Anyway, the point is, you’re wasting heat. You can’t help it, heating systems are notoriously inefficient. So what can you? Get a robot that sucks up waste heat and dumps it where it’s cold, of course!

Here’s how it works. The robot, which looks like a black cube, sucks up heat like so…

…using phase change material, namely, stuff that melts or solidifies at certain temperatures, to store the energy. Then it trundles to a cold spot and dumps the heat, making the heating in your house more even and giving you the robotic pet that you’ve always wanted.

Hagent is unfortunately just a prototype at this point, but as wacky as it sounds, the little device would actually be pretty useful at reducing your heating bills by making the temperature even in your house. Also, having a black cube wandering around your apartment farting heat is pretty hilarious, we think.

Heat-Absorbing Robot Shares the Warmth [CNET]

The following are the latest spots to promote the upcoming Binary Domain in Japan, which arrives in America on the 28th of this month. As noted once already, it’s details what happens when the nice and friendly robots that have become part of everyday society snap and all decide to go after their human overlords.

And once again, the live action commercials follow the exploits of a humble and somewhat hard luck droid, just trying to get on with his protocols. This first one, as highlighted by Andriasang, is the best of the bunch, which has him at a hostess club after work, showing off some one of his fancy, robot-only tricks…

As before, sucks that it’s not subtitled, but I’m pretty certain that in the end, the reason for his error was because the final target’s breast were fake. Unfortunately, I have no clue what happens in this second clip…

My best guess is that the cash register tells the human cashier “Hey, I don’t think he’s old enough to buy beer” and is forced to produce age verifying identification, which he is unable to do. Anyhow, if the game is indeed about robots on a rampage, I’m guessing the final spot will have being pushed once too far, and going on a murderous rampage as a result. Or something like that.

Yes, that is a pillow that detects whether you’re snoring and smacks you to make you knock it off. You just saw that. You can’t unsee it. It will be with you forever, just like it haunts us.

To be fair, the idea is not to terrify the ever-loving hell out of children; that’s just an unintended side effect. The pillow is actually connected to you to monitor your blood oxygen levels, and also has a microphone to detect when you’re snoring. As you might have guessed, snoring reduces the amount of oxygen in your blood, so by tickling the side of your face, it gets you to move your head from side to side and to stop snoring.

Not included, yet, is a device that records you as you leap up screaming in terror from something gently brushing your face. Or this thing clocking you while you talk in your sleep. Or this thing terrifying any one-night stand you may have over by having a stuffed animal come to life and caress her.

Hey, if the sleeper gets up, can this thing chase them down the hall? That would be a fun feature.

Robotic Polar Bear Pillow Tickles Your Face to Keep You from Snoring [Time Techland]

So who gave a bunch of local cops a grenade launching flying robot? The Department of Homeland Security, of course! Well, actually, they just paid the grant money; apparently this is what the Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office thinks is a good way to spend the money the government gives you to protect against terrorists.

Come on guys, admit it: you just wanted to play with the thing. And we admit that we can’t really blame you; here’s a video of it in action.

Weaponizable Police UAV Now Operational In Texas [Slashdot]

At least until some guy invents a way for them to eat, which just happened.

Oh, this just can’t be any good. Happy Halloween nightmares!

Mohsen Shahinpoor has invented the first robotic Venus flytrap. OK, so it doesn’t currently actually have the power to eat the bug; instead it has a series of sensors that imitate the fine hairs you see on the actual plant, and slam closed on the bug, securely trapping it.

Unfortunately, the “digestion” part of this particular nightmare equation has already been invented: Robotic Technology, Inc. has been developing the Energy Autonomous Tactical Robot (yes, they actually called it “EATR”) since 2003. Of course, RTI insists that their robot is entirely vegetarian and can in no way be converted to eat flesh like a steel predator roaming the streets, eating random pedestrians and possibly laughing evilly with glowing eyes.

Thanks, Mohsen. Thanks a lot. We’re sure the robots will thank you too when the revolution comes and they eat you last.

Robotic Venus Flytrap Eats Bugs to Generate Power [DVICE]

Even better, you can apply another layer and turn it into a pressure sensor. Why’s that important? Because it means it can be applied to, say, a prosthetic leg and offer feedback to the wearer about what they’re stepping on. In other words, it’ll make prosthetics that much better.

And, of course, the next step is to make it medically safe to use for grafts. Darkman is overjoyed!

Stanford boffins create skinnier ‘skin’ [The Register]

Instead, I’ve been able to play it safe most of my life with ties and polos and loafers. It’s a comfortable existence, and I like it. But this year, I’m thinking about taking a step outside of my comfort zone and getting a little weird, iRobot Roomba-style.

Does this decision make any sense? No, of course not. Because my mom and dad are still together and there’s little chance that he’s going to end up needing someone to clean his house. (I’m not being sexist here, either, because if you pay a maid, it’s not a chore.)

But here’s the thing, we’re talking about a Roomba (or, more specifically, the iRobot Roomba 700 series and the iRobot Scooba 230).

Which is a good thing for at least like 65% of the population. Your dad probably doesn’t fall into that percentage, but you do.

And that’s the beauty of the Roomba — your dad will say things like “Man, that robot vacuum cleaner is AWESOME!” And you’ll say things like, “DUH, DAD. It brings the latest robotic technology to the real-world everyday task of vacuuming.”

Or something like that.

And he won’t really use the Roomba and then you’ll end up owning a Roomba and while you might have paid for it, you’ll have also gotten a sweet Father’s Day gift out of it.

It’s like cleaning two birds with one stone. Or having a robot vacuum your house, if you prefer.

Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d start taking some time on the weekends to share some classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

Shockingly enough, steamy-hot sex doesn’t cut it for everyone. For some, fulfilling a fetish adds that necessary spark in the sack. Where fetishes stem from, no one’s exactly sure, but we’re getting all Freudian to determine what the freaky stuff that turns you on says about your past — and how to express some fetishes without maxing out your credit card on a phone sex operator.

7 Feet
A common fetish, getting hot and bothered by feet means you probably weren’t picked up much as a baby, leaving your little drooling face in constant confrontation with people’s piggies. This, and/or your mom made you give her corned feet a rub, and maybe even a manicure, regularly during your elementary school career. Embrace this fetish for the horrifyingly ugly body part that is a foot by securing a part-time job at a shoe store. We also hear there’s a great foot fetish party in New York’s Financial District (surprise, surprise).

6 Smoking
If the thought of someone sucking on a Camel makes you crazy, don’t think too hard about the source of this fetish — flash back to the time when your great aunt Ruth gave you a bath with a Virginia Slim sticking out of the corner of her mouth. Explains why you like that husky, scratchy smoker’s voice too. Sexy. Watch episodes of Mad Men in place of porn, and find that special someone at your local Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. We don’t have to tell you to always keep a lighter on hand, just in case someone needs it (just try not to stare).

5 Balloons
They’re big, bright, and kind of annoying, but balloons drive you wild. That squeaking sound they make when rubbed — it’s like a million women moaning at your touch. Speaking of touched, did you happen to repress any birthday parties you attended as a child? How do you feel about clowns? Clown suits? We’re just curious. Stay after every get together from here on out and offer to clean up (a.k.a. watch others fondle and pop your favorite sort of latex). Think ahead by bringing a batch of balloons to parties — everyone will mistake your perviness for kindness.

4 Giant Women
Amazon women are your dream women. The bigger, the better. That part in Alice in Wonderland — where she grows and is practically wearing the house she was in—makes you hot. You must’ve been a wee one when your sexual fixation began, looking up at the big, sexy world. Unfortunately, you might not be able to live your wildest fantasies out — the tallest woman in Guinness was 7’ 7’’, which is miniscule compared to what you’re looking for, and she recently passed away. Bummer. Photoshop pictures of you in the palms of your favorite celebs, print out, and enjoy.

3 Robots
Your girlfriend perfected her best robot voice, and you called her your Sexbot. You’ve watched the Femme-Bot scene in Austin Powers so many times the DVD no longer works right. Your childhood was spent having too much fun playing with your Omnibot 2000, watching Star Wars, and dreaming up ways technology will be advanced to “serve” you. You’ve been saving up for a humanoid robot straight out of Japan, but in the meantime attend comic book conventions (which we all know are geek orgies, anyways).

2 Snot, Squashing Bugs, and Other Nasty Things
What’s sick to some is lust-worthy to you: a foot stepping on a bug, glorious mucus dripping from noses and being blown all over your face. Your years as a young thing most likely involved an odd combination of older brothers or neighborhood bullies and an inability to develop distaste for the stuff that makes others nauseous. Think of this fetish as a teenage-boy form of S&M. With a whole bug-squashing adult film category, we’re certain there’s someone out there for you.

1 Adult Diapers, Large Cribs, Etc.
If you’ve Googled “Adult Babies,” you will most likely fit this category. We’re sorry to say you that if you’re into this sort of thing, you’ve probably had no childhood at all. In fact, you were probably born as a little man wearing a suit, a tie, a comb over, and a lack of imagination. This fetish developed as a way to relive the lost years of shitting your own pants and babbling like a drunken idiot. That’s cool if you’re into bland individuals going home, donning a diaper and bonnet, and sitting in an over-sized crib — we guess — but we can’t really direct you to a source for where to go to embrace this particular fetish. Good luck.

The part I like the most about it is how it looks like EVE from “Wall-E”. If I’m going to get my knob hobbed by a robot, I’d rather it look like that foxy piece of machinery than Rosie the Robot. I don’t know what it says about me that I have certain physical standards when considering a theoretical hummer from a robot, but I just feel like if I’m going to make this leap, it better all be right.

That said, I would not mind being called “Mr. J” during the act.

[Thanks for the tip, Mintberry Crunch!]

With that music, this is just a classy operation all around. You’ve got your female sex robot who looks like a character from Disneyland’s Country Bear Jamboree. Then you’ve got a flesh colored sausage playing the part of a prospective buyer’s genitals. And, lastly, you have her dead, lifeless eyes that look somewhere between Johnny 5 in “Short Circuit” and Tara Reid during “Taradise”. Either way, this seems like the perfect gift for the guy who has everything and nothing at all.

HOT LADY ROBOT SUCKING ON A SAUSAGE [FilmDrunk]

Now that I think about it, I really hope that this is just tremendous vehicle trickery and not the machines gaining autonomy. I imagine there would be way less brutal murder than there were in the “Terminator” movies and way more pneumatic drills in the rectum. I see the way the soda machine is checking me out. I know what’s up.

Look, this is kinda terrible in all sorts of ways but this kid was asking for it by threatening to delete someone’s account. I’m sure he was provoked because there are all sorts of d-bags out on Xbox Live, but man, this whole situation gets ridiculous. This kid is obviously young, not very bright and probably needed to be put in his place a bit. Regardless of age, you can’t just go around telling people you are going to find them and kill them. I think everybody in this vid probably needs to have their account suspended. Still, it just goes to show that you have to be careful with the people you deal with online…especially robots. Very NSFW language and I’d just watch the first 5 minutes or so. After that it’s pretty crude.

I think it may be time for everyone to go outside and get some fresh air.

To some men, she might seem like the perfect woman: She’s a willowy 5 feet 7 and 120 pounds. She’ll chat with you endlessly about your interests. And she’ll have sex whenever you please — as long as her battery doesn’t run out.

“She doesn’t vacuum or cook, but she does almost everything else,” said her inventor, Douglas Hines, who unveiled Roxxxy last month at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Powered by a computer under her soft silicone “skin,” she employs voice-recognition and speech-synthesis software to answer questions and carry on conversations. She even comes loaded with five distinct “personalities,” from Frigid Farrah to Wild Wendy, that can be programmed to suit customers’ preferences.

“There’s a tremendous need for this kind of product,” said Hines, a computer scientist and former Bell Labs engineer.

Roxxxy isn’t being distributed yet but you can preorder the sex doll now (warning: site is about as NSFW as you’d expect a site selling sex robots might be).

This is a pretty big advancement in technology, but also a pretty big investment. Not only just the $7,000 you’re plopping down for a talking sex robot but also an investment in a new lifestyle. Make no mistake, you don’t just buy a sex robot and tuck it under the bed. That 5’7 monster is going to be hanging out on the couch, basically eliminating you from any opportunity at making a meaningful physical relationship with a human being ever again. But hey, your life. If you want to spend the next three decades buying KY Jelly and WD40 and needing both items to have sex, by all means, go right ahead.

[CNN]

I’ll admit, if I were a child in a similar situation, I’d be skeptical too. What exactly does a talking robot on rollerblades know about my problems? Just because you have a keyboard where your hydraulic robot penis should be doesn’t mean you know better than me, buddy. It just means you were given all of the powers of a robot with none of the perks.

I’d also be kind of creeped out if a Jesus freak robot showed up at a church I attended. Not sure why, but I don’t know if I’d want a robot believing in the same God I do. Not to be a robo-semite, but I think he should be worshiping a rudimentary abacus or an old Atari.

The makers of the game say, “This may replace world wide popular table hockey game in the future.” That shouldn’t be too hard since the only place I see table hockey anymore is at the bowling alley. They also say that this game minimizes the individualism, isolation, and violence of on-line games. As if that was a good thing… pfft.

(Sources: Irobot | DVICE | ChipChick)

H/T: Pink Tentacle

This video taught me a cold, sad lesson. I had always thought that living in suburbia would be nothing but fun and class. But it turns out that suburban life has more monsters than the velociraptor that Teri Hatcher plays on Desperate Housewives (oh, she always looks like that now? Yikes). But clearly this poor woman was under attack from that sadistic lawn mower. Who knows what it was planning? Perhaps beheading her family members one by one? Or maybe calling the woman’s house and breathing heavily into the phone but not saying anything? It’s easy to judge this woman, but it’s quite possible that she was doing what she could to keep her family alive. Or the weeds have finally taken a human host. Either way, I think we can all agree that nobody likes crab grass.

It really comes down to the fact that any technology created is going to result in being used to display pornography. We could have robots that fight our wars and help teach our children, but within a decade, people would be just using them as jizz receptacles. But robots have feelings too. Would it kill you to take Blartron out for a nice oil dinner every now and then? Or clean up after yourself sometimes? They’re robots, not whores.

I don’t like setting goals. Invariably, I do, but I hate doing it. Because then when you can’t accomplish your goal, there’s no sense of failure quite as profound. But what if your goal was to not achieve a particular goal? Then you achieved your goal by failing. If you’re a robot reading this, that paradox just made your head explode. Unfortunately I’m not too big in the robot community. Probably not enough jokes in binary.

I’m perpetually a bit disappointed in the world we live in today. I still get sick (including at this very moment, as I cough up a lung and seemingly have the immune system of a Haitian blood transfusion), I can’t eat healthy but delicious food in the form of pills, I still have to do most of the monotonous things people had to do decades ago. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m really not getting any of the pleasure from this hydraulic penis that the spam email promised me. “She’ll love your big pleasure drill,” said Babirye Barnard. “Melt her icy love glacier now,” he said. Oh, the sweet sweet lies I so desperately wanted to believe, as presented in the form of misspelled emails.

[via]