With news this week that Justin Timberlake is returning to music as a film composer we figured it would be a good time to take a look a back at his alleged sexual history and see how he compares to the other legendary swordsmen we’ve chronicled.

Welcome to GIFterpiece Theatre–Guyism’s daily installment of the internet’s best GIFs. Check out some of our favorites from the world of celebs, TV, sports and humor.

Kelly Ripa stupid face will take you into the weekend.

We’re ]]>

Welcome to GIFterpiece Theatre–Guyism’s daily installment of the internet’s best GIFs. Check out some of our favorites from the world of celebs, TV, sports and humor.

1.

Kelly Ripa stupid face will take you into the weekend.

2.

We’re all just so happy Parks and Recreation got renewed.

3.

Corsets are magical.

4.

BOOM!

5.

“I know you don’t smoke weed, I know this; but I’m gonna get you high today, ’cause it’s Friday; you ain’t got no job… and you ain’t got shit to do.”

6.

After seeing a fair share of Black Widow cosplay pics, I think it’s fair to say nobody will ever match Scarlett…EVER!

7.

Tofu–the other white meat. GROSS!

8.

You were doomed from the start honey.

9.

Just Will Ferrell dancing in tight pants.

10.

I just don’t even know how you create something like this.

11.

Shameless man, just shameless.

12.

Go ahead, tell me with a straight face Cookie Monster didn’t abuse drugs.

13.

These are like woman push ups except with a lot more pussy.

14.

Are you ready for the Community season finale next week?

15.

She may not sing well but dammit, J-Lo can move.

16.

This about sums up the Lakers loss yesterday.

17.

An appropriate way to send you out.

Flyers fan dresses up as Batman. Batman does not have superpowers. Flyers lose to Devils. Fan loses at life.

For future reference folks, if you’re going to dress up as a comic book hero, it’s best to go as one with some kind of supernatural power. Perhaps The Hulk ]]>

Flyers fan dresses up as Batman. Batman does not have superpowers. Flyers lose to Devils. Fan loses at life.

For future reference folks, if you’re going to dress up as a comic book hero, it’s best to go as one with some kind of supernatural power. Perhaps The Hulk or Spiderman or whatever character Scarlett Johansson was.

But Batman? Nah. The way Ilya Bryzgalov was playing you’d need the entire Avengers cast.

Scarlett Johansson is a very attractive woman with a long and storied history of people staring at her. Her fellow castmates in The Avengers are no exception to her vortex of beauty. Here they all are looking lovingly at her.

Jeremy Renner doesn’t even ]]>

Scarlett Johansson is a very attractive woman with a long and storied history of people staring at her. Her fellow castmates in The Avengers are no exception to her vortex of beauty. Here they all are looking lovingly at her.

1.

Jeremy Renner doesn’t even hide it.

2.

Chris Evans with the derpish look of love.

3.

“SHE TOUCHED ME!! *flail*”

4.

Finally, something these warring brothers can agree on.

5.

Such a bro.

6.

Mark Ruffalo is too shy to tell Scarlett how he really feels…

7.

..but his eyes have no such problem.

8.

If an asteroid struck the earth at that one moment, Tom Hiddleston would have had no regrets.

And now we know why Robert Downey, Jr.’s Tony Stark character often wears sunglasses. Nothing exists of him being even remotely swayed by Scarlett’s hypnotic powers. Well played, Iron Man.

Jimmy Kimmel never went to prom in high school. Last night, Avengers star Scarlet Johansson agreed to go out with a Kimmel cardboard cutout. It was quite entertaining. She did things to him that made us all wish we knew her at a much ]]>

Jimmy Kimmel never went to prom in high school. Last night, Avengers star Scarlet Johansson agreed to go out with a Kimmel cardboard cutout. It was quite entertaining. She did things to him that made us all wish we knew her at a much younger age.

Scarlett Johansson licking Jimmy’s ear

ScarJo says “what”

Scarlett rocking back and forth

Drinking with Guillermo

Video of the the entire prom date

NBC has a loaded lineup tonight with new episodes of Parks and Recreation and Community. Amare Stoudemire makes his return to MSG. Here’s what you need to watch tonight.

Heat-Knicks @ 7pm, TNT: Must-watch game. Particularly interested to see Amare in a sling booed ]]>

NBC has a loaded lineup tonight with new episodes of Parks and Recreation and Community. Amare Stoudemire makes his return to MSG. Here’s what you need to watch tonight.

Heat-Knicks @ 7pm, TNT: Must-watch game. Particularly interested to see Amare in a sling booed by the MSG crowd.

Community @ 8pm, NBC: Last week’s death was uh, surprising and this week Britta will have to deal with it.

Parks and Recreation @ 9:30pm, NBC: Speaking of death, a Pawnee citizen passes away while Leslie is on the last day of her campaign.

Jimmy Kimmel Live @ 12am, ABC: ScarJo talks about her upcoming ventures. Will she mention the phone hack incident?

Catching Hell @ 7pm, ESPN: This documentary about Steve Bartman is worth your time. You’ll want to strangle Cubs fan after seeing it.

Flyers-Devils @ 7:30pm, NBC Sports: Can they match the triple overtime affair from last night?

I have kids so I can’t smoke weed at home anymore. So I do it at the movies.

Let’s be honest with each other: The Avengers is just about the perfect movie to see high. There are two kinds of comic book movies: the ones that ]]>

I have kids so I can’t smoke weed at home anymore. So I do it at the movies.

Let’s be honest with each other: The Avengers is just about the perfect movie to see high. There are two kinds of comic book movies: the ones that try to pretend that comic books are Serious Artistic Business and should be all realistic like The Dark Knight, which are cool but not very fun to see high. Looking at a dude with half his face melted off can really put you in a bad place. And then there’s the other kind where it’s all colorful dudes in their underwear hitting each other so hard. Avengers is the second kind.

There’s basically two parts to this movie: the first part, where all the Avengers fight each other, and the second part where they team up to fight Loki and his alien minions. This is basically the same structure of all 150 issues of Marvel Team-Up (1972-1985). And it’s cool. The Hulk is the coolest part, though, because his whole deal is fighting other guys. Both of the Hulk movies were pretty bad, especially the Ang Lee one where he fought his dad who was also a tornado or something, so it’s fair to say that The Avengers is the best Hulk movie ever made.

Captain America is also way better in this movie than he was in his own movie, just because he actually has other personalities to play off of. Hawkeye is sort of a non-entity but that’s not a big deal because he kind of sucks. Anybody can shoot an arrow. Iron Man is awesome but I’m sick of him learning about how to be responsible. Scarly Jo is hot and she bonks a dude… on the head. That one guy dies. Thor is also way better than he was in his own movie but that movie also stunk a bit.

The biggest problem I have with this whole mess is that the plot macguffin superpowerful energy source thing is obviously the Cosmic Cube but for some dumb reason they call it the “Tesseract.” Dudes, the Cosmic Cube is an awesome thing and calling it by the dumb name of the thing from A Wrinkle In Time is a punk move. Jack Kirby was the ultimate stoner cartoonist, knocking out crazy ideas every month like it was nothing. They need to just go nuts with his crap, like Devil Dinosaur and the Eternals and that weird Nazi guy with a giant face on his stomach. That’s the kind of superhero movie I want to see. Especially high.

Disclaimer: I fixed all the typos but left in any other stupid stuff.

FYI – Update on the ‘controversy’ with this post is here After seeing the above image on FilmDrunk, I knew my mission for the day: Find the worst cosplay of the Black Widow, played by Scarlett Johansson in the May 4th ]]>

FYI – Update on the ‘controversy’ with this post is here
After seeing the above image on FilmDrunk, I knew my mission for the day: Find the worst cosplay of the Black Widow, played by Scarlett Johansson in the May 4th release of The Avengers, there is online. And here they are.
1

via DeviantART

I’m glad they gave this dude make-up to look like he was injured from that punch mere seconds after it’d have presumably landed. That Black Widow…she wastes no time.

3

via UGO

The Amazing Black Widow, Issue 6: The Black Widow tries to sneakily reach for a sandwich behind a cameraman. What it lacked in suspense it more than made up for in gorgeous drawings of large quantities of prosciutto.

4

via DeviantART

That time the Black Widow went to get her headshots done at Sears to audition for Alyson Hannigan’s part in American Pie.

5

via DeviantART

The one where the Black Widow almost fell down when lifting her leg up.

6

via DeviantART

A recreation of what the Black Widow might look like taking part in a low-budget MILF torture porn…

7

via DeviantART

..only to end up demoted to work in a pop-up LiveJasmin ad.

Knowing they’ve got a good thing going, the folks over at Dolce & Gabbana have put out some more pics featuring our favorite Avenger Scarlett Johansson looking about as hot as ever. I’m not sure exactly what Dolce & Gabbana sells, but I’m just glad that now

Knowing they’ve got a good thing going, the folks over at Dolce & Gabbana have put out some more pics featuring our favorite Avenger Scarlett Johansson looking about as hot as ever. I’m not sure exactly what Dolce & Gabbana sells, but I’m just glad that now ScarJo’s stint with Mango is over she’s still getting modeling gigs like this one. Keep it up.

Actually, Scarlett Johansson is going to do one of the most famous shower scenes of all-time playing Janet Leigh in the film Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of Psycho.

The film is based on a book by Stephen Rebello and will also star Anthony Hopkins ]]>

Actually, Scarlett Johansson is going to do one of the most famous shower scenes of all-time playing Janet Leigh in the film Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of Psycho.

The film is based on a book by Stephen Rebello and will also star Anthony Hopkins as Hitchock, Helen Mirren as Hitchcock’s wife, and James D’Arcy as Anthony Perkins/Norman Bates.

My guess is that Scarlett won’t actually be naked on camera though. I think she’s had enough of that for awhile, but maybe we’ll get lucky. Yeah, probably not.

Scarlett Johansson to Do Naked Shower Scene in Making of Psycho [Us]

The new trailer for The Avengers was just released, as was a poster featuring all the major characters (minus the bad guy). This particular teaser for the film, which opens May 4th, features a heavy dose of Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury and Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk, ]]>

The new trailer for The Avengers was just released, as was a poster featuring all the major characters (minus the bad guy). This particular teaser for the film, which opens May 4th, features a heavy dose of Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury and Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk, a quick scene where Iron Man, Captain America, and Thor appear to be fighting for some reason, and not nearly enough of Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow. Personally I enjoyed the first trailer better, but hey, you make your own judgement…

The film’s official synopsis…

Marvel Studios presents in association with Paramount Pictures “Marvel’s The Avengers”–the super hero team up of a lifetime, featuring iconic Marvel super heroes Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, Thor, Captain America, Hawkeye and Black Widow. When an unexpected enemy emerges that threatens global safety and security, Nick Fury, Director of the international peacekeeping agency known as S.H.I.E.L.D., finds himself in need of a team to pull the world back from the brink of disaster. Spanning the globe, a daring recruitment effort begins.

Starring Robert Downey, Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner and Samuel L. Jackson, and directed by Joss Whedon from a screenplay by Joss Whedon, “Marvel’s The Avengers” is based on the ever-popular Marvel comic book series “The Avengers,” first published in 1963 and a comics institution ever since. Prepare yourself for an exciting event movie, packed with action and spectacular special effects, when “Marvel’s The Avengers” assemble in summer 2012.

It’s almost Oscars time once again. Seems like we just had an awards show or three, but it is. Sunday night at 7ET/4PT on ABC we get to see Billy Crystal host the 84th Annual Academy Awards. This is your preview.

The highlight of ]]>

It’s almost Oscars time once again. Seems like we just had an awards show or three, but it is. Sunday night at 7ET/4PT on ABC we get to see Billy Crystal host the 84th Annual Academy Awards. This is your preview.

The highlight of the show tomorrow might have nothing to do with any of the nominees though as we’ll now get to see Sacha Baron Cohen in character as “The Dictator” General Aladeen after the Academy initially told him he couldn’t attend. Below was his response to initially being told no…

The nominees in the five main categories…

Best Picture: The Artist, The Descendants, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, The Help, Hugo, Midnight in Paris, Moneyball, The Tree of Life, War Horse

Actor in a Leading Role: Demián Bichir, George Clooney, Jean Dujardin, Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt

Actress in a Leading Role: Glenn Close, Viola Davis, Rooney Mara, Meryl Streep, Michelle Williams

Actor in a Supporting Role: Kenneth Branagh, Jonah Hill, Nick Nolte, Christopher Plummer, Max Von Sydow

Actress in a Supporting Role: Bérénice Bejo, Jessica Chastain, Melissa McCarthy, Janet McTeer, Octavia Spencer

Directing: Michel Hazanavicius, Alexander Payne, Martin Scorsese, Woody Allen, Terrence Malick

If you’re interested in having a little contest with your friends trying to pick every winner here’s a printable ballot with every single award to be given out.

To get the official iPhone/iPad app with live backstage streams and an interactive ballot, go here.

For even more, visit the Oscars official site.

And now here’s a little preview of what the ladies in attendance will be wearing as we look back at the best dresses of the past two shows (in order below): Charlize Theron, Demi Moore, Faith Hill, Kathy Ireland, Kristen Stewart, Mariah Carey, Penelope Cruz, Rachel McAdams, Samantha Harris, Stana Katic, Amy Adams, Halle Berry, Jennifer Lawrence, Mallika Sherawat, Maria Menounos, Michelle Williams, Mila Kunis, Reese Witherspoon, Sandra Bullock, and Scarlett Johansson.

Whitney Houston died. The 2012 Grammys happened. But the real story from the weekend was this: Scarlett Johansson decided to do something she almost never does, wear a bikini in the vicinity of photographers. And as is always the case in moments like these I ]]>

Whitney Houston died. The 2012 Grammys happened. But the real story from the weekend was this: Scarlett Johansson decided to do something she almost never does, wear a bikini in the vicinity of photographers. And as is always the case in moments like these I think it’s best if we just let the images speak for themselves. Drink it in.

Every rock star thinks he can act and every actor thinks he should be a rock star. It makes a certain kind of sense – both require creativity and a hint of talent, or at least the ability to bullshit people into believing that ]]>

Every rock star thinks he can act and every actor thinks he should be a rock star. It makes a certain kind of sense – both require creativity and a hint of talent, or at least the ability to bullshit people into believing that you are creative or have a hint of talent, which is kind of a talent in itself. Occasionally – very occasionally – this fusion results in something good, or, at the very least, interesting. Most of the time, though, whenever an actor gets it in his head that he should be a rock star, the results are absolutely terrible. If you make it to the end of this list without slitting your wrists or stabbing your eardrum with an icepick, well, just imagine what it was like to write this. I listened to some of these songs multiple times. After all, I’m a professional. Anyway, without further ado, here are 15 actors who tried to sing. May God or Buddha or Patrick Swayze or whoever have mercy on them.

15 Russell Crowe
When Russell Crowe isn’t acting or throwing telephones at hotel clerks he spends his time pretending he’s a cheesy rock star, as evidenced by this lame video. It’s grainy and shitty looking so you know it’s authentic, just like Russell’s voice. I kind of wish Commodus would have won now.

14 Kevin Bacon
Yes, Kevin Bacon sings in a band with his brother, creatively named The Bacon Brothers. I’ve gotta be honest with you, I just listened to this song two or three times in a row trying to come up with something interesting to say about it and now all I want to do is burn down a bar. Oh, and also set my ears on fire.

13 Jamie Foxx
It’s not really surprising that Jamie Foxx would see himself as a musician given his performance in the movie Ray, and to his credit he manages to sing just like every other R & B singer who’s tried to sing in the last twenty years. Seriously, listen to this without actually watching the video and tell me that it’s Jamie Foxx and not one of a million other dudes. Also, DJ, just play that goddamn love song already so Jamie will shut up.

12 Jennifer Love Hewitt
Poor Jennifer Love Hewitt just wants to know how to deal. I want to know how to deal with the fact this goddamn song is stuck in my head. Honestly, it’s not awful for what it is. I’m just saying, I’ve heard worse. Don’t judge me! Also, she dances around in a tank-top which should have at least won her a Grammy nomination. After all, I understand that’s how Mother Teresa won the Noble Peace Prize.

11 Steven Seagal
Jesus Christ. Look, I’m a writer but sometimes words fail. Just watch and… listen. I do wonder how many of those backup singers he sexually harassed. I’m guessing somewhere between all of them and… all of them.

10 Bruce Willis
This is why people think that everyone was on cocaine in the ‘80s. I’m not saying that Bruce Willis was doing coke, but somebody had to have been to get this thing made, right? If this was the price we all had to pay in order to get Die Hard made then… well, I like John McClane as much as the next dude but some things just aren’t worth it.

9 Scarlett Johansson
Hey, Scarlett Johansson covers Tom Waits. Why not? What a world. Next, we’ll have Vanessa Hudgens singing a duet with Bob Dylan or something. Oh shit, I just gave someone a terrible idea.

8 Don Johnson
Oh man, check this shit out. Remember what I said about everyone being on coke in the ‘80s? Yeah. To his credit, Don does start out the song by saying “I don’t care what you say.” Touche, Crockett. Touche. I assume Tubbs’ album went straight to number one in, like, Angola.

7 Alyssa Milano
Alyssa Milano sounds like the female version of Dirk Diggler singing in Boogie Nights. Then again, the part where she just sings “La la la, la la la” over and over again is damn near poetry. Couldn’t Tony Danza have done something about this?

6 Eddie Murphy
Cocaine, ‘80s, etc. The best part of this video is, of course, the immortal Rick James pretending he’s a responsible producer and not just a maniac high off his ass. And then, of course, by the time the video is over, Rick damn near shoves Eddie out of the picture and takes the whole damn thing over. An awe-inspiring performance really. I can’t watch this without imagining Charlie Murphy hanging around the set and wondering what he and Rick got into during filming. Also, after seeing this, how did people not immediately guess what would happen to Eddie Murphy’s career?

5 Patrick Swayze
Like the man wasn’t already great enough. You geeks can have Chuck Norris. Patrick Swayze is my hero. RIP, sweet prince. I’m just going to sit here and enjoy this video. Oh man, dig that sax solo.

4 David Hasselhoff
You’ve all heard the jokes, now listen to the reality, which somehow makes the jokes seem understated. This is just… this is… look, I can’t explain this. I know it’s my job here but you might as well ask me to explain calculus to an orangutan. That would be easier. Just take it all in and if you need to pour acid into your ear canal afterward, I understand.

[Embedding disabled - thank you - but click the pic if you must see the video]

3 William Shatner
Nobody rides that line between weird and cool like William Shatner and nothing hammers that point home more than Shatner singing “Rocket Man.” Shatner doesn’t so much sing as he just reaches into the soul of the music and strangles the shit out of it. This is the Shatner everyone does impressions of – including Shatner these days. You could mock this, or you could just sit back and marvel at it, which is what I choose to do. Do the right thing.

2 Joe Pesci
Here’s Joe Pesci rapping. Yeah. You will watch this 10 times today. I promise. Nothing more needs to be said, right?

1 Leonard Nimoy
Leonard Nimoy is cooler than you, me and everyone we collectively know. If a duet involving Nimoy and Shatner ever got out, the world would probably cave in on itself because what would be the point of even going on any further as a species? That would be the high point.

The folks over at Mango know a good thing when they’ve got it so smartly they put together another round of sexy photos of Scarlett Johansson modeling whatever it is they sell. I’ve always said that Scarlett needs to do more modeling and I think ]]>

The folks over at Mango know a good thing when they’ve got it so smartly they put together another round of sexy photos of Scarlett Johansson modeling whatever it is they sell. I’ve always said that Scarlett needs to do more modeling and I think these pics are proof that if she ever wanted to quit acting she could make herself a nice little living. I think this probably the best shoot the Mango folks have done with ScarJo. Lord knows it was better than that last batch. Way too much clothing in that one.

As you may recall, some naked photos of our favorite superhero Scarlett Johansson were leaked on to the Internet awhile back. She dropped the FBI hammer on the guy who did it, but now she’d like to discuss those photos. Scarlett? ]]>

As you may recall, some naked photos of our favorite superhero Scarlett Johansson were leaked on to the Internet awhile back. She dropped the FBI hammer on the guy who did it, but now she’d like to discuss those photos. Scarlett?

“I know my best angles,” she says with her trademark insouciance. “They were sent to my husband,” now ex Ryan Reynolds. “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not like I was shooting a porno.” She adds saucily, “Although there’s nothing wrong with that either.”

So, what have we learned here today, boys? 1) If you’re the love of ScarJo’s life, she’ll send you naked pics of herself, and 2) she has zero problem with porn.

Perhaps if she had come out with this news a day or two earlier she could have been ranked #1 on our list.

Scarlett Johansson on Those Nude Photos She Sent to Ryan Reynolds [Vanity Fair]

Wait a minute, they arrested this guy, Christopher Chaney (seen in the video below), for showing everyone Scarlett Johansson naked taking pictures of herself? What country am I in? Did I wake up in Russia?! Oh, Russia’s not our enemy anymore, right? And I suppose ]]>

Wait a minute, they arrested this guy, Christopher Chaney (seen in the video below), for showing everyone Scarlett Johansson naked taking pictures of herself? What country am I in? Did I wake up in Russia?! Oh, Russia’s not our enemy anymore, right? And I suppose that hacking into someone’s private files is pretty creepy. My bad. I guess I just got caught up in the disappointment in the fact that we were supposed to be getting even more leaked pictures including those of Mila Kunis, Jessica Alba, Lindsey Vonn, Ali Larter, Busy Philipps, Miley Cyrus, Addison Timlin, Christina Aguilera, and Emma Caulfield, among others, and now we’re not. I guess good job then, FBI.

Christopher Chaney, 35, was arrested Wednesday and charged with 26 counts of computer hacking, aggravated identity theft and wiretapping. He faces a maximum penalty of 121 years in federal prison.

Calling the investigation “Operation Hackerazzi,” officials say Chaney hacked into the personal e-mail accounts of dozens of people in the entertainment industry.

121 damn years? Wow. And it’s being reported he didn’t make a dime off the pictures, he just did it for the thrill. Welp… that was worth it.

Chaney was interviewed on local TV in Florida last night and says he was relieved to have been caught…

Enjoy The Avengers with your new buddies “Thor” and “Iron Man” in the penitentiary, Chris ole buddy, because you just admitted to the prosecutors and the judge that you’re 100% guilty.

Man Arrested in Scarlett Johansson Nude Photo Leak Case [People]
50 Victims Include Christina Aguilera, Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis [TMZ]