The 32-year-old leapt over bars at Berlin Zoo during the bears’ feeding time yesterday.

Despite six zookeepers’ efforts to distract the four predators kept in the enclosure, the woman was bitten several times on her arms and legs.

It is not known why the woman pulled the dangerous stunt but she initially appeared to be elated as she swam towards a bear in the enclosure.

It is not easy to access the enclosure, which is surrounded by a fence, a line of prickly hedges and a wall.

Oh but this image (and several more at the Daily Mail) isn’t enough? Well, good news! Video!

It kind of sucks that the polar bears are totally going to get in trouble for this. You know what polar bears do? They eat things. Especially things with the muscle tone of a cattle at a meat farm that leap towards them. That’s pretty much breakfast in bed for a polar bear. You might as well get mad at me if you pass out somewhere within a 4 mile radius of my bed. Hey, if you didn’t want to wake up with me snoring in your ear and crusted baby Chrises on your stomach, then maybe one less shot of Patron would have been prudent.

[source]

On the Internet, people have a way of finding cuteness in many different animals but the reality is that 99% of them will eat your f’ing face off if given the chance. I mean seriously, theoretically these things are adorable but in terms of practicality it’s probably a good idea not to fetishize them. Like if I heard reports of drunken sorority girls eating people’s faces and leaving them in a ditch, I’d be much less inclined to want to work them like a finger puppet all the time. I’d still probably jerk off to hidden cameras of them peeing mind you, but I definitely would be reluctant to wear 3D glasses when doing so. The first step in prevention is taking the proper precautions.

If this doesn’t end in Flocke growing to full-size and mauling her handler because that’s how she’s been taught to “play,” I’m going to be extremely disappointed. People seriously need to learn that just because an animal is adorable doesn’t mean that it forgets that it has the strength of 18 strapping European powerlifters. If I were a polar bear, I’d spend all day just swatting people to the ground and eating their intestines. Same if I were a zombie. Actually, same if I were a fat man. I’m not going to lie, I’m really just looking for an excuse to maul people and eat their intestines.

I get it. Flocke the Polar Bear is adorable. I’ve covered her before. Twice! But seriously, I do not want to put my face right next to hers. That’s counterintuitive to anything I’ve ever learned. Primarily that wild animals, no matter how adorable, will absolutely f my crap up if I invade their personal space. It’s totally the opposite of little kids on a playground.

Also it kind of looks like they’re going to make out. If I wanted to mess up my face and smell trout, I’d probably go back on my promise to not put my face in Tara Reid’s crotch.