If you want to feel bad about humanity, one visit to Twitter’s trending topics will do it. Here’s the worst of what trended this week.

The only reason for there to be trending topics on Twitter is so the company can make a little money by letting gullible companies ]]>

If you want to feel bad about humanity, one visit to Twitter’s trending topics will do it. Here’s the worst of what trended this week.

The only reason for there to be trending topics on Twitter is so the company can make a little money by letting gullible companies buy the top spot. Otherwise, they only serve as a peek into the minds of the world’s worst people, people too dumb to think of something to Tweet about so they follow the herd like lemmings off a cliff.

If I Had A Gun

One of the most interesting things about Twitter is the ability of global trends to go completely misunderstood by ignorant Americans. When Oasis singer Noel Gallagher played his old band’s hit “If I Had A Gun” at a concert in Argentina, the title soon hit the trending topics list. But once it was there, people started taking it a little too literally.

Okay, that last one? That’s basically guaranteeing you a visit from the Secret Service. And they’re not looking to sell you cookies. The sad thing is, it’s really not even that hard to get a gun these days. Sure, there’s a waiting period, but think of it like the Fail Whale: once it’s over, you’re free to spray your violent idiocy all over the world.

R.I.P. Ad-Rock

The death of Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys came as a shock to Twitter, and tons of people expressed their regrets. Many of those people, however, didn’t really know who Adam Yauch was. Here’s a hint: he wasn’t Ad-Rock.

That last guy there? He’s a professional hip hop DJ. He toured with Eminem and had his own show on New York’s legendary Hot 97. It’s one thing for dumbass teenage kids to get this wrong, but professionals?

#ReplaceBandNamesWithRape

“Replace X with Y” trending topics are almost always excuses for unfunny douchebags to strut their stuff, but last week saw one of the most odious examples. Twitter, like most of the rest of the Internet, is all about white male privilege, and making japes about rape is an outgrowth of that. After some more reasonably-minded people started protesting the hashtag, it brought out waves of manchildren saying things like “Rape is just a word, maaaan.” Here’s a little thought experiment for you: walk up to a woman you want to have sex with someday and tell her “rape is just a word.” See how far you get.

Ah, Twitter. The one place on Earth where human decency makes you the object of derision. What topics did you think were the stupidest on Twitter this week? Post suggestions in the comments and I’ll dig up the worst of the worst for next week.

That’s Noel Gallagher to be exact. And yeah, that’s kind of a really stupid thing to say.

I’m sure most believed it was all behind us now, pinning the violence that rocked the UK last week on video games. Perhaps you’ve heard, but

That’s Noel Gallagher to be exact. And yeah, that’s kind of a really stupid thing to say.

I’m sure most believed it was all behind us now, pinning the violence that rocked the UK last week on video games. Perhaps you’ve heard, but the London press tried pinning it on Grand Theft Auto, which upset enough sensible folks to demand a retraction. One was issued eventually, albeit in a half-assed manner.

Well, here we go again, with the source of this week’s lame brain social commentary hailing from the former lead guitarist for Oasis. He was quoted in a recent New Zealand interview, which the Huffington Post picked up (among several outlets) as saying: “I don’t care what other people say: Brutal TV and brutal video games are a reason for this pointless violence as well. The people are immune to violence, they are used to it.”

In his defense, he goes on to say fairly sensible things, like: “The people who are at these riots aren’t poor. These are kids with fucking mobile phones and all sorts of shit. The police and government have to take drastic measures. These idiots destroy their own communities. In six weeks, when everything is forgotten, they will look stupid and realize that the houses are still destroyed, burned down or whatever. These people aren’t demanding anything, they have no goals. They just destroy their own shit. How stupid can you be?”

True, and completely sensible. Which makes his finger pointing at video games all the more perplexing. Then again, much like the rioters he’s hating on, everyone wants a scape goat and easy answer to everything. Especially rock stars who act like gigantic man-children, as Gallagher has proven to be more than a few times in the past. The funny thing is, the guys’ been complimentary towards video games in the past, somewhat, when he said Guitar Hero was… “better than two goblins trying to fuck a donkey up the arse with a laser beam.” LOL, British people!

In better news, no doubt you’ve all heard about the poor Malaysian student who not only had his jaw broken by rioters, but then had his PSP (among other things stolen) stolen while being helped by good Samaritan. Well, in addition to Sony hooking him up with a new system and a bunch of replacement games, which is certainly nice of them, the dude who did the stealing has been charged. Hey, sometimes there is justice in this world!