Meet Akiva. He’s a little dude in a karate outfit. He also fell into a laundry hamper while trying to grab his shoe and finds himself completely incapable of getting out. He is awesome.

I love how non-plussed Akiva was by the whole situation. He could have ]]>

Meet Akiva. He’s a little dude in a karate outfit. He also fell into a laundry hamper while trying to grab his shoe and finds himself completely incapable of getting out. He is awesome.

I love how non-plussed Akiva was by the whole situation. He could have hung out in there for days if he had to. Started a new life there. Made friends with some socks and hopefully not-too-disgusting used underwear. It’d be like a somewhat disgusting “Be Our Guest” performance. The power of positivity.

Sarah Burge, known as a “Human Barbie,” previously made headlines for giving her seven-year-old daughter a coupon for future breast implants. Anderson Cooper had her on his show to discuss and, finally, had enough of her nonsense.

Oh, if I had a dollar for every ]]>

Sarah Burge, known as a “Human Barbie,” previously made headlines for giving her seven-year-old daughter a coupon for future breast implants. Anderson Cooper had her on his show to discuss and, finally, had enough of her nonsense.

Oh, if I had a dollar for every argument I’ve had that began discussing whether you can see Beyonce sweat on stage or not, I’d have at least $3,981,362 dollars.

That said, the effectiveness of his stand against Burge’s seemingly terrible parenting was highly limited by Anderson looking disgusted while walking away and muttering, “You actually do see Beyonce sweating on stage.” Not necessarily his most poignant moment.

Two parents were trying to punish their misbehaving child at a laundromat. Naturally, that led to them putting the kid in a washing machine. The video is a monument to stupidity.

The child sustained just minor injuries. He also wasn’t sufficiently cleaned. So I guess they just ]]>

Two parents were trying to punish their misbehaving child at a laundromat. Naturally, that led to them putting the kid in a washing machine. The video is a monument to stupidity.

The child sustained just minor injuries. He also wasn’t sufficiently cleaned. So I guess they just broke even here.

Hooters is offering moms 10 free wings this Sunday nationwide. For the possibly morbidly obese mom with no self-respect who has everything!

The DEpress release (get it? Because bringing your to Hooters for Mother’s Day is depressing? Eh? Eh?) says:

Hooters is honoring all moms ]]>

Hooters is offering moms 10 free wings this Sunday nationwide. For the possibly morbidly obese mom with no self-respect who has everything!

The DEpress release (get it? Because bringing your to Hooters for Mother’s Day is depressing? Eh? Eh?) says:

Hooters is honoring all moms this Mother’s Day with a free wing offer. All day on May 13th moms will receive 10 free boneless wings, tossed in their favorite wing sauce, when they dine in at Hooters this Sunday.

The Mother’s Day free wing offer is good for all ladies who dine in at participating Hooters restaurants. The offer is good on dine in orders only and there is a limit of one order for each mom.

This may sound crazy to you or me but it actually kind of makes sense. Because if you’re the type of guy who’d take your mom for free wings at Hooters on Mother’s Day, you probably have the type of mom who’d find this to be a totally normal and nice thing to do. Hooray for family!

Patricia Krentcil, the 44-year-old New Jersey mother making headlines for allegedly taking her five-year-old daughter tanning and getting arrested as a result, loves tanning. You might not be able to tell by her fair complexion.

Here’s a picture of Krentcil with her daughter in happier times:

You’re going to see this approximately 973,000 times in your Facebook feed over the next couple days, we’ll wager, so let’s just get this out of the way. In this video, a dad and his kid sing Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”. Watch it.

Very cute. And completely obnoxiously trite, which the ]]>

You’re going to see this approximately 973,000 times in your Facebook feed over the next couple days, we’ll wager, so let’s just get this out of the way. In this video, a dad and his kid sing Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”. Watch it.

Very cute. And completely obnoxiously trite, which the daughter in the front seems to be aware of:

Anyway, congrats on your secure future of Internet fame and all-but-assured appearance on Good Morning America.

A six-year-old girl crapped herself after her school wouldn’t let her go to the bathroom, resulting in a lot of shame. Naturally, the local news station KY3 decided to help her out by making it their top story.

Next up on the local news: A parent talks about how everyone ]]>

A six-year-old girl crapped herself after her school wouldn’t let her go to the bathroom, resulting in a lot of shame. Naturally, the local news station KY3 decided to help her out by making it their top story.

Next up on the local news: A parent talks about how everyone in school thinks their first grader son is gay. KY3 will break down why exactly kids say that about him along with a private tour of the young man’s Barbie collection. KY3 News…changing lives.

Whenever I watched Clueless or The Crush when they first came out, I thought, “Man, that Alicia Silverstone is cute. Lots of potential there.” That potential has been realized in the form of this video of her Mama Bird-ing food into the mouth of her son Bear.

Silverstone explained the ]]>

Whenever I watched Clueless or The Crush when they first came out, I thought, “Man, that Alicia Silverstone is cute. Lots of potential there.” That potential has been realized in the form of this video of her Mama Bird-ing food into the mouth of her son Bear.

Silverstone explained the situation by saying:

“I just had a delicious breakfast of miso soup, collards and radish steamed and drizzled with flax oil, cast iron mochi with nori wrapped outside, and some grated daikon. Yum! I fed Bear the mochi and a tiny bit of veggies from the soup … from my mouth to his. It’s his favorite … and mine.”

In related news, I’m about ready to feed someone the protein shake I had this morning because this is absolutely vile. If my mom spat in my mouth in a borderline make-outish way to feed me, at any age, I would instantly pack up my Spongebob DVDs and hit the road.

D-listed has a nice round-up of responses, too. All of which say Alicia Silverstone is kind of a creep. Makes sense. Save it for the Cinemax scripts piling up on your coffee table, Silverstone.

This video goes out to all of the dads out there who’ve made a small mistake here and there. No matter how bad it seems, at least you’re not as awful as this dad who takes his kid skateboarding and fails instantly.

Why even go to the ]]>

This video goes out to all of the dads out there who’ve made a small mistake here and there. No matter how bad it seems, at least you’re not as awful as this dad who takes his kid skateboarding and fails instantly.

Why even go to the skateboard park? Let’s just take the kid out in the yard, let him enjoy a little sun, and then just ping him in the head with a ball-peen hammer. Either way the kid’s not going to Harvard any time soon. At least my solution saves gas money.

Two Maryland area parents took their three-year-old daughter Harmony to Chuck E. Cheese. A rite of passage for a child, definitely. But her parents accidentally leaving her there and forgetting about her until they saw her on the news? Not so much. According

Two Maryland area parents took their three-year-old daughter Harmony to Chuck E. Cheese. A rite of passage for a child, definitely. But her parents accidentally leaving her there and forgetting about her until they saw her on the news? Not so much.

According to local police, the child was brought to a Chuck E. Cheese in Maryland’s Harford County with her separated parents and a group of at least ten other people.

When the fun times in pizza town concluded, several members of the party assumed that Harmony was going home with someone else.

It took until 8PM and Harmony telling a Chuck E. Cheese employee that she was thirsty before anyone took note of the fact that the child had been left there alone.

After the manager found out about the situation, he informed the sheriff’s department, who stayed with the girl until 9:30 PM. They then brought her to child protective services while they attempted to find Harmony’s parents and contact local media outlets.

The evening newscast found its way to both Harmony’s mother and father, fortunately, when they realized that the missing child on TV was their daughter.

Child Protective Services released Harmony back to her mother after determining the situation was an accident. No charges are expected to be filed.

Maybe it’s time to revise the famous Chuck E. Cheese tagline? Chuck E. Cheese: Where a kid can be abandoned.

Jessica Simpson has finally surrendered and taken off her clothes for a magazine. Unfortunately, it’s for Elle with a fetus seemingly the size of a young Dumbo in her stomach. (Warning: Pic is NSFWish)

Though Simpson’s star has faded, her money hasn’t; the former pop star’s ]]>

Jessica Simpson has finally surrendered and taken off her clothes for a magazine. Unfortunately, it’s for Elle with a fetus seemingly the size of a young Dumbo in her stomach. (Warning: Pic is NSFWish)

Though Simpson’s star has faded, her money hasn’t; the former pop star’s fashion line is on pace to gross over $1 billion in its next fiscal year.

Simpson’s child with fiancé and former NFL player Eric Johnson is due in the next month.

You can read some mind-injuring quotes from Simpson, including one saying her child will be “ath-a-letic,” in the Elle interview.

Ah parenthood. All the things you can look back on as you raise a child to be a success. The moment she’s born. Her first bike ride. The time you gave her breast implants for her 18th birthday and a nose job for her 21st. Oh, wait, the last one ]]>

Ah parenthood. All the things you can look back on as you raise a child to be a success. The moment she’s born. Her first bike ride. The time you gave her breast implants for her 18th birthday and a nose job for her 21st. Oh, wait, the last one only happened to Brittani Niccole and her surgeon dad, Michael.

In an interview with ABC’s 20/20, the father Niccole says, “I have no qualms. I feel very comfortable in surgery, and I always have with relatives.”

According to a story from the New York Daily News, the now-23-year-old Brittani had always wanted implants.

“I didn’t have large breasts when I was younger, and all my friends did,” Brittani said. “I felt very self-conscious about it.”

Now, Brittani has ridden increased confidence from her new C-cups to a career as a model (*cough*) working in Las Vegas.

I suppose as a plastic surgeon, you should be able to detach yourself from your work. It’s not like he’s leering at all his other patients and touching himself. So, in that respect, it seems pretty normal.

That said, perhaps Brittani could have spent her youth trying to get comfortable with herself rather than counting down the days until her dad was going to enable her self-loathing and put fancy water balloons in her breast meat. Sorry to use such clinical language in this informal forum.

This news story about a Queens elementary school teacher reads like a Mad Libs of bad decisions. According to the NY Post, fifth-grade teacher Melissa Dean is on the chopping block at her school, PS 143, after having her students send cards to her incarcerated boyfriend, John ]]>

This news story about a Queens elementary school teacher reads like a Mad Libs of bad decisions.

According to the NY Post, fifth-grade teacher Melissa Dean is on the chopping block at her school, PS 143, after having her students send cards to her incarcerated boyfriend, John Coccarelli.

Coccarelli was convicted of possessing a handgun and violating an order of protection in May 2010 after texting his ex-wife saying that, if he were to kill her, at least he’d be “going away for a good reason.”

Coccarelli was also initially charged with several counts of possession of child pornography on a laptop found in his Long Island home, though the charges were dropped as part of his plea deal.

Police say that Dean forwarded 25 cards from her students — each of which had the child’s home address on it — to Coccarelli in prison with a card from saying the care package was “from your Wifey.”

According to the children’s parents, the kids weren’t made aware of to whom the cards were going. Which is probably the biggest failing on Dean’s part. If they knew they were sending the cards to a guy who was once charged with possession of child pornography, at least they could have signed the cards, “Please don’t imagine me naked” or something similar in intent. How thoughtless of her.

A lot of people are labeling this video of a dad shooting his daughter’s laptop after she makes a snarky Facebook post as some sort of victory over entitled kids. I’m going to respectfully (not really) disagree below. But first, here’s the video called “Facebook parenting for the troubled teen.” ]]>

A lot of people are labeling this video of a dad shooting his daughter’s laptop after she makes a snarky Facebook post as some sort of victory over entitled kids. I’m going to respectfully (not really) disagree below. But first, here’s the video called “Facebook parenting for the troubled teen.”

There are almost 2.2MM views on this two-day old video right now. I saw countless people posting it on Facebook today, saying things like “This is one kickass dad!” and “This guy is awesome!” Even our friends at BroBible are touting the man as a “Dad of the Century.”

Here’s what it looks like to me (assuming it’s real): A dad being even more of a cunt to his daughter than she was to him. You know what Facebook is? A place kids act like stupid kids for the hoots and hollers and likes of their equally stupid kid pals. There’s a reason Facebook originally barred adults from being friends with kids under a certain age on the site. That reason? Pedophilia. Oh, and also this. Because parents are unable to compartmentalize their hurt feelings. He invaded her privacy and took something fairly innocuous (I’d take my daughter complaining over her sending pictures of her genitals any day) and made it into a big “Look at me! I’m making a stand!” example, all for the hoots and hollers of the denizens of the Internet who’ll call him a hero. Sound familiar?

Also, given that everyone in the Internet is now sooooo concerned about cyber bullying, shouldn’t people on the YouTube comments be calling him out for doing that to his own daughter? Oh right, because he’s her parent, he can embarrass her and make her Internet famous for all the wrong reasons then whine and complain when she wants nothing to do with him as an adult.

Voting “douche” on this one.

Things are about to get all dusty in here. You’ve seen a lot of videos of dogs welcoming soldiers home. But how about an adorable little girl getting surprised by her soldier dad, returning from Afghanistan, during show and tell at her school (on her birthday, no less)? ]]>

Things are about to get all dusty in here. You’ve seen a lot of videos of dogs welcoming soldiers home. But how about an adorable little girl getting surprised by her soldier dad, returning from Afghanistan, during show and tell at her school (on her birthday, no less)? Must see.

Almost enough to make me want a kid of my own. Or at least a really solid talking doll. Not one of the peeing ones, though. That’s just creepy.

Your Morning Cry: Dad Comes Home From Afghanistan and Surprises His Daughter on Her Birthday [Jezebel]

In this clip (with NSFW audio, obviously), a young kid curses up a storm at the urging of his dad. It’s both adorable and probably the worst possible thing for this kid’s immediate future.

Following up “Fuck you” with “Fuck yeah”? Had to rub my face in your triumph ]]>

In this clip (with NSFW audio, obviously), a young kid curses up a storm at the urging of his dad. It’s both adorable and probably the worst possible thing for this kid’s immediate future.

Following up “Fuck you” with “Fuck yeah”? Had to rub my face in your triumph over me like that, huh kid? Think you’re a big man? Whatever.

Odds on this kid’s teeth looking like that for the next 75 years have been removed from the books.

At last, a positive news story about kids playing games! But this one is still kinda fishy.

Via Kotaku. First, let’s watch the clip…

Like I said, it’s nice to have a story on the whatever o’clock that’s about kid and video games that isn’t about ]]>

At last, a positive news story about kids playing games! But this one is still kinda fishy.

Via Kotaku. First, let’s watch the clip…

Like I said, it’s nice to have a story on the whatever o’clock that’s about kid and video games that isn’t about them growing up to be some social deviant. And what the doctor says makes a lot of sense; if some dude plays lots of games, and has a kid, he’s naturally going to want to share such an interest.

Though personally, if I ever have a child, I sure as hell am not going to let his snot-covered mitts on my Dreamcast, that’s for damn sure. It also makes sense for a child to want to be what their parents are into, and if he has a parent whose “only excited about video games”… which is a problem right there… they are going to follow-up.

Anyhow, despite the clip being well intentioned, and also seemingly legit, I can’t help but feel a bit suspicious. Can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s only dudes in this segment? From the newscasters to those in the piece. Where’s the mom? Perhaps busting her ass, to put food on the table, for her child and a husband who is “only excited about video games” perhaps?

It almost feels like it’s some fake clip, created by dudes, for other men out there, who want to be slightly sh*tty dads, to show to their girlfriends and wives, as evidence that playing games with their kids is okay. I know that sounds a bit too cynical and conspiratorial. Enough to make me think the last part in the report, about there’s no difference between traditional games and Wii games has the slight tinge of “plus, you don’t want your boy to grow up being a wimp, limped sissy, due to waggle controls, do you? Give ‘em Call of Duty and put hair on that 2 year’s old chest!” ]]> http://guyism.com/humor/video-the-news-says-that-its-okay-for-dads-to-teach-2-year-olds-how-to-play-video-games.html/feed 0 http://guyism.com/humor/video-girl-interviews-her-jamaican-father-oh-and-theyre-both-white.html http://guyism.com/humor/video-girl-interviews-her-jamaican-father-oh-and-theyre-both-white.html#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:15:45 +0000 Chris Spags http://guyism.com/?p=189369

When you think of a white person having a Jamaican accent, you probably think of some stoner kid with ratty dreadlocks who smoked so much pot that he’s settled into a fit of blissful unawareness. Or Rich Little doing a crappy Bob Marley impression. In this clip,

When you think of a white person having a Jamaican accent, you probably think of some stoner kid with ratty dreadlocks who smoked so much pot that he’s settled into a fit of blissful unawareness. Or Rich Little doing a crappy Bob Marley impression. In this clip, a girl interviews her father, who is legitimately both white AND Jamaican. It’s interesting.