Every rock star thinks he can act and every actor thinks he should be a rock star. It makes a certain kind of sense – both require creativity and a hint of talent, or at least the ability to bullshit people into believing that you are creative or have a hint of talent, which is kind of a talent in itself. Occasionally – very occasionally – this fusion results in something good, or, at the very least, interesting. Most of the time, though, whenever an actor gets it in his head that he should be a rock star, the results are absolutely terrible. If you make it to the end of this list without slitting your wrists or stabbing your eardrum with an icepick, well, just imagine what it was like to write this. I listened to some of these songs multiple times. After all, I’m a professional. Anyway, without further ado, here are 15 actors who tried to sing. May God or Buddha or Patrick Swayze or whoever have mercy on them.

15 Russell Crowe
When Russell Crowe isn’t acting or throwing telephones at hotel clerks he spends his time pretending he’s a cheesy rock star, as evidenced by this lame video. It’s grainy and shitty looking so you know it’s authentic, just like Russell’s voice. I kind of wish Commodus would have won now.

14 Kevin Bacon
Yes, Kevin Bacon sings in a band with his brother, creatively named The Bacon Brothers. I’ve gotta be honest with you, I just listened to this song two or three times in a row trying to come up with something interesting to say about it and now all I want to do is burn down a bar. Oh, and also set my ears on fire.

13 Jamie Foxx
It’s not really surprising that Jamie Foxx would see himself as a musician given his performance in the movie Ray, and to his credit he manages to sing just like every other R & B singer who’s tried to sing in the last twenty years. Seriously, listen to this without actually watching the video and tell me that it’s Jamie Foxx and not one of a million other dudes. Also, DJ, just play that goddamn love song already so Jamie will shut up.

12 Jennifer Love Hewitt
Poor Jennifer Love Hewitt just wants to know how to deal. I want to know how to deal with the fact this goddamn song is stuck in my head. Honestly, it’s not awful for what it is. I’m just saying, I’ve heard worse. Don’t judge me! Also, she dances around in a tank-top which should have at least won her a Grammy nomination. After all, I understand that’s how Mother Teresa won the Noble Peace Prize.

11 Steven Seagal
Jesus Christ. Look, I’m a writer but sometimes words fail. Just watch and… listen. I do wonder how many of those backup singers he sexually harassed. I’m guessing somewhere between all of them and… all of them.

10 Bruce Willis
This is why people think that everyone was on cocaine in the ‘80s. I’m not saying that Bruce Willis was doing coke, but somebody had to have been to get this thing made, right? If this was the price we all had to pay in order to get Die Hard made then… well, I like John McClane as much as the next dude but some things just aren’t worth it.

9 Scarlett Johansson
Hey, Scarlett Johansson covers Tom Waits. Why not? What a world. Next, we’ll have Vanessa Hudgens singing a duet with Bob Dylan or something. Oh shit, I just gave someone a terrible idea.

8 Don Johnson
Oh man, check this shit out. Remember what I said about everyone being on coke in the ‘80s? Yeah. To his credit, Don does start out the song by saying “I don’t care what you say.” Touche, Crockett. Touche. I assume Tubbs’ album went straight to number one in, like, Angola.

7 Alyssa Milano
Alyssa Milano sounds like the female version of Dirk Diggler singing in Boogie Nights. Then again, the part where she just sings “La la la, la la la” over and over again is damn near poetry. Couldn’t Tony Danza have done something about this?

6 Eddie Murphy
Cocaine, ‘80s, etc. The best part of this video is, of course, the immortal Rick James pretending he’s a responsible producer and not just a maniac high off his ass. And then, of course, by the time the video is over, Rick damn near shoves Eddie out of the picture and takes the whole damn thing over. An awe-inspiring performance really. I can’t watch this without imagining Charlie Murphy hanging around the set and wondering what he and Rick got into during filming. Also, after seeing this, how did people not immediately guess what would happen to Eddie Murphy’s career?

5 Patrick Swayze
Like the man wasn’t already great enough. You geeks can have Chuck Norris. Patrick Swayze is my hero. RIP, sweet prince. I’m just going to sit here and enjoy this video. Oh man, dig that sax solo.

4 David Hasselhoff
You’ve all heard the jokes, now listen to the reality, which somehow makes the jokes seem understated. This is just… this is… look, I can’t explain this. I know it’s my job here but you might as well ask me to explain calculus to an orangutan. That would be easier. Just take it all in and if you need to pour acid into your ear canal afterward, I understand.

[Embedding disabled - thank you - but click the pic if you must see the video]

3 William Shatner
Nobody rides that line between weird and cool like William Shatner and nothing hammers that point home more than Shatner singing “Rocket Man.” Shatner doesn’t so much sing as he just reaches into the soul of the music and strangles the shit out of it. This is the Shatner everyone does impressions of – including Shatner these days. You could mock this, or you could just sit back and marvel at it, which is what I choose to do. Do the right thing.

2 Joe Pesci
Here’s Joe Pesci rapping. Yeah. You will watch this 10 times today. I promise. Nothing more needs to be said, right?

1 Leonard Nimoy
Leonard Nimoy is cooler than you, me and everyone we collectively know. If a duet involving Nimoy and Shatner ever got out, the world would probably cave in on itself because what would be the point of even going on any further as a species? That would be the high point.

The folks over at Mango know a good thing when they’ve got it so smartly they put together another round of sexy photos of Scarlett Johansson modeling whatever it is they sell. I’ve always said that Scarlett needs to do more modeling and I think these pics are proof that if she ever wanted to quit acting she could make herself a nice little living. I think this probably the best shoot the Mango folks have done with ScarJo. Lord knows it was better than that last batch. Way too much clothing in that one.

The Beauty Book is a hard cover coffee table book with images of your favorite celebrities, musicians and top models. All the monies raised, will go directly to Brain Cancer via two charities called SNOG & HEADRUSH. These charitable organizations are non- profit and both rely on donations for research.

I founded this project in February 2009 after I lost my dear friend, Natalie Sattler Esposito to brain cancer in September 2008, she was 35 years old. This is one friend’s life that was cut way to short, so I used all my Hollywood connections to give brain cancer a voice and The Beauty Book was born.

Among the women featured in this 312 page coffee table book are Hilary Duff, Jessica Alba, Ashley Greene, Leighton Meester, Hayden Panettiere, Eva Longoria, Scarlett Johansson, Lindsay Lohan, and Kim Kardashian (all seen here), plus Amy Adams, Dianna Agron, Moran Atais, Selma Blair, Julie Benz, Rachel Bilson, Emily Blunt, Kate Bosworth, Kristin Cavallari, Lily Cole, Miley Cyrus, Rosario Dawson, Brooklyn Decker, Jenna Dewan, Minnie Driver, Eliza Dushku, Carmen Electra, Kayla Ewell, Fergie, Beau Garrett, Rebecca Gayheart, Melissa George, Meagan Good, Delta Goodrem, Ashlan Gorse, Maggie Grace, Christina Hendricks, Rachel Hunter, Stacy Keibler, Miranda Kerr, Joanna Krupa, Demi Lovato, Rebecca Mader, Josie Moran, Carey Mulligan, Petra Nemcova, Nancy O’Dell, Anna Paquin, Frankie Rayder, Zoe Saldana, Denise Richards, Zoe Saldana, Nicole Scherzinger, Brittany Snow, Yvonne Strahovski, Jessica Szohr, Odette Yustman, and even more. Phew!

That's right... don't speak...

I’m sure this photo shoot that Scarlett Johansson did for the latest issue of Interview magazine had an accompanying interview since that’s the magazines name, but unless she was talking about how she was planning on coming to my house next weekend I really don’t care what she had to say. Oh fine, do you really want to know what she had to say? Well, one of the things she discussed was a beanie hat she helped design for a cancer research non-profit called Neff Hope. Now do you really need to hear more? I told you the pics were the only thing here that mattered. Now quit reading and go look at the sexy photos.

“I know my best angles,” she says with her trademark insouciance. “They were sent to my husband,” now ex Ryan Reynolds. “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not like I was shooting a porno.” She adds saucily, “Although there’s nothing wrong with that either.”

So, what have we learned here today, boys? 1) If you’re the love of ScarJo’s life, she’ll send you naked pics of herself, and 2) she has zero problem with porn.

Perhaps if she had come out with this news a day or two earlier she could have been ranked #1 on our list.

Scarlett Johansson on Those Nude Photos She Sent to Ryan Reynolds [Vanity Fair]

Christopher Chaney, 35, was arrested Wednesday and charged with 26 counts of computer hacking, aggravated identity theft and wiretapping. He faces a maximum penalty of 121 years in federal prison.

Calling the investigation “Operation Hackerazzi,” officials say Chaney hacked into the personal e-mail accounts of dozens of people in the entertainment industry.

121 damn years? Wow. And it’s being reported he didn’t make a dime off the pictures, he just did it for the thrill. Welp… that was worth it.

Chaney was interviewed on local TV in Florida last night and says he was relieved to have been caught…

Enjoy The Avengers with your new buddies “Thor” and “Iron Man” in the penitentiary, Chris ole buddy, because you just admitted to the prosecutors and the judge that you’re 100% guilty.

Man Arrested in Scarlett Johansson Nude Photo Leak Case [People]
50 Victims Include Christina Aguilera, Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis [TMZ]

Mark Ruffalo as Bruce Banner/Hulk, Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye, and Tom Hiddleston as Loki also make brief appearances.

Oh, and it of course has music by Nine Inch Nails, because they’re still badass, right? (What, no AC/DC?)

Abbey Clancy’s topless pictures are nicked
“She is determined to find out what has gone on and make sure the person responsible is dealt with appropriately.”

Eva Longoria, Tina Fey Named Highest-Paid Actresses on TV
“Marcia Cross ranked third on Forbes’ list, raking in $10 million, while Felicity Huffman and Teri Hatcher landed in a fifth-place tie…”

Holly Madison Insures Her Breasts for $1 Million
“They’re my primary money makers right now.”

Scarlett Johansson Feels Violated After Nude Photo Leak
“Just because you’re an actor or make films or whatever doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to your own personal privacy…”

George Clooney — Elisabetta’s Angry Text Message Report is a Lie
“I never comment on my personal life unless it affects others…and this lie affects others.”

Ashton Kutcher Gets Heat From CBS, Dodges Affair Rumors
“…he allegedly promoted Foursquare, Flipboard, Hipmunk, GroupMe and Chegg on Monday’s episode, using stickers with those companies’ names on his character Walden Schmidt’s laptop.”

Ashton Kutcher on Cheating Rumors: “Don’t Believe the Hype”
“Moore, meanwhile, has yet to address rumors of an impending split on Twitter…”

Kim Kardashian Faces African-American Critic on H8R
“You didn’t hear about [going to] New Orleans, or building the homes or meeting this family…”

Heidi and Spencer — We’re Not Broke!
“…Spencer insists the lawyer was paid IN FULL.”

Sharon Stone Gets Restraining Order
“…Phillip Barnes went to Stone’s house twice, uninvited, claiming he was the father of one of Sharon’s kids.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
A hilarious “It’s the ’90s” Supercut from EverythingIsTerrible.com.

Teen Bride Courtney Stodden Signs Deal With Merv Griffin Entertainment For Reality Show
“They want everybody to see their life. Nothing is off limits.”

Justin Timberlake Visits Scarlett Johansson’s Apartment
“They’ve hooked up several times over the years.”

Is Scarlett Johansson Dating Kieran Culkin?
“Johansson (photographed with two dancers!) and Culkin visited the erotic burlesque venue, Crazy Horse.”

George Clooney’s Ex Warns Stacy Kiebler: “He Will Break Your Heart”
“I wouldn’t have any expectation of anything serious.”

Stacy Keibler is “Living in the Moment” with George Clooney
“I was actually not really searching for a boyfriend.”

Gwyneth Paltrow Complains About “Sweaty” Emmys Seat Filler
“The seat filler before me was sweaty, so my chair was wet. Gross!”

Lindsay Lohan Ignoring Advisers Telling Her to Do Community Service
“Lindsay’s rationale is that she has a year to complete the service, so she isn’t concerned about it right now.”

Hilary Duff Replaced By Lindsay Pulsipher in Bonnie and Clyde
“Pulsipher, who is best known for playing werepanther Crystal Norris on HBO’s True Blood, is currently filming the History Channel miniseries The Hatfields and McCoys…”

R.E.M. Announces Split After 31 Years
“We built something extraordinary together. We did this thing. And now we’re going to walk away from it.”

Guns N’ Roses To Launch First U.S. Tour in Five Years
“The band hasn’t played a show since a December 2010 date in Dubai, but will warm up for their U.S. run as only they can: with a series of massive dates in South America and Mexico.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
A new four-minute trailer for The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

FBI Closing in on Scarlett Johansson Hackers
“…the FBI is ‘honing in’ on the group of hackers and know the identity of at least one of them — and we’re told it’s the ringleader.”

REPORT: Jay-Z Has Secret Son
“Everyone knew she was sleeping around and sleeping with Jay.”

Tyler Perry Named Highest Paid Man in Entertainment with $130M
“In the list — compiled by Forbes.com — uber producer Jerry Bruckheimer ($113 M) and director Steven Spielberg ($107 M) round out the top three.”

Nic Cage: I Chased a Naked Stranger From My Home
“…I opened my eyes and there was a naked man in my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle [ice lolly] in front of my bed.”

Megan Fox, Brian Austin Green Removing Tattoos Together
“Fox didn’t specify which of the 38-year-old actor’s many tattoos will be erased.”

Eva Longoria: No Longer on Speaking Terms with Tony Parker
“I’m going, ‘Wow!’ I think divorce agrees with me!”

Kendall Jenner, 15, Makes Runway Debut
“Now that both younger siblings having walked the catwalk, big sister Kim Kardashian couldn’t be more proud.”

Author Joe McGinniss: “Sarah Palin is an Utter Fraud, Vindictive Hypocrite”
“At best she’s a hypocrite — at worse she’s a vindictive hypocrite.”

“Housewife” Michaele Salahi Ran Off with Journey Rocker Neal Schon
“The Real Housewives of DC star was “missing” since early Tuesday, and her husband, Tareq, feared she’d been kidnapped.”

Surprise, Surprise: Lindsay Lohan Throws Drink at Photographer
“Lindsay Lohan just threw a full drink at a boy at V magazine party who dared to snap her pic.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Olivia Wilde in a sexy photo shoot for the latest issue of Allure magazine.

I’m sure this has nothing to do with her being in an well-publicized movie, because that sort of timing never, ever happens.

As I mentioned, word on the street is that these pics are the result of someone hacking her phone. (When will these women learn? To buy a phone with a better camera, I mean. Too grainy.)

So are they real? Or fake? Judging by the fact that the FBI is reportedly now involved, we gotta go with real here.

To see the pics and judge for yourself, just go here (NSFW obviously). Feel free to compare and contrast with these.

And as they say, story developing…

Scarlett Johansson — Tapping FBI Over Nude Photo Leak [TMZ]

I'm feeling you, Jeremy, I'm feeling you...

One knew that having Scarlett Johansson reprise her role from Iron Man 2 playing Black Widow in The Avengers was a good idea before filming ever began. But now that we get to see her and some of the rest of the superhero crew on set in New York it’s looking like pure genius. So are you going to go see this the weekend it comes out? Or will you wait for it to come out on video because you were let down by Captain America, Thor, and Iron Man 2?

Just last month, Kelly was at Yankees stadium when Jeter got his 3000th hit. She even shed some tears at the historic moment.

Unless things went south in a hurry, I’ll just go ahead and applaud Kelly’s incredible ability to produce fake tears on the fly. Undoubtedly, a star actress in the making.

As for Jeter, he’ll no doubt recover quickly from this “devastating” split. His rolodex of lovely ladies is filled with some of the best Hollywood has to offer.

PHOTOS: Six Degrees of Derek Jeter

Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Mariah Carey, Jordana Brewester, Adriana Lima, Rachel Uchitel, Vanessa Minnillo, and a whole host of D-list celebs (Tyra Banks, Vida Guerra) that aren’t even worthy of making the list.

Zoe Saldana: I had a mental breakdown after Avatar
“I was sitting in my hotel room, and I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t stay awake. I must have slept for an entire month.”

Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson reportedly reigniting their romance
Despite having ended their two year marriage, the once happy couple can’t keep away from each other…”

Simon Cowell: Why Cheryl Cole was fired from X Factor
“…unfortunately when it went public, the negotiations fell apart, so I though she would be more comfortable doing the U.K. show than the American show.”

Simon Cowell: “We have to find a role” for Mariah Carey on The X Factor
“You can’t say no to Mariah.”

Rihanna spends $23K per month on her hair
“[She] has enlisted the help of celebrity stylist Ursula Stephen, who charges $3,300 per day to keep her looking great.”

Desperate Housewives ending after 8 seasons
“The ladies of Wisteria Lane are getting ready to say goodbye.”

Lindsay Lohan — Crazy restraining order filed against her is denied
“Kathryn Marie Hinich claims she read an article on TMZ stating Lindsay was trying to kill her…”

Gavin DeGraw hospitalized after assault
“…he was out with friends when he was attacked by a ‘pack of thugs’ on the street and then hit by a taxi as he stumbled away.”

Project Runway All Stars cast revealed
“Model Angela Lindvall will fill Heidi Klum’s shoes as the host of Lifetime’s new spin-off…”

TODAY’S VIDEO
The first official trailer for The Ides of March starring George Clooney.

This is kind of sexy, right?

Scarlett Johansson is one of the sexiest women in the world yet more often than not when I see her posing for magazines I scratch my head wondering what the photographer was doing. Such is the case again today with the July issue of Elle France. While I find these photos to be nice, sexy even, if I had ScarJo in my studio for some pics there’d be a lot more skin being displayed. That’s if I had a studio. And access to sexy starlets. And a camera.

16 year-old bride did not have boob job, says plastic surgeon
“In my professional opinion Courtney Stodden does not have implants. Her breast are 100 percent natural and organic.”

Scarlett Johansson and Justin Bartha: Are they dating?
“She attended the opening of All New People, a Broadway play written by Zach Braff and starring Bartha, last Saturday, and the pair were inseparable at a dinner afterward…”

Blake Lively reunites with Leonardo DiCaprio in Santa Barbara
“They seemed very much in love.”

Mila Kunis used a butt double
“…these lovely women had to show us their derrieres and we chose the one that resembled my body the most without looking like it’s fake.”

Amy Winehouse’s parents visit apartment shrine
“An autopsy is expected to be performed today at St. Pancras Mortuary.”

Jennifer Aniston is talking engagement
“They’re kind of pre-engaged.”

First lawsuits settled in Hollywood poker scandal
“Two people who played alongside … Ben Affleck, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire in Tinsel town’s top-secret poker circuit, have settled their lawsuits…”

James Franco splits with girlfriend of 5 years
“The industrious actor, writer, artist and student has parted ways with Ahna O’Reilly, his actress girlfriend of five years.”

Demi Lovato to release new album September 20
“I hope you’re screaming and jumping down in your room right now because I’m about to tell you when my album is releasing.”

John Edwards ordered to pay back $2.3 million
“Federal auditors said all but approximately $200,000 of the total $13 million he received for his 2008 presidential campaign came from federal matching funds…”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Victoria’s Secret model Lindsay Ellingson telling us why she loves her body.

Justin Timberlake considering MySpace talent competition
“…the singer-turned-actor has got plenty of ideas about how to get MySpace back on track as a destination for music fans…”

Why Casey Anthony was acquitted
“…perhaps the key distinction is this: Where the prosecution sought to provide answers, the defense aimed to raise questions.”

Paris Hilton stalker arrested, accused of violating restraining order
“Someone recognized him as being the man who had given her trouble in the past, and the cops arrived pretty quickly…”

Jennifer Aniston: Horrible Bosses topless scenes are just “good rumors”
“Where do these things start?”

Arnold Schwarzenegger to give Maria Shriver “generous settlement”
“The Terminator is worth roughly around $500-750 million dollars…”

Nicki Minaj: My cousin was murdered
“27-year-old Nicholas Telemaque was killed around 2:40 AM on July 4 from ‘multiple gunshot wounds to the upper torso.’”

Ryan Reynolds, Scarlett Johansson’s divorce finalized
“Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson have officially moved on.”

Katt Williams’ bodyguard kills dog in bizarre attack
“…one of Katt’s bodyguards was bitten by a German shepherd — prompting the bodyguard to open fire twice … killing the dog.”

Playmate’s Mom: My daughter is NOT banging Hef!
“Lena Griffin … tells us her daughter has NEVER been Hef’s girlfriend — adding, ‘the rumors that they are dating were just for publicity.’”

Transformers sequel sets box-office record
“Summer sequel mania was in full swing over the Independence Day holiday as the latest Transformers movie took in an estimated $97.5 million.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
New trailer for the upcoming movie The Three Musketeers.

And this is the most normal photo from this shoot...

Every time I post pictures of sexy celebrities posing for W magazine I say that I need to stop. But I can’t. They’re just so odd. Take these pics of Scarlett Johansson dressed up as a clown for example. I’m sure there is some logical explanation for this, but whatever it is, I really don’t care. I’m just writing it off as more “art” in the name of fashion. When I said I wanted Scarlett to do more modeling this was NOT what I had in mind, people. (And I better not find out Sean Penn had anything to do with this…)

Whatever award Minka Kelly got she totally deserved it...

The Spike TV Guys Choice Awards and the MTV Movie Awards both took place this past weekend. Did you miss them? If so, here’s everything you need to know: Sexy women were there. We’ll start with the Spike show in the pics below and finish up with the MTV show. See if you can delineate where one set of pics ends and another begins (it’ll be a game!). Among those in attendance at these shindigs were (in order below): Minka Kelly, Mila Kunis, Erin Heatherton, Eva Mendes, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Scarlett Johansson, Stacy Keibler, Taylor Cole, Emma Watson, Selena Gomez, Kristen Stewart, Brooklyn Decker, Amber Lancaster, Emma Stone, Amanda Bynes, Chelsea Kane, Reese Witherspoon, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (again), and Jessica Szohr.

Are Justin Timberlake, Ashley Olsen hooking up?
“They’re really trying to keep it on the down-low.”

Halle Berry to star in TV series?
“Higher Learning would feature Berry, 44, as a college professor.”

Hulk Hogan engaged in the “Ultimate” Twitter beef
“Jim Hellwig uploaded a YouTube video in which he claimed to own a ‘huge piece of real estate’ inside the psyche of the 57-year-old reality star.”

Jennifer Hudson joins Three Stooges cast
“Hudson will play one of the nuns in the orphanage where the Stooges spend some time as children…”

Jason Bateman talks Arrested Development movie
“As far as I know, [creator] Mitchell Hurwitz is working on the script and he wants to start shooting at some point this year.”

Rihanna’s “Man Down” video slammed for violence
“‘Man Down’ is an inexcusable, shock-only, shoot-and-kill theme song.”

Bradley Cooper, Olivia Wilde “definitely hooking up”
“Olivia acted jealous when other girls came up to him.”

Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn split
“Speculation about the pair began after Johansson did not attend the Cannes Film Festival with Penn for his movie The Tree of Life.”

Ryan Phillippe, Amanda Seyfried split again
“They were never fully committed.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger hires Jennifer Aniston’s divorce lawyer
“His former Hollywood clients have included Reese Witherspoon and Jessica Simpson.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Leighton Meester stars in a new commercial for Vera Wang.