Since the very beginning of Link’s adventures, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit has been by his side. No, not that annoying fairy-thing… that’s something entirely different. Anyway, Zelda vs. Jesus will gladly explain it all, but it needs some help getting made first.

This dead stingray was found on the coast of South Carolina. Some say you can see Jesus’s face in its lifeless body. Do you agree?

The photo was taken by Erika Schledt and posted to Instagram. She told IslandPacket.com:

“I just kind of ]]>

This dead stingray was found on the coast of South Carolina. Some say you can see Jesus’s face in its lifeless body. Do you agree?

The photo was taken by Erika Schledt and posted to Instagram. She told IslandPacket.com:

“I just kind of thought it looked like a bearded homeless man. But when I posted pictures on Instagram, one of my friends was like, ‘That’s Jesus.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, my God. You’re right.’”

Hopefully this isn’t just an exciting new Instagram “Jesus face” filter.

Between NFL games, misguided protests, and appearances on toast, Wal-Mart receipts, and countless other items, it’s a shame how little time Jesus has for himself these days. You’ll never learn how to play the ukelele like this, Lord and Savior.

Face Of Jesus Appears In Dead Stingray [Buzzfeed]
Jesus Stingray: Does Christ Appear On This Dead Fish? [Huffington Post]

Is there any way to go back in time and keep Kirk Cameron from becoming famous? I’d gladly live without Growing Pains. The washed-up actor who pretty much exclusively acts in bizarre End Times movies for the Duggars was on some Trinity Broadcast Network talk show and let loose ]]>

Is there any way to go back in time and keep Kirk Cameron from becoming famous? I’d gladly live without Growing Pains. The washed-up actor who pretty much exclusively acts in bizarre End Times movies for the Duggars was on some Trinity Broadcast Network talk show and let loose some pretty insane rhetoric about how America is headed down the same path as Nazi Germany because… Obama, I guess? And maybe dubstep. This isn’t the first time that Cameron has done nutty Jesus stuff – he’s also passed out heavily-edited version of The Origin Of The Species on college campuses to refute Darwin and said that homosexuality is “destructive to civilization.” Cool religion, bro.

Pope Benedict XVI spent a couple days in Mexico, presumably throwing back shots, making lewd comments to female college students, and donning a sombrero. We have photographic evidence of at least one of those items.

There’s a childlike enthusiasm in his eyes while he’s wearing a ]]>

Pope Benedict XVI spent a couple days in Mexico, presumably throwing back shots, making lewd comments to female college students, and donning a sombrero. We have photographic evidence of at least one of those items.

There’s a childlike enthusiasm in his eyes while he’s wearing a sombrero. There’s also a vague similarity to Carl on Walking Dead wearing his dad’s Sheriff hat. I’m really happy about both.

According to the Associated Press, Pope Benzo is now on his way to Cuba. Is a photo opp with a cigar and a flattened sandwich with ham and cheese next? I certainly hope so!

Corruption is everywhere you look. But it’s particularly sad (and entertaining) when it’s a Christian group. Trinity Broadcasting Network, the “world’s #1 Christian TV network” is being targeted now for alleged acts of improper — and hilarious — spending.

According to a lawsuit filed in the ]]>

Corruption is everywhere you look. But it’s particularly sad (and entertaining) when it’s a Christian group. Trinity Broadcasting Network, the “world’s #1 Christian TV network” is being targeted now for alleged acts of improper — and hilarious — spending.

According to a lawsuit filed in the Orange County Superior Court, Trinity Broadcasting Network misappropriated millions of dollars in donation, resulting in lavish purchases like a $100,000 dog motor home, private jet flights, and chauffeurs.

The lawsuit was filed by Brittany Koper, a former employee of TBN who happens to be the granddaughter of the network’s cofounder.

The round-up of accusations of items improperly acquired:

-A $50 million luxury jet through a “sham loan”
-The aforementioned $100,00 dog motor home [ED. NOTE: I really need more details on this. Does someone drive the dog? Does it just stay parked? Can other people stay in it? Why is it so expensive?]
-Over $300,000 in meal expenses provided to TBN officials annually
-Kickbacks and other fake donation schemes with third party ministries

TBN’s lawyers accused Koper of similar indiscretions, saying her family had embezzled funds for “trucks, jewelry, a fishing boat, a motorcycle, a Lexus and life insurance.”

You can read even more sordid details at Business Insider.

Man, if you can’t trust a Christian TV network with a Web site design (pictured above) reminiscent of a Geocities site made in tribute of Bishop Don “Magic” Juan, who can you trust?

Thank goodness that anti-Semitic game will no longer be infecting iPhones. Never mind how it actually wasn’t racist. Or how a Jewish guy came up with it. But still!

Jew Or Not A Jew was pretty simple: it displayed pictures of various celebrities, and you had ]]>

Thank goodness that anti-Semitic game will no longer be infecting iPhones. Never mind how it actually wasn’t racist. Or how a Jewish guy came up with it. But still!

Jew Or Not A Jew was pretty simple: it displayed pictures of various celebrities, and you had to guess if they were Jewish or not. Long-time fans of Saturday Night Live might recall a parody game show that was built around the same premise, as does Kotaku. Though I believe the concept may have originated on the Howard Stern Show, back during his K-Rock days.

Consider it satire, consider it racist. If you fall in the later category, there’s a good chance that you’re a French lawmaker. Apparently if they find something racist, they go after you legally. It was pulled from the French iTunes App Store back in September, but was still available in other parts of the word, like here in North America. But that wasn’t good enough, so avoid legal persecution, its created decided to pull it from across the board.

So, is the game actually racist? Maybe? Though the man who made it is a Jew, Johann Levy, and he certainly didn’t think so: “As a Jew myself I know that in our community we often ask whether a such-and-such celebrity is Jewish or not.” I think now might be a good time to mention how my South Korean mother used to refer to other Asians as Orientals, as did many from her generation, for the longest time. It was no big deal, until you white people somehow decided it was an offense term.

This sorta reminds me of Smuggle Truck, which faced similar ire by those who felt the premise, in which you try to help get Mexicans cross the border, was also insensitive…

This one is slightly harder to defend, since the guys who made it are clearly white dudes, yet it’s also clearly satire. Something that Apple didn’t get, hence why the game was never even accepted into the App Store in the first place. Which led the creators to re-work the title into Snuggle Truck and the Mexicans replaced with teddy bears. This time, Apple gave it a pass. Hilarious, I know. If one is interested, they can purchase the PC and Mac version, which includes both. All interested parities should head on over to here.

Well, what was once a $2 a pop app is now totally free, which caused the game’s popularity to completely explode. To the tune of 1.3 million downloads in just 9 days after it adopted its freemium model, according to Joystiq. Not bad at all! Still, I’d rather pick up the un-tampered version. Which, btw, has a “Legal Immigration” mode to direct the critics…

Seriously, what is about Pokemon that freaks crazy Christian types up so much? Other than it about being a boy who commands an army of lowly creatures that all become stronger due to his guidance and worship his every step.

As noted in the past, I love it whenever religion ]]>

Seriously, what is about Pokemon that freaks crazy Christian types up so much? Other than it about being a boy who commands an army of lowly creatures that all become stronger due to his guidance and worship his every step.

As noted in the past, I love it whenever religion and gaming mix. And once more, Pokemon invariably gets mentioned, the following dude also touches upon several other titles…

Not sure about you, but I was super confused when the woman brought up “something new”, that being Guitar Hero, which leads one to believe that it’s another older clip, and then something very recent is immediately mentioned, i.e. Minecraft?

Gotta love how deadly serious the guy is. Sorry pal, but there’s LOTS of reasons why folks aren’t reading the Bible as much these days.

I also love how one of the most benign, least aggressive games out there today, one that also happens to encourage creativity like nothing else to boot, is also still evil. Jesus Christ.

And it sucks that they guy who captured the footage missed the part about Star Wars figures magically becoming full size. Sounds like a hoot. Oh well.

”Pokemon are ‘oriental demons’ and ‘demonic’” [GoNintendo]

To be fair, it wasn’t CNN per say making such accusation, just one of their editorialists. But they deserve blame for giving such a dumb ass the time of day as well.

The author in question btw is William Bennett, who was the U.S. secretary of ]]>

To be fair, it wasn’t CNN per say making such accusation, just one of their editorialists. But they deserve blame for giving such a dumb ass the time of day as well.

The author in question btw is William Bennett, who was the U.S. secretary of education during President Regan… remember, ketchup is a vegetable kids… and the director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy under President Bush Sr, which means he’s yet another guy who supposedly has all the answers, but couldn’t do jack himself.

The editorial in question can be found here. Entitled “Why men are in trouble”, it starts off with him citing that women are finally getting the same education and equal pay as men, plus other examples of the gender barrier slowly but surely breaking down. Which has him exhibiting a “that’s cool… but not really” attitude. lol.

So what does he (mostly) blame? Video games, like all conservative pundits, naturally…

“Today, 18-to- 34-year-old men spend more time playing video games a day than 12-to- 17-year-old boys. While women are graduating college and finding good jobs, too many men are not going to work, not getting married and not raising families. Women are beginning to take the place of men in many ways. This has led some to ask: do we even need men?

Movies are filled with stories of men who refuse to grow up and refuse to take responsibility in relationships. Men, some obsessed with sex, treat women as toys to be discarded when things get complicated. Through all these different and conflicting signals, our boys must decipher what it means to be a man, and for many of them it is harder to figure out.”

Yeah, because men only began objectifying women in 1985, when Super Mario Bros came out, yup. As further evidence, he notes that he knows way too many young women that ask where all the decent single men have gone to. Really William, you talk with that many young single women? Seems kind of… I don’t know… odd. But anyway, what’s his solution? Why what the Founding Fathers believed in! And that’s being industriousness (nothing wrong with that), marriage (ummm… okay), and religion (whatever dude).

BTW, regarding his call for dudes to get off the couch, put the controller down, and get a job; I know plenty of dudes who spend all day long playing because they can’t find one! And they’d give their left nut for a job, ANY job. Sorry William, but when you spend hours upon hours sending emails to prospective employers via Craiglist, knowing full well that no one will respond, and especially after eating instant noodles for the 15th day in a row, it’s amazing how a few short and sweet hours in Halo can do wonders for the soul.

Meanwhile, a perfectly nice Sega Master System that had the Star of David adorned, for Rosh HaShanah, gets zero press at all. Such a shame.

Kotaku got the first dibs on this story: when Brittany Wampler from Maryland purchased two used NESs on ]]>

Meanwhile, a perfectly nice Sega Master System that had the Star of David adorned, for Rosh HaShanah, gets zero press at all. Such a shame.

Kotaku got the first dibs on this story: when Brittany Wampler from Maryland purchased two used NESs on eBay, one had the image of J.C. himself on the top of the console: “We were inspecting it for cracks/damage and when we turned it just right into the light, the image showed up… Our reaction was mainly curiosity at first. Then as we looked at it closer and ruled out what it couldn’t be, we began to get excited about it.”

She then explains that there’s no discernible difference between the surface of the image and the surrounding plastic. It’s clearly not point, nor a sticker, and is “basically infused” onto the plastic. Weird. Kotaku asked for photographic evidence, and they believe what they received was not Photoshopped. Furthermore, when Wampler asked when it all meant, she replied with: “I was raised religious, but I haven’t made up my mind really… I would say I believe in the possibility.”

And unlike most other religious kooks who becomes super seriously when the Holy Spirt magically appears on their toast, this lady at least has a sense of humor: “If it is Jesus, I think we can finally put the big question to bed…What Would Jesus Play?” And truth be told, if Christ ever appeared on my Dreamcast, I’d probably become a Bible thumper overnight, so kudos to this lady!

Words cannot describe the joy I felt when seeing this video of a young religious boy “rapping” his little hard out to Jesus-y group DC Talk’s song “Nu Thang”.

I don’t know that I’d personally think there are many “nu thangs” that God is doing. Locusts and convincing dudes ]]>

Words cannot describe the joy I felt when seeing this video of a young religious boy “rapping” his little hard out to Jesus-y group DC Talk’s song “Nu Thang”.

I don’t know that I’d personally think there are many “nu thangs” that God is doing. Locusts and convincing dudes to murder their sons seems fairly classic to me.

That said, I would not be opposed to owning an adult sized version of this kid’s “Jesus Is Lord” shirt. People would get it’s ironic, right? I mean, nothing against Jesus. He’s cool. I just don’t think I’d legitimately want to advocate his job on my shirts. Maybe when he wears a “Chris Writes about Little Weird Kids for a Living without Being a Pederast” shirt, then we can talk.

Enjoy the Christian Youth Remix of ‘Nu Thang’ [Vulture]

Many people love video games. Others also love Jesus. So it stands that there’s a good chance that some might love both, right? Not necessarily.

Picking up where I left off last time, here we have some pastor explaining to his congregation of the evils of Pokemon…

I don’t want to beat up on Catholicism here since, honestly, there are enough places to do that credibly out there. But the Pope’s statements about it being okay to use condoms, followed by this silly statement today saying it’s only okay for prostitutes to use them but not for ]]>

I don’t want to beat up on Catholicism here since, honestly, there are enough places to do that credibly out there. But the Pope’s statements about it being okay to use condoms, followed by this silly statement today saying it’s only okay for prostitutes to use them but not for contraception, is just ridiculously inconsistent.

The Vatican on Tuesday clarified the pope’s controversial comments about condoms and HIV, saying he by no means suggested their use could be condoned as a means of avoiding an unwanted pregnancy.

“However, those involved in prostitution who are HIV positive and who seek to diminish the risk of contagion by the use of a condom may be taking the first step in respecting the life of another even if the evil of prostitution remains in all its gravity,” the statement said.

It stressed that his logic was “in full conformity with the moral theological tradition of the church.”

Vatican: Condoms OK, but not as contraceptive [MSNBC via Fark]

It’s Christmastime. And I can think of no better way to celebrate than the lunatic ramblings of a local business owner about the second coming of Christ.

Nothing screams “buy jewelry” to me quite as much as the potential second coming of Christ. When your savior is rising from ]]>

It’s Christmastime. And I can think of no better way to celebrate than the lunatic ramblings of a local business owner about the second coming of Christ.

Nothing screams “buy jewelry” to me quite as much as the potential second coming of Christ. When your savior is rising from the dead, what I want more than anything is a white gold bracelet. If there’s one things religious figures love, it’s buying garish things for yourself. Well, as long as it’s half price. Jesus was Jewish, after all.

Local Ad of the Day [The Daily What]

Have you ever seen a baby swaying thoughtfully to church music? No? Where have you been your whole life? Anyway, here’s a baby enjoying some inspiring religious music. Kind of creepy.

Clearly the holy spirit is working through this child. Or maybe she needs her diaper changed. Either way, ]]>

Have you ever seen a baby swaying thoughtfully to church music? No? Where have you been your whole life? Anyway, here’s a baby enjoying some inspiring religious music. Kind of creepy.

Clearly the holy spirit is working through this child. Or maybe she needs her diaper changed. Either way, follow her (it’s a her, right?) to the ends of the Earth and she will lead you to the promised land. With occasional stopovers for ice cream. As any good religious leader should do for her disciples, I say.

Have you ever seen a man in dog make-up singing like a dog about the glory of Jesus? Yes? Well then. Um. You should still watch this one because it’s quite unbelievably bizarre.]]>

Have you ever seen a man in dog make-up singing like a dog about the glory of Jesus? Yes? Well then. Um. You should still watch this one because it’s quite unbelievably bizarre.

So is this like the universal sentiment of guys wearing dog make-up? Or is it just that this one guy happens to really like dog make-up AND Jesus? I have to admit, I haven’t been keeping up enough on the religious beliefs or deities of dog men. It’s a big regret of mine.

Unintentionally Frightening Man in Dog Makeup Sings to Children About Jesus [NY Mag]

Internet dating sites are becoming hugely popular in these bustling times, and places like Yahoo! Personals and Match.com are boasting that 25% of relationships are now started on internet dating sites like themselves. This is great news for some folks, but it got me wondering if there isn’t a ]]>

Internet dating sites are becoming hugely popular in these bustling times, and places like Yahoo! Personals and Match.com are boasting that 25% of relationships are now started on internet dating sites like themselves. This is great news for some folks, but it got me wondering if there isn’t a reason some of these folks can’t seem to meet people in real-life. Maybe there are some things about a few of these people that are just a little “off” and that’s the reason they have trouble finding the special someone. These are a few things that may make people stop and say, “Hey wait minute…”, when they are scanning your profile. A few red flags like these could cost you your chance at eternal happiness.

7 The screen name or profile has “princess” in it
Sometimes a screen name is just a screen name; women just fall back on the old standard when devising a pseudonym for their profile. But other times it should serve as a warning that this young lady may be a little high maintenance. “I want a man who will treat me like the princess I am…” Well, that a wonderful thought (and may happen), but a lot of profiles such as this show a woman with unreasonable expectations. Sure, you want to shoot for the stars and be unequivocally happy in your relationship, but having your profile read like you’re looking for a life straight out of a Shakespearean play is a little much. Sure, most women would want daily back rubs on a yacht, someone that looks like Brad Pitt, a person with time and cash to spend every waking hour pampering them with wine and roses, but this is real life. That sounds like a lot of work for someone I’ve never even met before and shows some serious reasons to potential suitors on why you aren’t currently in a relationship. Actually it screams from the mountain tops, “I’m unbelievably high maintenance and nothing you will do will ever be enough!” Most people should just shoot for having someone to laugh, love and share their life with. And hey, maybe you get some of those things you were looking for in the process.

6 My favorite book is “insert weird or offensive choice here”
Letting your potential suitor know that your favorite book as a child was Curious George or I used to love reading Dr. Seuss when I was little are nice little tidbits of information that he/she will find cute and endearing when reading your profile. Listing your favorite books says a lot about a person and can end up being a deal breaker because it is something you can talk about and may show the type of ideals or entertainment you and your match share. Listing things like Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler, or Aleister Crowley’s The Book of Law are going to send out some serious weird signals (especially because there is no room on the form to explain your choice). I’m guessing a good portion of men and women on dating sites don’t want their first-date dinner conversation to be about the dark arts or genocide.

5 Listing that you drink “daily” or do drugs “daily”
No judgment here on my part, I’m simply stating that listing that you drink like Dudley Moore in Arthur or smoke enough weed to make Snoop Dogg jealous may not be endearing to a potential boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe you only drink a glass of wine a day or smoke after a long day at the office, but listing “daily” for these may make you sound as if you are a raging alcoholic or a drug dealer. Again, it’s the wording and lack of options of the website that gets you here. Who knows, maybe some people won’t mind it, but chances are that people looking at your profile may get the wrong impression from this and you may miss out on true love…or true love may be passed out on a keg in the living room. To each his/her own.

4 Putting that you “definitely” want kids
The option of “someday” is probably the right answer here, ladies. Putting “definitely” kinda makes it sound like you’re baby crazy. Hey, I understand that you want to be as truthful and honest as you can in order to meet your perfect match, but when “definitely wants children” is in your by-line, it is gonna scare some men away–especially when “someday” is an option, rather than “definitely.” And a lot of women want kids, which is fine and perfectly natural. I’m not saying that one should lie when making a profile, it just may be a better option to pick a word that doesn’t seem to make having children seem so finite. A lot of people who would date you may want kids too, but it’s probably a good idea to meet someone you love and think would make a good parent before making a decision like this.

3 It says on your profile that you created your own religion
“I’m a minister for my religious sect, ‘The First Church of Mikhail Kalashnikov! My sermons are a mix of Christianity, Voodoo, Pokemon cards, black magic and firearms — lots of firearms.” Sounds like a scary way to spend a Sunday morning. But who knows, maybe that guy has it right? Religion is simply a mixture of faith, love and compassion. However, if you are of an odd or (truly) unorthodox religious sect, people may be turned off by it. Not to say that they are right or correct in their religious viewpoints, but going to church or temple or a mosque is quite different than the gun and liquor hootenanny that the guy who created “The First Church of Mikhail Kalashnikov” performs each Sunday morning for his “followers.” I’m a firm believer in the 2nd Amendment, but a good portion of people would draw the line at going to a religious sermon with so many guns that you start having ‘Nam flashbacks and you’re only 23-years-old.

2 I’m 21 years old and I have 3 kids
Your decision making skills seem…loose at best. While most men would enjoy that you don’t always expect them to be wearing a condom when the date comes to an end and most women like a man that can take care of children–having a lot of children at a fairly young age probably does not bode well for most people looking for love on Match.com. There are a litany of reasons for this: some folks may want kids but not starting immediately, obviously there is probably going to be at least one other man/woman that will have an affect on your relationship (nobody wants to worry about crazy ex’s who are baby daddies/mommas), and if you are dating someone with kids, there is always going to be someone else around that is more important than you. I’m not saying that it’s a competition, but it can put a serious strain on a relationship because it’s hard to get to really know someone when time has to be divided up between your mate and your kids. On one hand, having a lot of kids at a young age shows a person has to have certain type of maturity because they take care of children, but on the other hand, it shows a complete lack of maturity to get yourself into that situation in the first place.

1 Listing watching porn as a hobby
It’s probably happened before. Sure, the internet consists mostly of websites where people are getting intimate with men, women, animals, clowns, inanimate objects and a world of other things, but it’s not something that you probably want to go around telling people. And the pron industry rakes in billions of dollars a year, so quite a few people are looking at it. But more times than not, that’s not something you want to share on a dating site. Let me rephrase that: Unless you are a woman, this is probably something you save about yourself until after the honeymoon. To some people (ballpark–almost every male alive) a woman that enjoys pornography is a plus. And if your hobby is making pornography, that is probably something you save sharing about yourself until the honeymoon. Surprise, honey! Let’s make this a night that well remember for the rest of our lives and probably long after that.

New Miss USA Rima Fakih is a beautiful woman who happens to be of Muslim descent. Rima Fakih also enjoys the occasional stripper pole dance. But neither of those things make her a bad person. Don’t tell that to CNN though, whose story on the homepage about her ]]>

New Miss USA Rima Fakih is a beautiful woman who happens to be of Muslim descent. Rima Fakih also enjoys the occasional stripper pole dance. But neither of those things make her a bad person. Don’t tell that to CNN though, whose story on the homepage about her was, well, Fox News-y at best.

Click for full-size

It’s really ridiculous that “Is this random Arab-American chick from Michigan a terrorist” is even something we’d ask. And not only that, but you’re giving Miss USA a lot of credit for brainwashing or spying potential. Most of us will barely remember her name by this time next week, I can’t imagine she’d hold a lot of sway over the general populace or be cultivating an army of New American Jihadists. More likely is that men will fap to her likeness when they’re on a filtered Internet connection and, even then, they’d only do it once. I can hardly think of anything more pro-American than pathetically beating off to a hot Arab-American chick in a bikini when your work filter blocks out YouPorn. That’s literally why Betsy Ross sewed the flag.

The problems with pedophilia and molestation in the Catholic church have been well-documented. So what is the church doing to fix those problems? Immediately terminating everyone who’s ever been accused multiple times of crimes? No, that’s crazy…they’re blaming the Jews.

A Queens Catholic priest is ]]>

The problems with pedophilia and molestation in the Catholic church have been well-documented. So what is the church doing to fix those problems? Immediately terminating everyone who’s ever been accused multiple times of crimes? No, that’s crazy…they’re blaming the Jews.

A Queens Catholic priest is under fire for claiming that the church pedophile scandal has been distorted by the media — because it’s controlled by Jews.

“The most insignificant facts are intensified, they make sensational headlines, and that helps sell newspapers,” the Rev. Vytautas Volertas, told a Lithuanian-language newspaper on May 1.

“To put it another way, who controls the press? The Jews. Have you ever seen an article in The New York Times about a criminal rabbi? No? And you won’t see one.”

Priest: ‘Jewish press’ pushes perv scandal

I don’t mean to be railing against the religious types here with this video and that Midwestern State girl going insane and collapsing while talking about Jesus. So let’s just put that up front. With that out of the way, let’s all enjoy this video of a religious ]]>

I don’t mean to be railing against the religious types here with this video and that Midwestern State girl going insane and collapsing while talking about Jesus. So let’s just put that up front. With that out of the way, let’s all enjoy this video of a religious man talking about spankings saving him from the temptation of other young boys.

I’m aware this is probably fake. But given all the lunacy out there, is it so hard to believe that maybe, just maybe, one crazy man in a cheap suit and colorful tie thinks that vigorous (and perhaps slightly sensual) spankings saved him from the horrors of homosexuality? I don’t think so.

If there are any confused bisexual college girls that want to try this theory, let me know. I have large hands and a willingness to use them to help society.

Spanking the Gay out on Christian T.V. [Reddit]