It’s easy to love the insane possibly French guy who refers to himself as an artist of all sorts, but my favorite is the dude at 1:26 in the blue Hawaiian shirt who looks suspiciously like the villain in the “Warcraft” episode of “South Park” (pictured below).

Seriously? This guy thinks people see him as someone who “uses women”? Maybe cut open to make a suit out of their skin. Beyond that? Not so much.

Unless we’re classifying a Fleshlight as a woman now. In which case…jackpot.

Pick-Up Artist Asks, “ARE YOU READY TO LAY EVERY GIRL YOU MEET?” [Jezebel]

So basically it’s the same thing as being a pick-up artist, but even more lame. And with less fuzzy hats.

Anyway, this guy is definitely on the right track. Chicks TOTALLY want to hook up with a guy who reminds them of a big brother. Because women are all completely insane. It all is clear to me thanks to this guy who picks up ladies, then actually does bring them back to the house for a Bible reading session without cutting a hole in it and inserting his genitals into the pages. Wisdom comes from the strangest places.

Watch The Most Awkward Dating Tutorial In The History Of The World [Jezebel]

Kids can injure themselves on anything, whether it’s a garbage can or some small plastic toy or the pit of spikes I keep in my yard (the sign clearly says, “Do not fall onto these spikes.” Stupid kids). For further proof of this phenomenon check out this video of a small child running headfirst into a busty gal as if he were the luckiest crash test dummy ever.

The video is much more fun when you assume that the girl is naturally this endowed and this is how she ingratiates herself to new people. Nothing better than a girl who never got attention and, now that she has the assets, can seek it in unconventional ways. In fact, that’s how I created my system of picking up ladies. I call it “Chris’s Guide to Finding Love.” The title is really vague, but the book is to the point consisting of one page which says, “Look for a girl who used to be flat-chested and has no self-esteem.” It’s not so much a book in that it’s not available in stores or online. That and the fact that I wrote it back of a cocktail napkin and just put it in a homeless guy’s begging cup because I didn’t want to give him money but wanted to simulate the action of doing so. Having said that, I’m surprised it didn’t make the NY Times Bestseller List.

Here’s a Pro Tip: When attempting to flirt with a chick, especially on national TV, don’t reveal to her that you’ve “been reading up on her.” Yes, girls love when you listen to their endless prattling, but at the same time, they don’t like to know that you’ve researched them or have been into them for longer than they’ve been into you. That’s knowledge you don’t want her to have off the bat. Save that little treat for when she walks into your bedroom and sees a mannequin with a blown-up picture of her face pasted onto it with locks of her hair and visual semen stains like the mannequin’s vagina got clear nail polish splashed onto it. The dungeon’s not too far away at that point.

[via]

Pretty stirring stuff. Sure, you can question how effective these lines would be coming out of your mouth, but hey, it got Ted Danson into the much coveted pantaloons of Whoopi Goldberg so they can’t be all bad. Talk about one sexy little tigress. MeOW.

I’ll tip you off to one of my favorite lines. It’s a line of function and form, designed to bring the ladies to their knees. They’re looking at you with a real hunger in their eyes, desperately in need of their fix. So you go, “Hey baby…I got what you need.” So she comes home with you and then she seems like she’s waiting for something. She reaches for your jeans pocket and you tell her, “No no no. You get the antidote after.” That’s when the lovin’ begins.

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A Pasadena, Calif. man has been charged with trying to run down three women who spurned his advances at Newport Beach.

Prosecutors said Wednesday that Bryan Curiel faces life in prison if convicted of several felony charges, including attempted murder.

Farrah Emami, spokeswoman for the Orange County district attorney, says the women rejected Curiel’s advances inside a doughnut shop Sunday and told him to leave them alone.

When they had left the shop, Curiel allegedly drove at least 50 mph toward the women and three of their friends before crashing into several concrete bench

Ha yeah what a dumbass. Doesn’t he know that you only run them down after sex? I learned that from GTA! Did you also know the cheat code to make a woman have an orgasm is up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, select? Yep, learned that in GTA too! Girls are easy when you learn about them in digital form.

This guy also seems to lack the fundamental ability to take advantage of his surroundings. Why get all bent out of shape about these girls? What, you wanted to have sex with them? Dude…you’re surrounded by God’s vagina…the DONUT! Donuts won’t yell at you or make you feel like less of a man. They will love you and, if you feel so inclined, taste delicious in your mouth. You can even introduce yourself to a jelly donut and pretend it’s a lady on her period!

Yes, my wife is a donut. And I’m proud. Damned proud.

“Grand Theft Auto” doesn’t even seem like an appropriate title any more. Perhaps they should call it “A Guide to Being a Classy Gentleman”. Because let’s be honest, I’m doing that exact same “honk at a woman then shoot her in the face if she doesn’t get into my car” strategy every single time I’m crusing for honeys. Especially honeys camped out underneath trains. It’s like baby, we both know you’ve got nothing going on with the way you’re standing under this train. Why you be frontin’?