Guyism » Predictions

EAT EM UP TIGERS, EAT EM UP

A. Isaac — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:41:00 +0000

Let’s ignore the Miguel Cabrera shenanigans for one moment….

Ok, before we do that, let’s just a quick look at his hot wife (fine…its not his wife, it sorta looks like jessica alba)

The Tigers are at the Dome today for a one-game playoff. A game that they are destined not to win.

Why?

Well, over the years the Metrodome has been a house of horrors for them. This year, they went 2-7…last year 3-6…you get the idea

Nobody was happier that the dome was getting taken down than the Tigers organization.

But that doesn’t mean today is a total waste. Rookie pitcher Rick Porcello has shown a lot of heart and guts this year and the Twins are throwing Scott Baker. And no offense to the venerable Scott Baker, but he isn’t exactly scaring anyone.

The bigger problem here is the Tigers anemic offense. In must win games down the stretch, the Tigers were lucky to get a run or two. Against the White Sox, their offense, or lack thereof cost them the Friday night game.

And Saturday, a hungover Miguel Cabrera could barely lift his bat off his shoulders. Lucky for them, Justin Verlander pitched his heart out and it was enough to salvage one win.

So who wins today? My heart is telling me the Tigers. My brain is telling me the Twins.

But as people have astutely pointed out the last couple of weeks, I’m baseball stupid.

So I’ll go with my heart. Tigers win 8-4

Hey, even Coach Dantonio is rootin for ya.

WEEKEND PREDICTION: MSU/UM

A. Isaac — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 14:56:00 +0000

Michigan State -48
Montana State-14

Western Michigan-24
Michigan-21

Yes, I’m picking Michigan to lose. Too much outside stuff going on this week. And you know what, Western is all in all a better team than Michigan anyways.

And to my good buddy Bush, this chick while good looking is not smoking hot. Lots of touch up photoshop work there.

TIMMYG’S WEEK 15 PICKS

A. Isaac — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 19:36:00 +0000

The second week in December usually marks the time when workplaces hold their Christmas parties; shoppers start hustlin’ and bustlin’; and trampy chicks grace the internets in Santa costumes. It also brings about fantasy football playoff time. So, if your team didn’t make the playoffs because of that nine-yard catch by Steve Smith, here’s your chance to recoup those losses. Away we go…

1. Detroit Lions at Indianapolis Colts -17 – Over/Under 45 – Take the Colts, but stick with the under – The Colts have been rollin’ rollin’ rollin’, rollin’, what! Did I just reference Fred Durst? How lame is that? Anyway, you don’t have to be a fool to know that Peyton Manning will get his. The Colts will do their part to push the limit on the O/U, but the Lions won’t. They’re garbage. Enough said. 0 and 16, here they come. The pick: In-dy-face 31 D-League 13

2. Washington -7 at Cincinnati – Washington – Clinton Portis could show up in one of his ultra-stupid costumes and the ‘Skins would still beat the Bengals. The Redskins are fighting for their playoff lives. The Bengals are fighting for the second overall draft pick. Plus, redskin potatoes make an excellent side dish to any meal. That’s good enough for me. The pick: ‘Skins 23 ‘Gals 14

3. Buffalo at New York Jets -7.5 – NYJ – My name is Tim and I’m a Bills fan. The Bills’ play hinges on their quarterback. J.P. Losman sucks. He sucks so much. I’m going to start calling my enemies “Losmans”. To increase my disdain for him, he’ll probably hit Lee Evans on a 60 yard score and wreck my fantasy hopes for this week (yeah, I’m not the one who got burned on Steve Smith’s nine-yard catch – I’m in the playoffs). The pick: Jetropolitans 27 Go fly a kite, J.P. 13

4. Pittsburgh +2.5 at Baltimore – Pittsburgh – This game smells fishy to me. “Yeah! crabcakes and football. That’s what Maryland does!” Name the movie. It really does smell fishy…and it isn’t the crabcakes. Pittsburgh has a better offense, a better defense and they don’t wear purple. My gut tells me that they have to win and that it’s time for a turkey sandwich. By the way, it’s from Wedding Crashers. The pick: Thieves 17 Grimace 16

5. Minnesota Vikings at Arizona Cardinals -3 – Arizona – Which QB has a worse first name? Kurt or Tavaris? I’m not so sure. But, I do know which QB has a worse game… The pick: Redbirds 27 Barney 17

6. New England Patriots -7 at Oakland Raiders – New England – The Pats have not been impressive the past couple weeks. They sit atop the AFC East in a three-way tie. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Belichick run up the score this week, like he’s Bob Stoops in the BCS race. Man, I can’t stand Belichick. What a Losman. The pick: Losman 23 Quick, name the Raiders head coach. (It’s Tom Cable.) 13

TIMMYG’S WEEK 14 PICKS

A. Isaac — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 19:30:00 +0000

I’m not good at predictions, I barely understand how betting lines work, and I eat and drink heavily during the games. So instead of giving you half-hearted lousy pick-ems, WOI brings in some talent off the bench.

Who needs a little extra dough for Christmas shopping? You do. Well, what better way to earn it than sitting through some white-knucklers in Week 14? If you should happen to lose a few, don’t worry, your GF didn’t need that necklace anyway. It was the thought that counts. Here we go with the picks:

1. Atlanta Falcons +3 at New Orleans (Atlanta & Over 51.5)

Atlanta is playing for their playoff lives. With Carolina hosting Tampa Bay on MNF, a win would propel Atlanta to a first place tie in the NFC South. Consider it done. For the double dip in this game, pick the over too. Warmlanta’s offense has been clicking, N.O. has NO defense and Drew Brees will throw it ’til the cows come home. Moooooo. The pick:

Sizzlinglanta 34
Cool Brees 28

2. Houston Texans at Green Bay Packers -6 (Green Bay)

Houston had a short week following the MNF snoozefest against Jacksonville. Green Bay has been Green Bad over the past month, but there is no better medicine than a warm weather team coming into Lambeau. On Sunday, it’ll feel like it’s seven below. Houston will be the chicken soup that the Packers need. The pick:

Mr. Rodgers 24
Mr. Schaub 17

3. Miami Dolphins +1 vs. Buffalo (Miami)

Warm weather team + 15 degrees Fahrenheit + the Ralph Wilson Stadium home field advantage = Bills win. Wait, what? They’re playing this game inside in Toronto? The NFL stole a home game from them in December? Oh ok, at least they will be wearing their home navy blues. At least Bills fans can take solace in that. Not. It’ll be sunny and 70 in the dome. The pick:

70 & Sunny 27
15 & Snowy 23

4. New York Jets -4 at San Francisco 49ers (NYJ)

Have you ever been to Cold Stone Creamery? You know, the place with the overpriced glorified Blizzard? It’s the place that names their sizes “Like it”, “Love it” and “Wanna marry it”. Ok, maybe just like it and love it. Well, for this game, I’ll take the “Love it” Jets. The pick:

NY Bretts 28
SF Danny Tanners (hey, he lived in SF) 10

5. New England Patriots -4 at Seattle Seahawks (NE)

Bill Belichick is to the NFL as Spencer Pratt is to the world. Really, I couldn’t be more sick of looking at either of them. I want to see someone yank Spencer around by his beard and I want see someone sew sleeves on Belichick’s hoody. By the way, since when did hooded sweatshirts become hoodies? I’ll take the Patriots giving the four and Heidi Montag and her fake boobies. The pick:

Red Sawx 31
Mariners 17

TIMMYG’S WEEK 13 PICKS

A. Isaac — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 19:00:00 +0000

I didn’t fare too well last week. I started cold and couldn’t find a rhythm. So, that means I’ll just have to bet more this week. Have a happy Thanksgiving – the Titans, Cowboys and Cardinals will. Here we go . . .

1. San Francisco 49ers at Buffalo Bills -7 (Buffalo)

I let my cat pick this one. “Hey Buddy, Bills giving seven at home versus San Fran – pick it.” “Meow.” Good thing I speak cat. What he said was, “Beast Mode is in for a big day. The Bills pick up where they left off last week. Re-fill my food bowl.” The pick: Dolla’ Bills 24 48ers 13

2. Pittsburgh Steelers -1 at New England (New England)

Matt Cassel will be a very rich man after this year. I think he’s so solid that if I were GM of the Pats, I’d deal Tom Brady. Yeah, you heard me. Aside from Belichick, Randy, Moss and the rest of the Patriots organization, the thing that irks me the most about this game are the gloves that Roethlisberger will be wearing. You know it bothers you too. The guy won’t wear a helmet riding a motorcycle, but he wears gloves to protect his French manicure. Not a fan. The pick: Sand Cassel 23 It’s Not About the Benjamin’s 21

3. Kansas City Chiefs +3 at Oakland Raiders (KC)

This game doesn’t deserve a lead-in. Both teams are hot garbage. The pick: Kansas Sucky 21 Suckland 20

4. Jacksonville Jaguars +3 at Houston Texans (Jacksonville)

It’s too bad the NFL couldn’t use their flex scheduling to swap this one out. The good news – people should be well rested Tuesday morning. No use staying up for this one. I can’t see Jacksonville falling into the AFC South cellar behind Houston. Can Sage Rosenfels prove me wrong once again? I don’t think so. The pick: Jumping Jacksonville 25 Skip to my Houston 17

TIMMYG’S WEEK 12 PICKS

A. Isaac — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:29:00 +0000

College Flavor:

Michigan State +15 at Penn State (Michigan State)

Do I expect Michigan State to win? Yes. Do I think they will? I havent decided. Do I think itll be a good game? Absolutely. Of Mark Dantonio’s eight losses in the green and white, only one has been by more than seven points. The pick … why not: Em Ess Ewe 24 Pee Ess Ewe 21

Texas Tech at Oklahoma (Under 75.5)

Yes, I know that nobody in the Big XII plays defense. But, 76 points is a lot of points. Its like six more than 70. See. Texas Techs magic carpet ride ends on Saturday. The pick: Boom goes the Sooners 38 The Technicians 31

Pro Flavor:

New England +1.5 at Miami (New England)

Miami came into Foxboro and took the Pats behind the tool shed in week 2. Week 2 also marked the birth of this crazy Wildcat offensive phenomenon. I have to think that Bill Belicheat has been looking at all sorts of film this week hopefully no raunchy adult film. The pick: Wicked Cheatuhs 27 Souff Beach 23

San Francisco at Dallas -10 (Dallas)

Jessica Simpson could show up to this game and Dallas would still cover. I detest all things Cowboys, but I think theyre starting to roll. Shoot, I hope Jessica does show up to this game in a bikini

It might make it interesting. The pick: Cowgirls 31 Forteh Niners 13

Tampa Bay at Detroit +8.5 (Detroit)

Dont think Guyism wont be lurking outside the Bucs hotel hoping to catch a glimpse of Jeff Garcias wife, Carmella DeCesare

Really, what does she see in him? If she keeps Garcia up all night, the Lions might just keep it close. The pick: The Yucks 19 Rod Verysmelly 16

Oakland at Denver -9 (Denver)

Can you believe that Jennifer Stano actually posted here?

WTF? OMG. Call me, Jennifer. XOXO. The pick: Denver 28 Oakland 17

Green Bay at New Orleans (Over 51.5)

Drew Brees deep to Devery Henderson. Aaron Rodgers deep to Greg Jennings. Drew Brees to Lance Moore. Aaron Rodgers to Donald Driver. Seriously, call me, XO. Brees to Marques Colston. Rodgers back to Jennings …you get my drift. The pick: Nawlins 526 Green Ay Bay Bay 505

TIMMYG’S WEEK 11 PICKS

A. Isaac — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:42:00 +0000

TimmyG’s Picks for Week 11

As my wise uncle once said, you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose. Since I can’t pick your nose, how about I pick your games? Here you go. Lock ‘em up!

1. Tennessee at Jacksonville – Under 39.5 – Both teams love to run it. Plus, I spiked Jeff Fisher’s and Jack Del Rio’s coffee with laxatives. Both teams will have the runs come Sunday. Gross, I know. Ten and Oh 23 Haguars 13

2. Denver at Atlanta – Over 51 – Roddy White will use Dre Bly. Jay Cutler will throw and throw and throw some more. Michael Turner feasts on poor run defenses. Denver’s has given up the fourth most rushing scores. Warmlanta 34 DONEver 27

3. Houston at Indianapolis – Indy -8 – Remember what happened last time Sage Rosenfels played the Colts? He was far from Sage and things were far from Rosie for the Texans. Bob Sanders will spy Steve Slaton. The rest of the Colts secondary will cover Andre Johnson. Peyton Manning will have his troops ready. Peyton 31 Rosie 17

4. Baltimore at New York Giants – Under 41.5 – The Giants give up 17.8 points a game. The Ravens give up 16.7. You do the math. Both teams will leave this game black and blue and then after a few days, they’ll be yellow. Well, Joe Flacco and Eli Manning will be yellow. I don’t know if bruised African American skin turns yellow. You get my drift. They Might Be Giants 21 Ray Lewis 13

5. Oakland at Miami – Miami -10.5 – The word on the street is that Al Davis will be calling the plays and playing QB for the Raiders this week. Raise your hand if you think Oakland can stop Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams. That’s what I thought. Eggs over My Hammy 28 Suckland 10

6. New Orleans at Kansas City – Over 50 – New Orleans’ defense is garbage. Kansas City’s is worse. Tyler Thigpen (who?) is rolling. Larry Johnson returns. Drew Brees should have all day to throw against KC’s nonexistent pass rush. And, my fantasy team could use a healthy day from him. The Sunshine Band 31 Aints 28

7. Arizona at Seattle – Arizona -3 – Kurt Warner has been nothing short of awesome this year. The Seahawks will get Matt Hasselbeck and Deion Branch back, but they can’t play defense. Warner connects with his husband on a pair of scores. Cards win big. Card Sharks 31 Seagulls 14

8. Cleveland at Buffalo – Buffalo -5.5 – If you’re a football fan, you need to make your way up to Orchard Park, NY for a Bills game. Fans have had their RVs parked in the stadium lot since Wednesday. The drunken idiots will be out in full effect. Brady Quinn didn’t get a proper welcome to the NFL against Denver. He should expect one in Buffalo. Williams 27 Brownies 20

WEEKEND PREDICTIONS

A. Isaac — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 15:41:00 +0000

MSU at Indiana

When Ball State can run on your defense for 224 yards, I’m guessing MSU might do a little better. Especially when they have Javon Ringer, one of the best running backs in the nation. This one might be close in the first half but MSU will eventually wear down Indiana who is severely banged up in the secondary.

MSU 38
IU 14

Wisconsin at Michigan

On paper, this game looks disastrous for Michigan. A 1-3 start will probably mean UM is on the outside looking in for a bowl game. Wisconsin will run the ball as much as possible and try to set up big passing plays on first down. Michigan’s offense has looked fairly inept this year and it seems that a team who scores 21 against them will more than likely pull out the W.

Wisconsin 24
Michigan 14

More predictions…

WEEKEND PREDICTIONS

A. Isaac — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 04:02:00 +0000

Florida Atlantic at MSU

FAU probably would have had a better chance if not for this monsoon that is rolling through the midwest tomorrow. With MSUs ability to run the ball with numerous backs and with their strength up front, I doubt this will be much of a game.

MSU 28
FAU 7

UM at Notre Dame

You know sometimes when you take a crap and you flush the toilet, and some of your poop remnants are on the side of the bowl.

Yea, thats what this game has become. The last two times these teams have played, they’ve been unranked. What was once a proud tradition between two historically relevant schools has become a Game D package on an uneventful Saturday.

Notre Dame gets the edge at home because if UM can only put up 16 against Miami(Oh) at home, that equates to about 3 on the road.

Notre Dame 14
UM 3

Green Bay at Detroit

My heart says I hope the Lions get bent over and raped. My brain says they will get bent over and raped.

Few times have my brain and my heart been right on the same thing

Green Bay 21
Detroit 17

OUTRAGEOUS NFL/COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREDICTIONS

A. Isaac — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 15:00:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago, I asked for some of your outrageous Football Predictions for 2008-2009

These are some of the predictions I got…

By the way, my New England will not make the playoffs one is looking like the early leader….

If Tennessee beats Florida this year, Erin Andrews will consent to be photographed wearing nothing but a Vols jersey (v-neck).

The Cincinnati Bengals have 0 arrests this season

The Giants will finish below .500

Fresno State will follow in the footsteps of the likes of Boise State,
Utah and most recently Hawaii and play in a BCS Bowl in 2009.

It will be announced that TimTebow and Erin Andrews are in fact dating

Temple University Football wins the MAC and wins its bowl game .. god knows the last time it had a winning record

The SF 49ers will win the NFC

Kyle Orton will win the MVP

Northwestern Will win the big ten championship this year

WEEKEND PREDICTIONS

A. Isaac — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 19:17:00 +0000

EMU vs. MSU:

No preview this week for the MSU game. State is 7-0 all time against the Eagles and just two years ago laid a 52-20 thumping on them. While the Eagles may be improved, I don’t see this being a game after halftime.

MSU 48
EMU 14

Miami (OH) vs. UM:

UM sucks but they don’t suck to the point where they will lose two non-conference games in a row at home. But still, this will be a closer game than most Wolverine fans expect

UM 28
Miami (OH) 24

Detroit vs. Atlanta

There are few times in the Matt Millen era that you can say without a shadow of a doubt that the Lions were the far superior team going into a game.

Dare I say this is one of those times.

Detroit 34
Atlanta 10

YOUR 2008 DETROIT LIONS SEASON PREVIEW

A. Isaac — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 14:18:00 +0000

Just to give you a glimpse of some of my thoughts….

Put it this way, Matt Millen is scared to show his face in Detroit. I’m serious. I used to see the guy all the time eating out with friends and now, he’s nowhere to be found. He is more hated than Kwame Kilpatrick (and Kwame supposedly killed someone too).

I’ll be honest, if I saw Matt Millen somewhere, I would probably urinate on his face and take a steaming pile of crap on his chest.

Wait, is that going overboard?

Read the Full Preview

NBA PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS

A. Isaac — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 01:34:00 +0000

Day late on this…

Western Conference

1st round

Lakers over Nuggets in 4
NO over Mavs in 6
SA over Suns in 7
Houston over Jazz in 7

2nd round

Lakers over Rockets in 5
SA over NO in 6

Western Conference Finals

SA over Lakers in 7

Eastern Conference

1st round

Boston over Atlanta in 4
Detroit over 76ers in 5
Toronto over Orlando in 6
Cleveland over Washington in 7

2nd round

Boston over Cleveland in 5
Detroit over Toronto in 6

Eastern Conference Finals

Boston over Detroit in 7

FINALS

SA over Boston in 7

NFL Divisional Predictions

A. Isaac — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 19:25:00 +0000

I’m feeling pretty good about my predictions last week. In case you forgot, I went 4-0 last weekend

Can we see a repeat?

Saturday’s Games

Seattle at Green Bay(-7.5)

My only hope for this game is that it goes to overtime and Hasselbeck has to come out to midfield. Im hoping he doesnt choose his words carefully. Would love to see Favre crack a tibia and end his career so we wouldnt have to see him for another season, but alas, I dont think God loves me that much. Snow, rain, sleet, sunny, Im going with GB

Favre’s last game 24
We’re going to take the ball and score 14

Jacksonville at New England(-13.5)

How good would 16-0 be if New England didnt make the Super Bowl? It’d be like all those times when the Red Wings won the Presidents Cup and choked. Oh wait, there are no hockey fans here. 86 that last comment. As much as you think the Jags could do some damage to the running game, what happens when New England scores a couple of early tds and Jax is forced to pass. It could get ugly. However, I hate Boston sports teams so Im pulling for a close game.

Belicheat 32
I hate Fred Taylor 27

Sunday’s Games

San Diego at Indianapolis(-8)

This isnt even worth talking about if Antonio Gates doesnt play. Phil Rivers sux balls and Bob Sanders is going to keying on LT all day. Worst game of the weekend.

Throw the ball Mitch 35
We need a new qb not named Phil Rivers 14

New York at Dallas (7.5)

I wouldnt feel comfortable in this game if Im a Cowboys fan. Without Terrell Owens, that offense is just average. If the Giants can stop the run, they can pin their ears back and give Romo the business. But the mitigating factor is still Eli Manning. As well as the Giants have played on the road this year, no Giants fan can sit there with a straight face and tell me they are positive he will have a good game. The Boys are ripe for a loss but not from the Giants.

I wont drop the snap this year 21
Peyton’s little bro 17

Wildcard Predictions

A. Isaac — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 14:35:00 +0000

Washington at Seattle

Washington is actually playing pretty well right now but Seattle has been here before and they seem to play darn good at home. Plus, I would never back a crappy UM quarterback on the road. Its a mortal sin.

Seattle 28
Washington 13

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh

Maybe the most intriguing matchup of the weekend because of how bad the Jags handed it to the Steelers a few weeks back.

The 1-2 punch of Taylor-Drew may even give the Patriots problems next week.

Jacksonville 24
Pittsburgh 20

NY at Tampa Bay

Let’s be honest. Neither of these teams are very good. They both have no business in the playoffs. Nobody cares about this game because the winner has a zero percent chance of winning next week.

NY 17
TB 10

Tenn at San Diego

There is some bad blood brewing between these two teams. Merriman accused Tenn coach Jeff Fisher of ordering a hit on him during a game a couple of weeks back.

That aside, the Chargers are the better team and the Titans are just too banged up right now. They win despite one of the worst coaches in football.

Chargers 31
Tenn 14