After Lester left, the two women found a vibrator loaded with gunpowder, BB pellets, and buckshot that was wired to a battery designed to make it explode. The vibrator was found in a can marked “Christmas Gifts”.

When questioned by police, Lester said he was going to give it to the women because his relationship with them had ended badly. He planned on triggering the device while it was inserted in one of the women with a goal to “blow them up.”

Let’s ignore the inherent problems with your revenge strategy involving an exploding dildo cobbled together like a jilted pornographic MacGuyver in the first place. How lofty a scheme is it to think that not only would this plot work correctly, but also that you’d be able to convince a person you had a falling out with to insert a gift of yours into her vagina? I’ve received gifts from exes that I liked and I wouldn’t even wear them, let alone shove them in an orifice. Really, this guy’s biggest crime was aiming too high.

Waseca Man Gives Ex Explosive-Rigged Vibrator [My FOX Twin Cities]

Items on sale include the usual dildos, lubes, and other stimulants, all of which will be provided to customers in a brown paper bag.

The store is a response to Alabama’s efforts to ban sex toys, which prohibits the sale of sex toys to the general public unless for a “bona fide medical, scientific, educational, legislative, or law enforcement purpose.” As a result, customers of Pleasures must fill out a “medical questionnaire” designed to outline the health-related reasons for buying a product from the store.

The Alabama sex toy ban is said to be to prevent “immoral purposes.”

Good for Williams and Pleasures. It’s silly to try to ban something like sex toys that really do no harm to the community and affect no one other than the intended party. Unless you’re having a sex toy fight. Or jabbing a cop with a dildo. Hmm, maybe these sex toys are a problem.

Either way, if you’re in Alabama, not only can you drive through to get delicious Chick-Fil-A, you can also get a big black double-dong dildo. What more can a man need when driving across the country?

Sex toy drive-thru: Alabama shop to offer window service [The Huntsville Times]

I just hope for the cop’s sake that the drunkard wasn’t poking him with a used dildo bought in a classified ad. That’s not fun for anyone involved.

Is there anything more embarrassing to get poked with than a pink dildo? I can’t imagine so. Unless it were a black one. But at least then, you’re empowering a group of people — always a goal when whimsically playing with sex toys, I think.

To some men, she might seem like the perfect woman: She’s a willowy 5 feet 7 and 120 pounds. She’ll chat with you endlessly about your interests. And she’ll have sex whenever you please — as long as her battery doesn’t run out.

“She doesn’t vacuum or cook, but she does almost everything else,” said her inventor, Douglas Hines, who unveiled Roxxxy last month at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Powered by a computer under her soft silicone “skin,” she employs voice-recognition and speech-synthesis software to answer questions and carry on conversations. She even comes loaded with five distinct “personalities,” from Frigid Farrah to Wild Wendy, that can be programmed to suit customers’ preferences.

“There’s a tremendous need for this kind of product,” said Hines, a computer scientist and former Bell Labs engineer.

Roxxxy isn’t being distributed yet but you can preorder the sex doll now (warning: site is about as NSFW as you’d expect a site selling sex robots might be).

This is a pretty big advancement in technology, but also a pretty big investment. Not only just the $7,000 you’re plopping down for a talking sex robot but also an investment in a new lifestyle. Make no mistake, you don’t just buy a sex robot and tuck it under the bed. That 5’7 monster is going to be hanging out on the couch, basically eliminating you from any opportunity at making a meaningful physical relationship with a human being ever again. But hey, your life. If you want to spend the next three decades buying KY Jelly and WD40 and needing both items to have sex, by all means, go right ahead.

[CNN]

[O]ne Irish company reckons they’ve got the solution to shake up the market: a vibrator they are calling the world’s first-ever “green technology sex toy”.

The Earth Angel, described as “eight inches (20 centimetres) with a sleek white finish”, is a wind-up vibrator which comes with a handle built into the bottom.

“You just flip out the handle, grab a hold of it there, and you just wind it,” said Janice O’Connor, the co-founder with her husband Chris, of Caden Enterprises which makes the gadget.

“So for four minutes of doing that, you should generate enough power to give you 30 minutes of full-on, right-to-the top vibrations,” she told AFP.

While you can certainly admire the technology, nothing could possibly be more of a buzzkill than working yourself up into a froth and then having to run a hand crank for four minutes, exhausting your arm and giving you time to soak up the shame that often comes with rubbing one out. You know that moment after you finish where you’re covered in goo like you were just visited by Slimer’s separatist cousin and the disgust you have with yourself? Imagine that being spread out across four minutes BEFORE you actually do it. if I were a chick using this, I’d literally never get to the actual self-pleasure part. I’d end up hopping on a butterchurn like the skanky Amish girl I am.

[Yahoo]

Click here for NSFW version

Since obviously none of our readers would know, that is a nude blow-up doll lying down in a bathtub. Really teaches you a lot about the horrors of war. I bet that doll was just having a nice relaxing bath, hoping to erase from her memory the loveless relationship she’s trapped in. How come her lover doesn’t ever ask her how her day was? Or bring her flowers? Maybe pop in a Grey’s Anatomy DVD? No, it’s just about sex. Sometimes a sex doll just needs to escape in her war-torn country and cozy up with ol’ Mr. Bubbles. But then to be found like this by a soldier, nude in a bathtub in a filthy bathtub, dead and unmoving as everything she knows changes around her. Well, that’s no way for a plastic sex doll to keep her dignity.

On the plus side, free sex doll!

[Geekologie]

Introducing Succu Dry Sex in a Can from Fleshlight, the world’s first vampire inspired sex toy for men. Take a walk on the dark side and get familiar with this pale brew. But be careful! Though this may feel like love at first bite, make sure you have wood poised to penetrate before you get completely drained!

I get that finding vampires sexy is all the rage right now (mostly for women, but still). I can even concede that there’s a certain appeal to engaging in relations with something edgy and possibly bad for your health (see: My trip to Haiti). But wanting to put one’s member into something with fangs seems like a bad idea. Vampires feed themselves on blood. And then you’re, theoretically, saying “Hey, let me put a very important body part that’s filled with blood into the place they eat the blood with.” Where’s the logic there? That’s why if I ever hook up with a vampire, we’re strictly going backdoor. And as a bonus, since they’re already dead, my aforementioned trip to Haiti can go blissfully unannounced.

If you’re totally naive and/or don’t enjoy sex with things that look like creepy plastic orifices shoved into a flashlight, that is a famous male sex toy known as The Fleshlight. And here I was, thinking that I was totally crazy for placing Thomas the Tank Engine on the floor when I was a child and pumping away. Well now who’s laughing! Oh, still you. Good point.

[as seen on]

So is this not supposed to be suspicious? Like if someone saw a big blow-up doll in your house, they’d probably go, “Oh, he’s totally having sex with a blowup doll.” But if someone sees an egg in your house, they just think it’s an egg, I’d assume. But if you have an egg by your bedside with something that looks like crusted old egg whites underneath it, I’d still think that’s a bit out of the norm. I don’t think I’d assume you’re having sex with it, but I wouldn’t be shocked. I guess my real point is that as a society, we should probably limit the things we pleasure ourselves with to our hands or to humans, or occasionally a particularly sexy pair of couch cushions. Your eyes say “no no” but the change inside of you says, “yes yes.”

This is an important lesson to learn and I’m glad Scrabble is teaching it to us. We don’t really discuss penis substitutes enough in school. If it were up to me, I’d dedicate an entire class to it. The aforementioned dildos, cucumbers, Coke bottles, bananas, flashlights can all be substituted. Conversely, you may not want to substitute in a knife handle (or blade) or a lit stick of dynamite. This is what kids should be taught at an early age. Yet when I try to teach this when working as a substitute teacher, I end up burnt alive in the boiler room and forced to come back to hunt children in their dreams. Real fair.

[image via, thanks to Goinglikesixty for the tip]

I can think of no more appropriate gift to give your loved one who wouldn’t shut up about how Obama is going to save the world than this 7 1/2 inch Barack Obama dildo. It even comes in two colors, “Democratic Blue” and “Presidential Gold”. I don’t understand why there wouldn’t be “Racial Equality Brown” but whatever. I also don’t understand why you’d want to shove Obama head first into your orifice of choice, but who am I to judge.

For the record, if you visit the site selling the dildos, keep in mind how majorly unfunny the little slogans on there are. I swear, if there’s anything less funny than someone in the sex industry making jokes, I haven’t seen it. Is it too much to ask for the slogan “Yes We Cunt!” to be somewhere on there?