I like the way this dude thinks. Not only is he saying all the right things about acting like it’s a totally straight endeavor, but he’s also pretty slick in how he coyly threw out that they could totally jerk it together. That’s the way you do it when you’re trying to jerk off with Justin Bieber. You don’t want to come on too strong. But you definitely don’t want to act like there’s no chance of it happening. The Biebs likes a challenge. For example: How he dates Selena Gomez. It’s a real challenge to make that look legitimate but goshdarnit he’s putting his whole adorable 5’3 heart into it, bless’em!

Early Bird Special [The Daily What]

Don’t worry, nerds; according to the YouTube comments, Pitts asked the teacher in advance if it was okay to do this and she approved.

Maybe this Jason Pitts isn’t the best looking, most ripped, or coolest kid in school. But he has a song, four goofy friends harmonizing like he’s Diana Ross and they’re The Supremes, and, oh yeah, MARACAS. Sorry Lianna Cohen, but you’re giving it up to this dude on prom night. It’s for the good of society.

And if you like young Mr. Pitts’ music, hit him up on his Facebook page and let him know.

[Thanks for the tip, Jeremy!]

“I could hear screaming and crying,” [one girl's mother] said. “My husband kept saying, ‘Baby girl, calm down,’ over and over.”

Sarah Guffey had been turned away from Mesquite High School’s homecoming dance because the senior’s dress didn’t meet the dress code.

Ian Halperin, a school district spokesman, said that the district’s policy for outside events is longstanding and that students had been told what to expect.

“The students had been told all week long during the announcements there would be a dress code,” Halperin said. “The whole point of this is it should have not been a surprise to any young lady that her dress would be reviewed before entering the dance.”

Mesquite ISD stands by decision to turn away girls whose homecoming dresses were deemed too revealing [Dallas News]

According to Philly.com:

“There would be a tight cluster of students . . . and in the center we had no idea what was going on,” said Susan Nolen, copresident of the Parent Teacher Group and mother of two students at Penncrest. “Clearly, there was inappropriate touching; that was obvious during the cleanup of the dances.”

Whoa – wait. What?

“The custodial staff were,” Nolen explained, uneasily, “cleaning bodily fluids off the floor.”

In order to go to future Penncrest dances, students must agree to avoid all “grinding, freaking, or any mimicking of sexual acts” in addition to “front-to-back touching” or straddling one another. So, if you’re doing the Electric Slide, you’re still good. Assuming the chant of “It’s electric!” doesn’t make you leak onto the floor like a BP oil spill.

Students are boycotting, organizing their own dances, creating Facebook groups, etc. But not all students in the Philadelphia area are disappointed. A similar contract was instituted at nearby Radnor High, where some students agreed that the dancing was getting a bit out of hand.

“It used to be pretty inappropriate; I’m not going to lie,” Radnor High senior Spencer Holm told Philly.com. “The freshman girls used to be expected to dance a certain way, especially if they were there with an upperclassman, even if they didn’t know him that well.”

Holm also said the girls were doing moves that were similar to those of strippers.

Well, it’s like my parents always told me: It’s all fun and games until someone ejaculates on the floor. It’s on our family crest, right next to a stick figure man looking sad with his shoulders shrugged as if to say, “Hey, what can I do?” We’re a noble people.

So what do you think? Nanny state gone too far? Or a valid request to keep kids from being too sexual at too young of an age?

Dirty-dancing cleanup [Philly.com]
Students Fouling High School Dance Floors with Their “Bodily Fluids” [Gawker]

As students streamed out of Allentown’s Central Catholic High School at dismissal today, girls shrieked and giggled when they spotted Emmaus High School junior Zach Heffelfinger. He was holding a dozen roses in each hand.

In between was a huge, hand-made sign: “Adriana Nikles, will you go to the prom with me?”

By the time the object of his affection stepped out of the door, a contingent of grinning students were milling around 17-year-old Zach.

One look at the sign, and all sophomore Adriana could do was throw her arms around Zach’s neck and say “Yes, I will.” Zach’s romantic surprise began earlier in the day when he got Adriana’s friends to plant puzzle pieces around the school fit to form the word “PROM?”

Sixteen-year-old Adriana got the first puzzle piece in Spanish class and found the second one in her locker. Pieces appeared in her classes throughout the day.

“I knew it had to be him,” she said.

This is unbelievable. It’s like providing a plate, salad forks, and seven types of well-aged wine to eat a dinner of Chicken McNuggets and chewed bubblegum. But of course, this one-upping asshole is doing even more next year.

As the couple started discussing plans for the Emmaus prom on May 2, Zach warned, “Wait until the senior prom, it’s going to be even bigger than this, maybe a parade or circus.”

“Oh my God!” said Adriana.

I can’t wait for him to get his stupid little heart broken when she inevitably sucks off the first frat guy she meets. There comes an important crossroads in every man’s life where he can continue to be idealistic about love and want to do amazing things for every woman or come to the logical realization that women typically only deserve a croissantwich and a walk to the bus station.

[source]

Marche Taylor’s prom night experience wasn’t what you would call “the norm.”

That’s because instead of a night of dancing and hanging out with friends, the Madison High School senior ended up in a confrontation with school officials and escorted out in handcuffs. Officials said her dress was inappropriate for the prom.

Madison High’s prom took place at the Sugar Land Marriott, but Taylor only got as far as the lobby. When she tried to enter the ballroom, an official stopped her.

“She shook her head, she was like ‘you are not getting into this prom,’” said Taylor. “We were arguing back and forth because I wanted to know why I can’t get into my prom.”

At that point, Taylor said she was furious. She said if she couldn’t get in, she wanted her money back.

Things got so bad that someone called the police. Officers showed up, handcuffed her and escorted her out.

Whoa whoa whoa let’s slow down here. Black people can get arrested for things? Let alone get indignant and hostile when provoked? Wow. I had no clue. I mean, talk about out of left field. Please stop this Knowledge Train before I learn all other ungodly information about the sky being blue, the Easter Bunny not existing, and cupcakes being delicious.

Anyway she looks like a total slut but, let’s be honest, pretty sure this wasn’t the classiest prom around. There were probably booties clapping all over the place. Let the girl party, I say!