This sure does bring back some memories...

Sure, I know that there are computer wizards out there that can make women look better in photographs and I am sure that’s been done here with these new lingerie pics of Pamela Anderson, but there still has to be some sort of base to work with. Apparently Pam’s still got that base, as the pictures from behind will attest. Normally with someone like Pam I’d suggest this is a move towards posing for Playboy or doing a sex tape in order to keep her career alive, but that’s pretty much been her career so I’m not sure where this is leading. Not that it really matters.

Charlize Theron swears off marriage
“Some would say because I came from a very troubled marriage.”

Amber Rose denies sending nude photos to Nicki Minaj’s boyfriend
“This is the second time this year that Rose, who is currently dating rapper Wiz Khalifa, has been the victim of nude photo leaks.”

Lindsay Lohan’s Hamptons birthday celebration off
“Despite hitting the town Wednesday night now that her house arrest has ended, Lindsay Lohan is planning a low-key birthday celebration this weekend.”

Randy Jackson, Steven Tyler confirmed for American Idol season 11
“…the unknown for season 11 continues to be the just-completed run’s other popular new judge, singer Jennifer Lopez…”

Man blames Jerry Seinfeld, The Marriage Ref for his divorce
“Kohlenberg alleges that his ex, Christine, became so obsessed with becoming a star after the couple’s March 2010 appearance on the show that it broke up their marriage.”

MSNBC suspends Mark Halperin for calling President Obama “a dick” on live TV
“I can’t explain why I did it. It’s inappropriate, disrespectful. I’ve already apologized, and I will again to the President.”

Pamela Anderson sued for building failure
“Hallier blames Pam on his company’s failure to sell a number of the condos and is suing for $22.5 million.”

Madonna reveals plans to open an orphanage in Malawi
“My short term goals are to build an orphan care center that will service and reach at least 1,000 children…”

Crazed fan rushes “Octo-Mom” at celebrity boxing match
“Things went awry, however, when the belligerent fan jumped into the ring, tossing out marriage proposals.”

Courtney Love reportedly steals famed photographer David LaChapelle’s car
“Courtney did take his car. David was flipping out and going crazy at the front desk that Courtney stole his car.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Behind the scenes of Beyonce’s new L’Uomo Vogue cover shoot.

Busty Christina Hendricks: It’s hard to find a bathing suit
“It’s really hard to find a bathing suit if you have breasts.”

Charlie Sheen did steroids for Major League
“You can print this, I don’t give a f—. My fastball went from 79 [mph] to like 85.”

Justin Timberlake takes stake in new music-focused MySpace
“I’m excited to help revitalize MySpace by using its social media platform to bring artists and fans together in one community.”

Jonathan Rhys Meyers hospitalized after suicide attempt
“He reputedly refused treatment, so the paramedics called the police, and Meyers was taken to hospital.”

Beyonce, 29: “I always said I would have a baby at 30″
“I also said I was going to retire at 30.”

Lindsay Lohan was released from her house arrest
“Clearly she’s been punished enough for committing several hundred crimes, so today she’ll be released, 84 days early.”

Lindsay Lohan stumbles on first night of freedom
“Lindsay Lohan, who had said she was scared to leave home because of the paparazzi, went out to Lexington Social House last night…”

George Clooney’s ex Elisabetta Canalis “down in the dumps” following split
“I’ve spoken to her, and she is very sad, but these things happen.”

Michael Jackson “gave me drugs” says Aaron Carter
“I did things with him that nobody else did… But I was also troubled about what he did to me.”

To Catch a Predator host Chris Hansen caught cheating on his wife
“Chris Hansen has found himself on the receiving end of his own hidden camera tactics…”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Eva Mendes sings in an upcoming commercial for Thierry Mugler’s Angel fragrance.

Back in May I pointed out that there were still people who valued Pamela Anderson as a spokesperson. Why? I have no idea. But apparently Nokia is also still on the Pam bandwagon since they used her in these sexy, highly-touched up photographs. Yes, it’s quite a day in the world of marketing, folks. Lindsay Lohan and Pamela Anderson as product representatives! Who’s next? Paris Hilton? Well, probably, knowing how her life goes. Never mind.

Whether it’s too much booze, sun exposure, plastic surgery or just plain bad genes, some of the most striking and attractive celebrities from yesteryear just can’t stand up to the test of time. Keep reading to view images of 18 celebrities that time has not been kind to.

18 Arnold Schwarzenegger
Going from the Terminator to the Governator has taken its toll on old Arnold. Maybe after his term in office finishes up, he can get back into the gym every now and again.

17 Goldie Hawn
Those “Goldie” locks of hers may still be there, but the face it’s framing unfortunately just doesn’t look the same.

16 Billy Crystal
Looking back on Billy’s early photos, you can kind of tell there was always a doughy boy in there struggling to get out. Looks like it finally found its way.

15 Val Kilmer
Much like Arnold, Val Kilmer has swapped in his muscles for a less attractive, though easier to manage, exterior shell of pudgy flab.

14 Farrah Fawcett
Poor Farrah. Unfortunately, several plastic surgeries and a bout with cancer left her looking not-so-good by the time the good Lord called her up to that big sunny beach in the sky.

13 Al Pacino
I think it’s Pacino’s poor hairstyle choices that make him look so unfavorable in old age. If you see him, let him know that he’s got the money now – there are plenty of better options than Supercuts.

12 Pamela Anderson
Pam seems well on her way to repeat the history of blonde bombshells before her. Now that she’s over the hill, it is clear that it’s only downhill from here.

11 Keith Richards
The rock and roll lifestyle has caught up to Keith Richards. It seems all that beer and smoke has helped aged him considerably beyond his years.

10 Mickey Rourke
Back in the 80s, Mickey Rourke was just another good-looking actor landing great roles. Sadly, now he’s just another aging actor who’s succumbed to too much plastic surgery (but still landing good roles – congrats).

9 Elizabeth Taylor
Elizabeth Taylor is one of the most beautiful women of the silver screen. Thanks in part to a history of alcoholism and numerous health-related issues, her looks are only a shell of what they once were.

8 Jack Nicholson
In his younger days, Jack Nicholson had a hunger for gritty roles and serious acting. In his later years, sadly, he became hungrier for sandwiches.

7 Nick Nolte
Nick Nolte is the definition of “letting yourself go.” Once a witty, striking young man, a combination of lost brain cells and gained weight haven’t fared well for him.

6 Melanie Griffith
Melanie is yet another actress who has battled drugs and alcoholism for much of her life. This may be at least partly to blame for how she’s aged.

5 Neil Young
I guess you can say that Neil Young was never really much of a looker. However, that receding hairline and those drooping cheeks aren’t doing much to improve his visual appeal.

4 Sophia Loren
Even the greatest beauties of all time succumb to the forces of nature over time. Sophia, your perfectly smooth caramel skin will be missed.

3 Ozzy Osbourne
The hard life of a rock and roller strikes again. I hear Ozzy’s next album is going to be titled, “The Withered of Oz.”

2 Marlon Brando
You wouldn’t know it now, but looking at pictures of young Marlon Brando one can only guess that he was quite the ladies man at one time.

1 Brigitte Bardot
This is one of the great tragedies of all time. Brigitte Bardot is easily regarded as one of the sexiest women of all time…as long as that time ends somewhere in the 1980s.

Pamela Anderson “helped” release a rehabilitated pelican back into the world in Malibu on Sunday, but that’s not what gets her on the site today. It’s for one photo. One wonnnderful photo. Oh sure, her being a cause celeb for PETA is newsworthy to some people in the media. Not me. I’m all about giving celebs using their best assets to their fullest and on Sunday Pamela Sue Anderson did just that. Way to go, Tool Time Girl.

Heidi Montag is filing a sexual harassment claim against The Hills producer Adam DiVello. Says an “insider” (aka Heidi’s mouthpiece), “Adam wasn’t on set much for six seasons until Heidi got her new boobs. And now he shows up everywhere.” She should be happy for the attention. Isn’t it the reason for her existence?

Speaking of chicks with big, fake boobies, a terrified Amy Winehouse was “rushed to hospital with agonising pains from her boob implants” this week. She is waiting for a decision on whether the implants have to come out or not. We’ll keep you updated on this very, very important story should anything break.

And speaking of people with breast implants who like to sing, Tila Tequila is entering the music scene as “Miss Tila” and will be dropping her first single entitled I Love My DJ next week. A full album will hit stores the following month.

Kiefer Sutherland likes to drink. We knew that. What we didn’t know was that he also likes to get tossed from strip clubs. The Stringfellow’s Gentleman’s Club in London to be more precise. He was ejected by four guys in tuxedos, one of whom reportedly had Sutherland in a headlock. Is Kiefer the new Lindsay Lohan? Oh wait, we still have the current Lindsay Lohan. Never mind.

In “about time” news, Kate Hudson got breast implants. Little ones. Really that was about all she was missing in my book. That and a movie I actually enjoy. “…her chest has always been one of her biggest insecurities,” a source said. That and bad movies. Oops, I already said that.

In WTF news, Nicolas Cage recently had a 9-foot tall pyramid-shaped super-tomb built in a New Orleans cemetery. Tell me that this news surprises you even a little.

Mel Gibson and his Russian girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva (you know, the one that cause Mel to leave his wife and mother of his seven kids last year) have called it quits. Never mind the fact that Mel knocked her up and she had a kid five months ago. How Christian of him.

In other domestic celebrity news, Larry King is getting a divorce (yes, again) in part due to the fact that he and his estranged liked to hit each other. One friend recalls an incident outside of Nate ‘n Al in Beverly Hills a year and a half ago where the couple was “punching each other.” Let that one roll around in your head for awhile.

Not to be outdone, (because who could possibly out do him?) Charlie Sheen has reportedly been cheating on his wife in their own bed. RadarOnline.com learned exclusively that he met his latest POA, Angelina, through an escort Web site. Seriously, Charlie? A Web site?

Apparently Pamela Anderson hates paying taxes as much as the rest of us. Even more so it seems since Pam owes the state of California $493,000 in unpaid income taxes. I wonder if the pay from doing Dancing with the Stars will cover it?

And just in case you don’t hate Lady Gaga or are one of those “green” people, this will help you along that path. She tours with three private 747s. Yes, three. I assume one is just for all her stupid outfits. You know, because they’re so valuable. This babe will be broke singing at state fairs by 2013.

Here’s one for all the sports fans out there. Jake Gyllenhaal is set to play Joe Namath in a biopic. No word on when it will be released (or even filmed) yet, but director James Mangold has been hired, which may kick the project back into high gear.

In other sports news, Cristiano Ronaldo allegedly hooked up with Kim Kardashian this week. On-lookers revealed that they saw the pair ‘kissing and being very affectionate’. Cristiano really is a man-whore isn’t he? God love him.

And finally, you didn’t think the week could possibly go by without some Lindsay Lohan stupidity did you? In 2007, Lindsay Lohan hijacked an SUV with three men inside, and chased her former assistant through the streets of Santa Monica. She plead guilty to reckless driving, driving under the influence of cocaine. and driving with a blood alcohol level of .08 or higher. And got sued. This week was the deposition for said suit. She did show up for it, but because she wanted to go shopping instead she never got out of the car. I don’t make this stuff up. Oh yeah, Lilo also got fall-down drunk this week. Again.

Megan Fox claims that she has only been with two men in her entire life. “I’ve only been with two men my entire life. My childhood sweetheart and Brian. I can never have sex with someone that I don’t love, ever. The idea makes me sick. I’ve never even come close to having a one-night stand.” Finally an explanation for why she is still with this dink. She has no clue what she’s been missing.

Sean Penn recently displayed his charming personality by saying of critics of his recent mercy mission to Haiti, that he hopes they all die of rectal cancer. Seriously. “Do I hope that those people die screaming of rectal cancer? Yeah. You know, but I’m not going to spend a lot of energy on it,” says Penn. So, why do I foresee it being Penn that someday dies a horrible death?

Naomi Campbell was accused of slapping her New York City driver. He said she then jumped out of the car and fled. The driver spent hours giving a detailed statement to police, but then, according to officers, declined to press charges and asked that the report be closed. I guess he’s going to sue her in civil court, which makes sense since the last thing Naomi can be is ‘civil’.

Sting has been taking it on the nose for performing last October at an “arts festival” put on by the daughter of Uzbekistan’s strongarm dictator, Islam Karimov. (He’s the former communist party boss who, since 1991, keeps getting “elected” as his political opponents or their bodies keep disappearing.) So much for him being a part of the Police, huh?

Pam Anderson is making headlines Down Under as a controversial commercial for the Perth, Australia -based Internet group “Crazy Domains” has been pulled because of a public outcry. The ad is a Carls Jr. -meets- GoDaddy commercial in which she is seen pouring milk onto another rather busty beauty. Wait, where’d you go? Come back…

Academy Award nominee Mo’Nique had this to say recently about her infamously unshaven legs. “he {her husband) loves the hairy legs,” Mo says, “and if Sid likes the hairy legs, there you go.” Blerghhhsuhttthh… Trust me, you do not want to click the link to the rest of this story.

Jessica Simpson stopped by Oprah and spoke about John Mayer’s controversial Playboy interview where he described her as “sexual napalm” and “crack cocaine.” Says Jess, “He did apologize. I don’t accept it. It’s just one of those things that…I don’t resent him. I’m just going to let that go. That part of my life is over.” Yeah he said were awesome in the sack. What a dick. I bet she’s crying her eyes out over that one.

Kim Kardashian recently picked out a $4.8 million, five bedroom, 4.5 bathroom Mediterranean-esque villa to store all of her shit in. There are also rumors that Reggie Bush plans on moving into the new house as well. NOW how much do you hate her?

Elin Woods is moving back in with Tiger. Reportedly. On Wednesday, Elin and Tiger spent approximately three hours together at the house where they will once again live together. Of course, Tiger’s penis will have to live elsewhere.

As if the surgeries weren’t enough, now Heidi Montag wants a baby… to generate headlines. “Heidi wants to have a baby. She also knows it will probably generate a lot of attention,” said the friend, who claims that the couple is already trying to conceive. “It seems like she’ll do anything to stay relevant.” One problem. You never have, and never will be, relevant. Side note: Why do I always hear the “kill kill kill” sound from the Friday the 13th movies when I read stories about Heidi? (Just kidding… sort of.)

Lindsay Lohan is writing a book. That’s all I am going to say about that. Just going to let you noodle on that for awhile.

Rihanna’s personal trainer is suing her. “In the law suit, Cindy [Percival] claims she was hired by the singer to perform ‘exclusive personal training services’ at a rate of $1,500-a-day but wasn’t paid for a few weeks work between September and October.” $1,500 a day? WTF? Seriously? That’s it. I am making my kids become personal trainers to stars. End of discussion.

Pamela Anderson – Playboy, Baywatch
Erin Andrews–ESPN sideline reporter
Chad Ochocinco- Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver
Nicole Scherzinger–the lead singer of Pussycat Dolls
Shannen Doherty – 90210, Our House fame
Kate Gosselin– Jon & Kate Plus 8
Evan Lysacek-2010 Figure Skating champion
Buzz Aldrin-Astronaut of Apollo 11
Jake Pavelka-The Bachelor
Niecy Nash–Reno 911.
Aiden Turner-Soap Opera star

I don’t know who those last two people are and frankly, I don’t care. I’d handicap the field but my knowledge is limited to ogling Erin Andrews on ESPN, being a fan of Pam Anderson’s sex tape, and dreaming of being Mr. Pussycat Doll.

I would guess though that Andrews being a former member of the Florida Dance team has the advantage. Anderson is at an obvious disadvantage because the contest is held on your feet, not on the knees. Oh yea, and her boobs might get in the way.

Though the Dancing with the Stars lineup for 2010 hasn’t yet been announced, there are strong rumors that Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocino will be part of the cast.

From TMZ:

Multiple sources tell TMZ the outspoken Cincinnati Bengal will be part of the cast of “Dancing with the Stars” this coming season.

Ochocinco joins a list of NFL stars who have done the show including Warren Sapp, Emmitt Smith and Jerry Rice.

For what its worth, Ochocinco isn’t letting the cat out of the bag yet. He had this to say on his twitter
earlier this afternoon

Great people who follow me on twitter, don’t believe rumors unless OCNN reports, OCNN NEWS- where the news is given n child please fashion

Assuming TMZ is correct with their sources, this should be extremely interesting. Ochocinco has always had a big following online and seems to share information at will with his twitter followers.

So at the very least, he’ll have support from that community when voting takes place. Aside from that though, we’re more concerned with the women who will be on the show. Because as much as we like Ochocinco, him prancing around doing the Tango isn’t why we’ll tune in. Julianne Hough on the other hand; um, yes please.

Dancing’ Scores TD with Chad Ochocinco {TMZ}

Do you think Pamela Anderson has any idea that she is now a joke? Seriously. Does anyone really think that this Richie Rich A-MUSE Fashion Show hired her because of her charm and grace? No, they hired her to be the 10 car pileup that she is. And she came through with flying colors as these photos from the event more than confirm. And to think just how far Pam could have gone with her boobs adult film skills only to have it come to this… the butt of jokes at a fashion show. I’m sure her kids are scarred for life so proud. Then again, she probably makes more money in a month than I do in a year, so who needs pride?

Listen, we’re not saying people shouldn’t be entitled to their opinion. We’re just saying we don’t care what these women have to say. In fact, we’d appreciate it if they just stood there and said nothing.

Jenny McCarthy

“I do believe sadly it’s going to take some diseases coming back to realize that we need to change and develop vaccines that are safe. If the vaccine companies are not listening to us, it’s their f___ing fault that the diseases are coming back. They’re making a product that’s s___. If you give us a safe vaccine, we’ll use it. It shouldn’t be polio versus autism.”

~ Jenny McCarthy

By the way, Jenny is neither a scientist nor a doctor. Her most formal education was learning how to bend over correctly for Playboy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Her work as a host of Singled Out whose sole contribution consisted of making silly faces and yelling? Perhaps something slightly wrong with that.

Pam Anderson

“People who wear fur smell like a wet dog if they’re in the rain. And they look fat and gross.”

~Pamela Anderson

We’d listen to Pam’s PETA requests more if she wasn’t hiding two “puppies” in her chest. And frankly, at this point in her life, Pam probably doesn’t need to be seen much any more either. You’re a middle aged woman, Pam. When you’re naked in public now, it’s about as sexy as having a grandmother with dementia.

Kim Kardashian

“There is no amount of money that could ever convince me to release any tape, even if I had one. I don’t need the money. I’m not poor; I’m not desperate, I would never attempt to sell a tape,” she says. “It would humiliate me and ruin my family. I don’t need the money. It’s humiliating; it’s embarrassing. It’s something I feel very betrayed by, but I’m not pointing any fingers.”

~Kim Kardashian

She said this soon after cashing another royalty check from the sex tape, then going to film a scene for her reality show which she wouldn’t have gotten without the aforementioned sex tape. Then again, based on her vague language, she might have just been talking about the pilot for Keeping up with the Kardashians.

Carrie Prejean

“No, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting breast implants as a Christian. I think it’s a personal decision. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn’t get breast implants.”

~Carrie Prejean

We wonder what the Good Book says about sex tapes. Can’t imagine any omniscient being would be a huge fan. Unless you consider a strange man with a lot of strategically placed spy cameras to be omniscient.

Tila Tequila

“I want to make at least another billion dollars before I adopt children so I can just focus on them. Like, just move to an island and give them everything.”

~Tila Tequila

“Another” would insinuate that you’ve already made a billion dollars. I didn’t know MTV paid their reality stars so much. Ironically, her living on an island with a group of adopted children, forced to create a new society, would probably be more interesting than A Shot at Love. Making lesbianism completely boring and enraging at the same time has to be some sort of moral victory over heterosexual men everywhere.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck

At a recent taping, an audience member asked Hasselbeck if she was still close with [Survivor castmate Rodger] Bingham; she said yes, but it was hard, given that he’s a farmer and is up early in the fields.
“He’s not a farmer!” [Survivor castmate Jeff] Varner says, laughing. “He works for the Department of Agriculture in Kentucky.”

~Elisabeth Hasselbeck

I do give her credit though. She avoided getting eaten by Rosie O’Donnell all those years. Rosie’s a hungry lady and surprisingly fast for a mound of mashed potatoes.

Heidi Montag

Heidi Montag [on rumors she started Lauren Conrad sex tape rumors]: “God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know?”

~Heidi Montag

WWJD? Nah…Move aside. It’s WWHD time. If there were any modern figure worthy of deification, it’s Heidi Montag. So long as you don’t mind religious scripture churned out in crayon with backwards letters like a child’s lemonade stand.

Scarlett Johansson

“I am engaged… to Barack Obama. My heart belongs to Barack, and that is who I am currently, finally, engaged to.”

~Scarlett Johansson

Love the president? Sure…but this is bordering on Monica Lewinsky territory. Plus any time we have to hear you recreating the hits of Tom Waits, you’re probably long overdue for getting an apple shoved in your mouth like you’re the main course at a luau.

Jessica Simpson

“On my first day of junior high, I was in Geography class, and the teacher asked us if anybody knew the names of the continents. And I was sooo excited. I was like, ‘Damnit! It’s my first day of 7th grade, I’m in junior high and i know this answer.’ So i raised my hand I was the first one and I said ‘A-E-I-O-U!’”

~Jessica Simpson

I wonder if she realizes that those are vowels and not “consonants” by now. I’m guessing no.

Angelina Jolie

“I make it a point not to buy certain magazines, not because I am against tabloids or things like that, but I want to fill my mind with valid issues in the world.”

~Angelina Jolie

Somewhat ironic considering she sold pictures of her newborn to People magazine. Babies with faux hawks are the very definition of validity.

Maybe it’s just because I still have the vivid (eww) memory of Nicole Eggert’s cottage cheese spilling out of her old Baywatch bathing suit, but Pamela Anderson still pulls off this look pretty well for a 42 year-old has-been. Or maybe it could just be that seeing her in this getup reminds me of the glory days of TV when a babe running in slow-motion on the beach was the height of cable greatness. Either way Pam should just wear this suit every day and be done with it. It’s really is her best option at this point. (Don’t ask me what the clown mask was for…)

Check out the ass shots below and tell me just what in the hell is going on with her bikini bottoms…

Uh, is that gas still running out of the hose there? (Note to self: If you see Pam Anderson at a gas station, drive away as fast as possible.) I’d still hit it though…