Drinking games aren’t meant to be games as much as they are ways to get you even more obliterated than you already are. They make you rely on instincts, physical coordination and drunken luck unlike the board games of yore. Take that Trivial Pursuit! Here’s some of the best drinking games and why.

6 Kings
The Game: Grab a deck of cards, put them face down in a pile and go around in a circle picking one and placing them face up. Each one is assigned an activity like “Rhyme,” “Categories,” or “Waterfall” which all revolve around either drinking if you mess up the activity or the activity of drinking itself.

The Fun: This is great because everyone has a different way of playing, so the game never feels quite the same with different groups of people. Plus, if you play your cards wrong you’re gonna get to’ up pretty fast… which means in reality, you’ve played your cards right!

5 Poker
The Game: Texas Hold ‘Em is the most popular type, but don’t forget the plenty of other varieties that nobody gives a crap about, because they exist too… sort of.

The Fun: This isn’t a game where the goal is to get drunk, but more of a sport (because they have a World Series, right?) that’s often played with alcohol and maybe some cigars and scantily clad poker chip mistresses present. (Though it’ll probably just be the beer and cigar smoke if you’re playing in your kitchen or your parent’s basement.)

4 Horse Race
The Game: In this game you’re placing cards face down (with one ace face up), making a total of 4 “race tracks” on the table and then taking “bets” (# of sips) from your friends and having them pick a suit. One person has to be the announcer and he/she will call the race as if they were announcing a horse race. Start flipping the cards from the top of the deck one at a time and placing them face up. The aces move one length forward for every suit that’s shown. The first horse to pass the last card is the winner and if you didn’t win, you’ll drink the # you bet on the horse. If you did win, you get to distribute your bet to the losers.

The Fun: This is fun because the announcer is going to get everyone revved up yelling stuff like “AND THEY’RE OFF!” like it’s a real race. With every card that gets turned over everyone is losing their shit and going crazy and by the end you either get to drink or make others drink. It’s a win/win!

3 Thumper (aka Indian, which is racist as hell so we’ll stick with Thumper)
The Game: At the start, players choose a hand sign to represent themselves. The first player makes their sign followed by the sign of another player. That player then repeats their own sign followed by another players and this continues until someone makes a mistake. The offending player takes a drink and then starts the next round. During the game, everyone beats their hands on the table in a most tribal fashion.

The Fun: This is great because it’s physical and reminiscent of Simon Says, but you still get to sit on your lazy, drunk ass and use your on-the-fly instincts rather than your currently diminished memory. Plus, at the beginning of every round someone shouts “What’s the name of the game?” and everyone responds “Thumper!”. Then, “Why do we play it?” and everyone responds “To get fucked up!”. This is all done with hands pounding on table.

2 Flip Cup
The Game: Get a bunch of Solo cups, fill them halfway with cheap-o beer, line them up down the side of the table. Do the same with the other side. Players will chug the beer, slam the cup down so the bottom is on the edge and then tap the cup in an upward motion with the goal of getting the cup to land upside down on the table. This happens in quick succession, usually with multiple participants until the team who has flipped all the cups wins.

The Fun: You can easily make some enemies with this one as not everyone is well-versed in the art of flipping plastic cups. But on the bright side it’s manic and there’s lots of cheering. With a lot of flip-cupping and beer drinking, you could become a party hero.

1 Beer Pong
The Game: As the king of party games (besides Kings of course) there are a lot of deviations and house rules for it. The set up and goals are simple: put a bunch of Solo cups at either end of a long table in pyramid formation with some beer in each and try to best the other team by throwing ping pong balls into their cups until there are none left.

The Fun: This is such a popular game that it almost borders on being a sport, just like poker. But this is more of a sport for alcoholics who can actually use their senses BETTER by being inebriated. It’s more methodical than flip cup, always involves a crowd watching, and gets you drunk whether you win or lose. Not a fan of beer? Excellent alternatives are wine pong and liquor pong.

And yes, of course there’s video.

I’m not sure what’s more shocking to me: That a casino got robbed on live tv or that they’re still televising poker. That’s so 2005.

Daring poker heist in German luxury hotel {Google News}

No idea who this Katie Fey babe is, but I reeeallly want to see what picture #10 looks like… Hmmm… According to WikiAnswers, Katie Fey’s real name is Jenya. She is Ukrainian. And she is a nude model. Whether any of that is true or not is really of no consequence to me since all I really care about is her looks. Some may call that shallow, I call it my job.

To tell you the truth, I don’t actually care about the WSOP or even professional poker in general. I mean, I’d care if say, I was in it and was a millionaire.

I care more about chicks who decide that it’d be cool to undress and walk around in their bikinis.

That’d make poker more exciting….

But since people come to this site for faux sports information, I guess I can pass this info along

Phil Ivey, a seven-time gold bracelet winner at the series who is widely considered the best poker player alive today, survived to move on even though he ended up with fewer chips than he started with after the nearly eight-hour session.

On July 2, 2009, Don Cheadle is once again hosting the third annual Ante Up for Africa, No Limit Texas Hold-Em Tournament in association with the World Series of Poker. Proceeds from the event will go to charities that provide aid and assistance to the survivors of the crisis in Darfur, Sudan and support activism dedicated to resolving this crisis. Previous Ante Up tournaments have raised more than $2 million for the cause.

Matt Damon, Jason Alexander, Charles Barkley, Kenny Smith, Montel
Williams, Herschel Walker, Hank Azaria, Brad Garrett, Marlon Wayans, Sarah Silverman and Casey Affleck are all playing this year, with many more celebs expressing their interest to play.

That’s a pretty big turnout of prominent celebrities. I’m always amazed when people who have so much are passionate about helping people who are totally different than themselves. Like that time I slept with a Australian chick. We couldn’t have had less in common — she had seen koalas and kangaroos in person, I didn’t pass out in my hotel room — yet I was generous enough to give her access to my loins and towel her off afterwards before throwing her back in the hallway. Truly a beautiful story of caring for others.

You can get updates on the Ante Up for Africa event at Pokerlistings.com.

I run my own home game, play at casinos occasionally, and watch way too much tv poker. So I’ve seen and been all of these guys, but especially #1. Some people call that changing it up; I call it a personality disorder. Let’s shuffle up and list!

10 – Math Geek. Knowing the odds for your suck-out hopes is all well and good, but this walking calculator takes it way too far. Eventually, they will own far too many chips thanks to the calculators in their skulls, but take solace that when that day arrives, they’ll still need to use the money they make to pay for sex.

9 – Purist. Any non-poker conversation is an affront to the poker gods, along with any winning suck-out from bad cards or position. (Note that such things are Just Poker when they benefit him, of course.) The purist hasn’t quite gotten the fact that poker, like life, is actually very unfair, seeing how he’s walking around with a working nose and all.

8 – Fake Drunk. Why, he’s betting crazy, has slurred speech and posture, and looks like easy pickings. So why does he have all those chips? Maybe because he’s really not that drunk. (Or finally playing more than super-tight hands.)

7 – Tightass. Folds on nearly everything, whines about the blind size, doesn’t chip in for food or drink, and can’t be bluffed off with anything less than a handgun. Usually older and better than you, and much more likely to be dealt aces.

6 – Narrator. Do you dream of making the final table at a televised tournament, but don’t have the scratch to enter? Well, just sit down with this guy, and try to avoid going on tilt from sheer hatred. My favorite move from this guy is when you bluff him off a pot in 3-way action, and the turn or river completes his hand. Bring headphones.

5 – Condemned. The stack is dwindling, his dog is dying, and every bet looks like something out of an after-school special on the evils of gambling. This player is often accompanied by some hanger-on who is either distraught or furious. Good times!

4 – Morpheus. He knows your hand with such regularity, you might as well be playing with transparent cards. He remembers hands from hours ago. He exudes pure calm and confidence, even if he’s short-stacked. He’s involved in every meaningful hand, and his bluff is never called. Needless to say, you want no part of this guy.

3 – Speed Freak. Every fold, bet or call is made like he’s got a train to catch, regardless of the pot size or game situation. You get the feeling he’d rather be playing online, and he probably is during the breaks.

2 – Mr. Memory. No chance of the deal order getting messed up here – he’s got that down, along with the outcome of hands that didn’t involve him. It’s all pretty intimidating, but don’t be scared — he’ll remember the hand you win much longer than you will.

1 – Loser. Well, let’s see, I’m increasingly middle-aged, wear those middle management clothes that define business casual soulless, and have the hollowed-out eyes that just screams out that I have daughters, multiple mortgages and a stalled career path. Let’s gamble!

What a freaking waste… we miss you Nadia, come back…

BONUS PICS of Tia Carrere at the same event, because I care…

Shannon Elizabeth when she was hot here.

A 22-year-old Danish poker professional won the World Series of Poker early Tuesday, turning a wheel straight on the last hand to become the youngest champion in the history of the no-limit Texas Hold ‘em main event.

Peter Eastgate hit an ace-to-five straight on the turn and instantly called an all-in bet from Ivan Demidov on the river to win the title and $9,152,416. Demidov held two pair, twos and fours.

The previous youngest champion was 11-time gold bracelet winner Phil Hellmuth, who was 24 when he won the tournament in 1989.

“It feels good to beat Phil’s record,” Eastgate said after taking pictures with stacks of $100 bills and his new gold bracelet. “I was not focused on the record that I could break, I was just focused on the game.”

There is no singular money-generating thing that bothers me quite as much as poker. Well, poker and Web sites. Because holy crap does it get annoying to see how every good idea I’ve ever had get turned into a Web site sometime a couple months later. Which is why I’m left with this soupy drek I write every day. If I saw Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg on the street, I would kick him right in the head of his cock.

Anyway so yeah he’s $9 million richer. Whatever, I found a Junior Mint on the floor and I ate it. So we’re pretty even, I’d say.

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