Petra Ecclestone outdoes Kim Kardashian with superstar wedding
“…she had opera superstar Andrea Bocelli serenading the guests before the sunset ceremony, rock icon Eric Clapton playing the newlywed’s first dance and none other than The Black Eyed Peas as the dance band.”

Jim Carrey answers critics about “creepy” Emma Stone video
“People often ask me if I’m being funny or serious. The answer is ‘YES’. ?;^]”

Ashlee Simpson “drunk-dialing” ex Pete Wentz
“Ashlee was telling Pete how much she misses him and wants him back.”

Mark & Donnie Wahlberg opening “Wahlburgers” restaurant. No, really.
“It’s a good-sounding brand we could put out the product with, a great name people could relate to.”

Minka Kelly & Ramon Rodriguez more than just costars?
“They have been together long after they need to be for the show.”

Minka Kelly hinting at Derek Jeter split weeks ago?
“I don’t need a man to validate me.”

Jennifer Aniston & Justin Theroux move in together
“Jen and Justin are very excited about living together in their new home.”

Jessica Alba: First photo since delivering baby Haven
“Alba looked calm and collected in a white maxi dress topped with a denim shirt and cross-body bag.”

Jaime Pressly pleads no contest to DUI, will have locking device on her car
“The 34-year-old North Carolina native will have to complete a six-month alcohol education class…”

Bus driver crashes into Dana Delaney — then asks for her autograph
“Only in Hollywood.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Candice Swanepoel in a new photo shoot for Victoria’s Secret’s VSX Sexy Sport

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— Olivia Munn is now dating that guy from Glee. In other news, that guy from Glee is apparently not gay.

— Mariah Carey’s sister is a hooker. Sort of.

— Christina Aguilera had sex in a bathroom. She should totally hook up with Charlie Sheen and compare career plans.

— Did Pete Wentz have a prescription drug addiction that ultimately led to Ashlee Simpson filing for divorce? Sure, why not.

— Reports indicate that Lindsay Lohan may be looking at six months in jail for her latest escapade. If that actually happens I will run naked down Sunset Boulevard.

— I feel pretty safe in that bet because if THIS didn’t land Chris Brown in jail there’s no way LiLo serves any time.

— WARNING: DO NOT f*ck with Catherine Zeta-Jones.

— At least Lindsay isn’t getting turned away from parties now. What’s that?

— Chad Ochocinco was banging his DWTS partner Cheryl Burke while the two were paired up.

— Speaking of Rihanna, apparently Colin Farrell is the luckiest man on earth at the moment.

— George Clooney says he’s banged too many chicks, smoked too much weed to run for office. Frankly I think those are the reasons he SHOULD run for office.

— Cameron Diaz is a big fan of porn. Just in case you were wondering.

— Alyssa Milano is really pregnant. I just had to see it to believe it.

— Kanye West’s thoughts on abortion are, um, interesting?

— In news of the crazy, Irina Shayk was getting complaints about not having curtains in her apartment. Yes, because who wants to see what Irina Shayk does in the privacy of her home anyway?

— And in terribly sad news, Irina Shayk apparently doesn’t regularly shave her legs. Click at your own peril.

— And finally, Glee’s Brittany and Santana are set to do more lesbian scenes. I may have to watch that show after all.

This week’s sexy video comes to us from Emporio Armani who still thinks Megan Fox is marketable when used properly. And oh boy did they ever use her properly.

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— Olivia Wilde is now single again after eight years of marriage… to an Italian prince. I truly have no shot with her, do I?

— Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz also filed for divorce. Gotta say this one isn’t shocking me.

— Katy Perry and Russell Brand are already in marriage counseling. Still not shocking me.

— Speaking of Katy Perry, it seems that she is now complaining about having big boobs as a teen. Boo. Frickin’. Hoo.

— Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz were caught kissing on a boat in Miami. Who’s Eduardo Cruz again?

— Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari are reportedly going to be engaged soon. How someone knows this is beyond me, but it isn’t going to help Jay’s loveability factor in Chi-town.

— Speaking of athletes and their ladies, skateboarding legend Tony Hawk is sleeping with his best friend’s wife.

— Speaking of wives, Diane Kruger doesn’t believe in marriage.

— JWoww has a new book out.

— Minka Kelly is very smart and well-spoken.

— Lindsay Lohan was in court again. This time for ‘borrowing’ some jewelry. Here’s a shocker: She got bail despite her DUI probation being revoked. Viva la justice system!

— Jennifer Aniston banned Heidi Montag from a movie premiere (a movie Heidi appeared in). That almost makes me like Jennifer Aniston again. (UPDATE: Annd now I don’t like her again.)

— And finally, if you thought Christina Aguilera singing the national anthem was bad, well, there’s a good reason for that: she’s a wee bit crazy.

— Oh well, at least Xtina has Sarah Palin in her corner.

This week’s sexy video comes to us from the fine people over at FHM and features Vikki Blows (my favorite model name in the world) in her “smalls”, as they put it (silly Brits).

You can see more of Vikki Blows and the 100 Sexiest Women at FHM.com.

Now this is the problem I have with modern day celebrity. To be famous now, people have to feel like they can touch and relate to you. You have to interact on Myspace or Twitter and go out of the way to make them feel special. But here’s the thing…you’re a f’ing fan. This is a famous person. They’re fundamentally better than you. But since everyone can be famous now, the famous believe that they have to go that extra mile to maintain that spot. And thus, they drink urine. You know who didn’t drink urine? Sinatra. He’d probably slap you in the face if you touched him. Which isn’t a sign of a good person but dammit celebrity is supposed to give you certain privileges including slapping, never pulling out, and being able to quietly get rid of at least THREE bodies.