Additionally, teen pregnancy is at an all-time low with teens only accounting for 39 births out of 1,000 (though the figure doesn’t account for abortions in the demographic) according to the study data compiled from 2006 through 2010.

When teens are getting it in, they’ve also used protection at record rates with 78 percent of girls using protection during sex along with 85 percent of boys.

All good, right? Well…

The most common reason both girls and boys gave for never having had sex was that doing so was against their religion or morals; that has always been the primary reason in previous surveys, too, Dr. Martinez said. But the second-most-common reason among boys in the current survey was that they had not yet found the right person, a distinct change from 2002, when the No. 2 reason was that they did not want to get a girl pregnant.

Finding the right person is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. Sex has implications beyond just the moment. But for you, as a budding young man, to list that as a reason why you haven’t had sex? It just reeks of the overly sensitive dreck that society expects of men these days. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that you’ll find a woman on your first try and it’ll be magical and everything else will fall into place in your picture perfect lives. It’s not the way the world works, regardless of how many “Participant” soccer trophies you racked up in grade school.

Teenagers Having Sex Are Now a Minority [NY Times via Jezebel]

… Oh, and for the record, I love bring up such a “nasty” stereotype about the Japanese because A. I’m part Korean, and there’s more Asian love to do than hating other Asians. Also, B. a pal of mine who went to Japan a few years back actually stumbled across one, so if you hear “but that’s just b.s. made up my Americans”, you can tell them to shut the f up. But where were I? Oh yes…

Gotta like the Grand Theft Auto wannabe that could. Whereas GTA has tried going the “respectable” route over the years, Saints Row is going the absurdist route, as evidenced by the employment of Time & Eric most recently. Well, yet another piece of the puzzle is “The Penetrator”, a three-foot long purple dildo that’s one of the many wacky weapons found in Saints Row: The Third.

Though, as reported by Game Informer, the weapon had to be significantly alternated in the land of the rising sun. Why? Because they have laws prohibiting against the depiction of genitalia. Which means that the veins have been removed, along with the head, plus its physics has been altered. Instead of flopping around, like a dildo (or “the real thing”), it’s fully erect.

And in related news, via Kotaku, 25 real life replicas that were destined to France and the Netherlands, on route to some promotional event, went missing a few days back. Here’s what one looked like…

… They were apparently destined to game journalists on that end. Did I get one, btw? Sadly, no. Whether that’s because of guidelines affecting Americans, or I’m somehow not cool enough to get a three-foot long phallus in the mail, is anyone’s guess.

The common euphemism used when describing the male motivation is that, “men often think with the wrong head.” This is true. The fact that we use the one between our shoulders for even one percent of our daily activities is both shocking and ineffective. But it’s a necessary evil, as the big head is the one that does all of the horizontal mambo planning. Guys have an agenda, and women know that, hence the god-awful things they put them through to get a chance at the pussy palace. Here are the 7 worst things a man will tolerate if he thinks it will help him get laid.

7 Owning a small dog
There’s rule of thumb and then there’s rule of arm: a dog isn’t a dog if it isn’t longer than the space between your fingertips and elbow. A man will only own one of those designer poop factories because he knows women are drawn to them in the same way that they’re drawn to purses. If you’ve ever seen a guy walking down the street carrying a small dog, its stumpy legs appearing like Lego heads, you’ll notice that the guy is thinking to himself, “this dog better get me laid soon or I’m turning him into a vest.”

6 Taking a dance class
Have you ever watched an episode of any one of the countless dancing shows on television? It’s basically a bunch of guys thrusting their hips, dry humping the woman’s tanned thighs, in hopes of getting to remove the fabric that is harnessing their impending boners. Men don’t like dancing, but it’s the closest thing to having sex that doesn’t involve a “solo.”

5 Going to Linens and Things
Linens and Things is the third base coach if we were to use the base system when describing sex. There you are, laboring as you round the bases, and there he is giving you the stop sign in a store that is appealing as getting plunked in your dick hole by a Randy Johnson fastball. But you’re so committed that you’re then forced to stand there as the girl you’ve been dreaming about fornicating with, paws at cotton linens and duvet covers.

4 Watching anything with Sandra Bullock in it
Here’s a fun fact from the world of pornography: they show male performers scenes from Sandra Bullock movies to prevent them from climaxing prematurely. Conversely, men who don’t make their living spinning splooge have to endure the same performances for a chance of releasing their cum-coated kraxen as quickly as possible. No matter how many times they say it, The Blind Side is not a sports movie; it’s merely a tortuous sexual odyssey.

3 Letting her dress him
As soon as a woman mentions “you’d look good in a turtleneck,” what you should really be hearing is, “wear this turtleneck and maybe I’ll go all turtleneck on your johnson.” Shopping for clothes is one thing. Being instructed to wear a certain article for a specific event is a whole different sadistic sexual test.

2 Watching the WNBA
The WNBA has absolutely no redeeming qualities. While other female sports promote top-notch execution and athletes, televised WNBA games look like when a bird gets inside a house and people frantically try to get it out with a broom. It’s sloppy, slow and embarrassing. If you’re willing to sit through an ENTIRE WNBA game for the sake of having your sexless streak end like a shot clock, I salute you.

1 Meeting her parents
There’s nothing weirder than meeting a girl’s parents for the first time. There’s mom and dad staring at you, as you lustfuly stare at their daughter, all the while they’re imagining you ramming yourself into a body part that they used to refer to as a tushy on their baby girl. Of all things to have to endure for a chance at some action, this is by far the worst.

In the past I’ve gone over reasons that women won’t have sex with you, but have you ever wanted to pinpoint the exact reason why they do choose to caress you down? At the time it’s happening we don’t give a sweet damn why, but right now our heads aren’t clouded with thoughts of getting biblical with some hot strange, so why don’t we focus?

8 She Wants to Dominate You without The Whip
Mentally, women have just as much of a capacity to take advantage of men as men do women. If she wants something, her sexuality becomes a cunning and devious weapon that most men are helpless in the face of. She’ll show off the goods, she’ll put ideas in your head, and she will conquer you.

7 She Can’t Help Herself
Some women have a point of no return when it comes to being turned on. If you don’t know them well, then you won’t know when it’s going to happen, but even if you met them 10 seconds prior you’ll know AS it’s happening.

6 She Wants You to Value Her More
Some ladies will get you to rise to the occasion so she can get some extra status points with you. This is not indicative of a chick that has high self esteem, so here she’s offering something that everyone finds pleasurable rather than relying on other, less universal parts of her personality.

5 She Can’t Resist You
You dog, you! Somehow you’ve managed to hide your love of Star Trek, anime, and World of Warcraft long enough for her to see you as a potential candidate. Then you sealed the deal with raw, dangerous alpha-male sex appeal. Now all she can think about is being one with you.

4 It’s Been Forever
Sometimes in situations that women wouldn’t ordinarily be on the prowl, they’ll be engaged in a full on manhunt. They are sex-deprived and honestly, none of them want to become a born-again virgin. They’re firing on all cylinders and bringing out that innate female sexuality they’ve been storing up for so long.

3 She’s Feeling Sexy
Is she wearing high heels and a hot, revealing dress? Is her hair and makeup done nicely? Is she dancing her ass off or flirting shamelessly? There’s a good chance she’s feeling pretty confident and frisky and sometimes that’s a good enough reason for her to follow through with her needs, whereas other times she may hold back.

2 You Convinced Her
Sometimes women just need to hear the right words to be OK with it. It’s not going to be something dirty or forceful that she wants to hear, but rather something strong, understanding and slightly provocative with a tinge of sweetness.

1 She’s Drunk (As Hell)
This will significantly diminish the amount of energy a woman spends analyzing her own slut-o-meter. She’ll be a hell of a lot more receptive to primal impulses, so stick around ‘cuz it could be your lucky day.

Other things not to do:

-Poke holes in them for breathability
-Use them as protective gloves while you clean your pet African monkey before sex
-Chew on them like bubble gum to test their durability
-Cut off the sides so you can show off your penis’s muscles

And so on. Glad we had this talk.

I was about to try one on until I saw this attention sign… [Reddit via Consumerist]

'Sex with an inflatable raft? That's a paddlin'.'

The police report claims that Tobergta “advised officers that he was doing it but only because he has a problem and that he needs help and please don’t send him to prison but send him somewhere to get help.”

Tobergta’s defense may not be completely insane; he was previously arrested in 2002 for having sex with a giant Halloween decorative pumpkin and had been arrested for at least four other similar offenses.

Tobergta is currently being held and is awaiting charges. His family claims he suffers from ADD.

I kind of feel bad for the guy. I can’t imagine anyone goes through life looking like he does and having sex with rafts in an alleyway completely deserves that fate. Tobergta’s grandmother told the Cincinnati Enquirer that their family was never able to get someone to care for him. Maybe inanimate plastic objects are the only thing that ever treated him well. Maybe he once got jerked off by the animatronic animals at the Country Bear Jamboree, his only consensual act of love. We just don’t know. I once thought a story about a man sticking his dick in a raft would be nothing but laughs. But now I see that I was wrong.

Cops: Man had sex with inflatable pool raft [Cincinnati.com via @The_MDA]

Familiar with Audiosurf? It’s a hybrid rythm/puzzle/racing game in which tracks are generated with whatever’s in your music library. Though it’ll work with pretty much any audio you give it.

It goes without saying, but the audio for the following is NSFW, so I’d highly suggest putting on some headphones…

Though it would be interesting to see how the game would react to the sounds of folks actually having sex; the above sounds like a guy whose passing a kidney stone or something. And if I knew how to record my own gaming session, I’d share with the world how the game would react to voice recordings from my creepy ex that I held onto in case I had to drag her to court for that restraining order (again).

Porn Track on Audiosurf [Reddit]

First off, that’s not hard to believe. As cliched as it sounds, I do know first hand of dudes that would sometimes rather snuggle up Master Chief than their gfs, and that’s kinda sad (as well as pathetic; I know we all have our own ways of blowing off steam after a long day of whatever, though I honestly can’t think of a better way than, you know, coitus).

Still, pretty much anyone can ask a bunch of folks questions these days and pass it off as a study. No offense to the fine folks at Doritos; they’ve finally realized that the old 80s logo rocks, so perhaps it’s not foolish to assume that they used the most scientific of methods to come to their conclusion. Anyway, here’s what they found…

Of the 2,052 people they spoke to, 49% of their female respondents played games online, almost the same amount in the dude camp, which clocked in at 50%. That actually sounds about right (with some studies showing that women actually outnumber men by a significant degree). Now, of the ladies who said yes to gaming, 84% apparently preferred it over sex, working out, shopping, and enjoying a bath (those activities had high numbers as well, it’s just that gaming came up on top).

Furthermore, women play games online longer than men, which once more, makes sense. Compare the average session of a game a dude is more than like going to play… say a FPS, even a bunch of matches all together… to what women are into, like those Facebook games that gets so much ire from hardcore gamers and the like. It should also be noted that Doritos has their Facebook game, hence why the study might be a tad bit biased.

Survey: Women love gaming more than sex [MCV]

As spotted by some dude at his corner deli…

I actually came across one myself in the wild, but didn’t have a camera handy to snap a picture, nor the money to get one myself. It was like seven bucks!

This was on sale at the bodega by my office. Don’t think Capcom would approve. [NSFW] [Reddit]

Despite how they generally tend to oversimplify the issue, the point that it’s a bit hypocritical how it’s okay for kids to play violent games, but anything with sex in it is still a no-no. I’m not super familiar with every aspect of the just passed case, but I don’t believe it really came up.

Mostly because, unfortunately, most game stories don’t have the balls to sell such things, even to adult customers, nor do most publishers have to guts to put them out in the first place. Though things are starting to change somewhat… as various artifacts from Japan, once again, have begun trickling in. But it’s mostly in the real of cutesy (as well as underage looking) anime chicks. Which itself opens a whole new can of worms.

A few mainstream, non-animu games have tried featuring coitus, but it’s been awkward at best (as well as boring)…

… And something that’s basically there, just for the sake of having it, and not the focal point. Perhaps if BioWare actually made it somewhat a priority, their sex scenes wouldn’t be such a joke. And yet, they still have the best thing going at the moment.

Seems like the only title that attempt to approach sex head on is Second Life. But then again, it’s not really a game is it? Also, as we’ve also seen, it’s just creepy as hell.

Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

Maybe your girlfriend just dumped you or maybe you haven’t had sex since the 90′s or maybe you’re just really horny. Whatever the case may be, WebMd claims that there is no cure quite as effective as the one-night stand. However all it takes is a few missteps to turn a successful one-night stand into an absolute disaster.

7 Don’t acknowledge you don’t know her name
You just finished having the most amazing sex of your life and you realize you don’t even know her name. Danielle? Jessie? Thomas? Don’t ruin the moment by admitting you forgot her name. Combine hot, sexy, stuff, thing, and baby in any order to create a personalized and unforgettable nickname.

6 Don’t exchange information in the morning
So you’re leaving in the morning and you feel bad saying “see you probably never.” Instead of asking for her number and giving her the false impression you’ll call, locate the nearest exit and whisper goodbye before she’s even awake. If you feel guilty just leaving, tell her you’re married, and this can’t ever happen again.

5 Don’t go to brunch
Just because conversation flowed in bed (“harder,” “faster,” “I said donkey was my safe word”) doesn’t mean it will go as well over breakfast. Sitting at a restaurant trying to make small talk will only emphasize that you’re actually strangers. However if you’re feeling chivalrous, be a gentleman, and leave her a few dollars to grab herself an Egg McMuffin.

4 Go back to her place
It’s incredibly important that you make every effort to end the night in her bed. It’s much harder to come up with an excuse to leave early in the morning when you’re already in your own apartment. A foolproof way to guarantee that you end up back at her place is to tell her she’s welcome to come home with you as long as she doesn’t meeting your parents and sleeping in your bunk bed.

3 Keep it casual
No matter how many ways you did it, a one-night stand is not an appropriate time to begin discussing personal matters. Don’t extend beyond small talk about the weather and the time of day. If you exchange career information or last names, things have gone too far, and odds are high you’re going to end up with a serious girlfriend.

2 Don’t do anything weird in bed
On one hand you’ll never see her again. On the other hand she might just be a sex blogger who will share all the weird details, as well as your full name. Try your hardest to keep it normal by refraining from pulling out your collapsible whip and inflatable sex doll.

1 Use protection
Nothing turns a one-night stand into a shotgun wedding faster than an unplanned pregnancy. The last thing you want to do is spend all your hard-earned money on paternity tests and child support. Pulling out only works in red states where condoms aren’t sold without a prescription.

On Saturday Night Live this week, Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg made explicit an otherwise unspoken concept of masculinity, which they jokingly referred to as the Golden Rule: “it’s not gay if it’s in a three-way.”

But is it?

Threesome fantasies are quite common, and Freud even suggested that they are at the foundation of desire itself. We tend to think about “the couple” as the basic unit of sex, but the fact is that our desire is always mediated by some third term, for example, in a man’s imaginary relationship to both the mother and the father in the Oedipus complex.

Popular wisdom tells us that the one-guy/two-girl threesome is the ultimate male fantasy — what guy doesn’t imagine this? — although under scrutiny, it is actually quite unremarkable. Logically, the MFF threesome is merely an extension of so-called “normal” heterosexual male desire, which is to say the desire to have sex with women, and with as many women as possible. In this way, the MFF threesome is nearly identical to and synonymous with heterosexuality, at least from the male perspective. It’s simply more of it.

The two-guys/one-girl threesome is also “more” sex, but with a twist, since it puts a man in a complex and ambiguous relationship with another. There is a kind of limit inherent in the MFM threesome that makes it much more complicated, although perhaps for that reason, all the more titillating. It’s probably a lot more common than you think.

This fantasy recalls a more primitive and violent time when copulation was at a premium and an inescapably competitive, bloody affair. In many species, the number of males far outweighs the number of females, a concept that Freud described in mankind as the “primal horde,” a band of brothers who must overthrow the Father in order to gain access to his women, lest he keep them all for himself.

In this way, one can never be sure in the MFM threesome if the other guy is your friend or your enemy. The problem is a source of all kinds of anxieties and desires that are absent from the MFF threesome.

You can make this point by extrapolating the respective fantasies outwards, taking them to their logical limit. If you extend the one-guy/two-girls fantasy by adding on more and more girls (think, MFFFFFFFFF orgy, you perv) then the shape and the meaning of the fantasy stays relatively consistent. The girls are still there essentially to please the man, and if there isn’t enough to go around, this “too much” of the fantasy gets re-inscribed into the logic of male desire: his eyes do the work, or the girls can wait their turn on the sidelines, or they can please each other, all of which, in turn, pleases the man.

Put simply, it’s never a problem to have too many orifices lying around. This is something that can easily be managed, and is actually a kind of fantasy in its own right.

On the other hand, if you take the MFM fantasy further, it quickly becomes problematic and requires more and more energetic (or frantic) imaginings. To put this one tongue-in-cheek, there’s no spot (or very few) to add another M the MFM without the M’s touching. What you have is more and more rivalry, less and less certainty about the others and your position with respect to them. Before you know it, what you’ve got is a bunch of dudes standing around with their dicks in their hands, staring at each other.

This particular “too much” that is unique to the MFM fantasy cannot be as readily re-inscribed into the logic of masculinity. What to do with it?

And yet, the appeal of the MFM threesome is precisely in this excessive and hyperbolic display of masculinity, this “phallic-ness” in its extreme. It suggests the possibility that competition can give way to the communal, or that rivalry can become reciprocity. It’s the idea of one very large collective phallus. It’s a type of “bonding” that always runs the risk of being taken too far.

So is the MFM threesome “not gay,” as Timberlake and Samberg try to reassure us?

The joke — which is what it really is — is brilliant and banal, brilliant in its banality. Jokes are a way of assuaging our anxiety, of providing release from tension. In short, it gives us “something to do” with the excess of the MFM threesome: we laugh, perhaps a little too nervously.

Ultimately, the desire of masculinity in this situation is based on the prohibition of homosexuality as much as its possibility. It speaks both, irrevocably, at the same time.

Granted, barking at the female and seductively thrusting your hips isn’t necessarily the key to a woman’s groin. But that dog’s moves are damned seductive, especially by dog standards. Hell, even by human standards. I’d let that dog pound my theoretical vagina way before those black guys humping the ottoman.

Video Recap of Me And Sara Jean Last Night [Barstool Boston]

According to the results, men named Chris, Charles, Matt, Dennis [EDITOR'S NOTE: The D.E.N.N.I.S. system works!] and Luke had more sexual partners than many other common names. Men named Chris averaged 11.3 sexual partners, Charles averaged 11.1, Matt averaged 10.9, Dennis averaged 10.8, and Luke averaged 10.7.

The names Edward, Dylan, Frank, and Jason fared the worst for men, averaging around one sexual partner each.

As a whole, men averaged 5.2 sexual partners while women averaged 4.4.

On the women’s side, Vanessa, Angela, Tamara, Diana, and Sheila were the top five female names giving up the golden portal the most ranging from 10.2 to 9.4 sexual partners.

Girls named Dorothy fared the worst, averaging 1.3 partners (though still higher than the Edwards, Dylans, Franks, and Jasons of the world).

And the race to message chicks on Facebook named Vanessa starts…NOW.

Blackman says that the following morning, he called the company to demand his money back, claiming the lady didn’t stay for the promised hour and a half. After being met with a chilly response from the company, he contacted police who told him the act was illegal and threatened him with arrest.

Blackman told the Las Vegas Sun that it was the escort who solicited the act and that he was too drunk to make an informed decision at the time.

He also said that he now needs medical treatment for a “mental condition” stemming from the incident.

I don’t get the whole “publicly complaining about a hooker” thing. Especially if you got off. I’m sure there are many men that get taken advantage of by escorts or prostitutes but don’t say a word. And that’s the right course of action. You’re paying to drop a little baby batter on a strange person…whatever happens to you as you get to that point is just part of the accepted risk.

Plus, $120 for a sex act in your hotel room in Vegas? It seems like the only crime committed here is a crime of savings.

Las Vegas tourist sues for refund after sex act led to ‘tragic’ arrest threat [Las Vegas Sun]

There’s obviously a lot to love here, particularly involving the cockatiel’s reckless attitudes towards sex. But my favorite part of the video is how he steps on his lady friend and walks on her back to get over and do his singing. “Sorry bitch, daddy’s got to get his Disney song in.” At least give her a towel and a bottle of water. Cockatiels, man. No class.

After Lester left, the two women found a vibrator loaded with gunpowder, BB pellets, and buckshot that was wired to a battery designed to make it explode. The vibrator was found in a can marked “Christmas Gifts”.

When questioned by police, Lester said he was going to give it to the women because his relationship with them had ended badly. He planned on triggering the device while it was inserted in one of the women with a goal to “blow them up.”

Let’s ignore the inherent problems with your revenge strategy involving an exploding dildo cobbled together like a jilted pornographic MacGuyver in the first place. How lofty a scheme is it to think that not only would this plot work correctly, but also that you’d be able to convince a person you had a falling out with to insert a gift of yours into her vagina? I’ve received gifts from exes that I liked and I wouldn’t even wear them, let alone shove them in an orifice. Really, this guy’s biggest crime was aiming too high.

Waseca Man Gives Ex Explosive-Rigged Vibrator [My FOX Twin Cities]

The woman was told by the man that he could see her dying in a hospital in three years time if she didn’t have sex with him at a local historic site of cave art.

The case stemmed from the fact that the woman felt that her “will was overpowered by him.” The prosecutor claimed that due to the man’s ruse, the woman was unable to reject him.

The judge dismissed the case saying “there is no way (a jury) would convict on her evidence,” which the judge found inconsistent and contradictory.

The judge said the woman just may have been “incredibly naive or gullible.”

Well, I can’t condone what this guy did, but clearly this girl just wasn’t on the ball. Personally, I just like to find girls who can’t really swim well, offer to train them, then instruct them that my genitals are a scuba and all of the air is in my testicles. But I’m more of a romantic at heart, I guess.

Japanese tourist claims man told her: ‘You must have sex with me or die’ [News.com.au]

Ironically, the running through a field of STDs is usually how I have sex. But my condom is the power of delusion.

See ‘Game On!,’ a Charming Eight-Bit Safe-Sex PSA [Vulture]

'WHAT ARE YOU SMILING AT? I CAN'T SEE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP SMILING, I'M BLIND!!!'

He sought medical help for his condition. Doctors initially thought it was the result of a physical strain being placed on his body, but the man did not lose his eyesight when undertaking any other sort of strenuous physical activity.

Doctors then speculated that the man might be suffering from an embolism (lodged embolum that leads to an arterial blockage) that resulted in the temporary blindness, but eventually came to a conclusion that the randomness and repetition of the affliction ruled that one out.

The man was eventually treated of his jizz-related illness by receiving medicine that widened his blood vessels. It is still unclear as to what exactly the connection was to ejaculation.

I can definitely relate to this guy. I’ve never lost my eyesight during a nut busting, mind you, but I do occasionally hope that the girl I’m sleeping with would disappear immediately after sex. So, my solutions are either blindness or magic. But magic probably isn’t viable. I can imagine nothing more awkward than going “ALAKAZAM!” to induce a trap door in my bed to open, only for the girl to get stuck because she’s too fat. Then you have to try to force her through like a clog in a toilet bowl. Sigh. Life.

Love is blind: The man who lost his sight every time he had sex [Daily Mail]