People invest a lot of time in their favorite television shows. They get wrapped up in the characters and the plot and soon they start gibbering about what happened like it actually went down in real life. This is because we are a culture of lunatics. And that’s why when a television show has a less than satisfactory ending, people go batshit crazy. They start ranting and raving about how they’ve been robbed of closure, like they were dumped in the middle of the night and abandoned by their spouse or something. I wish I could say I was above such things, but… well, here we are. I understand you crazy sons of bitches. I do. And that’s why I decided to create this list, in celebration both of our collective lunacy and the terrible, terrible finales of these nine shows. Some were bad because they were so horrifically clichéd that they became an absurd joke. Others were bad simply because they didn’t make any damn sense. While others sucked because they didn’t answer questions that had been promised for what felt like eons. Whatever their differences, the one thing these nine shows have in common is that their finales were the worst in television history. Enjoy.

9 ‘Dinosaurs’
Dinosaurs was an insane idea to begin with, like a studio exec got all coked up one night, watched some “TGIF” and decided that the only thing that could make it better was if there were dinosaurs involved. Which, admittedly, is always a pretty reasonable stance since dinosaurs are awesome, but not when they’re wearing people clothes and arguing about the weather, you know? That’s just weird. So I suppose it shouldn’t have been a surprise that the final episode of Dinosaurs was, well, really, really weird. I mean, here’s the episode synopsis: Earl, the dinosaur family patriarch, ensures the extinction of his entire race. Good times! I’m surprised they didn’t just go all the way and (spoiler alert!) show the family home getting blown to bits by a giant asteroid. I mean, I guess it’s admirable to not pull any punches when it comes to the fate of the dinosaurs, but I think you’ve already set historical accuracy aside once you put a giant overgrown lizard in flannel. I mean, couldn’t they at least have had the Sinclair family escape via some Land of the Lost style wormhole or something? See, I could totally be an ABC exec.

8 ‘Seinfeld’
Everyone hated the Seinfeld finale because they were expecting something more. Why you would expect more from a television show that describes itself as a show about nothing, I have no idea. But the weird trial of the Seinfeld Four isn’t why this finale ended up on this list. It’s on this list because it was basically a glorified clip show, a dumb excuse to go back through the vaults and show footage of actually entertaining episodes rather than come up with something interesting for the finale. Then again, maybe in some meta way that was the appropriate route to take. Maybe the only way a show about nothing could reasonably end was with a completely nonsensical episode that everyone hated. Or maybe people are right when they speculate that the gang actually died in a plane crash and their trial was actually a metaphor for their judgment in purgatory. Or maybe it was just a shitty series finale after all. I don’t know. My head hurts now. Leave me alone.

7 ‘Entourage’
The only thing missing from the about four years too late series finale of Entourage was a scene in which the boys all go down on each other while Mrs. Ari rolls her eyes and a parade of shitty guest stars parade by the camera and spout hilariously wooden dialogue. Oh wait… you mean that’s pretty much what actually happened? Well, okay then.

6 ‘The X-Files’
The truth is out there. Well, unless you’re a fan of this show. Or one of its producers. Or one of its writers. Or… you get the point. The truth is, is that no one involved with this show had one friggin’ clue about how to end it. Which is kind of a problem when your whole show is based around their being some dizzingly complex conspiracy with a mind-shattering answer at its core, you know? Instead of answers, what fans of The X-Files got was a show that dragged on well past its expiration date until finally its own stars weren’t even interested in hanging around to see how it all played out. And then, finally, when the end did mercifully come, those stars were dragged back to take part in some nonsensical crap about Mulder being put on trial for murder in some weird desert compound. I don’t know. I don’t really remember all of the details, which is kind of the point. What I do know is that nothing was really cleared up or solved, which left them enough room to create a movie follow-up almost a decade later that nobody saw. So, yeah, the truth is out there and the truth is that the series finale of The X-Files was, to put in purely scientific terms, a butt.

5 ‘Veronica Mars’
Veronica Mars was a show that was known for ridiculously entertaining season finales which always wrapped up the season’s mystery in a clear and satisfying way so it was reasonable to expect something great for the show’s series finale. Yeah, not so much. Instead of an exciting and entertaining episode which wrapped up the series in a way that would satisfy fans, the show’s bosses decide to go out on an episode built around a local sheriff’s race, which… come on. Yeah, I know it would have been sweet justice for fans to see Keith Mars finally get his job back but the show didn’t even bother letting us know who won! Furthermore, the show left the show’s central relationship, between Veronica and Logan, open-ended, which… okay, fine, I’ll stop now before I grow ovaries. Still, uh, things could have been done better. That’s all I’m saying. Wait, where’d my penis go?

4 ‘St. Elsewhere’
After several seasons of making its fans care about all the characters of St. Elsewhere, here’s how the show’s producers chose to end it: the whole thing was just the delusion of some autistic kid staring into a snow globe. Since then, this episode has become famous as the ultimate copout, made fun of almost universally for its faux-cleverness. Whoever thought of it clearly believed they had stumbled upon some genius idea, a radical twist that would make even M. Night Shyamalan’s O. Henry designed panties get moist with excitement. In reality, though, the whole thing just became the standard for the ultimate TV land copout, a stupid slap in the face that rendered the whole show meaningless. Well, more meaningless anyway. It’s not like a good finale would have somehow caused world peace. Let’s not get carried away here.

3 ‘Roseanne’
The series finale of Roseanne was basically a variant on the St. Elsewhere finale, a cop-out which essentially rendered the events of the entire last season – which, admittedly, was pretty bizarre – utterly meaningless. Instead of an autistic kid staring into a snow globe, though, Roseanne ended with the reveal that the whole thing was just a dumb book being written by Roseanne and, oh yeah, Dan was dead. Good times! The whole thing just felt like a delusional self-indulgent trip down idiot lane by Roseanne, like no one involved with the show had the guts to tell her that her ideas sucked and that nobody wanted to watch something like that. Then again, by the time it ended, nobody was watching. Also, thanks to writing this article, I had to Google Image search Roseanne and that resulted in me having to see Roseanne in lingerie on the cover of Vanity Fair. That was enough to move this up at least three or four spots on this list. Good Lord.

2 ‘Lost’
The series finale of Lost followed The X-Files method of promising answers and then revealing to the world that the writers and producers had no idea what the hell they were doing or where they were going the whole time. When the episode first aired, I remember convincing myself that it gave me at least a sense of closure, but in retrospect the whole thing was kind of a debacle, like the show runners had spent all their time carefully putting together a giant puzzle only to get desperate and then try to mash in one last piece that didn’t quite fit. Instead of answers, fans were just left with a million more questions. What was the island? That’s the one thing that fans wanted to know from the very beginning. And then the show ended and they were all told that it didn’t matter what the island was because what mattered was a bunch of treacly bullshit. People wanted to get answers to a mystery. What they got instead was Jack and the gang crying and laughing in some church together, having finally found redemption after all that time. Hey, good for them, but what about the rest of us?

1 ‘The Sopranos’
Everyone was excited to see how The Sopranos, that great American soap opera, would wrap things up. Would Tony make it out alive? Or would he finally get what was coming to him? The episode itself seemed to be going just fine and

Every hero needs his sidekick. Batman has Robin, Jesus has Judas and I have alcohol. And while everyone loves to celebrate the hero, too many people ignore the contributions of the sidekick. For instance, Robin helps keeps Batman relaxed with a strict regimen of backrubs and well-timed handjobs. Alfred may not approve, but so what? He’s old and old people have weird values like faith, honesty and respect. See how far that kind of shit gets you in today’s world. Indeed, today’s sidekicks have to do far more important things, like make you laugh, do your dirty work for you and make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit following a night of vicious binge drinking. These ten loveable sidekicks are friends a man can depend on – well, okay, maybe not, but without them, their more illustrious pals would be a lot less interesting. And hey, that’s something, right?

10 Cliff Clavin – Cheers
Sure, Cliff is weird as hell, and nobody seems to really like him, but let’s face it, without him around to make the rest of the gang at Cheers feel better, poor Norm probably would have hanged himself years and years ago. After all, Cliff’s inanity is Norm’s only release from the nagging hell that is life with the wife and Cliff’s pathetic nincompoopery is the one thing that lets Norm know that he hasn’t quite hit rock bottom yet. After all, Cliff is rock bottom. He is the human buffer between Norm and the soul sucking abyss. When Cliff is around, Norm is his minder, the drunken Batman to his feeble-minded Robin. Without Cliff, Norm is just a fat drunk who will probably die in a pool of his own vomit and urine in the bathroom at Cheers while Sam listlessly bangs a string of random whores in his office. Cliff is the only thing keeping that bar from turning into a macabre wasteland of the human spirit, and for that, we salute him.

9 Charlie Runkle – Californication
Sure, Charlie is a giant fuck-up and all around degenerate and sure, he’s kind of a shitty agent, but to his one faithful client, Hank Moody, Charlie Runkle is a true friend and the one man willing to travel with him down life’s more, shall we say, ridiculous highways. Without Charlie around to share in Hank’s debauchery, Hank would be all alone in the world and there is nothing sadder than an alcoholic, pilled-up sex fiend with no friends and no one to make sure he doesn’t choke on his own vomit in the middle of the night or to make sure he doesn’t accidentally sleep with a transvestite or two. But Hank has Charlie and Charlie has Hank and together they both give each other someone to pity besides themselves and somebody to take care of. In short, they give each other meaning, like any pair of soul-mates. How can you beat that? So what if Charlie can’t resist the occasional coked up whore or that he’s perfectly willing to leave his wife for a needy young porn star? After, all we all have our vices. At least he isn’t a fan of The Kardashians or something heinous like that.

8 Barney Rubble – The Flintstones
Barney Rubble is on this list not so much because of his friendship with Fred Flinstone but because the man knows the secret to life. I mean, by any standard, he is plain, kind of dumb and generally pretty worthless. Yet, he has a smoking hot wife, a decent job and he gets to look like a million bucks next to that idiot best friend of his. While, Fred is running around shooting off that big mouth of his, Barney is at home banging the holy hell out of Betty. I bet he’s probably just waiting around for Fred to have the inevitable stress and dinosaur-burger induced heart attack just so he can “comfort” Wilma and finally achieve his long-held dream of establishing a burgeoning stone-age sex-cult. Okay, okay, I may have gotten carried away here, but while everyone else views Barney Rubble as just a sidekick, I view him as a personal hero and as a man that we can all look up to in these strange and terrible times. And if that’s not a good enough reason to put a man on this list, then I don’t know what is.

7 Andy Richter – Late Night With Conan O’Brien
Andy Richter is his generation’s Ed McMahon, only he actually adds something to Conan O’Brien’s circus of the absurd. Ed McMahon was just an old drunken sycophant who laughed at all of Johnny Carson’s jokes. Andy, on the other hand, comes across more like Conan’s partner in crime. Sure, sure, for a while the two were separated but Conan never seems like he is quite complete without Andy by his side. And for his part, Andy proved to everyone that he can’t make it without Conan. He’s the perfect embodiment of the sidekick. He’s not interesting enough on his own, but he adds just the right flavor to his more illustrious pal’s life, which I guess makes him the Pilot Fish to Conan’s Shark. Just a little observational humor for all you marine biologists out there, who I understand make up 17% of our total readership.

6 Gilligan – Gilligan’s Island
Technically, Gilligan is a sidekick, the dimwitted whipping post for that fat madman known as the Skipper. But let’s face facts here, the show isn’t called Skipper’s Island now is it? No, it’s Gilligan’s island, which just goes to show you that sometimes the sidekick ends up actually being the leading man. Now, true, there might not be much to admire about Gilligan, but consider this – he is one of only four males left alone on a deserted island with both Mary Ann and Ginger. And out of those four males, one is a fat blob who probably can’t even find his own penis anymore, one is an old geezer who’s so rich that he can probably only get off now from watching imported exotic models fight each other naked to the death, and the other is a sexless science nerd who’d rather try to find a way to make a working coconut radio than to bust a nut. Who’s left to satisfy the physical needs of both Mary Ann and Ginger than Gilligan? Everyone likes to argue about the movie star vs. the girl next door, but Gilligan never had to choose. He could probably have them both any time he wanted. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was slipping his own lil’ buddy to Mrs. Howell too. There’s a reason it was called Gilligan’s Island and that was because on that particularly island, Gilligan was the man.

5 Ricardo Tubbs – Miami Vice
Sure, Crockett was the one who got all the attention, but Tubbs was right there by his side for every key drug bust. Without Tubbs, Crockett was just a sad drunk, a perpetual screw-up who probably would have gotten himself killed by the first Cuban with a cigarette boat he stumbled upon. There is no Miami Vice without Tubbs. He is damn near the prototype for the cop-show sidekick. Crockett may have been the flashier of the two but Tubbs was the backbone of that team and you all know it. Besides, just look at how fly he looks in that picture. You can’t tell me he wasn’t crushing some serious ass of his own in Miami during those halcyon days of yore when cocaine was king and the thong was the preferred attire of his majesty’s royal court.

4 Waylon Smithers – The Simpsons
I could have gone with Milhouse as the token representative from The Simpsons, but Milhouse is nothing more than an ineffectual whiney little toady, and we already have Cliff Clavin on the list for that. Or I could have gone with Barney Gumble, but he’s just a sad, pathetic drunk with no future or reason for being and, again, we already have Cliff Clavin on the list for that. But Smithers on the other hand is a dynamic presence, the real power behind Montgomery Burns’ evil throne. Smithers is the glue that holds that operation together. Monty Burns is just a senile old man who spends all his time alone in his giant mansion skinning dogs in order to make custom vests. Waylon Smithers is the one who runs Burns’ nuclear empire. He’s the man who makes sure the money keeps rolling in. Besides, Smithers’ unrequited love for his boss adds a layer of pathos to the typical Leading Man/Sidekick dynamic and in doing so reveals the thunderous heart behind the homo-eroticism that lies at the core of just about every character on this list. Or maybe not. Hell, I don’t know, I’m just looking for something interesting to say here. Just be glad I didn’t talk about homo-eroticism when I mentioned Jesus and Judas earlier, okay?

3 George Costanza – Seinfeld
What made Seinfeld such a phenomenon? For as much attention as it received, it wasn’t Kramer’s insanity. Nor was it Elaine’s bitchy shallowness. It sure as hell wasn’t Jerry’s, uh, whatever the hell it was that Jerry did. No, it was George Costanza and his life. That was what was at the heart of the Seinfeld experience. Hell, it was such an integral part of the show’s success that it basically spawned a whole different show specifically about the George Costanza character, only this one was called Curb Your Enthusiasm and was about the real life George, Larry David. Nobody gave a shit what Kramer got up to after Seinfeld ended or about whatever half-assed stupid relationships swept Jerry and Elaine away. But people cared what happened to George. And that’s because in many ways George Costanza was Seinfeld. Everything that people loved about that show was personified by George. He was the beating heart of that show and hey, for a sidekick, that’s pretty damn impressive, right?

2 Beavis – Beavis and Butthead
Let’s face it, Butthead has always been the alpha male of their little relationship. He’s always the one coming up with the dumb schemes, he’s always the one who’s first in line to score with the chicks as the result of said dumb schemes and he’s always the one who does the talking for the duo. And despite the occasional rebellious nut-shot from Beavis, Butthead pretty much abuses Beavis whenever the hell he feels like it. But here’s the thing: Beavis is just cooler than Butthead. He always has been. He’s Cornholio, not Butthead. He’s the true mayhem of the duo, not Butthead. He’s the one with the wild feral look in his eyes, crazy with the empty madness of a lost generation gone insane, not Butthead. And he’s the one who made me laugh my ass off in junior high and made me run around calling my childhood best friend Beavis, something I still do to this day. And that’s why he’s so high on this list.

1 Mr. Spock – Star Trek
Come on, like it could be anybody else. Spock was just a badass, man. A half-Vulcan, half-human logic machine whose insides were a maelstrom of wild, repressed raw emotion, Spock was not only Captain Kirk’s best friend but his ace in the hole. You can’t mess with Kirk because if you do, then Spock’s gonna emerge from the shadows and knock your ass out like an ice-cold killer. He is the silent menace that gives edge to Kirk’s roguish charm. He is the relentlessly mechanical, cold hard logic that tempers Kirk’s fiery impulsiveness. He is the yin to Kirk’s yang, the black to his white, the, uh, thing to his opposite thing. I’m sure Spock could find an appropriate and cool way to end that sentence and that’s why he’s the best sidekick in TV history and that’s why he’s number one on this list.

When you follow a TV show long enough, the characters start to feel like real-life friends and family. Given this fact, when those sadistic TV writers decide to kill off one of your favorite characters, it can definitely have a serious impact. Below are a few of the most memorable TV character deaths of all time.

12 Omar Little – The Wire
Omar was the underdog stick-up man of the Baltimore ghetto. He stole from the rich drug kingpins and gave to himself. With a plethora of enemies throughout all five seasons, it’s pretty much a miracle that he lived as long as he did. However, that gunshot to the head courtesy of a seriously young little boy came as a shocker to pretty much everyone. Let’s whistle “Farmer in the Dell” one more time in his honor.

11 Rita Morgan – Dexter
Rita’s departure from Dexter was one of the most shocking and unexpected character deaths in recent memory. The horrible reveal came in the final moments of season four… right after all the loose strings of the season had already been wrapped up. With all the tension of the episode removed, the sight of Dexter walking into Rita lifelessly sitting in a tub filled with her own blood really brought a downer to that last episode.

10 Joyce Summers – Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Most characters on Buffy The Vampire Slayer don’t die of natural causes. Despite this fact, the death of Joyce Summers via boring-old aneurysm proved especially memorable. The 2001 episode coldly opens with a close-up of Joyce’s lifeless eyes staring directly into the camera. From here, the characters starkly reminisce about the character with a number of heartfelt moments throughout the episode.

9 Bill McNeal – NewsRadio
Given the reality of Phil Hartman’s death, this on-air death proved especially difficult. Whereas many shows would seek to find a more light-hearted way to explain the sudden absence of a TV character (or worse, simply replace him or her with another actor), NewsRadio nobly went with the truth. Hartman died between the fourth and fifth seasons of NewsRadio. For the season opener of season five, the cast learns Bill has had a heart attack. The episode brought a lot of the real emotions into the fictional world, and helped cement the death as a very memorable TV moment.

8 Teri Bauer – 24
With a new twist ending pretty much every hour of the day, Jack Bauer’s wife had a pretty miserable final 24 hours. After Jack saves her from being kidnapped and raped, all seems to be on the mend for this TV couple. That is, until Jack’s mistress reveals herself to be a plant, and shoots Teri right in her pregnant stomach.

7 Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake – MASH
MASH was a show that truly knew how to balance humor with grief. One of the saddest moments of the show was the episode in which Henry Blake had been discharged. Shockingly, Radar delivers the news to the rest of the cast that Blake’s plane was shot down en route to home. Famously, MASH writers report that they kept the death of Blake a secret to the cast until minutes before shooting. This helped make the reactions of Radar and the rest of the crew as authentic as possible.

6 Dan Connor – Roseanne
The death of Dan Connor is perhaps on of the most WTF TV deaths ever to occur. As the TV audience was led to believe, Dan suffered a heart attack, but eventually survived to win the lottery and become a millionaire with the rest of his family. However, in the series finale it was revealed that Roseanne Connor wrote the entire television series based on her fictional real life. In this “real” reality of the Connor universe, Dan actually died from the heart attack.

5 Maude Flanders – The Simpsons
“No foot-longs.” How’s that for a beloved TV character’s final words? Sadly, Maude was chosen to die because voice actor Maggie Roswell decided not to continue with the show after season 10. In classic Simpsons style, the character was comically killed off courtesy of a t-shirt gun at the Springfield Springway. The force of the shirt sent her reeling off the top of the grandstand and into the waiting arms of her beloved Jesus.

4 Anastasia Dualla – Battlestar Galactica
Talk about unexpected. Dee had finally seemed to reconcile with her estranged husband (Apollo). Grinning happily from this fact, Dee quietly smiled at herself in the mirror right before she put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger. Suicide doesn’t happen often on TV shows, but in this case, it made poignant, if difficult, sense to the story progression of the character.

3 Susan Ross – Seinfeld
You’d be hard-pressed to find a more ridiculous (yet totally believable) cause of death than toxic glue from cheap wedding envelopes. Throughout season seven, poor George Costanza was trying desperately to find a way to call off the impending marriage between him and Susan. Just as it seemed he resigned himself to a lifetime of holy matrimony, Susan went and died completely by accident. Of course, in true Seinfeld form, the death failed to phase anyone (besides George and his restrained jubilation).

2 Adriana La Cerva – The Sopranos
This one was a tough one to watch. Adriana had been suckered into talking with the FBI about her husband Christopher’s role in the Soprano gang. Though she stayed strong to her husband and never gave the authorities much to work with, the news of these meetings enraged Christopher. Though he loved her and hated to do it, he ordered Silvio to drag her into the woods and take care of her for good.

1 Charlie Pace – LOST
There are a ridiculous number of memorable deaths from LOST. With a character pretty much dying off every other episode, you could easily make a whole list of “most memorable LOST deaths.” However, of them all, Charlie’s dramatic death in the flooded Looking Glass Station remains one of the most memorable scenes in the show. Not. Penny’s. Boat.

And, apparently, also pretty easy to replicate.

Well, we probably already knew that it was easy to replicate — nearly anyone with a semblance of skill on the bass can slap that puppy out.

(And, while we’re here, why don’t more bands tease that mess during live shows? Phish has busted out the Simpsons theme song in the middle of “Run Like an Antelope,” but I’ve never heard anyone whip out a Seinfeld bass line. I’d kind of dig that.)

Anyway, it would appear that YouTube user Mr. Varaldo figured out that in order to create the Seinfeld theme music, all Jonathan Wolff needed was a Korg M-1 keyboard, the world’s first “music workstation.”

And maybe you already knew this. If you did, well, congrats, you’re smarter than the rest of the Internet.

Via Sharebro Skeets

While it may be a bit awkward to discuss among real friends, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that special bond most of us share between our best friends. Turn on the TV these days, and you’ll see plenty of guy love out there. Keep reading to review a few of our favorite bromances in TV history.

12 Lenny and Carl – The Simpsons
Lenny and Carl are so similar, Homer has been known to give himself crib notes by writing “Lenny = White, Carl = Black” on his hand. While there is the occasional hint that the two are actually romantically involved, it’s probably fair to say that the two are just really, really good friends. I mean, they did double-date each other’s sisters, after all.

11 Kirk and Spock – Star Trek
If you’re heading on a journey to “boldly go where no man has gone before,” well then you better bring a few bros who got your back. Though Captain Kirk and Spock couldn’t have been more different (one highly logical, the other incredibly impulsive), the two shared a common respect that budded into an extremely deep friendship.

10 Jamie and Adam – Mythbusters
Are these two quirky dudes actually friends in real life? Myth confirmed! These two special effects wizards have been pallin’ around on the Discovery Channel for a full ten seasons. There friendship has endured dozens of explosions, more than a few heated arguments, and even the occasional loss of their other best friend – Buster.

9 Gus and Shawn – Psych
Here’s another odd couple that proves opposites often attract. Best friends since childhood, Shawn is the risk-taking type, while Gus prefers to play things a little more reserved. Despite this personality difference, you couldn’t tear these two apart if your life depended on it.

8 Fry and Bender – Futurama
The long-held belief that robots can’t experience love is proven wrong with the relationship between Bender and Fry. Though Bender is a foul-mouthed, drunken party-bot, it’s clear he has a soft spot for Fry. And as for Fry, well, he’d be happy to share his Bachelor Chow with his old buddy if ever it was necessary.

7 Tim and Eric – Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!
It’s a good thing Tim Hiedecker and Eric Wareheim met in college -– because these two weirdos are clearly soul mates. There demented hilarity has resulted in a number of comedic gems over the years, and despite the long hours of work they seem poised to continue their friendship long into the future.

6 Joey and Chandler – Friends
These two Friends were a match made in heaven. Seriously, you’ve got to really love your friend to put up with him attempting to eat everything in fridge. Or, putting on every article of clothing you own because it’s the exact opposite of hiding a pair of his underwear. Even when Chandler got married and moved in with Monica, these two bros remained close as hell.

5 Jerry and George – Seinfeld
Remember when George ended up dating a girl that looked and acted a heck of a lot like Jerry? Yeah, well that pretty much sums up the fact that these two guys are perfect for each other. While both are fairly callous to the outside world, there’s something about discussing the minutae of daily life that made them completely fall in love with each other.

4 Brian and Stewie – Family Guy
The two littlest members of the Griffin family couldn’t be more different, but that doesn’t stop them from getting along. While they’ve had their fair share of arguments (“Where’s my money, man?!”), the two have also gone on epic adventures to the North Pole and WWII Germany. And while there’s always plenty of insults coming from both sides of the table, what man friendship would be complete without a little razzing?

3 Bret and Jemaine – Flight of the Conchords
Band manager Murray once made a friend chart to show Bret and Jemaine where they stood as friends. While the duo may have just been “work mates” with Murray, the friendship between Bret and Jemaine would have been off the charts. They live together, work together and sometimes even date the same woman… it doesn’t get more bro-tastic than that.

2 J.D. and Turk – Scrubs
With affectionate pet names like “brown bear” and “vanilla bear,” J.D. and Turk teeter awfully close to the edge of a full-fledged romantic relationship without actually straying from the straight and narrow path. And no matter how silly one of the guy’s ideas is (“I’m the tallest doctor in the world!”), the other one is there to go along with it no matter what.

1 Troy and Abed – Community
At the moment, Troy and Abed are the bromance kings of current television. The two may be a part of a larger study group, but it’s clear that these two will be hanging out long after college. The closing bromance segments of each episode that feature the two have become one of the funniest parts of an exceptionally funny sitcom. Whatever comes their way, one thing is clear: these two will protect their friendship at all costs.

I always thought there was something shady about that Peterman character. No one pushes the urban sombrero upon society without pure evil and complete disdain for normal sized hats in their hearts.

Watch the Trailer for Psychological Thriller The Real Peterman [Vulture]

The police report says that the man was discussing the game “Frogger” with friends when he decided to try it out.

The man then allegedly yelled “GO” and ran in the middle of a four-lane highway.

The driver of the SUV will not be charged. It’s unclear if the man was on any substances when coming up with this idea.

I played and, in the interest of full disclosure, am quite good at the game “Frogger”. But I can’t imagine I’d ever think that skill-set would translate to real life applications. Well, unless I were guaranteed three more lives. If they ever wanted to bring back the show “Nick Arcade” that would only be the next logical step. I’ve always thought that game needed more of a Thunderdome vibe.

Cops: Man Playing Real-Life ‘Frogger’ Hit by SUV [AOL News]

Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d start taking some time on the weekends to share some classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

For a show that was supposed to be about nothing, Seinfeld sure had plenty of sports episodes. Golf, tennis, baseball and hockey were all used for episodes that centered around sports. And now that Jerry’s scheduled to call a Mets game with Keith Hernandez, it’s time to paint your face like Puddy and get yourself ready. Here are 10 of the best Seinfeld sports moments.

10 Kramer Asks Paul O’Neill for a Favor
Kramer makes his way into the Yankees locker room to find Paul O’Neill. He asks him to hit two home runs for a sick kid in the hospital, even though it’s really so Kramer can get a birthday card back.

Paul O’Neill: “You promised a kid in the hospital that I’d hit two homeruns?”

Kramer: “Yeah, what — no good?”

Paul O’Neill: “No it’s no good…it’s terrible. I mean, you don’t hit home runs like that, it’s hard to hit home runs. And where the heck did you get two from?”

9 Another Game for Milos!
Jerry finds out that the salesman he bought his tennis racquet from is actually terrible at playing the game. This upsets Jerry tremendously and the salesman, Milos, promises to make it up to him. The plot has some twists and turns, but it comes down to Jerry tanking a tennis match so Milos can look like a man again to his hot wife.

Milos: Another game for Milos! Hahaha!

Jerry: You’re on fire today.

Milos: Hey Patty. look at this guy. He’s awful! He’s not a man, this Jerry. He’s not even married like I am.

Jerry: Hey, uh, Milos, I don’t mind rolling over here, but could you lighten up on the ‘not a man’ stuff?

Milos: Hey everybody, look! The little chicken girl wants me to ease up. He can’t handle this, so he cries like a woman!

8 Kramer Dominates the Dojo
Kramer becomes a force in “kah-rah-tay”, except it’s at a dojo full of young kids. He ends up getting beat up in an alley by them but not before explaining the “katra” to Elaine.

Kramer: The first time I sparred with an opponent, I was terrified. My legs, they were like noodles. But then I looked inside, and I found my katra.

Elaine: Katra?

Kramer: Yeah, your spirit, your, uh, being. The part of you that says, “Yes, I can!”

Jerry: Sammy Davis had it.

Kramer: So I listened to my katra and now I’m dominating the dojo. I’m class champion. Ka-ra-te Jerry ka-ra-te sound bite

7 Jay Buhner Has a Rocket for an Arm
George Steinbrenner has stopped by the Costanza residence to tell them the bad news that their son George is dead. Frank Costanza is tremendously upset. But not about George. He’s mad about a certain Yankee trade.

Frank: What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?!? He had 30 home runs, over 100 RBIs last year, he’s got a rocket for an arm, you don’t know what the hell you’re doin’!!

Steinbrenner: Well, Buhner was a good prospect, no question about it. But my baseball people love Ken Phelps’ bat. They kept saying ‘Ken Phelps, Ken Phelps’.

6 Was It the AM/PM?
Elaine is hosting Jean Paul, the marathoner that overslept at the Olympics and missed the marathon. Jerry has designs on making sure he doesn’t miss his race in New York. But first they want to find out why Jean Paul missed out on the Olympics.

Jean-Paul: Man, it wasn’t the snooze. Most people think it was the snooze, but no, no snooze.

Jerry: AM/PM.

Jean-Paul: Man, it wasn’t the AM/PM. It was the volume.

Jerry: Ah…the volume.

Jean-Paul: Yes, the volume. There was a separate knob for the radio alarm.

Jerry: Ah, separate knob.

Jean-Paul: Yes, separate knob. Why separate knob?! Why separate knob?!

5 How They Talk in the Major Leagues
George meets with some executives from the Houston Astros to discuss interleague play and adopts a whole new style of conversation.

George: Hey, you bastards.

Jerry: Hey, how was the meeting?

George: I really like those sons of bitches.

Jerry: Sons of bitches?

George: Yeah! That’s how they talk. You know, everyone’s either a bastard or a son of a bitch.

Yeah, it’s like uh…”boy, that son of a bitch Boggs can really hit, uh?!”

Jean-Paul: Really?

George: Yeah, yeah. That’s how they talk in the major league.

4 Joe DiMaggio Dunks His Donuts
Kramer reveals to the Elaine and Jerry that Joe DiMaggio is a “dunker”, but Jerry does not believe it.

Kramer: Joe DiMaggio, you know this time I went in and sat down across from him and I really watched him. I studied his every move. For example, he dunks.

Elaine: Joe DiMaggio dunks his donut?

Kramer: That’s right.

Jerry: See, now I know it’s not him. Joe DiMaggio could not be a dunker.

Kramer: Oh, he’s a dunker.

Elaine: Why couldn’t he be a dunker?

Kramer: And nothing diverts his attention. Like, I’m uh, you know, like I’m sitting in there, you know. And I start banging on the table, you know, to uh, look up, you know, Like I’m sitting there you know and uh, bang, you know, bang! He wouldn’t move. So then I start doing these yelping noises. Like, yip! yip! No reaction because the guy is so focused, you see, he can just block out anything that’s going on around him. See, that’s how he played baseball. He dunks like he hits.

3 George Teaches Jeter and Bernie Williams About Hitting
George abstains from sex and the effects transform him into some sort of savant. Besides dominating at Jeopardy! and figuring out absolute zero, George bestows some of his new found knowledge on Yankees stars Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams.

George: Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It’s simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant. (Hits a home run) It’s not complicated.

Jeter: Now who are you again?

George: George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary.

Williams: Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?

George: Do you wanna talk about hotels, or do you wanna win some ball games?

Jeter: We won the World Series.

George: In six games.

2 Keith Hernandez, The Magic Loogey and George the Chucker
While Jerry is anxious about his man-date with Keith Hernandez, Newman explains why he can’t stand the Mets’ first baseman with his “Magic Loogey” theory, duplicating the exact scene — and his role –in JFK.

Kramer: Keith was coming toward us, as he passes Newman turns and says, “Nice game pretty boy.” Keith continued past us up the ramp.

Newman: A second later, something happened that changed us in a deep and profound way front that day forward.

Elaine: What was it?

Kramer: He spit on us…. and I screamed out, “I’m hit!”

Newman: Then I turned and the spit ricochet of him and it hit me.

1 Puddy Paints His Face for the Devils Game
Elaine learns something new about her on and off boyfriend, David Puddy. Turns out Puddy is a “face painter” and Elaine just can’t handle that.

Elaine: You painted your face?

Puddy: Yeah.

Elaine: Why?

Puddy: You know, support the team.

Elaine: Well, you can’t walk around like that.

Puddy: Why not?

Elaine: Because it’s insane?

Puddy: Hey, you gotta let them know you’re out there, this is the playoffs.

Kramer: Hey.

Puddy: Hey.

Elaine: Dave, um, painted his face.

Kramer: Yeah, that’s cool. Well, you gotta support your team.

Here’s some more famous incidents in the Wide World of Spitting.

Charles Barkley accidentally spits on young girl

Throughout much of his career, Charles Barkley was the bad boy of the NBA. His confrontations with players were a nightly occurrence and he even starred in the original “Malice at the Palace”. So in 1991, when a fan heckled him from the sidelines, Barkley responded, in kind, by tossing some spit in his direction. Regretfully, it instead struck a young girl. He was fined $10k for the incident and now calls it the dumbest thing he’s ever done in his career. We prefer to think it was all those times he folded to his best friend Michael Jordan, but that’s another issue altogether.

Roberto Alomar and the umpire

A called third strike in a 1996 game against the Blue Jays sent second baseman Roberto Alomar into a wild tirade. Umpire John Hirschbeck was the recipient of Alomar’s anger and while being separated, Alomar spit directly in his face. Alomar later defended his actions saying Hirschbeck had uttered a racial slur. MLB suspended him for five games the following season and Alomar was forced to issue a letter of apology to the umpire.

Keith Hernandez and the magic loogie

Perhaps no episode of Seinfeld is more famous than the Keith Hernandez “Magic Loogie”. If you recall, Kramer and Newman make a wild claim that Hernandez tossed some phlegm in their direction years earlier after a game. Jerry then explains to Elaine how absurd the story is and re-enacts the entire incident with hilarious Zapruder-like film as the background.

Channing Crowder and Le’Ron McClain

The aforementioned incident originally appeared to be sour grapes by Crowder after the Dolphins lost to the Ravens. But upon further review, McClain does seem to thrust his head forward as the two jaw at each other. Crowder’s body then goes “back and to the left, back and to the left,” before the officials intervene.

Victor Hanescu vs. Wimbledon spectators

Tennis pro Victor Hanescu was already frustrated with an apparent thigh injury during a third-round match at the All-England Club this past year. His frustration grew when he asked for the match to be called because of fading light and was denied by the chair umpire. So when spectators began cat-calling Hanescu, things came to a head. He looked in their direction and offered them a rather large present in the form of an impressive loogie.

Bill Romanowski and J.J. Stokes

Bill Romanowski was widely considered one of the dirtiest players in the NFL during his playing career. And frankly, the spit he laid on J.J. Stokes in December of 1997 wasn’t even the most grotesque thing he did to him that day. In a pile-up preceding the incident, Stokes accused Romanowski of pulling and grabbing his groin. Considering Bill’s rampant use of performance enhancing drugs, I think he was just jealous of the size of Stokes’ nuts.

1988

Maybe one of the most recognizable moments in sports was the Kirk Gibson limp/trot around the bases in the 1988 World Series. And now, Gibson wants to give away some of that memorabilia for charity. Beginning October 27th, he’ll be selling the bat, Hall of Fame trophy and World Series replica trophy for foundation that supports MSU athletics and high school scholarships in his parents’ names.

105

Speaking of selling, Magic Johnson is doing a lot of it lately. Two days after he officially sold his ownership in the Lakers, Magic received $100 million dollars for his 105 Starbucks franchises. It appears that Johnson is making some kind of move towards buying a NBA team, although, he says both were just “business decisions”. Either way, if someone wants to hit up the former NBA legend for a loan, now is probably the time.

.15

Colts punter Pat McAfee was arrested early this morning after “drinking and swimming”. At 5am, witnesses saw a man suspiciously swimming in a local canal. When police arrived, the inebriated McAfee blew a .15 and was promptly taken to the local police station. Wild Tuesday night at the bar huh Pat?

64

In the 64-year old history of the NBA, they have never had to ban a shoe for any reason. But yesterday, that all changed. The Athletic Propulsion Labs’ Concept 1 gives players an unfair advantage by actually increasing their vertical leap. Yes, this is real, it’s not a Seinfeld episode. Although we hear “Jimmy” is the front man for the product. “Don’t touch Jimmy“.

18

Greg Norman is a smooth operator and he’s also apparently, a very quick one. His last marriage to tennis legend Chris Evert lasted 18 months and now a year later, he’s moved on to old gal pal Kirsten Kutner. The Shark has a lot of taste too, buying a 6-carat diamond ring and proposing in the kitchen. How does one go about insuring something worth almost $300k and residing entirely on their finger?

>>> Photos of a nipple-taped, drugged –up Angelina Jolie have allegedly surfaced. Star magazine claims to have these photos, yet for some reason hasn’t published them yet.

>>> I guess now we know why Miranda Kerr got married. She’s frikkin’ pregnant. Thanks a lot, Orlando. Douchebag…

>>> Lindsay Lohan is getting out of jail, but rather than go directly to rehab (as she is supposed to do), she is going to get to spend some time with her family first, because, as we all know, her family is such a solid rock upon which she can lean.

>>> Chris Tucker owes $11 million in back taxes. Time for another rendition of Rush Hour!!

>>> Oliver Stone is an idiot.

>>> Jersey Shore’s Snooki explaining why she wouldn’t wear a bikini during the filming of their second season, says its because one-piece suits are more provocative. If by provocative she means keeps people from vomiting (as much) when they see on the beach, then yes, they are more provocative.

>>> This was all said before Snooki got arrested for being drunk off her ass while filming an episode of the show. Now THAT’s provocative.

>>> In other Jersey Shore news sure to make you want to stab your brain with an ice pick, the group rang the bell at the New York Stock Exchange.

>>> Kendall Jenner, the 14 year-old sister of Kim Kardashian, did a little photo shoot. A photo shoot that might be appropriate for someone maybe 10 year older than her. Yeah… Anyone else see another Kardashian sex tape looming in the 2010′s?

>>> Michael Jackson was obsessed with Nazis. Naturally.

>>> Remember a few weeks ago when Amanda Bynes said she retired from acting and I asked you to see if you even would notice. Well, you won’t get the chance because she just unretired. And once again I say, see if you notice.

>>> Tara Reid got drunk and flashed her vagina. No this is not a story from 2009. Or 2008. Or 2007. Or… never mind.

>>> Yet another Mel Gibson rant hit the streets this week. This time his target was former James Bond Timothy Dalton, the father of Oksana Grigorieva’s 12-year-old son. In the rant Mel raises the bar for the number of times one can say the word f–k in a paragraph. It’s really quite impressive.

>>> Mel Gibson didn’t just limit his craziness to voice mails though. Now there’s e-mail too!!!

>>> And finally, Ellen DeGeneres quit American Idol and I don’t care. But for those that do, it seems that Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler (is he out of rehab?) will be your new judges. Oh yeah, Kara DioGuardi got fired too. That’s why there’s two new judges, I guess.

I’m sorry I don’t have any sexy babe videos to post this week, but I do have the trailer for the new Seinfeld movie Serenity Now. Give it a look and have a great weekend, people.

A Cedar Falls man who repeated a gag from the “Seinfeld” show while at work has been fired for sexual harassment.

It’s the second case of an Iowan being fired for harassment stemming from an episode of the popular comedy series.

In the most recent case, John Preston and several of his co-workers at the Brain Injury Association of Iowa attended an outdoor retreat in July 2008. During the event, one of the female workers told her colleagues that whenever she or her husband sneezed, the other would respond by saying, “You are so good looking.”

A week after the retreat, Preston allegedly sent the female worker who initiated the joke a series of e-mails in which he reiterated that she was good looking.

The woman complained to her superiors, and Preston was cautioned about such comments. A few weeks later, Preston allegedly stopped the woman in a hallway at work and massaged her shoulders while speaking to her. That generated another complaint, and early this year Preston confronted the woman at a work-related event.

The case is similar to the 2004 firing of Ronald Knight, who worked as a manager at the Fareway grocery store in Shenandoah. Knight allegedly told a female subordinate that he had heard she was drunk and running naked through the streets the previous night. He also implied that her forgetfulness was due to lack of sex, and he telephoned her at home and asked what she was wearing.

Knight claimed that he was simply repeating comments heard on a “Seinfeld” show and that the remarks were made in jest. He was denied unemployment benefits.

Um, yeah, so I’m pretty sure that I missed the episode that this article references in regards to the 2004 firing of Ronald Knight. While I appreciate Knight’s efforts in blaming someone other than himself for being an idiot, I feel like an episode in which a female ran around naked and was then told by George that it was due to her lack of sex as he called her, panting into the phone and touching himself, would probably have been seared into my memory.

As for Mr. Preston, you might be able to blame the “You are so good looking” cracks on an episode of Seinfeld and an inside joke. But once you start massaging shoulders and confronting people about not sleeping with you, you’ve pretty much left joke territory. And entered the strategy I typically use for courtship. Nothing gets the panties dropping faster than a little poorly timed, unwanted massage and confrontation. It’s like my life is a Jackie Collins novel.

[via]

Would it f’ing kill a porn company, with all of their money, to hire a inexperienced but talented young comedy writer instead of just churning this crap out written by some guy in a Persian club shirt and a hairy chest? I mean look, I’m not saying I’d be so proud of my work writing a porn parody of Seinfeld, but for the right amount of money, I have no doubt that I could turn out a script with 2 hours of romantic lovemaking between Susan’s father and John Cheever set to some Gregorian chants. Or something funny. Perhaps both, assuming someone slipped on a banana peel before the sodomy begins.

[additional NSFW pics of the film can be seen here]