I wanted to post it yesterday but with so much compelling timely content (squirrels sucking each other’s balls?!?!? Can’t hold that one!), didn’t get around to it. Here’s an edit of Samuel L. Jackson’s Snakes on a Plane when airing on FX.

That is so true. I

I wanted to post it yesterday but with so much compelling timely content (squirrels sucking each other’s balls?!?!? Can’t hold that one!), didn’t get around to it. Here’s an edit of Samuel L. Jackson’s Snakes on a Plane when airing on FX.

That is so true. I hate snakes like crazy but snakes that FIGHT MONKEYS? What assholes. How could you possibly fight a monkey? They’re so cute when they’re not ripping the face off of a woman in Connecticut while stoned off of wine and pills.

I saw Snakes on a Plane and I can tell you that the only way a TV edit would help the movie is by editing out pretty much all the awfulness in the movie. Which means that the movie would be about three minutes long consisting of the topless scene and a scene where Samuel L. Jackson punches a snake in the face. There are more entertaining bouts with diarrhea than this movie. At least with that, there’s a chance you won’t know what’s coming.

Many actors have trademarks in their on-screen performances. Robert DeNiro repeats things, Tom Cruise incredulously smiles and laughs, and Samuel L. Jackson yells. After seeing the trailer for his new movie Lakeview Terrace where he yells about his neighbor planting trees on his property line and then ]]>

Many actors have trademarks in their on-screen performances. Robert DeNiro repeats things, Tom Cruise incredulously smiles and laughs, and Samuel L. Jackson yells. After seeing the trailer for his new movie Lakeview Terrace where he yells about his neighbor planting trees on his property line and then threatening him with a chainsaw, I wonder…what are the best moments of Samuel L. Jackson yelling in film?

Pulp Fiction
The Line: “Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN! I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHERFER SAY WHAT AGAIN!”

This is probably the one that will jump to mind first for most people. The film featured Samuel Jackson’s real breakthrough role and probably his most quotable film of all. In the scene below, Jackson’s Jules Winnfield character is interrogating a man who doesn’t seem to be giving him the answers he wants. Gunshots ensue.

Exclamation Points: !!!!!. The way he goes from calm to a crescendo with a yelling and culminates with the gunshot, clearly this is an epic performance of yellery. This is how you yell at a terrified white man folks, take notes.

Snakes on a Plane
The Line: “Enough! I have had it with these MOTHERFING SNAKES on this MOTHERFING PLANE.”

There’s snakes on a plane. Sam Jackson doesn’t want there to be snakes on the plane. The essence of drama is conflict.

Exclamation Points: !!!. The intensity wasn’t really there; it was totally obvious that he just gave the line for a paycheck. He was however accurate regarding the presence of snakes on said motherf’ing plane though.

A Time to Kill
The Line: “YES THEY DESERVED TO DIE AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL!”

The first of two Kevin Spacey cameos on the list. In the film, Jackson’s character Carl Lee Hailey is feeling just a tad bit disgruntled after his daughter was raped and almost hung. So he opens fire on the two men who committed the crime, killing them both. In this clip below, Spacey interrogates Jackson and, uh, Jackson doesn’t seem too remorseful.

Exclamation Points: !!!! because I can’t support incriminating yourself in a courtroom. You’re already a bit behind the 8 ball being a black man in an extremely racist Southern town. Just a bit.

Coach Carter
The Line: “Look at that bow…LOOK AT THAT BOW! I tied THAT! I TIED THAT SHIT!” (skip to 2:05 in)

Sam Jackson plays Coach Carter. I’m not going to pretend that I actually watched this movie, but needless to say I bet that adversity is overcome and once-brash high school kids learn the value of hard work and discipline. Anyway, at the 2:05 mark, Sam Jackson explains the value of tying one’s shoes as a means of decrying excessive showmanship.

Exclamation points: !!!…It’s harder to enjoy the yelling when it’s teaching a message about sportsmanship and earning respect. Bonus points for yelling about tying his shoes though…it’s a subtle message about unity, determination, and the importance of properly laced athletic wear.

The Negotiator
The Line: “YOU WANT MY BLOOD?!?! TAKE MY BLOOD!” (yelling commences at 2:17)

Jackson plays a hostage negotiator falsely accused of some nonsense so, like any logical man, his solution is to play a deadly hostage-taking game with his former colleagues. This includes imploring the police to kill him at various points, as in the clip below.

Exclamation Points: !!!!!. You don’t get much cooler than yelling at a police helicopter to strike you down in front of news cameras on a 40 story building. I guess unless the bullets bounce off you and you have sex with Adriana Lima during that. There’s always room for improvement.

The Search for One-eye Jimmy
The Line: “If they hadn’t shot my dick off in ‘Nam, I’d whip it out and piss in your face!”

Haven’t heard of this one? You’re not alone. Some group of douchebags are looking for someone named One-eye Jimmy and Sam Jackson is a “crazy” Vietnam vet. That’s really all you need to know here.

Exclamation Points: !!!…you have to respect the fact that even before he was SAMUEL L. JACKSON, he was still basically playing himself in every movie. That’s what being a star actor is all about: Not really acting.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars
The Line: “AHHHHH…Jedi blah blah…AHHHHHHHH”

Jackson’s Mace Windu character knows that Senator Palpatine would just get off if he’s taken to trial so he decides that the only solution is a slow-motion lightsaber fight. Unfortunately, Anakin Skywalker didn’t see Pulp Fiction so he totally cockblocks Windu’s attempts at justice.

Exclamation Points: !…this might be the slowest paced fight scene in the history of film and, for the first time, I didn’t totally believe that Sam Jackson enjoyed yelling vigorously. I also think at one point Senator Palpatine got some nachos while they were dueling with the lightsabers. The Force is strong within you, Tostitos.

Die Hard: With a Vengeance
The Line: “Back up! BACK THE F UP NOW!”

Bruce Willis’ unflappable John McClane character is forced to wear a sign reading “I Hate Certain Ethnicities Who Typically Inhabit Harlem” by that bastardly Simon Gruber. Fortunately, level-headed Sam Jackson (in glasses!!!) comes to talk some sense into him…then pull McClane’s gun on the pack of kids who want to treat John McClane like Jackson’s daughter in A Time to Kill.

Exclamation Points: !!!…I’m partial to this one because of the fact he’s wearing glasses with the neck string. It adds a quiet dignity to wielding a gun on a troupe of Harlem youths.

Deep Blue Sea
The Line: “We’re going to PULL TOGETHER and find a way to GET OUT OF HERE!”

Just when you think that Sam Jackson’s about to rally the troops and lead them to glory over the evil superintelligent sharks, well…life is just chock full of surprises.

Exclamation Points: !!! for Jackson, !!!!! for the shark.

School Daze
The Line: “College don’t mean SHIT!”

Black kids from different sides of the tracks learn about being black kids from different sides of the tracks. In this particular scene, Cowboy Curtis and Shaft discuss their different ideologies.

Exclamation Points: !. Here, Jackson is almost uncomfortable with his yelling. “What is this overmodulation coming from my throat,” he wondered. Learn to embrace it, young Samuel, and you will be king.

Jungle Fever
The Line: “I really hate having to resort to knockin’ elderly people in the head FOR THEY MONEY, but I’ll do it…I’ll do it…You know I’ll do it *dances” (skip to 2:14 for the money shot)

Sam Jackson plays Gator, a crackhead and brother of trying-to-make-it-out-of-the-hood Wesley Snipes. He really loves crack though, so here he is trying to get money for crack without having to get his hands dirty.

Exclamation Points: !!!!…the yelling itself isn’t as pronounced as you’d like but seeing Samuel L. Jackson as an addict dancing around while talking about knocking out old people for money is something worth your attention.

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Did I forget anything good? Let me know in the comments. With a body of work like this, I’m sure the list could have gone on for days.