Oh and there’s also this one from Jon Chiang’s fantastic photo collection, via Drew Magary:

Even better, after that boob grab, the gentleman in question met this fate at the hands of a riot shield:

Damn, Vancouver. One would think with your laid back attitudes and fantastic array of marijuana, you’d be much more mellow.

Either way, who could blame these people for finding romance amidst that riot? That shit looked like the apocalypse. If my entire city was burning down like the opening scene in a zombie movie as a result of a hockey game that no one outside of Canada and Boston cared about, I’d be trying to get my dick into whatever I could too. Even reviled Vancouver Canucks goalie Roberto Luongo. He’d probably be down for all sorts of erotic consolation after the week he’s had.

Douche extraordinaire Sean Avery posed nude for a Marc Jacobs skin cancer ad. Normally, I’m applaud someone who was willing to help the fight against cancer, but in Avery’s case, he’s only doing it because he’s the Kim Kardashian of the NHL. You can interpret that whatever way you want, as in “he’s an attention whore” or he has an “abnormally gigantic a$$”. I prefer to say he gets bent over and drilled by dudes for millions around the world to see.

The shirt features a naked Avery covering his genitalia and the words “protect your largest organ” displayed on it.

The campaign’s goal, as described on the official Facebook page, is to “raise awareness about the deadly skin cancer and benefit melanoma research at the NYU Cancer Institute at NYU Langone Medical Center.”

“Protect the skin you’re in” has also featured celebrities Heidi Klum, Dita Von Teese, and Victoria Beckham.

Ah, how sweet. And now, here’s video of Sean Avery acting like a complete bonehead. Yes, there are several hundred of these on the web. Needless to say, it was difficult to limit it to one.

Sean Avery Naked: Rangers Star Poses Nude For Skin Cancer (PHOTO) [Huffington Post]

Video via Ted Williams Head:

Thankfully, the game between the Islanders and Hurricanes continued with no-other pre-pubescent happenings. Although, one player did offer his jock strap for Rooney to use in case he had another inkling to grab his stuff.

The bad news: Carrie Underwood just got married. The good news: She’s on her honeymoon and took her bikini. There are only four photos, but seeing Carrie Underwood in a bikini is like seeing a shooting star, people. It’s rare and it’s fantastic.

But Ovechkin apparently wanted to relish the moment and hand out every thank you he could possibly muster. Not even music or another person appearing on stage would uh, “upstage” him.

The painfully uncomfortable moment below via The Big Lead.

If only Ovie had shown that kind of resilience in the Capitals first round series…ouch. That’s gotta sting.

It used to be that back in the olden days of entertainment, one needed only talent and opportunity in order to make a name for themselves in show business. But in today’s world of “look at me” reality stars and Disney produced pop princesses, the best way for someone in the entertainment industry to ensure some camera time is to dress in a manner that cannot be ignored. And while it isn’t always pretty, some celebrities have turned their wardrobes into extensions of their persona.

I know I’m not cool enough to pull of any of these outfits and chances are you aren’t either; however, in hindsight, maybe these folks could think about turning the crazy dial down just a bit when getting dressed in the morning. I mean, there is dressing the part and then there is dressing like a third-rate magician at a color-blind child’s birthday party. Maybe they aren’t insane. Maybe they’re so far ahead of the curve that we simply cannot comprehend their style choices because we are too creatively inept. I dunno; decide for yourself…

1 Don Cherry
The joke, “What? I can’t hear you over your jacket,” was tailor-made for Don Cherry. Who knew that Tommy Bahama even had a men’s suit section. Sometimes all you need in order to dress like a color-blind Bond villain is the ability to sell it. And Don seems to have the knowledge and the attitude to rock some of the out-and-out craziest outfits to ever appear on Canadian television. How you would even broach the subject of a Hawaiian business suit without getting laughed out of a tailor’s shop is beyond me. Cherry dresses like an antagonist you’d have to defeat at the end of some insane Japanese video game. Oh Canada…so similar, yet, still so far apart.

2 Bootsy Collins
He’d be the lovechild of Elton John and Slash if it weren’t for the fact that he was already jamming with James Brown before Elton ever wore a feather boa and Slash could recite the alphabet. You couldn’t expect someone with the nickname “Bootsy” to become an accountant; you’d expect someone named Bootsy to look like, well, to look like the guy in the picture. You don’t just become roll out of bed and become funk; especially when you are part of the self-proclaimed funkiest band on the planet and possibly the outlying solar system. You gotta dress like an interplanetary funk machine, and that’s why some of the outfits Bootsy pulls off are nothing you’ll see any Earthling rocking in 2010 or the foreseeable future.

3 Andre 3000
3000 sometimes dresses like a crazy person and some days he looks like a stone cold pimp. Andre Benjamin seems to walk the line between cool and absurd (I’m leaning towards coolest motherf#%*er on the planet), but no matter the outfit, dude always looks pimp. It shows that if you have extraordinary talent and a chill attitude to back it up, you can wear whatever you want and people won’t bat an eye…even when you dress crazy and shake-it like a Polaroid picture.

4 Elton John
The man who pretty much started it all. Reginald Kenneth Dwight took a page from old vaudeville acts and a page from an old-time honky-tonk blues pianist and threw them together to create the starred-out sunglass wearing artist, Elton John. Some days he dresses like a schizophrenic that dropped acid and dug through the trunk of a 1930’s German burlesque dancer and others he looks like someone that got drunk and couldn’t decide whether he wanted to look like Liberace and or one of Jim Henson‘s Muppets. Either way, he made crazy fashion crazy fashionable for some of today’s most outlandish musical acts. Oh, and he’s one of the greatest piano players the world has ever seen.

5 Katy Perry
Katy Perry used to be a gospel singer, but no one seemed to notice. So she did what any woman with a great voice and an even better set of…lungs would do: she dyed her hair, changed her image and found some of the craziest outfits on the planet to show off her…lungs. Some days she looks like something a Japanese school girl would make at a Build-A-Bear; except instead of extra stuffing in the paws, there would be extra stuffing in the…it’d be top heavy, probably. Katy Perry has magnificent breasts. There I said it. And she shows them off in eccentric outfits and I speak for most males when I say thank you Katy Perry. Even though I can’t name one song of your album, feel free to wear whatever you want.

6 Bjork
Some people are just born a bit strange. Bjork seems to be one of those people. From her sometimes bizarre music videos and performances to some strange fashion decisions, she has become known for being one of the most eclectic performers that the world has ever seen. Nothing wrong with being someone with a knack for the eccentric and the talent to back-up their eccentricity; Bjork is probably an artist in the truest sense of the word. Maybe tone down the aquatic bird themes when going to the Oscars though…it just kinda makes you look like the crazy cat lady that lives at the end of the block.

7 Lady Gaga
There are certain people that set the bar for things and then there are people who see the bar, decide it’s not tacky enough, and bedazzle the living hell out of it.When someone asks, “How many Muppets did you have to kill to make that outfit?”, the answer should never be 50 Kermits. I’m sorry, no matter how talented Lady Gaga is, she will always be the girl that cried out for attention like a match at a fireworks stand. I think even Andy Warhol would have told her to tone it down. Is it performance art? Sure. Does it give me a headache every time I see her on TV? Yes. Is her shtick working? Yes. Are we all a little bit epileptic because of it? Yeah, and I don’t care how great her music is, I’m tired of swallowing my tongue when I watch the Grammys.

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The Avs Ryan O’Reilly got credit for the goal and he certainly celebrates like he was the hero. And to make matters worse (or better) for him, it was his first career playoff goal. Can you imagine showing your kids highlights years from now and saying,

“hey kids, here’s daddy’s first ever playoff goal”
“But daddy, you didn’t even touch the puck, that stupid man in the white jersey just threw it in the wrong net”

Ouch.

Most of the time, we prefer our athletes to be warm, smiling characters. Look at LeBron James; the guy is 6’8 and packs 250 pounds but you would have no problem approaching him on the street. He just looks like a nice guy. This list is not for guys like that. Contained below are the most frightening, snarling athletes that the general public would do well to avoid like their lives depend on it.

1 Mike Tyson

You don’t get the nickname “The Baddest Man on the Planet” by being a nice guy. In his heyday, Mike possessed a rare combination of speed, knockout power, and blood lust. He’s broken opponent’s orbital bones, bit off ears, spent time in prison. You name the act, and Mike has committed it with the unapologetic rage of a wild man. If you’re not completely convinced by now, simply go look up videos of his interviews. His mere presence has even the most steadfast reporters shivering. Plus, the guy tried to take out Little Mac!

2 Serena Williams

For years everyone had their suspicions that the younger sister was secretly a psychotic super athlete. Just watch her play tennis. She hits the ball like it owes her money, screaming out a war cry with each stroke. She’s also got biceps that look like they were infused to her body during a lab experiment. But the confirmation of many people’s fears came during last year’s U.S. Open final. Disputing a call, she stormed over to the female line judge and threatened to “Shove this **** ball down your ***** throat.” Yikes.

3 Ray Lewis

Some athletes have the ability to act like complete gentlemen off the field but turning into monsters while on it. Ray Lewis is one of those men. From his maniacal pre-game ritual that looks straight out of a Tongan death dance. If you haven’t had the pleasure of listening to his pre-game speeches they kind of sound like this: “RAARR! KILL! FOOTBALL! NO MERCY!!” Ok fine we might have embellished that a little bit. On the field, ferocity of his hits are so intense that many find themselves marveling at the fact that anyone gets up afterwards.

4 Scott Parker

In a sport that demands toughness out of all of it’s athletes, Scott Parker shone as the one of the toughest. They say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but Scott Parker is exactly what he looks like: a rough dude that can snap at any moment. During one game, Parker was so incensed that he slammed his stick against the penalty box glass and got himself ejected. But before he could be led off the ice, he jumped onto the glass between the two team’s benches and started hitting an opposing player in the face. Now retired, Parker runs a barber shop business with his wife. Who in the world would trust him with scissors?

5 Albert Belle

Baseball is not the first sport that comes to mind when thinking of intimidating athletes. However, Albert Belle has been a special case his whole career. From throwing a ball at a fan who was taunting him during a game, to hitting a would-be vandal with his car, Belle was a man without fear or mercy. But it wasn’t just opponents and fans who feared his wrath. He reportedly took a bat to teammate Kenny Lofton’s boombox after a particularly poor at-bat. Looks like someone needed a hug badly. Volunteers?

6 Bernard Hopkins

By nature, most professional fighters are intimidating human beings. Hopkins takes the cake as one of the last guys you want staring across the ring from you in a match. Coming from the tough streets of Philadelphia, Hopkins was born rough, beating up and stealing money from older kids. Hopkins didn’t discover his love for boxing at a gym like most people, he began boxing while serving a prison sentence for multiple felonies. In the ring, Hopkins doesn’t really knock his opponents out as much as he saps their will with his bullying and counter punching. He does all of this with the countenance of a hired killer.

7 Lawrence Taylor

How many careers have you ended today? None? Oh well, you must be a normal person; unlike our next athlete Lawrence Taylor. The former Giants pass rusher was an absolute berserker on the field, seemingly with the intent to literally put them through the ground. Opposing offensive coordinators eventually had to adapt to LT’s blitzkrieg. His most infamous hit was during the 1985 season where he hit Redskins quarterback Joe Theismann so badly that Theismann broke his leg, forcing him into retirement.

8 Randy Johnson

The fact that this guy is nicknamed the Big Unit and no one thought to make fun of the guy for it (at least to his face) says a lot. Johnson stood 6’10 and rocked one of the most complete mullet/goatee combinations ever seen in sports. Imagine standing in a batter’s box seeing a guy like that throw 90+ mph fastballs in your general direction. In one particular incident, an unfortunate bird flew in the way of one of Johnson’s pitches. The bird quite literally exploded into a mess of feathers and blood. If it weren’t downright frightening, it would almost be kind of beautiful.

9 Wanderlei Silva

One does not get the nickname the “Axe Murderer” by being nice and cuddly. Silva reigned as the PRIDE middleweight champion for years, leaving a trail of would-be challengers unconscious in a pool of their own blood. A whirlwind of knees, elbows, and stomps Silva lives for the knockout. His epic pre-fight staredowns are by far the scariest in the sports of mixed martial arts. Just try to watch a clip of him without peeing your pants a little.

10 Brock Lesnar

Normal people do not have giant swords tattooed on their chests. It’s safe to say that the current UFC Heavyweight champ is not a normal person, but a genetic freak of a man. In the ring, Lesnar becomes an absolute killer with no remorse. Just ask Frank Mir whom Lesnar pinned against the cage hitting him repeatedly with hammerfists. Afterwards he still got in Mir’s face and let him know just who the alpha dog is. Lesnar, a former NCAA and WWE wrestling champion, spends his free time secluded in the woods hunting wild game and presumably running rampant on small villages.

Which is why of course, I’d like to take a cheap shot at the ref who missed this obvious high-stick late last night. While Nicklas Lidstrom was obviously aghast that the ref missed the call, he was more shocked when he told him that it was his own teammate.

“They said it was Fil’s stick. Fil wasn’t even close,” Lidstrom said. “They would have been better off telling me they missed it.”

Judging from the replay and the sight line of the official, it’s a wonder if he is blind, stupid, or just drinking on the job.

Via the Canucks Hockey Blog

Under most circumstances, Campbell turns sideways into the boards and it’s just considered a garden variety check. But Ovechkin caught him slightly in the back and of course, Campbell’s head went crashing into the wall. Extremely unfortunate incident but not necessarily a dirty one. The hit resulted in a 5 minute major and a game misconduct. And even though this is Ovechkin’s third incident of the season, it doesn’t look like he’ll be facing an automatic suspension.

That’s bad news I’m sure for irate Penguins fans who were probably writing letters to Gary Bettman as the hit took place. I, for one, wish the NHL would just adopt the same type of strategy the NBA has employed for years. You know, rigging series so two teams can meet in the playoffs. Oveckin/Crosby might be the best rivalry in sports right now and even non-hockey fans would tune in to see them square off. And by non-hockey fans, I of course mean those Canadians who for some reason were watching curling and dog sledding instead.

Brace yourselves for a moment. I have some rather disturbing news. Your beloved Columbus Blue Jackets may not last very long. According to reports, they are losing about 12 million dollars a year

A new report warns that Columbus may have trouble holding on to the NHL’s Blue Jackets because the club has been losing $12 million per year in central Ohio.

The report released Thursday by the business group the Columbus Chamber offers a variety of options for strengthening the team’s financial position, such as new taxes or fees to support the Blue Jackets.

I know this hurts the 10 season ticket holders the Jackets had coming into this season. Ok fine 11….I forgot about that distraught Buckeye fan who wrote in last year

Speaking of which, never has the NHL failed so much than trying to create a rivalry between Columbus and Detroit. That Gary Bettman I tell ya….he’s a genius. Forget the Red Wings playing a natural rival like Toronto….let’s play Columbus and Nashville.

Exciting for the fans.

(this message was brought to you by an angry Wings fan)

I know that not every hockey fight is supposed to be Domi vs. Probert.  But is it too hard to ask for, I don’t know, a single punch actually landing.  I swear, this entire fight is full of huge whiffs on haymakers.

No different than a bunch of drunk guys on a Saturday night.

I probably shouldn’t complain too much though.  If this was baseball, the benches would clear while two guys danced around like they were in the ballet.

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Alright. Despite my setting this video to not autostart it still is. WHY DO PEOPLE SET VIDEOS TO AUTOSTART?! EVER?! So I removed it. TS, NHL.