Guyism » Pedobear

VIDEO: Pedobear is covered without a lot of facts on New Mexico CBS affiliate

Chris Spags — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 21:30:14 +0000

Pedobear has been an Internet meme for many years now. But much like rock music in the Middle East, New Mexico is about a decade behind in “getting it.” And in this report from Albuquerque’s KRQE, people are panicked over Pedobear stickers meaning a rise in pedophilia in New Mexico.

In a world where college football coaches are retiring to freely molest kids as part of their charitable foundation and celebrities accused of child diddling are revered after their death, let us direct our attention to how stickers of a pedophile joke bear are signs of actual pedophilia. Makes sense.

Next up on KRQE: How A Dancing Baby GIF Could Mean Your Child Is Currently Being Sodomized In A School Broom Closet.

‘Dancing Cuddle Bear’ (aka PedoBear) Invades Apple’s App Store

Will Brinson — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 15:15:19 +0000

You might not know who “Dancing Cuddle Bear” is, but if I told you he was “PedoBear” you wouldn’t hesitate to scream with joy about the meme-worthy, furry molestation machine that you know and love.

Er, right. Whatever, PedoBear’s in the App Store!

And he’s dancing — the point of the app is, according to the maker, to be a “stylish way to interact with the one and only Cuddle Bear and his new 11 hip hop dance moves.”

You can “choose from any of the 11 exotic dance moves” and “dance along with Cuddle Bear with the killer background soundtrack.”

So, yeah, it’s almost like the whole point of the thing is to have a picture of PedoBear inside the App Store. Which means it should last a really, really long time after Steve Jobs figures out what’s going on and crushes PedoBear’s soul. (Thankfully, the chaps at The Smoking Gun have preserved the app page.)

Also so the people at CatchKuma.com can sell “official Cuddle Bear hats,” which aren’t creepy at all. Or cheap — $19.99?!?!

The app itself is free though, so don’t hesitate to get your download on and “show off at night clubs.”

Or daycare centers. Whatever.

Miley Cyrus has her new number one fan

Chris Spags — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:47:40 +0000

Some Web site has been running a contest in which users vote for Miley Cyrus’s number one fan. And the person in first place there truly personifies the Miley Cyrus fan that the liberal “don’t-beat-off-to-teen-pop-sensations” media doesn’t want you to see.

Oh Pedobear, you always get into such crazy adventures.

Is there any doubt at all that, if you look at everyone on Earth, the person with the most Miley Cyrus investment (i.e. pictures, video, time spent thinking about her) is some creepy over-40 guy who thinks that all her songs are being sung directly to him? And to be fair, Miley asks for it. Her song, “40 Year-Old Guys Are Super Cute and I Want Them to Stalk Me” left a lot of room for twisted interpretation.

[via, as seen on]

Twitter problems

Chris Spags — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 13:32:08 +0000

Via Dueling Analogs comes this comic that explains the problems behind Twitter’s recent outage and a visit from a special guest.

This comic points out something to me indirectly which I never considered before…there are really no kids on Twitter. I guess it’s the lack of shiny pictures and toys to play with and the fact that kids have the attention span and pithiness of a retarded monkey. But what makes that even odder is that there are a lot of creepy older men who run “social media marketing” companies whom if you’d seen them on the street, you’d probably go, “Oh yeah, that dude kind of looks like a kidtoucher.” So the question is…what ARE they planning?

Taylor Momsen, Katrina Bowden, and Michelle Trachtenberg like shoes

Chris Spags — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 14:48:39 +0000

From some Reebok event last night…

This is quite an event. Three incredibly hot girls for every type of man. Katrina Bowden for the general hot blond lover, Michelle Trachtenberg for the guys who like their girls a little cuter as well as the nerds who jerk off to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Taylor Momsen for the pedobear in all of us. And what’s the great unifier here? Shoes! Which is crazy because who knew that you could get women together over shoes? I mean yeah, women all love shoes and whatever, but I didn’t think I could just put a shoe under a cardboard box being supported by a stick and use it as some sort of rudimentary vagina trap. I mean if that’s all it takes, it’s worth a shot. Ether-soaked rags can be so messy.

Reminder: Taylor Momsen is 15. So clearly I would just trap her and talk to her about the dangers of gingivitis.

Ali Lohan is slutting at an 11th grade level

Chris Spags — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 19:51:20 +0000

Hey it’s Pedophilia Day here on the BOH (then again, what day isn’t?), so let’s commemorate that with photos of Ali Lohan at Animal Fair Magazine’s 8th Annual Halloween Pet Costume Party.

That is a pretty impressive display of teenage whorishness. I also think that’s a real tattoo, which is classy because Ali is like 15 and she’s big breasted and probably f’ing guys with bangs named Skyler or Dylan so she’s pretty well-versed on being a classy lady. You typically only find gals as classy as Ali Lohan hanging out at Walmart or in the back room of a Meth lab (it’s casual in that room because it has couches).

I hate to say it, but she kind of has a man face in these photos. Hopefully that gets fixed with age and visitors to ol’ Dr. Makemepretty. He’s the top Native American plastic surgeon around.