Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends and holidays to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

Making a good Super Bowl commercial is hard. It takes months, if not years, of planning and research to make people remember your company’s ad. Conversely, 30 seconds of awfulness can make people remember you too, but for all the wrong reasons. Here are seven ads which definitely fall into the latter category.

6 Christopher Reeve walking – Nuveen Investments, 2000
In 2000, paralyzed former Superman star Christopher Reeve “appeared” in this commercial. The message was that in the future, a whole lot of crazy crap is going to happen. Including, apparently, Christopher Reeve’s head being grafted to the body of a giant.

The goal of the commercial was to touch the hearts of Americans everywhere. Instead, everyone just kind of went, “Uh, that was creepy” and awkwardly took a bite out of their chicken wings. Oh also no one had any clue what Nuveen Investments did either because the commercial was really vague and almost made Nuveen Investments seem like an evil corporation from the future. Probably like the one that made Robocop.

5 Meet the official Holiday Inn transsexual – Holiday Inn, 1997
The gist of this commercial was that being a man getting a sex change was basically what Holiday Inn was doing to their hotels. Why this would make you want to stay there, no one was really sure, but if it’s good enough for Seinfeld’s Kenny Banya, it’s good enough for me.

The commercial was universally disliked and even resulted in some boycotts from various gay/transsexual/transgender groups. Probably not even for the hurtful depiction of their people, but rather for the tremendous slap in the face of being compared to a Holiday Inn.

4 White guys hunt down Kenyan, give him shoes – Just for Feet, 1999
There are few situations in which white men hunting down a black guy is going to make for a nicely received ad. This ad falls in line with that bold theorem on my part.

The premise if you’re too lazy to click: A Kenyan guy is walking around, being barefoot and Kenyan when some white guys in a Hummer drug him, capture him, then put sneakers on him. Eventually, he gets up all wobbly and runs, trying to free himself from these strange objects on his feet. The ad was so poorly received that it got a feature story on how bad it was on Salon.com, got the ad agency behind it sued (Saatchi & Saatchi, the agency in question, would countersue for Just for Feet’s ineptitude), and had a hand in Just for Feet’s bankruptcy later that year. So yeah, that turned out well.

3 Lemmings – Apple, 1985
In 1984, Apple had what some have called the most amazing commercial ever with their cleverly titled ad “1984”, a name which no one has ever been able to decipher the meaning of. Amidst pressure to possibly match that ad, they came up with another artistic bizarre ad that, well, sucked. Hard.

The commercial was so poorly reviewed that Apple stayed away from Super Bowl ads until 1999. And to make the indignities suffered to viewers worse, this is the one Apple commercial that has a bunch of people dying gruesome deaths, yet Justin Long and his smug Mac-loving face are nowhere to be found. Bastards.

2 Salesgenie.com and their racist panda bears – Salesgenie.com, 2008
After a 2007 Super Bowl ad universally rated as the worst one of the year, Salesgenie.com came back determined to make more awful ads that would stick with viewers for being so awful. Seriously, they even distributed a press release about it. Well they can wipe their hands thusly because this certainly proved to be a job well done.

It may shock you to learn that this ad never ran again amidst protests from Asian groups for A) Being racist and B) Finding a way to make pandas seem utterly annoying (do you know how hard that is? Look at this guy!). Also I fail to see how pandas could be running a profitable business, particularly when it’s a business selling furniture made of their favorite food. I’d find myself wholly incapable of selling Hamburger Chairs so it wouldn’t be fair to expect more from my cartoon pandas.

1 Fred Astaire dances with vacuums – Dirt Devil, 1997
I don’t think this was the first in the tacky “Dead Guy Sells Product” type of ads, but it was definitely one of the earlier ones. And what better way to honor probably the only masculine dancer ever than by putting a vacuum in his hands.

Yes, this app has added a functionality that essentially allows you to watch three or four football games at once. We’re not big fans of how limited it is: it’s not like everybody owns a Google TV setup, or even wants to, and the lack of iOS support is somewhat annoying. But it is nice to see app makers not only improving their work over time, but adding functions like this.

Now, have it sync with Foodler, and have a “deliver nachos” button.

Are You Watching This?! Adds Remote Control [Engadget]

Via Twitter. You will seriously watch and re-watch this fifty times, at least…

Favorite YouTube comment would have to be: “still less gay than twilight.” Next, also via Twitter, is a bit more obscure. Simply know that it combines Starcraft and crappy pasta sauce…

Say it with me: lol Koreans! BTW, fun-fact: back in the motherland (I’m half Korean; was raised in South Korea) they use ketchup on spaghetti. I kid you not.

Surprisingly though, there aren’t many celebranded malt liquors. The only one that comes to mind is Frank Thomas’ Big Hurt Beer. Our only hope to bring a larger variety to market (Afroman anyone?) is for BHB to become the best selling beverage in a can. The good thing is there are people out there working hard to make it happen. The bad thing is that their work is pretty terrible.
 

 
See what I mean? The hook was good, but it’s impossible to take these guys seriously. The main guy looks like the bastard child of The Miz and Matt Stafford and the only decent rapper in the bunch sounds like E-40 but looks like Will.i.am. They mentioned several times that they rap for free, and I think we can all agree why.

The Retar Crew isn’t the first time we’ve featured a baseball related rap song on Guyism. This seems like a perfect time for you to get reacquainted with Miles Stone. That is of course if you like lyrics such as, “Do you want me to throw my balls in your face. Hoes, yeah, uhh. Do you want me to swing my dick like a baseball bat(bat(bat)).” Miles is clearly the 6th greatest rapper on all time behind only Dylan.

This may come as a surprise to some of you, but the guys on the style side of Guyism love sports. Fall is far and away our favorite season. In addition to having the best clothing and styling options, it’s also football season. When the temp hits that nice mid 50 to high 60 range, it’s the perfect time to grab the pigskin and hit the grass (or asphalt as the case may be) with your boys and toss the ball around. Just like you want to be sartorially prepared for what Mother Nature throws at you, you want to be prepared to throw the tightest spiral when you hit the field.  Back in the day, Jared Flint was a quarterback for the University of Hawaii. Now he is quarterbacking the Park and Bond team as the style editor. In this video, Jared teaches you the how tailor that spiral to make sure you look just as good on the field as you do off the field.

Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

We’ve all heard an athlete give a quote to a reporter and thought to ourselves, “Well, that didn’t tell me anything. How about a real answer, champ?” It’s as if these sports stars take a class in Saying Something Without Actually Saying Anything 101 (which would never happen – an athlete go to class… pfft). Luckily there are hidden meanings in many of these cliches and to help out we’ve compiled them as a little cheat sheet right here for you.

10 “We have to take it one game at a time.”
I just want to assure everyone that from now on, we are actually going to focus. Those first few games we got really sidetracked with all of our felonies and dog-fighting, but now we’re focused. It’s going to be hard though; our team is obviously distracted easily and- oooo, a butterfly!

9 “Those guys get paid just like we do.”
Did you see how bad that other team was? Oh Jesus. It was like we played the Baltimore Orioles… if they had head trauma and temporary blindness- and lost. I’m just saying this to remind you that they are professional athletes too… somehow.

8 “It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon.”
What’s our record again? Exactly. We’ve started this season so poorly that it better be a marathon or we might as well start practicing golf- or getting ready for next years training camp. We need a miracle- and a lot of opportunities down the stretch- at least we have the latter.

7 “I don’t want to dwell on the past.”
I have so much to hide in the past! Joke’s on you guys! So what if I sold/took/bought drugs or impregnated/raped women? It’s the past baby! I’m just going to try and act professional and arrogant at the same time- and hope no one asks about my past again.

6 “They’re a disciplined group.”
What team are we playing? They’re not very fast… or athletic… or strong… or notable. I’ll just say they’re “disciplined” so I can move on from this question and not display my obvious lack of knowledge of the opposing team. Wait, Buffalo? They have a team?

5 “I just want to thank God.”
I’d thank myself first, but I already did that in the locker room. Anyway, I want to thank God for giving me money, allowing me to play a game for a living, for helping me out in court, for letting me bribe the mothers of my love-children, and for making sure my wife doesn’t find out. Amen.

4 “I’m going to spend more time with my family.”
I can’t believe I’m done with sports. It’s pretty much all I know how to do. What am I going to do with my family? Well, probably try and find as many ways as possible to spend less time with them- clubs, broadcasting, and jean commercials. You know, the usual.

3 “This is a great sports town.”
But a terrible ‘winning town.’ I am feeling amazed and furious. Amazed that fans still come out to watch this team and furious that I’m here. At least they don’t have an expectations for winning- that sort of thing can be so burdensome.

2 “There’s no ‘I’ in ‘Team’.”
God, I wish there was an ‘I’ in ‘team’. Do you see what I’m working with out there? I feel like LeBron in Cleveland or Landon Donovan in the entirety of MLS. I’d settle for someone competent- but until the GM brings someone in, or lets me free, I’m stuck wishing this sport were a one man show.

1 “Our team is searching for its identity.”
This is a sport, not ‘Clue’, so no one should be ‘searching for an identity’. To the few people that still watch us; can you help us out? Each game we’re atrocious at something completely different. And don’t expect us to fix the problem- we don’t have enough “mental toughness” for that.

The NBA is fantastic. This we know. And while every player wants to be the top pick, a lot of these ballers also look like they’re shooting for worst dressed. Here are 25 of the worst suits in NBA Draft history.

25 Giorgos Printezis, 2007

Georgie — that’s what I’m calling him — didn’t even bother to wear a tie. Nor did he bother to get the coat pressed. Did he even shower? Doubtful.

24 LeBron James, 2003

LeBron was taking this “King” thing a bit too seriously, even before he played an NBA game. Thanks for blowing out the picture on our TVs with your super-white suit, jerk.

23 Raymond Felton, 2005

This was actually taken for an NBA draft shoot after the event. But it has to be included. Looks like Felton grabbed this off the picnic table in someone’s backyard.

22 David Stern, 1999

What — you think the Commish is exempt? Not with this get up from 1999. Was this from David Stern’s steroid years? Suck it in and puff it out, Commish!

21 O.J. Mayo, 2008

With the 4th pick in the Certified Public Accountant draft... If this suit was part of Mayo’s “improper benefits” at USC, then he got royally gypped.

20 Bobby Jackson, 1997

The only thing that can make this outfit legit is if it was the exact same suit worn by Pat Morita in the original Karate Kid. I think Morita and Jackson were they same size.

19 Steve Stipanovich, 1983

True story: when they were getting ready to create the Al Bundy character, the producers said they needed something totally dorky to model his look. They were shown this photo.

18 Erick Dampier, 1996

“Momma, the draft is tomorrow. What I’m gonna wear?”
“I laid out some of your Pop-Pop’s clothes from when he was a big band leader.”

17 Gheorghe Muresan, 1993

The shirt looks like something you’d see as you pull up to the window at a fast food drive-thru. And how is it one of the largest men to ever play in the NBA has the world’s smallest tie knot? I hope that all that “My Giant” money improved his wardrobe, but it’s doubtful.

16 Glenn Robinson, 1994

Robinson was the #1 overall pick in 1994 out of Purdue. He proved to future draftees that if you want to show your gratitude to your alma mater, sometimes it’s best to just cut a check. Because that suit is all kinds of ugly.

15 James Harden, 2009

Harden’s ensemble screams out that he wore this to win some sort of bet. I hope it was worth it. Because he looked like Urkel with a beard and a ballcap.

14 Jonny Flynn, 2009

Coat and pants are too tight, sleeves and tie are too short. Basically the only thing that fits is the new hat. And that’s a Timberwolves hat, so yeah, FAIL.

13 Drew Gooden, 2002

In all fairness to Gooden, this was when he was really into his “Iron Man” phase. And he did go to Kansas, which is kind of like Duke Lite, so maybe he was wearing Kevlar under there too.

12 Tim Thomas, 1997

“Momma, the draft is tomorrow. What I’m gonna wear?”
“I laid out some of your Pop-Pop’s old clothes.”
“But Momma he was three hundred and fiddy pounds!”
“Yeah, but you’re tall.”

11 Larry Johnson, 1991

Is Larry Johnson holding up the number one to indicate that he was the #1 overall pick in the draft or is it because he was only going to wear that outfit once? Would have looked better with one of Grandmama’s house dresses.

10 Peja Stojakovic, 1996

David Stern: “Congratulations. I think you are the first player to ever wear a corduroy suit to the draft.”
Peja Stojakovic: “Thanks you berry much. I see George wear on the Seinfeld.”

9 Robert Horry, 1992

This suit is just ugly. But I really wanted to ask if you all think Robert Horry is exactly 50% Will Smith and 50% Carlton. Am I right?

8 Maurice Taylor, 1997

David Stern: “Were you hoping to be drafted by the Hornets?”
Maurice Taylor: “No, why do you ask?”

7 Jalen Rose, 1994

David Stern: “Were you hoping to be drafted by the Blazers?”
Jalen Rose: “No, why do you ask?”

6 Hakeem Olajuwon, 1984

Hakeem shakes the Commish’s hand while wondering if tuxedo insurance covers Jheri Curl drippage. Either that or he’s jealous of the Commish’s awesome stache.

5 Chuck Person, 1986

Another tux — this one white and pink? Did they not have agents/advisers back in the mid-80s? I’ll tell you what Person and Olajuwon certainly didn’t have then: girlfriends.

4 Karl Malone, 1985

Is that a flag football flag he’s wearing as a tie? Did he wear that suit for his high school senior picture? How is his blood circulating? Is he rockin’ the digital watch there? Oh no he didn’t!

3 Joakim Noah, 2007

The only real questions about this suit are how baked was Noah when he bought it and how baked was he in this picture. Discuss.

2 Steve Nash, 1996

What’s nice about this picture of Nash is that not only did the NBA get to use it for the draft, but Sears used it in their fall catalog.

1 Samaki Walker, 1996

Pimps up, Hoes down!

Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

Sporting events can be an unbelievable experience. A mixture of beers, tears and jeers can turn a regular Saturday into a memory that will last a lifetime. But it’s not all fun and games when you get off the couch and go see a game in person. Recently I went to a Celtics game for example, and the lady sitting next to me was one of the most obnoxious human beings on the face of the earth. Sitting with what I assume was her parole officer, this woman ruined what would have otherwise been a great game. Which leads me to my first example of things that can destroy a sporting experience…

7 WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
I swear to you, at one point the woman sitting next to me yelled “woooooooooo” 25 times in 30 seconds… and it was during a TV time-out. That is not an exaggeration. I understand that when the Jumbotron asks you to make some noise that you should heed it’s advice, but just screaming willy-nilly like a tone-deaf moron for no reason whatsoever just makes you an obnoxious idiot. I don’t mind people yelling obscenities or screaming a good joke down from the rafters, but seriously, if you’re just going to scream for 2 straight hours, stay home or go be a carnival barker somewhere else.

6 Beer is ridiculously expensive
At most stadiums, beer prices are tend to hover around the $7 range and that’s probably the low end of the spectrum. You could buy a six pack for that price. It’s just a huge rip-off! I know that stadiums need to make money, but I’ve seen $12 beers before and that’s simply a slap in the face to your fans. I’m calling shenanigans! Cut payroll for garbage players or find another way to make a few bucks without taking it out on your fan base. I gotta pay $15 for parking, then $36 bucks to get a buzz going? And all so Eddy Curry can install an ice cream maker in his Maserati.

5 Fights
I understand fanaticism/and I’m all for it. Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants — those that don’t get what the heart wants often let their fists try and heal the pain of heartbreak. Every Dodger game I ever went to I saw a fight. People always hate on L.A. fans because they leave early, but the reason they do is that murder rates go up 50% after the 7th inning. Fans want to go out and have a good time and leave their troubles at home. And nobody should have to worry about their kids accidentally getting caught in the middle of a brawl that breaks out between opposing fans. This is supposed to be a fun day out with friends, not a damn Fight Club.

4 People who bring signs
Glad you took the time and effort to state so eloquently the reasons you think Duke players felate goats, but I paid good money for these seats and I want to see the game, not some goofy anagram for ESPN. Sweetheart, I highly doubt J.J. Redick is not going to see your sign and decide to marry you on the spot, so please put your sign down during the middle of the game so everyone behind you can watch Dwight Howard dominate the paint.

3 Thunder sticks
I don’t know who invented them but I know he had to be deaf. If I wanted to hear crap banging together for two hours I’d have bought tickets for “Stomp!” These things aren’t too bad when you have a section of people with them, but leave it to the one uber-drunk guy that thinks he’s Keith Moon to try and wail out an entire Van Halen album while everyone else is trying to concentrate on the game. For the love of all that is holy, if you have these things, please try and use them in moderation.

2 The guy on his cell phone the whole time
Really? You came to a sporting event and you’re gonna sit there on your Blackberry and gab to your buddy at home the whole time? I thought the television had play-by-play announcers that gave people watching at home the details of the game? Other folks don’t want to hear the details of your back surgery while rooting for the inevitable Albert Pujols home run. We are all here together, so lets all root here together and leave the cell phone recap for the ride home.

1 Traffic
If you gotta park at the stadium then you gotta wait in traffic. And wait. And wait. It’s an unavoidable part of the process, but that doesn’t make it suck any less. Nothing is worse than knowing you have to leave a game in progress to beat the other 50,000 people to the freeway. It sounds petty, but along with how expensive everything is and the time and effort it can take to go see a game, it’s sometimes just better to buy a nice TV and enjoy the action at home. And when 3-D televisions hit the market–get out of here. No seriously, get out of here cause I’m trying to enjoy the game from my living room.

Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

A lot of men like to exercise and take care of themselves as they get older but we sometimes don’t have the time to join rec leagues and YMCA tournaments. So we usually just grab some buddies and head down to the local gym or field to get some much needed exercise. This can usually be a lot of fun depending on how serious the people you play with take their pick-up games. Usually everyone is there to have some fun and maybe burn a little testosterone, but there are always those folks that take these games far too seriously. These are a few of the guys that ruin pick-up games.

7 The guy that always calls a foul in basketball
There is always one guy (usually the most unathletic) that will call fouls like Tim Donaghy during a play-off game he had money on. Every ticky-tack slap on the wrist and body foul get called as if his life depended on it. When he does actually get fouled he awkwardly falls to the ground and flails like Paul Pierce engulfed in flames. He ruins the flow of the game and usually ends up getting one really hard foul that is meant to remind him that he is ruining the fun for everyone else.

6 The guy that always talks sh*t
Yeah, he has got something to say; so much so that the muscle he’s most likely to pull out on the field/court is in his jaw. He’s got game and he is going to tell you all about it. Gives the play-by-play like Marv Albert without (hopefully) all the biting. If he and Terrell Owens got into a shouting match, the only winners would be the deaf. He and Ron Artest would only be able to play “H.O.A.R.S.E.” together. He just never stops telling you everything that’s about to happen and it just gets annoying. Even if you’re winning, he’s usually complaining about something. If you win you can talk, but until then just shut your mouth and play ball.

5 The guy that brushes people back from the plate
Really? I’d expect Roger Clemens to brush back his kid at a father/daughter game, but during a church picnic or pick-up game? Seriously? Sure, it’s funny if it’s one of your buddies and it’s meant jokingly, aside from that, it is simply uncalled for. This is supposed to be fun, people. Unless he hit a home run off of you last at-bat and stared majestically into the stands as it sailed over the fence, while pumping his fist and pointing. Because if that’s the case, then fire away Nolan. Otherwise, it’s best to keep the bean balls and ensuing fistfights for the parking lot after the game.

4 The sweaty guy
This pretty much says it all…

3 The guy that wears his shorts too low
I understand wanting to get your money’s worth when it comes to the elastic band on your Nike shorts, but when you have to play defense with one hand holding up your shorts, you are doing it wrong. Happens more than you think too. The worst is when a someone gets by the guy like this and his shorts fall down and he trips on them in the ensuing chase. Hey, maybe if you used that drawstring we’d be winning this game, droopy drawers. This is a man’s game, so save your peep show for the girlfriend later on and buy some longer shorts if this is going to continue to be a problem.

2 The guy that turns flag/touch football into tackle football
I can’t really complain about this because touch football usually always ends up deteriorating into tackle football. Somebody gets a little too rough, emotions run hot and somebody ends going all Ray Lewis by taking another player down hard. It just sort of naturally happens when male testosterone and pride levels peak while playing football. It’s why we play in the first place. So just be cool and don’t let it escalate into some huge issue that ruins the game.

1 The guy that takes it all too seriously
Who will protect this house? This dude will. He will lace up the sneakers that he claims takes half a second off his 40 time. Has the entire Nike breakaway suit that he‘ll dramatically tear-off dramatically before the first game. He has the arm band, headband, Horace Grant goggles–the whole nine yards. Hell, he may even wear one of those watches that doubles as a heart monitor (which he’ll check every 30 seconds). This guy will bark plays like he’s Mike Ditka and scold his teammates like Kobe during a TV timeout. This is life for this guy. He has all the issues stated above, except it’s magnified by his unrelenting douchiness. I think the great Jack Byrnes said it best in Meet the Parents when he said, “Jesus, Focker. It’s just a game!”

Personally, I’m a big fan of how going into shock gives Terrell a euphoria similar to the most powerful of drugs. For a guy whose leg being held and flopped around looks like an old man’s defeated attempts at an erection, he’s taking things pretty well.

SportsHex — available only for those 17 and older — allows users to purchase black magic curses for just $0.99 . Yes, that’s correct — you can literally buy curses via your phone.

“SportsHex is an application that allows fans to cast sharable hexes on opposing teams or players using real practitioners of black magic,” the apps description says. “Identify your target, select a hex/practitioner, and hit the “cast” button. Your target’s name is instantly sent to an inbox which has been cursed by the chosen practitioner.”

Now, obviously, there’s no real “guarantee” that this will work. But that’s probably not going to stop me from spending at least a comma on trying to keep Harrison Barnes from coming back for his sophomore year.

And here’s the absolutely terrifying video.

SportsHex – [iTunes]

You’re here on one of the most popular men’s Web sites in the world. So at one time or another the majority of you wished that you were a pro athlete. You probably yelled “Jordan!” before launching a shot while playing pickup hoops as a kid. Or pretended to be Joe Carter or Kirby Puckett hitting World Series walkoff homers. Maybe you even pretended that if you sank that putt for a snowman on 18 that you won The Masters.

Guyism brings you good news! We’ve found seven sports feats that even you could accomplish. Remember, it’s never too late to dream. Except when the alarm goes off and you have to go to your crummy job. But even so, know that you could be just like these pro athletes.

7 Chris Bosh’s 1 for 18 shooting
I don’t care if your basketball experience is limited to pickup games. Or even Nerf Hoop or Pop-a-Shot. I’d bet that you too could match Chris Bosh’s horrid 1 for 18 shooting performance earlier this season against the Bulls. Even with the most basic knowledge of the game you could come off a screen and hit one of 18 jump shot attempts. Actually, you’d probably even nail 1 out of 18 halfcourt shots. Could you shoot .056% in an NBA game? You betcha.

6 John Daly’s 18 on the 6th at Bay Hill
You may already look like Daly and tend to indulge in some of his favorite things — past or present. The fan favorite also proved that he can hack just like a weekend duffer when he got to the 6th hole at Bay Hill in 1998. You may recall that’s when Daly hit six balls in the water on the par-5 hole and ended up with an 18. It was something straight out of Tin Cup (Obligatory Tin Cup reference). You could also card an 18 on that hole. Except that after your third shot hit the water I can only assume that your bag and clubs would be next in.

5 Duane Kuiper’s 1 Career Homerun
Duane Kuiper was a decent second baseman for the Indians and Giants, and he played in over 1,000 games during his 12 seasons. He had a lifetime average of .271, which is something you could not likely do. But what you could match is Kuiper’s 1 career homerun in 3379 at-bats. You ever heard the old saying to “Swing hard because you might hit it”? If you had 3,379 major league at-bats, you’re going yard with at least one of them.

4 Chris Dudley’s Heinous Free Throw Shooting
Chris Dudley is arguably the worst free throw shooter of all-time. His 1989-90 season was particularly awful, and he has 2 feats that you could match. Playing for the Nets at the time, Dudley missed 17 of 18 free throws in a loss to the Pacers. He broke the NBA record in that game by missing 13 straight free throws. Not only could you do that, but you could also best Dudley’s .319 free-throw percentage from that season.

3 Mark James’ 111 at the Italian Open
Mark James has had an excellent golf career. He played on 7 Ryder Cup teams and has also captained the European team in 1999. You’ll never play in the Ryder Cup, except maybe in video games, but you could match one record James has: highest score ever recorded on tour. James got all shanky at a European Tour event back in 1978. He duffed and hacked his way to a score of 111 at the Italian Open in Sardinia. He should have put his change in his other pocket. (Obligatory Tin Cup reference…#2)

2 Hideo Nomo’s Horrible ERA
Hideo Nomo burst into stardom when he came to the Dodgers from Japanese baseball. But all those forkballs caught up to him and cashed out his arm. In 2004 Nomo started 18 games for the Dodgers and posted an ERA of 8.25 over 84 innings. They would have been better off using the batting practice pitcher in his place, or even you. Never let it be said that Nomo rested on his laurels. He came back in 2005 with the Rays and posted an ERA of 7.24.

1 Ryan Leaf’s Rookie Bustout
Manning or Leaf? Remember that question? Leaf had a rookie season to forget after being heralded as a can’t miss QB prospect. He started 11 games and completed just 45% of his passes. He also threw just 2 touchdown passes against 15 interceptions. The runner-up of the Punt, Pass & Kick competition could have done that, and you could have too.

Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d start taking some time on the weekends to share some classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

There’s something about a sports stadium. We’re nostalgic for the old ones (Wrigley Field, Fenway Park). We get excited at the prospect of a new one (Meadowlands Stadium, Yankee Stadium). We even try to replicate old stadiums with new ones (Camden Yards, Busch Stadium). Stadiums when done right can be both practical as well as aesthetic beauties and stadiums really look their best when whoever is in charge of them puts care into how they are illuminated at night. The people in charge of these 25 stadiums know exactly what they are doing.

(Bios for each stadium courtesy Wikipedia)

You might think wheelbarrow races are stupid. Perhaps at a backyard BBQ you’d rank them pretty low on your “list of games you could get me to play right now.” Fair enough. Not everyone’s cup of tea. But in a world where we’re giving out medals to the kids who come in dead last and amending rules to make sure everyone gets fair and equal playing time, something’s gotta be said for the athletes who still live and die by the mantra “go big or go home.” The ones who show up to your neighborhood game of badminton with their own freshly laced rackets and their sister’s knee pads, ready to take names.

These kids treated this thing like it was the be-all end-all of their athletic careers. They practiced that move, made sure they had their timing right, and walked out onto that court knowing they were about to make that race their bitch. Sure, that one kid practically motorboated the other’s crotch… but winning will always trump perceived homo-eroticism, and these kids worked that angle like a boss.

The gist: This is a salary cap league that you get one night to win. You use $100,000 of fake monies to build your team (best players cost more, scrubs cost less). The five players who build the best teams win straight cash.

How stats are kept:

Points Scored: 1 pt
Rebounds: 1.25 pt
Assists: 1.5 pt
3 Pointers Made: 1 pt
Steals: 2 pt
Blocks: 2 pt
Turnovers: -1 pt
Missed FG: -.5 pt
Missed FT: -.5 pt

Sign up here and enter to win. Get your team picked ASAP (deadline for entry is tomorrow (Friday) night before the games tip off).

This post is sponsored by DraftStreet.

Added bonus: getting it on your phone is stupid simple.

Here’s what you do, courtesy of the Sports Reference guys themselves.

On iPhone, visit the mobile homepage, click ‘+’ or ‘->’ sign on the menu bar at the bottom of the browser and tap “Add to Home Screen.” On Android, visit the mobile homepage, bookmark the mobile homepage, open bookmarks, long click the bookmark and “Add shortcut to Home.” On BlackBerry, simply click on the link for the Launcher for Version 4.2 and Above or the Launcher for Version 4.0 and 4.1. Our icon is automatically used to create a launcher for our web site. The instructions also appear on the front page of the mobile site.

I tried it on my iPhone and it took all of about 10 seconds to get rolling. Yes, for those that will make an obvious point, it is in fact simply a bookmark. But the nice thing is it’s a bookmark that gets a nifty little logo and it lets you go straight to the BBR mobile site, which has been significantly beefed up to improve user experience.

Witness the way a box score looks:

The mobile navigation is particularly crucial — typically speaking a Sports Reference site is almost impossible to work with on a touchscreen, because it requires so many drop-downs, etc. The new format is a substantial upgrade.

And, of course, those drop-downs always correlate to finding the stats you want. Now it’s entirely possible to manage that navigation without getting completely lost and/or mishitting something with your chubby fingers.

In short, it’s a fantastic upgrade all around and a simple way of accessing every single possible baseball box score you could possibly want without actually having to download an unwieldy application or sifting through a difficult-to-use full version of a site.

Gneiting competed the marathon in 9 hours, 48 minutes, and 52 seconds.

Though he jogged the first eight miles, Gneiting had to walk the final 18 to cross the finish line.

The race was made more difficult due to Gneiting’s pace; street closures and reopenings account for only a 13-minute-per-mile pace, leaving Gneiting to have to wait for stop lights at every turn.

When discussing his determination to finish with the LA Times, Gneiting said, “I was really struggling in the last five miles. But I said to myself, ‘If I have to crawl, I will.’”

Good for this dude. Granted, he’s already a professional athlete so you can’t really compare him to other fat guys who spend their off time finding and eating Cheetos which landed in between rolls of fat, but still, he had to work his ass off to accomplish this.

That said, to everyone who finished behind this guy…you should be ashamed. If you were an able-bodied person in the marathon and you couldn’t pass a man who weighs 1/5th of a ton, you should probably just be put down. This Gneiting guy was better equipped physically to be accidentally dropped on Wile E. Coyote’s head than he was to run a marathon.

Here’s a bonus video of Gneiting’s sumo career. Largest breasts you’ll ever see on this site, kids:

L.A. Marathon: It’s official, Kelly Gneiting sets Guinness World Record as heaviest man to finish [LA Times via Dlisted]

Bookmark It takes a look at sites you should be visiting on the reg.

In our second installment of “Bookmark It,” I’m quite pleased to point you towards Quickish.com, the brainchild of Dan Shanoff (who’s done many things on many websites, including Sports Illustrated, ESPN, The Sporting News, etc., etc.).

Here’s my take on Quickish (because you know you care), before we get into a Q & A with Dan about the site: if you’re someone who doesn’t spend all day on the computer following the sports world and/or Twitter, but would love a way to catch up on what’s been going on in about 60 seconds, Quickish is your new go-to site.

It’s a combination of long(ish) reads, quick-hitting analysis, links to YouTubes, the best of Twitter, and it’s all in an easy-to-read form. Anyway, I highly suggest you check it out, give it some run, leave your thoughts on it in the comments and read the Q & A with Dan Shanoff below.

Guyism: First things first, Dan: I have an idea of what Quickish is, and anyone who reads it probably does too. But what does the guy who started the site think it is? And, yes, that couldn’t have been more vague, so feel free to answer with a Quickish mission statement, or even an obscure point about a reason you love it that people might be missing.

Dan Shanoff: What is Quickish? It’s the buddy you trust, saying “Got 10 seconds? You’ve gotta see this.” Maybe it’s a Tweet or Facebook post. Maybe it’s a video. Maybe it’s a money quote from a blog post. Maybe it’s some piece of analysis you actually can’t find anywhere else.

But it just got published and everyone is going to be talking about it. And you’re a better, smarter, slightly more entertained fan for knowing it.

So what Quickish tries to do is help you keep up with all the big topics that are happening, but do it — well — quickly.

But there’s a lot to that word “quick”: It’s updated fast (particularly during breaking news or live games), it’s fast to read. And it’s never some automated algorithm or aggregator; everything is vetted by an editor who is looking out to make sure everything published is worth your time.

When it comes down to it, I built the company I wanted to solve my own problem: There’s just so much out there, and unless you’re a super-power Twitter user (and more power to you if you are), how can you keep up with all of the very best stuff about the biggest news? Without asking for too much of your time or effort, Quickish wants to try to earn a spot in your rotation.

Guyism: The reason I — personally — like Quickish is that I’ve found if I’m doing something away from the computer, however long it is, there’s generally a decent amount of stuff I want to read sitting there. It seems like that’s the relative kind of user you’re looking for, but is there a formula for how to mix up the content on there? Or is it just seat of the pants?

Shanoff: The top-line criteria, whether it’s Twitter or blogs or a great piece from a magazine or a video is this: Is this worth the Quickish reader’s time?

Now, for starters, that time commitment is the 5 seconds it takes to read the single post on Quickish — or the 60 seconds it takes to catch up on the last few hours. But we also consider whether it’s worthy of the time commitment of you clicking through to consume the longer piece, with our implicit recommendation by posting it on the site.

As for the mix of what is selected, the goal is to be source and platform agnostic. Sometimes — like inherently during breaking news or a live game — the best content is from Twitter; there is definitely a concerted effort to tap into a wide range of sources and get them published on the site in as close to real-time as possible.

But during the “steady state” times, we’re looking for great content. Sometimes it is about one of the day’s “hot” stories. Sometimes it is just about the serendipity of introducing you to something funny or smart or interesting that’s worth your time. If we apply any other filters, it’s that we want to recommend content that is relatively new; we rarely post to anything “long-form” that is more than a few hours from being published. Part of the value is being tipped off to something new and awesome.

With those, it’s really about being judicious — we don’t want to overwhelm anyone with volume. That’s one of peoples’ problems with media today we’re trying to help solve, not contribute to. And so it becomes a steady stream of what are hopefully quality recommendations.

Guyism: One of the things that really draws me to read Quickish, too, is seeing who gets name-checked. Yes, this has to do with liking to see my name in print, and yes, I’m a self-indulgent jerk. But it begs the question, how does someone go about getting their name dropped on the site?

Shanoff: And it’s not just crediting the person responsible for writing (or Tweeting) whatever we end up using on the site; we try to credit anyone who helped us find it, whether that’s a direct tip (which earns you “Tipped By” credit at the top of the post) or posting something on your blog or site that we only find because we went to your site.

(In those footraces to break news or retweet something insane from, say, Charlie Sheen, we try our best to credit whoever is first. Certainly on breaking news — particularly when it’s a race between beat reporters to thumb their news onto Twitter — we always credit whoever gets into the stream first. Sometimes, it’s literally a matter of 30 seconds.)

It’s all related to something I call the “tip economy,” and it’s a lot more than just the old “link economy” that served as the basis for the 1.0 Era of the Web (in addition to the basis of the rise of Google). Links are one form of “tip,” but more and more your relationship as a fan with great content is social — the tips are literally just that: Recommendations from people you trust, whether that’s your friends or experts or companies like Quickish trying to earn your trust as someone whose recommendations are worth checking out.

And so it’s a natural offshoot that we are very transparent about who said what and where it came from. That benefits everyone — it turns the reader on to new sources (or affirms the value of a source) and it rewards the folks who create (or spot) great content with attention (and hopefully new fans). It is the ultimate virtuous cycle.

We track around 900 sources on Twitter, but that expands and contracts based on the news and where we can find authoritative analysis. The best way to make the list is to be interesting — not even consistently saying profound things, just doing it reliably when big news breaks in your particular area of expertise. For example: Will, you’re a huge NC State fan. If NC State was ever in the middle of a big story that a lot of fans would be interested in, your insights would absolutely be on our must-track list, and I’m almost positive you would say something (or many things) that would make Quickish readers more informed for having seen it.

Otherwise, there is a strong network effect of tracking the group we do — we feel pretty comfortable that if we’re missing something great, someone in our extended network will find it and retweet it or, if it’s a column or blog post or video, link to it. And, hopefully, more and more readers will feel comfortable helping with tips of their own.

Thanks to Dan for taking the time to answer my many many questions — follow him on twitter @DanShanoff and visit Quickish.com frequently.

I would not want to see this dude in a dark alley. Or a lit alley. Really any alley. He’s simultaneously threatening me, yet luring me in with his soft attempts at a smile. Like he’d aggressively make out with my while stabbing me in the stomach. Either way, this guy needs to be Bangladesh’s new head of tourism. Sure, he’d make even less people come, but I could definitely live with his stare hitting me from banner ads. It’d keep me on my toes/occasionally soiling myself. I need that.

Creepy Cricket Fan Stares Into Your Soul [Urlesque]