One Wall Street banker opened up to Buzzfeed’s SHIFT about his penchant for paying women for sex despite being married. The reasons are surprisingly compelling and logical. Take a look at what he has to say. Spoiler alert: No spreadsheets, sadly.

French girls having sex for money? It’s like somebody made a movie out of gold-plated candy. Elles is a new movie that stars Juliette Binoche as a journalist who is assigned to report on young women who turn to prostitution to fund their college tuition. Naturally, her perspective on ]]>

French girls having sex for money? It’s like somebody made a movie out of gold-plated candy. Elles is a new movie that stars Juliette Binoche as a journalist who is assigned to report on young women who turn to prostitution to fund their college tuition. Naturally, her perspective on the sex trade starts to change as she delves into their lives, and she has a sexual awakening of her own. Man, I love sexual awakenings. I’d have one every morning if I thought I could get away with it.

This fight between a trio of prostitutes is somewhere between Bumfights and an episode of “Oprah”. In it, a white girl fights a black girl, only for the white girl’s friend to come in, then the black girl to give a speech to her about doing things “the right way”. ]]>

This fight between a trio of prostitutes is somewhere between Bumfights and an episode of “Oprah”. In it, a white girl fights a black girl, only for the white girl’s friend to come in, then the black girl to give a speech to her about doing things “the right way”. BONUS: The guy shooting the video does terribly unfunny commentary.

I think I might have heard the word “bitch” more in that five minutes than I have in my entire life.

The dude shooting the video really needs to be stopped. You capture this hilarious moment between a couple of prostitutes and you have to insert your insipidly unfunny commentary and yell things like, “LET’S TAKE OUT OUR TITTIES HURRR DURRR”. Newsflash: No one’s watching this video going, “Man, I hope that dude does more overmodulated shitty voices. Now that’s a real laugher and a perfect distraction from these women being entertaining and trashy and the one girl thinking she’s giving a whore self-help seminar.”

I particularly enjoyed how the black prostitute was trying to drop knowledge, though. Looks like someone took one of those Donald Trump business classes they advertise to people with no clue how to be good at life. But I really respect her for how she took time from getting her wig ripped off to say, “Hey girl, you’re pretty and blonde. You should be making more money.” Wig snatchings are always better when they’re mixed with encouraging words.

Apparently one Tampa woman’s calendar was off since she spent Easter weekend giving her elderly dad the best Father’s Day gift ever. According to Tampa police, 51-year-old Pia Kirchberg offered an undercover officer $20 in exchange for sex with her 80-year-old father Maurice Kirchberg over the holiday.

New York college student Hubert Blackman went to Las Vegas with blackjack dreams and hooker fantasies. He claims he left short $300, traumatized, and feeling threatened by police (after all, hooking is illegal in Vegas). Now he’s suing for a full refund and a $1.8 million settlement.
While in Vegas, Blackman connected with a company called Las Vegas Exclusive Personals. Through the company, he ordered a stripper who came to his hotel room and provided him with a $155 lap dance and a $120 undisclosed sex act.

Blackman says that the following morning, he called the company to demand his money back, claiming the lady didn’t stay for the promised hour and a half. After being met with a chilly response from the company, he contacted police who told him the act was illegal and threatened him with arrest.

Blackman told the Las Vegas Sun that it was the escort who solicited the act and that he was too drunk to make an informed decision at the time.

He also said that he now needs medical treatment for a “mental condition” stemming from the incident.

I don’t get the whole “publicly complaining about a hooker” thing. Especially if you got off. I’m sure there are many men that get taken advantage of by escorts or prostitutes but don’t say a word. And that’s the right course of action. You’re paying to drop a little baby batter on a strange person…whatever happens to you as you get to that point is just part of the accepted risk.

Plus, $120 for a sex act in your hotel room in Vegas? It seems like the only crime committed here is a crime of savings.

Las Vegas tourist sues for refund after sex act led to ‘tragic’ arrest threat [Las Vegas Sun]

When buying a prostitute, you definitely want to get your money’s worth. Unfortunately, Missouri’s Ryan McNames didn’t get what he wanted from his ladies of the evening. And now he’s in jail. Police reports say that 19-year-old McNames had picked up two ladies off the street ]]>

When buying a prostitute, you definitely want to get your money’s worth. Unfortunately, Missouri’s Ryan McNames didn’t get what he wanted from his ladies of the evening. And now he’s in jail.

Police reports say that 19-year-old McNames had picked up two ladies off the street and brought them to an undisclosed location.

McNames claims that he offered the two women $60 for one to show him her boobs while the other gave him oral sex.

After McNames paid them, one showed him her chest, but the other didn’t give him the oral sex he so craved.

McNames then went to police and told them about his conundrum, requesting that an officer retrieve at least $40 from the two prostitutes for an incomplete transaction. McNames allegedly also told the officer he knew what he did was illegal, but he does it all the time, so it was fine.

McNames was then arrested under suspicion of patronizing prostitution and released on a $500 bond.

The lesson? No two women, no matter how gross, will blow you and show you boobs for the price of NBA Jam on the Xbox 360. And that all prostitute complaints should not go to police, but rather the Better Business Blow Jobs and Blumpkins Bureau. Hopefully McNames understand that now.

Complaint about prostitutes lands man in jail [Columbia Tribune]

When you’re attempting to rob a prostitute, you may want to be sure that A) The prostitute is not a tranny and B) That tranny is not enormous and capable of swallowing you whole. Also, you should probably avoid doing this as a teenager. Lesson learned, eh Rufus Bowman?

When you’re attempting to rob a prostitute, you may want to be sure that A) The prostitute is not a tranny and B) That tranny is not enormous and capable of swallowing you whole. Also, you should probably avoid doing this as a teenager. Lesson learned, eh Rufus Bowman?

Police say that 16-year-old Rufus Bowman solicited Joshua Bumpus, a transvestite prostitute. However, when they went into an alley to conduct business, Bowman pulled a gun on Bumpus.

The two men fought in the alleyway resulting in Bowman firing a shot into Bumpus’s arm. Even with a gunshot wound slowing him down, Bumpus grabbed Bowman by his hair and, according to police “beat the shit out of him.”

Bumpus’s tranny friends (peers?) flagged down Cincinnati police, who showed up in time to see Bumpus beating down Bowman. The district prosecutor told the Cincinnati Enquirer that “it was one of the more memorable arrests of [the cops'] lives.”

Bowman plead guilty to felony assault on Tuesday, a charge which will get him three years in prison.

And this is why I highly recommend avoiding tranny prostitutes. Really, any prostitute that’s 6’3 and 280 pounds should be avoided. When you’re not sure if the person you’re paying for sex is going to give you a handy or if they’re going to lead block for you on a big run up the middle, then you may want to rethink your whole money for sex strategy. Get Suze Orman on the phone.

Prosecutor: Teenager picked wrong transvestite prostitute to rob [Cincinnati Enquirer]

For many regions, prostitution can be a serious problem and Switzerland is no exception. However, police in Zurich are now taking an approach similar to The Wire with proposals that would allow people to have sex in tiny little huts or “sex boxes” in the area. ]]>

For many regions, prostitution can be a serious problem and Switzerland is no exception. However, police in Zurich are now taking an approach similar to The Wire with proposals that would allow people to have sex in tiny little huts or “sex boxes” in the area.

Police claim that the prostitution has become a huge problem for Zurich. In particular, many homes in the city overlook the city’s red light district.

One resident told Metro UK that “they get up to all sorts in broad daylight – and we’re sick to death of looking at it.”

The city is borrowing the concept from German cities such as Essen and Cologne with the goal being to at least keep prostitution out of the public eye.

Each box is able to conceal a vehicle, leaving the john and prostitute with a degree of privacy, and cloaking from onlookers, they wouldn’t otherwise have.

I’m all for things that keep me from having to watch some guy get a beej, but at the same time, even if prostitution is legal, does that mean you have to start bending over backwards for people paying for sex? Personally, I think prostitution should be legal because, hey, what a woman does to her already-defiled body is of no concern to me. But if I were a Swiss person, I’m not sure I’d be so happy that instead of getting sex-buyers into a home or brothel, my local police just said, “Meh, put a wall around it and make the taxpayers pay.” While we’re doing things for johns’ convenience, why don’t we create a special task force in charge of dabbing his vas deferens after sex with a cool towel too? It just doesn’t make sense.

So what do you think, is ignoring the problem the best solution for a city and its police force overrun by prostitution?

Switzerland Confidential: Behold the Legal Sex Drive-Thru [Time.com]
Zurich planning drive-in sex-boxes [Metro UK]

I’m having a hard time finding any context about this picture, i.e. where it was taken, if it’s legit, or what, but it’s just too amusing not to share with you right now. This protester is all about keeping it real, it would seem.

In this ]]>

I’m having a hard time finding any context about this picture, i.e. where it was taken, if it’s legit, or what, but it’s just too amusing not to share with you right now. This protester is all about keeping it real, it would seem.

In this one sign, I think that the problems with whatever they’re protesting gain a lot of validity. A country is only as strong as its weakest members. And if those weakest members can’t pretend they’re satisfying a bored Taiwanese hooker for ten minutes while she files her nails, then how strong can this country really be?

I’m a pretty big fan of double entendre (witness here). I’m also a pretty big fan of not thoroughly checking your work after completing it. Thus, you could understand why I adore these 10 signs that definitely (hopefully?) don’t deliver what they promise.

9 Big Bone Lick ]]>

I’m a pretty big fan of double entendre (witness here). I’m also a pretty big fan of not thoroughly checking your work after completing it. Thus, you could understand why I adore these 10 signs that definitely (hopefully?) don’t deliver what they promise.

9 Big Bone Lick

In their defense, if I knew what the words “vertebrate paleontology” meant, I’d probably find this less perverse.

8 Hooker Creek Road

“Oh, you don’t want to drop those off here sir, you should go down three exits to Dead Hooker Creek Road.
No, no problem at all, happens all the time.”

7 People With A.I.D.S.

Good idea: Supporting people afflicted with AIDS when society is so quick to judge them.
Bad idea: Putting a Red Cross on the same block.

6 Reserved For Disabled Only

Thank God someone made this sign. Otherwise, I’d have no clue if disabled people go
in the blue container, the green one, or the trash bin.

5 Beaver Ruin Road

Bring the family to Beaver Ruin Road… because you’re not brave enough to inform your pregnant
wife you no longer find her sexually satisfying, but want to show her passive aggressive road signs.

4 Gay Head

A sign that says “Gay Head” should be better taken care of. Like garish neon lights or a pink flamingo…
I want my Gay Head to be classy and flamboyant, not drab and disappointing.

3 Fangboner Road

Precisely why it would not be a good idea to get a blowjob in the True Blood universe.

2 General Hooker Entrance

Hookers have to go in through a different entrance? What next, separate water fountains?
Oh, that’s not water in those fountains at all. Oh… oh no.

1 Sluts Hole Lane

If it’s been spread open so wide that you can build an entire block inside of it,
it might be wise to consider kegel exercises.

This is a bit outside the scope of the usual Quote of the Day, but worth noting. An advice columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times was asked by a 40-year-old virgin what he should do about his situation. Her solution was not betterment of himself or improving his confidence. Nope..she just ]]>

This is a bit outside the scope of the usual Quote of the Day, but worth noting. An advice columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times was asked by a 40-year-old virgin what he should do about his situation. Her solution was not betterment of himself or improving his confidence. Nope..she just thinks he should pop a round off in a hooker.

I think your fear of being intimate — because it means exposing your inexperience — is what women are picking up on, and that’s what’s causing the lack of connection on their part. I have a feeling your unhappiness over your virginity is inhibiting you with woman.

So, how do you get rid of your virginity?

Prostitution is legal in some counties in Nevada. And even where it’s illegal, it’s widespread. Conservative columnist George Will recently said on “This Week With George Stephanopoulos,” “We legalized prostitution, as anyone who opens a telephone book and looks under ‘escort’ can tell.”

[Chicago Sun-Times]

Ever wonder what it would be like living inside a brothel without having to get tens of thousands of dollars in debt? Then you’ll be interested in this story from a woman who grew up with her mom, a prostitute, inside a brothel. ]]>

Ever wonder what it would be like living inside a brothel without having to get tens of thousands of dollars in debt? Then you’ll be interested in this story from a woman who grew up with her mom, a prostitute, inside a brothel. Quite an interesting read.

As I was growing up, my mother worked as a housekeeper in a bohemian part of London full of hookers and artists. My family — my brother, sister, mother and often absent father — lived in a leaking basement flat of a large Victorian house, which had rooms that my mother would clean and deliver breakfast to. When I was 10, three prostitutes moved in. My mother kept their profession a secret from us, but I noticed they were very different from her — they were covered in make-up, wore low-cut tops and would sit very provocatively on the doorstep with their legs open; if she saw us on the doorstep, she would scream at us.

In our teens, we gradually worked it out, after noticing how they’d sleep in the day, then go out at night and return with men. There was only one telephone, so my mum would always rush to answer it, to prevent us doing so, but my sister and I became inquisitive and started picking up the phone. If we said the girls weren’t in, the callers would ask us if we were on the game. We’d make up names for ourselves, such as Letitia, from EastEnders, and say, “We’ll give you the full works,” a term we’d overheard. We’d arrange appointments, and men would come round. My mother would answer the door and quickly slam it. A couple of times, men wanted us to go into detail: “What colour are your knickers?” That was too much, it scared us and we’d hang up.

[Read the full story at Times Online]

Five 18-24 year-old girls were arrested at a Washington state coffee stand for basically being good saleswomen. By which I mean licking whipped cream off each other and taking nude photos for customers. If nothing else, they should be honored for their clever business model.

Five Washington state baristas ]]>

Five 18-24 year-old girls were arrested at a Washington state coffee stand for basically being good saleswomen. By which I mean licking whipped cream off each other and taking nude photos for customers. If nothing else, they should be honored for their clever business model.

Five Washington state baristas charged customers to touch their breasts and buttocks at an espresso stand where servers wear bikinis to draw business, police said.

The five were charged Wednesday with prostitution. Charging money for that kind of touching falls under the city’s definition of prostitution.

The Everett Herald reports the women were charging up to $80 to strip down while fixing lattes and mochas.

During a two-month investigation, detectives also saw the women lick whipped cream off each other and pose naked for pictures at the Grab-n-Go Espresso stand in Everett, about 30 miles north of Seattle.

“This was about alleged conduct, not about what the women were wearing,” [Police Sgt. Robert Goetz] said. “They could have been wearing parkas and if they continued to conduct themselves that way, we still would have filed the criminal charges.”

[MSNBC, thanks Isaac for the tip!]

As America’s premier Whore Advocate, I’m pretty upset at the representation of hookers at Zapata’s Mexican Cantina. Perhaps you’ll understand my outrage when you see the photo after the jump.

I don’t think they’re giving the ladies of the evening enough credit for their intelligence. HOWEVER…if ]]>

As America’s premier Whore Advocate, I’m pretty upset at the representation of hookers at Zapata’s Mexican Cantina. Perhaps you’ll understand my outrage when you see the photo after the jump.

I don’t think they’re giving the ladies of the evening enough credit for their intelligence. HOWEVER…if you do need to test to see if a woman is a prostitute, here’s a little helpful tip: Grab your wallet and pull a dollar out. Make sure it’s nice and flat and unfolded, ideally a $10 bill or up. Then take the dollar bill in your right hand and move it towards the woman-in-question’s pants pocket. Keep a close eye on her crotch. If her vagina spreads open as the dollar bill gets closer to her genitals, she’s probably a prostitute. Or your wife. OH SNAP.

[via]

You would think that to lure people into an alley for sex so that you could shoot them, you’d need some sexy bait. Well, look at the two chicks used as bait. Sooo maybe I’ve been giving criminals too much credit.

Two men were shot in ]]>

You would think that to lure people into an alley for sex so that you could shoot them, you’d need some sexy bait. Well, look at the two chicks used as bait. Sooo maybe I’ve been giving criminals too much credit.

Two men were shot in an alley early Wednesday morning after they were lured there by women who offered sex acts in exchange for money, police said.

Officers said it was a trap laid by two women and two male accomplices. They had been cruising the Plaza and Westport areas, looking for victims, Officer Darin Snapp said.

“This was all planned out. Two women and two men conspired before they even got to Westport, and that’s what they were going to do,” Snapp told KMBC’s Jim Flink.

Dawn Clark, 38, and Krystal Myers, 20, are accused of offering a good time to two unsuspecting patrons, but what they were really going to do was rob them, police said.

“According to these two victims, they had no idea. They just thought they’d met two girls who were going to go home, do some more partying and have a good time,” Snapp said.

Now far be it from me to mock victims (see advertisers, I’m not such a bad guy! SEE!) but if this is your idea of a couple of good time girls, you probably deserve to get shot (oh, nevermind. Skip this post advertisers). Ideally, you’d get shot in the groin because, hey, let’s face it, there really wasn’t going to be a whole lot of social upward mobility for future generations, now was there?

You have to commend the girls for everything up until the getting arrested part though. They were basically being pimped out for money without having to have sex. That’s a pretty sweet deal and truly a testament to the power of feminine cunning. Honestly I’ll lead you into a dark alley right now for $20 so long as I don’t have to give you a tug or do the actual shooting. That’s just savvy business. And also probably why I’m not a CEO.

[via]

I don’t post the stupid questions on Yahoo Answers too often because they often seem fake and cliche. But this one tickled my fancy for some reason.

I have to say, there are probably more questions about vaginas and their various mysteries on ]]>

I don’t post the stupid questions on Yahoo Answers too often because they often seem fake and cliche. But this one tickled my fancy for some reason.

I have to say, there are probably more questions about vaginas and their various mysteries on Yahoo Answers than anything else. And with good reason. Sure, we all know about labias and vulvas and whatever, but when it comes down to a question of function, many people just don’t have enough hands-on experience with them. That’s why I pioneered the “Let 13 Year-Olds Finger A Prostitute Who Ideally Doesn’t Have Crabs, But Beggars Can’t Be Choosers I Guess” initiative for schools. I figure if you let a guy toy with a vagina for a bit, eventually he’ll have a rough idea of how things work. At least enough to not look like a total asshole when he actually needs to know what to do.

As for the actual question, the answer is: I sure hope they do close up, otherwise I have really been misleading that middle school health class. In so many ways.

A prostitute was arrested in Florida for pleasuring gentlemen in exchange for money (as prostitutes are wont to do). Her justification for why what she did was legal is fairly interesting because, apparently, I’m owed several thousand dollars by anyone I’ve ever hung out with.

A suspected prostitute shared her ]]>

A prostitute was arrested in Florida for pleasuring gentlemen in exchange for money (as prostitutes are wont to do). Her justification for why what she did was legal is fairly interesting because, apparently, I’m owed several thousand dollars by anyone I’ve ever hung out with.

A suspected prostitute shared her unusual work rationale with an undercover Leesburg police officer just before she was arrested for the second time within 24 hours late last week.

“I don’t take money for sex,” Ashley M. Hollin, 26, of Leesburg, told the officer. “I take money for company and the sex is free.”

Hollin’s comments came late Friday just before she was about to be arrested for the second time that day. According to a police report, Hollin told the officer she had learned something from her earlier arrest — accept cash for companionship, not sex.

“See, I learned from making the mistake last night with the police — if I do it this way they can’t get me for it,” Hollin said, according to a police report.

[via]

Political-types often forget the whores when planning for events, but not in Vancouver, where they’re offering them media training before the 2010 Olympics. The best part is the last quote…definitely a zoo I’d like to attend.

Vancouver sex trade workers need to know their rights when dealing with cameras and ]]>

Political-types often forget the whores when planning for events, but not in Vancouver, where they’re offering them media training before the 2010 Olympics. The best part is the last quote…definitely a zoo I’d like to attend.

Vancouver sex trade workers need to know their rights when dealing with cameras and reporters and will be offered media training leading up to the 2010 Olympic Games, an advocacy group said.

The Prostitution Alternatives Counselling and Education Society (PACE) will hold the session in November.

“We just want our members to feel safe in the neighbourhood in which they live and safe to work in the neighbourhood in which they live,” said spokeswoman Kerry Porth.

“We find sometimes that media attention to the area can be a little less than compassionate and we don’t want them to feel like animals in a zoo during that time.”

[via]

When I was of sexual function age, my dad did nothing for me other than incidentally having illegal cable so that I could see pornography far younger than any boy should have access to it. But this Polish father took his son to buy a hooker at 14…unfortunately, the hooker ]]>

When I was of sexual function age, my dad did nothing for me other than incidentally having illegal cable so that I could see pornography far younger than any boy should have access to it. But this Polish father took his son to buy a hooker at 14…unfortunately, the hooker was more of a cop than a woman who sells sexual favors. Whoops.

A man who tried to hire a prostitute to take his 14-year-old son’s virginity as a present was spared jail by a British court on Friday.

The Polish national took the boy out in his car and allowed him to pick out the prostitute, who was standing at the side of the road in the red-light district of Nottingham, central England.

But the 42-year-old father was arrested because the teenager had chosen an undercover police officer, Nottingham Crown Court heard.

He asked “Sarah” how much it would cost for her to have sex with his son and they agreed on a $30 fee. However, when the car pulled over, the man was arrested by plainclothes police officers.

“The boy said that they had driven past the girl and his dad pointed to her and said ‘will she do?’,” Harris said.

“He said ‘yes’ and they had turned round. He said his dad did this because he was still a virgin and he was taking care of that for him.”

[via]