In a testament to the entrepreneurial and caring nature of Panamanian culture, some children in Panama found a bizarre creature in their midst the yesterday and nursed it back to health so that we could learn more about it and its way of life, hopefully bridging the gap between man ]]>

In a testament to the entrepreneurial and caring nature of Panamanian culture, some children in Panama found a bizarre creature in their midst the yesterday and nursed it back to health so that we could learn more about it and its way of life, hopefully bridging the gap between man and the unknown world around him. Lol kidding, they threw rocks at the “monster” until he died.

El hallazgo de una extraña criatura en Cerro Azul ha despertado polémica entre la población, pues mientras algunos aseguran que puede tratarse de un ser de otro planeta, otros creen simplemente que es un animal.

Cuatro adolescentes de entre 14 y 16 años, se encontraron con él en el Chorro de Cerro Azul, el pasado sábado, mientras se divertían en el lugar.

Según relató uno de ellos, de pronto vieron que la criatura salía de una cueva ubicada detrás del chorro de agua. Al ver su apariencia y que ésta comenzó a escalar sobre las piedras hacia uno de ellos, se asustaron y comenzaron a apedrearlo y tirarle palos, logrando matarlo, luego de lo cual lo tiraron al agua y salieron huyendo.

I believe I speak for everyone when I say, in response, “Aye dios mio! Chalupas!”

Or here’s the Google translation.

The discovery of a strange creature in Cerro Azul has aroused controversy among the people, for while some say it may be a being from another planet, others simply believe that is an animal.

Four teenagers aged between 14 and 16 years, met him at the Jet Blue Hill, on Saturday, while having fun in the place.

As recounted one of them, they suddenly saw the creature emerging from a cave located behind the water jet. At her appearance and it began to climb over the rocks to one of them panicked and began to thrash him and throw sticks, getting killed, after which they threw into the water and ran.

Classy. Not saying I’d be able to respond differently if some monster that looks vaguely like a pregnant dinosaur ran after me, but jeez we’re a little quick with the stonings, no? What if this thing had world peace to offer? Or a dime bag? This is why Panama’s businesses are faltering, kids have no sense of opportunity.

UPDATE: Reddit thinks/has vague proof it’s a sloth. I still think it’s a Godly Otherworldly Being based upon what I think would be most interesting. Clearly I have more rational evidence as to what this is. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

[Telemetro]

I know Panama has a canal and…um…pans. But I didn’t know it had athletes like this. Check out this pic of a couple girls supposedly from the Panamian Cricket Team.

Click for super hi-res photo with more ass than..some sort of…donkey…show

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I know Panama has a canal and…um…pans. But I didn’t know it had athletes like this. Check out this pic of a couple girls supposedly from the Panamian Cricket Team.

Click for super hi-res photo with more ass than..some sort of…donkey…show

You can view some more asstastic photos here courtesy of the awesome Gotty at The Smoking Section.

Now I love America, really I do. Even though most of our citizens are fat douchebags, it’s a great place. But holy f’ing crap I want to be in this country instead. What are they doing in Panama to breed these monsters? Did some Panamian man impregnate a camel at some point, forcing many future generations of Panamian women to have asses like humps? I can’t wrap my head around this. Based off of my knowledge of South American culture primarily derived from delicious dinners at a Brazilian steakhouse, it must be the fact that every meal is served off of a sword. Further research may be required so if you see me inserting a beaker into a nearby South American woman’s ass, let’s just assume there’s an actual purpose behind it this time.

UPDATE: Our friends at InGameNow uncovered the unphotoshopped version. Still nice, but not AS nice. A tear streams down my cheek. Picture’s after the jump.