This quote isn’t so great but the story is just good enough, yet not good enough for a full post. So you can see my dilemma. Anywho, a passenger on a Montana to Utah flight banged on the cockpit door of his airplane and claimed he was a….

This quote isn’t so great but the story is just good enough, yet not good enough for a full post. So you can see my dilemma. Anywho, a passenger on a Montana to Utah flight banged on the cockpit door of his airplane and claimed he was a….

An unruly passenger who banged on the cockpit door of a SkyWest flight and claimed he was a space alien was arrested after the plane made an emergency landing Sunday in Idaho Falls.

Delta Connection Flight 4620 was en route from Helena, Mont., to Salt Lake City when a passenger got up and approached the cockpit, said SkyWest spokeswoman Marissa Snow.

“Reports from our crew say he actually started banging on the flight deck door,” she said.

Montana flight headed to Salt Lake City diverted after man bangs on cockpit door, claims to be alien [Deseret News]

In spite of their cool demeanors, pilots are people with feelings too. And as people with feelings, sometimes they drop propaganda from an airplane to insinuate that their ex-girlfriend is a racial epithet whore. So relatable!

A California man was arrested on suspicion of stalking after ]]>

In spite of their cool demeanors, pilots are people with feelings too. And as people with feelings, sometimes they drop propaganda from an airplane to insinuate that their ex-girlfriend is a racial epithet whore. So relatable!

A California man was arrested on suspicion of stalking after he allegedly used his airplane to violate a restraining order by buzzing a neighborhood, police said Thursday.

In recent weeks, Concord, California, police were investigating an incident in which leaflets were dropped over a residential neighborhood, possibly by a low-flying airplane, police said in a statement.

“The leaflets referenced a specific person and contained defamatory language and racial slurs. As the investigation has progressed, it appears that the motivation behind this situation is a failed domestic relationship,” the statement read.

The investigation led to the identification of a possible suspect, a 51-year-old licensed pilot. Concord police served the man with a restraining order on Wednesday, the statement said.

Sounds more like antiganda to me! *looks around for approval* Oh. Oh that wasn’t good. Right.

Women really get men to do crazy things, but I really have to wonder how good a woman is in her, um, relationship duties that a man would release leaflets from a plane after he couldn’t have her. I’ve been with some talented ladies in my time, but at most I’ve considered sending the girl’s family a birthday cake with the text “Congratulations! …on raising such a fine whore of a daughter!”

…it was a big cake.

[CNN]

I actually don’t know that this kid is douchey and given his penchant for litigation, let’s just pretend he’s awesome and well-endowed, shall we? Anyway he’s suing US Airways for losing his modded Xbox 360 for $1 million.

A Yale University student from Ohio has filed ]]>

I actually don’t know that this kid is douchey and given his penchant for litigation, let’s just pretend he’s awesome and well-endowed, shall we? Anyway he’s suing US Airways for losing his modded Xbox 360 for $1 million.

A Yale University student from Ohio has filed a lawsuit seeking $1 million from US Airways for a video game console he says was taken from his luggage.

Twenty-one-year-old Jesse Maiman alleges that during a flight from New Haven, Conn., to Cincinnati in December, his Xbox 360 with a specialized hard drive disappeared from his luggage.

Maiman says he got what he called “an unconscionable run-around” from the airline. He’s asking $1,700 for the loss of the gaming system and for the maximum damages allowable, or $1 million.

Maiman filed the suit Monday in Hamilton County Common Pleas Court.

A US Airways spokeswoman said the airline was unaware of the suit but noted that the government limits liability for lost luggage to $3,300 per bag.

I play my Xbox a fair amount. But I can honestly say that unless my Xbox had kiddie porn on it and I was worried about it leaking out (I’m saying my Xbox does but I’m also not saying it doesn’t), I probably wouldn’t valuate it at $1 million. I mean it’d be kind of a bummer to lose my Xbox and I’m all for really sticking it to the airlines for all the horsecrap they do to us like not giving me free dinners and making me sit next to fat people and smelly people and not automatically upgrading me to first class for being awesome and not having hot flight attendants and being a part of the 9/11 conspiracy and allowing people to joke about airplane peanuts and that time that security guard gave my chick a cavity search but then I found out he was just a guy wearing a t-shirt that said “Female Body Inspector”…yeah okay, go ahead and stick it to US Airways, sir. They’ve had it coming.

[source]

Anything I give you here will just sully the beauty of this article. So read the snippet below.

A 21-year-old Harris County woman filed a $200,000 lawsuit against American Airlines alleging employees on a flight to Los Angeles from Dallas/Fort Worth Airport failed ]]>

Anything I give you here will just sully the beauty of this article. So read the snippet below.

A 21-year-old Harris County woman filed a $200,000 lawsuit against American Airlines alleging employees on a flight to Los Angeles from Dallas/Fort Worth Airport failed to protect her while she slept from another passenger who masturbated to her and ejaculated in her hair, according to a lawsuit she filed last week in Tarrant County.

The woman slept most of the flight, but awoke about 20 minutes before landing when the pilot announced the plane was on decent into Los Angeles. When the woman opened her eyes, she saw that an unknown man had moved into the seat next to her and was staring at her as he masturbated, the suit states. The woman turned toward the window in embarrassment and in an act of nervousness began to run her fingers through her hair where she noticed “a substantial amount of an extremely sticky substance in her hair,” the suit states. The woman began to cry and tried to get the attention of a flight attendant, but was unsuccessful, the suit states.

Finally a passenger in the row in front of the woman comforted her and verified the semen in her hair, the suit states. When the plane landed, employee called airport police and the man was arrested. The suit alleges that the during the investigation, American Airlines employees told police they witnessed the man move from his assigned seat into the row where the woman was sleeping. The woman is seeking punitive damages and a jury trial.

I like women. But honestly, I could never BE a woman. Getting yelled at on the street by random dudes, groped in bars, getting roofies in my drink more than I already do now (which is like 6 times a night, easy). But you throw plane jizz on there and it’s like, “What the f? My ovaries are a curse! I thought my little brain was my main negative! Oh gosh, let me go make some more cakes.”

On the plus side, my semen cures cancer, so when you get it in your hair, the correct response is “Thank you sir. Might I trouble you for some more?” I carry cups around with me and just splash it on every 300th woman I see. My way of giving back.