If you think parking is bad in America, it’s nothing compared to Russia. Entitled attitudes plus their…unique approach to law enforcement quickly teaches a certain type of person that they don’t have to care about other people and can just park wherever they like.

The Parking Douche app supposedly takes ]]>

If you think parking is bad in America, it’s nothing compared to Russia. Entitled attitudes plus their…unique approach to law enforcement quickly teaches a certain type of person that they don’t have to care about other people and can just park wherever they like.

The Parking Douche app supposedly takes aim at that. We say supposedly because we’re a little skeptical this isn’t just a parody. But if it’s real, it’s brilliant.

Here, have a video of how it works:

This couldn’t be fully taken to America, we don’t think: we’d imagine there would be problems with privacy laws and slander, two things they couldn’t care less about in post-Communist Russia.

But the architecture is a thing of beauty: the user takes a picture of the douchebag’s parking job. Then he take a photo of their license plate, and enters in street and address location. This is sent to a web server, that finds IP addresses in that location and sends them ads showing the car, the license, and the street.

And the only way to get rid of the ad is to share the douchery on Facebook. It’s glorious. It’s the Internet shame machine lovingly formed into a sleek, efficient, ego-eater. Please let this exist. This would be a better world for this existing.

Parking Douche [Gizmag]

There’s going to be some new Call of Duty game revealed on this website, at the top of next month. Which, for the time being, has a link to some YouTube clip featuring a Russian chap demonstrating a Prototype Quadrotor, which is a remote controlled, flying ]]>

There’s going to be some new Call of Duty game revealed on this website, at the top of next month. Which, for the time being, has a link to some YouTube clip featuring a Russian chap demonstrating a Prototype Quadrotor, which is a remote controlled, flying machine gun.

Fans of militaristic first person shooters, plus gun nuts in general, should recognize the man; it’s FPSRussia, whose YouTube channel is all about blowing stuff up with the toys you find in most FPSs, but in real life. Though his toy this time around is hardly real.

Yes, people actually think it’s legit, as evidenced by all the comments by people who couldn’t even wait a full five minutes before going “OMG!!!” Kids today.

EnglishRussia unearthed a profile of a real doll seemingly living a full, human woman-ish life on Russian social network VK. So the question is: Would ya?

I’m not sure I can adequately convey how sad it makes me that this doll seems to have had more adventures ]]>

EnglishRussia unearthed a profile of a real doll seemingly living a full, human woman-ish life on Russian social network VK. So the question is: Would ya?

I’m not sure I can adequately convey how sad it makes me that this doll seems to have had more adventures in life than I have. That said, a Russian dude doesn’t ejaculate into me while pretending to be me on social media Web sites. Point: Chris.

The former real-life Marine turned funny man turned Call of Duty ELITE pitchman is back to outline the third helping of Modern Warfare 3 DLC, and it’s quite a lot to chew on.

First you have two new single player missions: a special ops operation that takes place in ]]>

The former real-life Marine turned funny man turned Call of Duty ELITE pitchman is back to outline the third helping of Modern Warfare 3 DLC, and it’s quite a lot to chew on.

First you have two new single player missions: a special ops operation that takes place in Russia (the first time such a mode has been presented as DLC, by the way) and a hostage negotiation crisis that goes down in India.

But the highlight is the new multiplayer map, which takes place amidst the downed wreckage of Air Force One. Don’t worry, because the President is safe (I’m assuming), and chillin’ at some rich guy’s house that his plane crashed into, which you also get to run around in.

Who else out there loves Metal Gear Solid? What about brilliantly executed cosplay? And beautiful Russian women, into that as well? If you said yes to all three (or even just one of the questions), then please proceed forward.

So yeah, I’m a huge fan of ]]>

Who else out there loves Metal Gear Solid? What about brilliantly executed cosplay? And beautiful Russian women, into that as well? If you said yes to all three (or even just one of the questions), then please proceed forward.

So yeah, I’m a huge fan of cosplay for many reasons, though I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the best part is seeing cute/hot chicks dressed up as my fave game characters. And as a MGS4 diehard, I especially approve of the following, by Alina Kacherova, a photographer from Russia.

His subject is Natasha Firsakova, a noted cosplayer from those parts, where cosplaying is serious business, as her DeviantArt page more that demonstrates. She’s supposed to be Laughing Octopus, btw.

You see, one of the best parts of the game is how all the bosses are these messed broads who… eh, it doesn’t matter. But play the game if you haven’t done so already! It’s really good.

In this clip, the Russian news station seems to be having a lovely story about some young woman’s triumph over…I don’t know…probably vodka. But she’s rudely interrupted by a noisy, farting donkey.

For all we know, that’s how every Russian interview segment ends. That donkey is their Walter Cronkite.

When having a traditional Russian dance battle, customs indicate that things must degenerate into a chick fight with shoving, hair pulling, an a daschund wandering across the stage. At least, if we’re going to use this video as cultural anthropology like I intend to.

I don’t really blame that ]]>

When having a traditional Russian dance battle, customs indicate that things must degenerate into a chick fight with shoving, hair pulling, an a daschund wandering across the stage. At least, if we’re going to use this video as cultural anthropology like I intend to.

I don’t really blame that chick for starting a fight at all. That girl in the Adidas hoodie is rocking the stage with some serious moves that both pop and lock and this stereotypical assless Russian broad has to wander through doing some sort of half-assed humpty hump? She deserves to get her head yanked around for that insult.

Either way, the winner of the video is clearly that daschund. If someone drops a key in my hallway, my dog reacts like there’s a nuclear attack being committed by some guy in a sausage costume. Meanwhile, that dog wandered into the set of “Step Up 3: The Battle for St. Petersburg” and it just leisurely walks across the stage looking for a nap. Have to respect that.

Girl Fight At The Dance Battle [Buzzfeed]

Video of Dmitri Medvedev dancing to a 90′s song hit the web last night and it’s spreading like wildfire… if wildfire spread in awkward patterns with dance moves it’s been holding on to for 20 years too long.

I’m putting the over-under on Putin’s rebuttal video at 3 days. ]]>

Video of Dmitri Medvedev dancing to a 90′s song hit the web last night and it’s spreading like wildfire… if wildfire spread in awkward patterns with dance moves it’s been holding on to for 20 years too long.

I’m putting the over-under on Putin’s rebuttal video at 3 days. Like, “go ahead and do your modified running man in a well-lit party with a guest list of 10 and a DJ from hell, Dmitri. But don’t mind me when I hit up youtube with a vid of me rolling my face off to Deadmau5 at a Burlusconi bunga bunga surrounded by high class prostitutes. Just gotta prove I’m still the one running this bitch.”

Those damn Russians and their vodka I tell ya. After an improbable comeback in the World Juniors last night that saw the Russian hockey team score five third-period goals to defeat the Canadians, the booze started flowing. And it didn’t stop apparently, even when the players/coaches ]]>

Those damn Russians and their vodka I tell ya. After an improbable comeback in the World Juniors last night that saw the Russian hockey team score five third-period goals to defeat the Canadians, the booze started flowing. And it didn’t stop apparently, even when the players/coaches arrived to the airport for their flights.

About 30 members of the Russian contingent were asked to get off a Delta Air Lines flight to Atlanta after boarding for takeoff early Thursday morning, an airport spokesman said.
“To ensure the safe operation of the flight, the crew of Flight 1266 denied boarding to 30 passengers who were traveling together and displaying unruly behavior,” Delta spokeswoman Susan Chana Elliott said. “The passengers are being rebooked on a future flight.”

So let me get this straight. I get sodomized by TSA regularly while completely sober (felt up in all my special places I might add), but 30 drunk, belligerent Russians somehow waltz through security unimpeded?

Um, where’s Joseph McCarthy when you need him?

Unruly Russian hockey team kicked off NY flight [AP]

Guyism’s daily look at what’s hot in the world of sports.

38

We’ll get to more LeBron stuff later but in case you missed the shenanigans last night, LeBron dropped 38 points in his first game back in Cleveland. The Heat ended up ]]>

Guyism’s daily look at what’s hot in the world of sports.

38

We’ll get to more LeBron stuff later but in case you missed the shenanigans last night, LeBron dropped 38 points in his first game back in Cleveland. The Heat ended up bombing the Cavs 108-90, and at no time was the game ever in doubt. In fact, the more pressing question became, how many fans would get arrested by the end of the contest.

302

The Eagles staged a 4th quarterback comeback against the Texans to win 34-24 in Thursday night action yesterday. And again, the win propelled Michael Vick into MVP talk. Coming into the season, Vick only had two 300-yard passing games his entire career. This year, he has three including his 302-yard performance against the Texans. No one knows where Vick will ultimately play next season, but it’s a good bet that he’ll be making a lot more money.

2018,2022

Soccer-loving countries Russia and Qatar will host the World Cup in 2018 and 2022 respectively. The decision came as a surprise, because, at the present time, neither are really prepared to handle such a large sporting event. Both the U.S. and England lost out on their bids, even though both were seen as safer picks in the eyes of the soccer community.

65

For only the second time in 2010, a familiar name is atop a golf event. Yes, Tiger Woods, who has arguably had the worst year of his entire life, both on and off the course, is leading the Chevron World Challenge with an opening round 65. It should be noted that there are only 18 players in the entire event, however, all 18 are ranked in the top 50. The way Tiger’s season has gone, he’ll take any win he can get, regardless of field.

90

The 90th football bust for the Michigan Wolverines was slightly more emotional than past end of the year award ceremonies. A teary-eyed Rich Rodriguez essentially begged for Michigan AD David Brandon to keep him on as coach. Though the message was not straightforward, Rodriguez led the team with a Josh Groban song, “You Raise Me Up” as players held hands. Rumors have been swirling that Michigan plans on hiring Jim Harbaugh in the near future, but thus far, the job is still Rodriguez’ through the bowl game.

I’ve certainly been on the influence of foreign substances before (mostly Bazooka Joe gum) so I can theoretically relate to this video. But this high Russian man’s destructive romp through town is just something I can’t imagine happening to many people. Video is mildly NSFW for very tiny, far-away dong. ]]>

I’ve certainly been on the influence of foreign substances before (mostly Bazooka Joe gum) so I can theoretically relate to this video. But this high Russian man’s destructive romp through town is just something I can’t imagine happening to many people. Video is mildly NSFW for very tiny, far-away dong.

Personally, I like the part about three minutes in where someone gives him a shirt and he takes it off and throws it defiantly. If you’re going to be a drugged up naked dude, that’s how I want you to act.

It’s also fun to imagine that he thinks he’s Godzilla. Hopping up on cars, general belligerence…throw in some green paint and a screaming Asian girl and you’ve got yourself a hit.

Have you heard of the eighth annual Bubble Baba Challenge in St. Petersburg, Russia? Well, strap in (pardon the pun)…it’s short ride down the Vuoksa River in which contestants use inflatable sex dolls as their boat. Oh, Russia. According to the St. Petersburg Times:

The ]]>

Have you heard of the eighth annual Bubble Baba Challenge in St. Petersburg, Russia? Well, strap in (pardon the pun)…it’s short ride down the Vuoksa River in which contestants use inflatable sex dolls as their boat. Oh, Russia.

According to the St. Petersburg Times:

The triumphant winner of the race was St. Petersburg “athlete” Vladislav Pavlenko on his “Vanilla Pelotki” (2 minutes 47 seconds) , followed by Dmitry Arsentiev, another local, who rode “Killer Whale” (2.51). Alexander Marasin, also of St. Petersburg and the owner of “Fearless Zina” (2.55), came third.

Baba translates from Russian as “peasant woman,” but is sometimes used with sexually offensive connotations.

More than 450 thrill-seekers took part in the unorthodox contest, where inflatable babes-turned-boats were given titles no proper regata would ever have accepted. Take, for instance, “Floating Piggy” or “Baby-Barge.” Other bold and sassy names that provided valuable insights into their male riders’ characters and egos, have included “Unstoppable Chick,” “Cuddly Female Racoon,” “Big Tit Excess,” “Sexual Goddess,” “Roach,” “Miss Peep,” “School Girl,” “Indefatiguable” and “Luba For A Price.”

The event, which was first held in 2003, runs under the motto “A Rubber Babe is More Than Just A Vehicle”.

This may very well be the first time a man has held an inflatable woman up brimming with pride and confidence. Personally, I wish they’d branch out from the sex doll races and utilize other tools of the marital aid industry. Would an American Gladiators-esque “joust” with double dong dildos be so much to ask?

Inflatable Sex Toy Challenge Attracts Over 450 [St. Petersburg Times]

A group of (Russian?) gentlemen offered a beer to a drunk guy to sit on a pile of tires. Little did he know, the tires had an airbag set to deploy inside of them, ready to rocket him ten feet in the air before a hard landing. This video falls ]]>

A group of (Russian?) gentlemen offered a beer to a drunk guy to sit on a pile of tires. Little did he know, the tires had an airbag set to deploy inside of them, ready to rocket him ten feet in the air before a hard landing. This video falls somewhere between cruel and hilarious..you decide where!

He appeared to be okay and he did in fact get his .40 of beer so…the ends justify the means? I’m not sure if there’s really an ethical conundrum when you’re a drunken sot getting shot with an airbag.

I also love how it sounds like they’re playing Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro” as they’re indulging in this silliness. Nothing says “irresponsible mechanic work” better than Lady Gaga’s love of unclipped Latin dongs.

Being a news anchor seems like a stressful job because you have to read off a teleprompter and, uh, say the words you just read. So you can see why this Russian news anchor might give his reporter the finger for some reason. In a hilarious fashion.

I particularly ]]>

Being a news anchor seems like a stressful job because you have to read off a teleprompter and, uh, say the words you just read. So you can see why this Russian news anchor might give his reporter the finger for some reason. In a hilarious fashion.

I particularly enjoy the gusto with which he gave the finger. As if to say, “Here it is, baby. Soak it all in.”

However, it’s entirely possible that, in Russian vernacular, giving someone the finger is a sign of utmost respect. Or a sign that vodka is delicious. So many possible rational explanations.

Russian News Anchor Flips Off Correspondent (VIDEO) [Huffington Post]

I highly respect and adore our police officers (remember that the next time I drunkenly have sex with one of those scab worker inflatable rats in NYC, police friends). But hey, they’re human, just like you or me. Which makes this photo of Russian police all the ]]>

I highly respect and adore our police officers (remember that the next time I drunkenly have sex with one of those scab worker inflatable rats in NYC, police friends). But hey, they’re human, just like you or me. Which makes this photo of Russian police all the more delightful.

This photo could easily be taken out of context. You just don’t know. Maybe she was packing an extremely dangerous plutonium rod in her cooter. You can see how it’s adversely affecting the officer all the way to the left. Oh, he always looks like that? Well, then. Carry on.

Russian police at work [Reddit]

The Chinese take their Olympics very seriously. Take for example the Yao Ming incident from last week. Him and his wife returned to the U.S. to have their baby but the Chinese deemed Yao a traitor because the baby would be born a ]]>

The Chinese take their Olympics very seriously. Take for example the Yao Ming incident from last week. Him and his wife returned to the U.S. to have their baby but the Chinese deemed Yao a traitor because the baby would be born a U.S. citizen. Thus, making the likelihood of said baby playing for the Chinese national team impossible.

Yea, that’s how they roll in China.

But even worse is this incident stemming from the Winter Olympics. Speed skater Zhou Yang was criticized by a government official for not thanking her country immediately after winning the gold medal.

“It’s my dream. After winning the gold I might change a lot, become more confident and help my parents have a better life.”

Seems like a pretty headstrong comment coming from an 18 year old. But China’s General Adminstration of Sport didn’t feel the same way.

“It’s right to respect and thank your parents but you also have to have the country in your heart. The country must come first. Don’t just talk about your parents,” said Yu Zaiqing, deputy director of China’s General Administration of Sport, in widely reported comments earlier this week.

Spoken like a true commie Zaiqing. Personally, I’m hoping you get the Ivan Drago treatment from that skater’s father.

Something along the lines of this.

The subtitles are missing but I’m pretty sure he said, “Suck my balls you communist bastard.” That, or “Bridget Nielson has killer legs.” Something like that…my Russian is a little shaky.

Skater’s gaffe highlights politics of China sports {AP}

Obesity is a serious problem in our country and across the globe (except the starving countries who seem to stay remarkably slim, somehow). One Russian man who was in the category of morbidly obese went under the knife to help get a jump on his girth, cutting off more than ]]>

Obesity is a serious problem in our country and across the globe (except the starving countries who seem to stay remarkably slim, somehow). One Russian man who was in the category of morbidly obese went under the knife to help get a jump on his girth, cutting off more than half of his weight in pounds.

A Russian man is half the weight he used to be after surgeons sliced 267 pounds of fat from his body.

Petr Ferivov of Voronezh, who now weighs 244 pounds, says he was so fat at 511 pounds he could no longer sleep on his back, could barely walk and had abandoned any hope of a sex life, the Austrian Times reports.

The 45-year-old “man mountain” was so overweight he underwent four hours of surgery to have much of the excess fat removed from his abdomen.

Ferivov plans on going on a strict diet to get down to his ideal weight of 182 pounds.

Good for this guy to try to do something to get his weight under control. But at the same time, deciding to go on a strict diet to lose 60 pounds after getting almost 270 lanced off of you like a boil seems kind of silly. It’s like saying you want to compete in a marathon, only to ask a fellow competitor to give you a piggyback ride until the last two miles.

Anyway, that’s a picture of a pound of human flesh and a pound of fat above. If that’s not going to get you to go Karen Carpenter your ass off in the bathroom today, I don’t know what is.

Surgeons slice 267 lbs of fat off obese man [APP]

The caption on this bizarre clip of a Russian’s kid show says: “Детская теле-передача Поднимает настроение, улучшает аппетит!” That is so true! Anyway, I’m not sure what’s going on here, but it doesn’t seem like something kids should be taught on TV.

Then again, maybe this video does have ]]>

The caption on this bizarre clip of a Russian’s kid show says: “Детская теле-передача Поднимает настроение, улучшает аппетит!” That is so true! Anyway, I’m not sure what’s going on here, but it doesn’t seem like something kids should be taught on TV.

Then again, maybe this video does have some helpful teachings. It’s teaching the kids how to take in smoke and teaching the girls that, hey, sometimes you can take a foreign substance in the face without asking too many questions. Certain girls who may or not be my girlfriend could have stood to have this show on a loop on her TV as a child.

Check out these Russian dudes and how they do fancy tricks with their vodka shots. Never has the lead up to a Communist DUI been so visually impressive.

That’s a pretty impressive skill but there’s something unflinchingly homoerotic about throwing a liquid into your friend’s open mouth, followed by ]]>

Check out these Russian dudes and how they do fancy tricks with their vodka shots. Never has the lead up to a Communist DUI been so visually impressive.

That’s a pretty impressive skill but there’s something unflinchingly homoerotic about throwing a liquid into your friend’s open mouth, followed by him squinting his eyes and choking the liquid down. Not to say these guys are gay or anything, but I’m pretty sure I could pick up any dude from the Chelsea area of NYC and have him do the same thing. Plus he’d probably be able to gargle and do ventriloquism after catching it. Our gays are the most talented in the world, at more than just rimjobs. I think that’s part of the brochures they give out to New York tourists upon arrival. And with good reason.