him walking around with no pants or jacking off on the floor rather than his repeated remarks about receiving fellacio from nearby pieces of technology. At least then you’d know there isn’t a chance of you being kidnapped and shoved into a Coke vending machine in this guy’s sexually deviant version of The Flintstones.

Ed. big’s XXXerox craving [NY Post]

The lawsuit filed says:

Our client had categorically informed each of you that by doing photo shoot, she does not want to pose nude in any photographs, which you readily agreed. You further assured our client that upon taking photographs, you would show the same to our client and that only on our client’s approval, would you publish the said photographs in the said magazine.

According to the lawsuit, not only did the magazine not offer approvals, they tampered with images to misrepresent Malik.

The editor of FHM India, Kabeer Sharma, claims the photos from the shoot are authentic and that there is video proving such. However, they claim they won’t make that video public “because of the nature of the video.”

Who to believe…hot girl who’s at least half naked for the world’s enjoyment or shady Indian guy who claims to have video that clears his magazine of any wrongdoing but won’t share it with anyone like he’s Joseph Smith with golden plates? The civil court judge will be ruling on this one like he’s the Flash.

Naked rage at a body politic [NY Post]

Police say that 81-year-old Phillip Winikoff went around a local apartment complex offering to check out women’s goods for free in 2006.

Two women admitted to investigators that they took Winikoff up on his offer, though they immediately realized once the exam began that they had been hoodwinked.

Had Winikoff not entered a guilty plea, he’d have faced up to 55 years in prison for charges of sexual battery and practicing medicine without a license.

I’m just grateful that this hardened criminal is off the streets for the time being. What a master criminal. I mean playing doctor to grope women? That’s a plan so genius that only the masterminds known as 10-year-olds have accomplished it.

Can you imagine how much of a creep you have to be for women to instantly realize you’re not a doctor after falling for this scheme? I mean they were gullible enough to undress and allow a squeeze…you couldn’t at least have the class to avoid being an outright pervert so they could at least maintain a shred of their dignity? Did he just start rubbing one out on the spot? Maybe slobbering and uttering nice? Either way, that bedside manner was highly lacking, I assume.

Plea Deal Gets Fake Breast Exam Doc One Year In Jail [CBS Miami]