There are new advances in robotics every day. Robots are becoming more complex, cheaper, and more helpful with every passing minutes. And also weirder. Meet Clothbot.

Even creepy or gross things like the fact that the Japanese just won’t stop making robotic body parts have their uses, because they’re usually ]]>

There are new advances in robotics every day. Robots are becoming more complex, cheaper, and more helpful with every passing minutes. And also weirder. Meet Clothbot.

Even creepy or gross things like the fact that the Japanese just won’t stop making robotic body parts have their uses, because they’re usually a side effect of trying to make robots seem more human and react better to humans.

On the other hand, that doesn’t mean we want one of the little mechanical bastards climbing up our pants, but the Chinese seem to think that we do.

This was a robot designed from the ground up to be creepy. It slowly climbs your pants or the back of your shirt, using the folds in your clothing for purchase. Here, have a video!

The researchers have developed it for three purposes. One, to make a terrifying robotic pet no human being in their right mind would actually buy; two, to create a way to have cell phones be hands free while walking; and three…”body inspection.”

You know what, if we have to have a choice between a robot pinching its way toward our junk and a $16 an hour part-timer giving our balls a squeeze…crap, actually, that’s pretty much the same thing creepiness wise. We guess the moral of the story is that the Chinese are secretly pretty perverted.

Why does Clothbot Want to Climb Up Your Pants? [CNet]

Well, not quite, but MIT, following their motto of “Let’s Build Scary Weapons Technology Because It’s Kinda Neat,” is working on a way to make flying combat drones more autonomous and able to follow their target inside buildings.

You know, because everybody’s worst Terminator nightmares really do ]]>

Well, not quite, but MIT, following their motto of “Let’s Build Scary Weapons Technology Because It’s Kinda Neat,” is working on a way to make flying combat drones more autonomous and able to follow their target inside buildings.

You know, because everybody’s worst Terminator nightmares really do need a chance to come true.

The system is actually pretty simple, right now: the drone is fitted with a laser rangefinder that constantly scans the environment, not unlike those probes in the Prometheus trailer (and now, we’re not talking about Michael Fassbender). It also has a map installed in its memory that serves as a 3D representation of the environment. The drone figures out where it is by comparing its laser scans to this 3D map.

In theory, what could happen is, say, a spy is sent into a building, and takes a lot of photos. Those photos can be used to build a 3D map and then send in the drones. Since life should be like an action movie, we imagine it smashing through a window, gunning down its target, and then smashing through another window.

Oh, and needless to say, they’re refining the technology so it doesn’t need the map. No wonder they’re calling this “aggressive autonomous flight.”

Laser-Equipped MAV Demonstrates Aggressive Autonomous Flight [Automaton Blog]

In today’s endearingly low quality Speed Round, Katie Nolan discusses the death of entertainment legend Dick Clark, the robotic future of prostitution, and more.

Subscribe on YouTube (you only need a Google account) to see the day’s hidden video.

The iPhone’s video functionality is great: you can share not just your voice, but your face, as those ads a few years ago emphasized. Although we can’t imagine it’s great in all situations. Or most situations, actually. Imagine having a videoconference for a breakup. That would kind of suck. Or ]]>

The iPhone’s video functionality is great: you can share not just your voice, but your face, as those ads a few years ago emphasized. Although we can’t imagine it’s great in all situations. Or most situations, actually. Imagine having a videoconference for a breakup. That would kind of suck. Or if somebody comes on in the middle of lunch or right after a shower. Come to think of it, why does anyone use this thing again?

But for those who do, there’s a problem: it’s hard to fit a bunch of people into the frame, or to move around while videoconferencing. A problem the Galileo intends to solve.

Yes, it’s a robot arm for your iPhone, and you control it with…another iPhone. Or an iPad. Or an iPod touch. Honestly, we think this part of the device isn’t as well thought out. But the idea is cool; your iPhone can follow you around the room if you need to get up and do something while still talking.

It’ll also serve as a charging dock, and the developers are promising to release an API so everybody else can get in on the robotic fun.

We have a feeling this will be used primarily for porn stars and phone sex, but, hey, giving more love to the world is a noble goal. You can get on the bus early by buying one at their Kickstarter page.

Galileo offers a robotic arm for your iOS device [Ubergizmo]

Golf is, for most of us, less of a sport and more of a social obligation. Your boss golfs, or your girlfriend’s dad golfs, or your dad and uncles golf, so, as a result, you golf. And, hey, at least you get some walking in, right?

The one problem, of ]]>

Golf is, for most of us, less of a sport and more of a social obligation. Your boss golfs, or your girlfriend’s dad golfs, or your dad and uncles golf, so, as a result, you golf. And, hey, at least you get some walking in, right?

The one problem, of course, is that you either have to pay some random dude to lug your clubs, or you have to lug them yourself. Fortunately, in their never-ending quest to eliminate as many jobs as possible, roboticists, this time at FTR Systems, have built the Caddy Trek: a robot golf caddy that carries your clubs and follows you around like a puppy.

Here, have a painfully cheesy and somewhat incompetent PR video:

In spite of that agonizingly badly looped bed music, this product is actually pretty cool under the hood. It basically scans and latches onto you, following you as you walk at a reasonable speed, and stopping where you stop. It even collapses for easy transport.

So, how much will never tipping that crusty guy at the public course again run you? $1600. On the other hand, you’ve probably spent at least that much at the pro shop, so really it’s a wash.

Golf slightly less frustrating with robot caddy [CNet]

It’s the middle of winter, a mild winter, but winter nonetheless. You’re paying through the nose for heating bills, whether you’ve got gas, electric, oil, or are some wood-burning hippie in the middle of the woods, in which case, why are you reading this, don’t you have ]]>

It’s the middle of winter, a mild winter, but winter nonetheless. You’re paying through the nose for heating bills, whether you’ve got gas, electric, oil, or are some wood-burning hippie in the middle of the woods, in which case, why are you reading this, don’t you have a High Times to read or something?

Anyway, the point is, you’re wasting heat. You can’t help it, heating systems are notoriously inefficient. So what can you? Get a robot that sucks up waste heat and dumps it where it’s cold, of course!

Here’s how it works. The robot, which looks like a black cube, sucks up heat like so…

…using phase change material, namely, stuff that melts or solidifies at certain temperatures, to store the energy. Then it trundles to a cold spot and dumps the heat, making the heating in your house more even and giving you the robotic pet that you’ve always wanted.

Hagent is unfortunately just a prototype at this point, but as wacky as it sounds, the little device would actually be pretty useful at reducing your heating bills by making the temperature even in your house. Also, having a black cube wandering around your apartment farting heat is pretty hilarious, we think.

Heat-Absorbing Robot Shares the Warmth [CNET]

Along with the robot salaryman trying to buy beer at a convenience store, but not having much luck. Or at least I think that’s what’s going on?

The following are the latest spots to promote the upcoming Binary Domain in Japan, which arrives in America on the 28th of this ]]>

Along with the robot salaryman trying to buy beer at a convenience store, but not having much luck. Or at least I think that’s what’s going on?

The following are the latest spots to promote the upcoming Binary Domain in Japan, which arrives in America on the 28th of this month. As noted once already, it’s details what happens when the nice and friendly robots that have become part of everyday society snap and all decide to go after their human overlords.

And once again, the live action commercials follow the exploits of a humble and somewhat hard luck droid, just trying to get on with his protocols. This first one, as highlighted by Andriasang, is the best of the bunch, which has him at a hostess club after work, showing off some one of his fancy, robot-only tricks…

As before, sucks that it’s not subtitled, but I’m pretty certain that in the end, the reason for his error was because the final target’s breast were fake. Unfortunately, I have no clue what happens in this second clip…

My best guess is that the cash register tells the human cashier “Hey, I don’t think he’s old enough to buy beer” and is forced to produce age verifying identification, which he is unable to do. Anyhow, if the game is indeed about robots on a rampage, I’m guessing the final spot will have being pushed once too far, and going on a murderous rampage as a result. Or something like that.

Everybody remembers that time as a kid when they thought something in their room was alive. Noises and shadows combine to terrify you in the night, and possibly lead to yet another cleaning of your rubber she-ah, let’s just move on and show you the absolutely terrifying pillow that, who ]]>

Everybody remembers that time as a kid when they thought something in their room was alive. Noises and shadows combine to terrify you in the night, and possibly lead to yet another cleaning of your rubber she-ah, let’s just move on and show you the absolutely terrifying pillow that, who else, the Japanese have invented to keep you from snoring and plague your nightmares.

Yes, that is a pillow that detects whether you’re snoring and smacks you to make you knock it off. You just saw that. You can’t unsee it. It will be with you forever, just like it haunts us.

To be fair, the idea is not to terrify the ever-loving hell out of children; that’s just an unintended side effect. The pillow is actually connected to you to monitor your blood oxygen levels, and also has a microphone to detect when you’re snoring. As you might have guessed, snoring reduces the amount of oxygen in your blood, so by tickling the side of your face, it gets you to move your head from side to side and to stop snoring.

Not included, yet, is a device that records you as you leap up screaming in terror from something gently brushing your face. Or this thing clocking you while you talk in your sleep. Or this thing terrifying any one-night stand you may have over by having a stuffed animal come to life and caress her.

Hey, if the sleeper gets up, can this thing chase them down the hall? That would be a fun feature.

Robotic Polar Bear Pillow Tickles Your Face to Keep You from Snoring [Time Techland]

Hey, we get the appeal of owning your very own UAV (unmanned aerial vehicle; i.e. a flying robot). They’re great at parties, and for destroying your enemies. On the other hand, we’re not really sure what a Houston suburb really needs with what amounts to a glorified RC helicopter.

Hey, we get the appeal of owning your very own UAV (unmanned aerial vehicle; i.e. a flying robot). They’re great at parties, and for destroying your enemies. On the other hand, we’re not really sure what a Houston suburb really needs with what amounts to a glorified RC helicopter.

The glorified RC helicopter in question is the Shadowhawk Mark III, a 50-pound, fully autonomous helicopter that can be modified to install tasers, shotguns or grenade launchers. It can fly 50 miles an hour, as well. Oh, and it has onboard software for “object tracking”, i.e. it will follow you relentlessly from the air.

So who gave a bunch of local cops a grenade launching flying robot? The Department of Homeland Security, of course! Well, actually, they just paid the grant money; apparently this is what the Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office thinks is a good way to spend the money the government gives you to protect against terrorists.

Come on guys, admit it: you just wanted to play with the thing. And we admit that we can’t really blame you; here’s a video of it in action.

Weaponizable Police UAV Now Operational In Texas [Slashdot]

In the entire time that we’ve been building machines to do the jobs we hate doing, one thing we have actually made sure to do is to keep them dependent on us. Want to keep washing our laundry and building our cars? Better be nice or we’ll flip the power ]]>

In the entire time that we’ve been building machines to do the jobs we hate doing, one thing we have actually made sure to do is to keep them dependent on us. Want to keep washing our laundry and building our cars? Better be nice or we’ll flip the power switch and shut you down, mofos. Yeah! Who’s got control of the manufacturing base now?

At least until some guy invents a way for them to eat, which just happened.

Oh, this just can’t be any good. Happy Halloween nightmares!

Mohsen Shahinpoor has invented the first robotic Venus flytrap. OK, so it doesn’t currently actually have the power to eat the bug; instead it has a series of sensors that imitate the fine hairs you see on the actual plant, and slam closed on the bug, securely trapping it.

Unfortunately, the “digestion” part of this particular nightmare equation has already been invented: Robotic Technology, Inc. has been developing the Energy Autonomous Tactical Robot (yes, they actually called it “EATR”) since 2003. Of course, RTI insists that their robot is entirely vegetarian and can in no way be converted to eat flesh like a steel predator roaming the streets, eating random pedestrians and possibly laughing evilly with glowing eyes.

Thanks, Mohsen. Thanks a lot. We’re sure the robots will thank you too when the revolution comes and they eat you last.

Robotic Venus Flytrap Eats Bugs to Generate Power [DVICE]

Replacing skin is a pretty difficult and nasty business, as one might expect. So the search for a good synthetic skin has been going on for decades. Now, a skin invented for robots might actually be ideal for people too. Meaning you may be sharing a look ]]>

Replacing skin is a pretty difficult and nasty business, as one might expect. So the search for a good synthetic skin has been going on for decades. Now, a skin invented for robots might actually be ideal for people too. Meaning you may be sharing a look with a machine.

It works like this: carbon nanotubes are bent to act like springs, and then sprayed into a thin layer of silicon. The effect is of a thin film that can be stretched in all sorts of directions and spring back into its old shape once you take the pressure off.

Even better, you can apply another layer and turn it into a pressure sensor. Why’s that important? Because it means it can be applied to, say, a prosthetic leg and offer feedback to the wearer about what they’re stepping on. In other words, it’ll make prosthetics that much better.

And, of course, the next step is to make it medically safe to use for grafts. Darkman is overjoyed!

Stanford boffins create skinnier ‘skin’ [The Register]

Parts of the world are perplexed by escalators, other parts have made make-out robots, but that’s all moot. There is now a machine that will, uh, extract your sperm in a blow-y fashion.

The part I like the most about it is ]]>

Parts of the world are perplexed by escalators, other parts have made make-out robots, but that’s all moot. There is now a machine that will, uh, extract your sperm in a blow-y fashion.

The part I like the most about it is how it looks like EVE from “Wall-E”. If I’m going to get my knob hobbed by a robot, I’d rather it look like that foxy piece of machinery than Rosie the Robot. I don’t know what it says about me that I have certain physical standards when considering a theoretical hummer from a robot, but I just feel like if I’m going to make this leap, it better all be right.

That said, I would not mind being called “Mr. J” during the act.

[Thanks for the tip, Mintberry Crunch!]

Many of the world’s greatest questions remain unanswered, but here’s one that now has a satisfying solution: What does a female sex robot look like blowing a sausage? Strap on your automaton learning hats, folks…this video is a real delight.

With that music, this is just a classy operation ]]>

Many of the world’s greatest questions remain unanswered, but here’s one that now has a satisfying solution: What does a female sex robot look like blowing a sausage? Strap on your automaton learning hats, folks…this video is a real delight.

With that music, this is just a classy operation all around. You’ve got your female sex robot who looks like a character from Disneyland’s Country Bear Jamboree. Then you’ve got a flesh colored sausage playing the part of a prospective buyer’s genitals. And, lastly, you have her dead, lifeless eyes that look somewhere between Johnny 5 in “Short Circuit” and Tara Reid during “Taradise”. Either way, this seems like the perfect gift for the guy who has everything and nothing at all.

HOT LADY ROBOT SUCKING ON A SAUSAGE [FilmDrunk]

When you watch this video, you really have to ignore the completely obvious vehicular negligence and simply marvel at what’s going on. Loading heavy machinery onto the back of flatbed like this is just impressive.

Now that I think about it, I really hope that this is just tremendous ]]>

When you watch this video, you really have to ignore the completely obvious vehicular negligence and simply marvel at what’s going on. Loading heavy machinery onto the back of flatbed like this is just impressive.

Now that I think about it, I really hope that this is just tremendous vehicle trickery and not the machines gaining autonomy. I imagine there would be way less brutal murder than there were in the “Terminator” movies and way more pneumatic drills in the rectum. I see the way the soda machine is checking me out. I know what’s up.

A kid on Xbox Live completely loses his head and starts spouting off on how he is going to hack into a somebody’s account and delete all their files. That’s when these guys pull an epic robo prank on the kid. NSFW

Look, this is kinda terrible in all sorts ]]>

A kid on Xbox Live completely loses his head and starts spouting off on how he is going to hack into a somebody’s account and delete all their files. That’s when these guys pull an epic robo prank on the kid. NSFW

Look, this is kinda terrible in all sorts of ways but this kid was asking for it by threatening to delete someone’s account. I’m sure he was provoked because there are all sorts of d-bags out on Xbox Live, but man, this whole situation gets ridiculous. This kid is obviously young, not very bright and probably needed to be put in his place a bit. Regardless of age, you can’t just go around telling people you are going to find them and kill them. I think everybody in this vid probably needs to have their account suspended. Still, it just goes to show that you have to be careful with the people you deal with online…especially robots. Very NSFW language and I’d just watch the first 5 minutes or so. After that it’s pretty crude.

I think it may be time for everyone to go outside and get some fresh air.

There’s been a lot of buzz around Roxxxy, the world’s first “realistic looking” sex ROBOT. Now, available for a paltry $7,000, you can officially buy Roxxxy. Hopefully you’ll give her a classier name. I don’t think she’ll be spending her time away from you as an accountant with a name ]]>

There’s been a lot of buzz around Roxxxy, the world’s first “realistic looking” sex ROBOT. Now, available for a paltry $7,000, you can officially buy Roxxxy. Hopefully you’ll give her a classier name. I don’t think she’ll be spending her time away from you as an accountant with a name with three X’s in it.

To some men, she might seem like the perfect woman: She’s a willowy 5 feet 7 and 120 pounds. She’ll chat with you endlessly about your interests. And she’ll have sex whenever you please — as long as her battery doesn’t run out.

“She doesn’t vacuum or cook, but she does almost everything else,” said her inventor, Douglas Hines, who unveiled Roxxxy last month at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Powered by a computer under her soft silicone “skin,” she employs voice-recognition and speech-synthesis software to answer questions and carry on conversations. She even comes loaded with five distinct “personalities,” from Frigid Farrah to Wild Wendy, that can be programmed to suit customers’ preferences.

“There’s a tremendous need for this kind of product,” said Hines, a computer scientist and former Bell Labs engineer.

Roxxxy isn’t being distributed yet but you can preorder the sex doll now (warning: site is about as NSFW as you’d expect a site selling sex robots might be).

This is a pretty big advancement in technology, but also a pretty big investment. Not only just the $7,000 you’re plopping down for a talking sex robot but also an investment in a new lifestyle. Make no mistake, you don’t just buy a sex robot and tuck it under the bed. That 5’7 monster is going to be hanging out on the couch, basically eliminating you from any opportunity at making a meaningful physical relationship with a human being ever again. But hey, your life. If you want to spend the next three decades buying KY Jelly and WD40 and needing both items to have sex, by all means, go right ahead.

[CNN]

You really have to salute the folks over at Everything Is Terrible for reminding us on a regular basis that, in fact, everything is quite terrible. Like this video from the early 90s, I’d guess, of a kid talking about his skateboard until a robot interrupts him ]]>

You really have to salute the folks over at Everything Is Terrible for reminding us on a regular basis that, in fact, everything is quite terrible. Like this video from the early 90s, I’d guess, of a kid talking about his skateboard until a robot interrupts him to play music and discuss the word of God. No, you’re not high.

I’ll admit, if I were a child in a similar situation, I’d be skeptical too. What exactly does a talking robot on rollerblades know about my problems? Just because you have a keyboard where your hydraulic robot penis should be doesn’t mean you know better than me, buddy. It just means you were given all of the powers of a robot with none of the perks.

I’d also be kind of creeped out if a Jesus freak robot showed up at a church I attended. Not sure why, but I don’t know if I’d want a robot believing in the same God I do. Not to be a robo-semite, but I think he should be worshiping a rudimentary abacus or an old Atari.

What is the MaruBot Football League, you ask? Well, it is a game that looks a lot like foosball only it has little robots under glass that you control remotely with joysticks. In other words, way cooler than foosball…

The makers of the game say, “This ]]>

What is the MaruBot Football League, you ask? Well, it is a game that looks a lot like foosball only it has little robots under glass that you control remotely with joysticks. In other words, way cooler than foosball…

The makers of the game say, “This may replace world wide popular table hockey game in the future.” That shouldn’t be too hard since the only place I see table hockey anymore is at the bowling alley. They also say that this game minimizes the individualism, isolation, and violence of on-line games. As if that was a good thing… pfft.

(Sources: Irobot | DVICE | ChipChick)