Photo Credit: Terry Parris, Jr. for Patch

Hyperlocal reporting: It just makes sense.

More choice pictures of the breaking squirrel/taco confrontation below. See the full gallery at Patch.

Ha. It’s funny because he fell and probably got squirrel paralysis. Oh man, imagine how adorable that’d be! He’d have a little wheelchair and a little type-and-speak thing! Maybe a little sweater too! And his squirrel wife would have to make serious adjustments to their life to the point that she’d be depressed and drink little bottles of squirrel wine. Sooooo cute.

Most Wanted for Questioning: A brazen little woodland creature that sleeps in a glorious red, white and blue nest.

Officials said the recent disappearance of more than three dozen American flags at the High Street Cemetery in Hampton could be the work of squirrels.

“Several years back we had the same situation and … it was the squirrels,” said Cemetery Trustee Richard Bateman, who is also a selectman.

American Legion Post 35 Commander Ralph Fatello said it’s hard to imagine squirrels are taking flags. The post reported the thefts to police last week.

“I don’t think it’s squirrels,” Fatello said. “But, if it’s squirrels, we are going to prosecute them and I’m going to make an example out of them.”

[SeacoastOnline]

Police in Warren, Ohio, released video of a woman who was interrogated by officers with a baby squirrel in her shirt.

She was brought into the station to be questioned about a crime.

The detective sat amazed as the woman continued the conversation while tucking the squirrel into her cleavage.

Police let the woman and her animal friend go.

[via]

A fire crew from Paignton was called out by an RSPCA officer to a residential home in Oldway Road, after the squirrel fell down a rooftop extractor unit.

Watch commander Steve Anderson said the residents first alerted the RSPCA when they heard what they thought was a seagull inside the pipe.

However, the animal welfare officer decided it was safer to get firefighters involved as health and safety would not have let him go up a ladder.

Watch commander Anderson said: “The roof was too high and the RSPCA guy thought it would be too dangerous. So he called us out.

“We went up there on the 135ft ladder. We took the top of the extractor fan off and lowered a fishing net down.

“The squirrel leapt on my face and on to the glass conservatory below and on to the ground. Then he was off.”

The unusual 999 call-out was received by the Paignton crew shortly after 4pm on Friday.

Watch commander Anderson added: “There were a few skeletons down the duct pipe of other animals who weren’t so lucky. I think this little fellow is down to eight lives.”

[via]

Well you know what they say, squirrels definitely love nuts! A ha a ha a ha. No but seriously though no matter how adorable is, putting a squirrel in your pants and allowing it to suckle on your testes is going to do nothing but ruin your white pants and require you getting a tetanus shot in a very delicate area. So unless you’ve had a lifelong fantasy of teabagging Secret Squirrel (not Morocco Mole though…his fez shows a life of hardship that even I wouldn’t want to add onto), you can probably just skip this one.

Unrelated, is this NSFW? What would your office say if they found out you were looking at photos of a squirrel sucking on another’s balls? I can’t imagine they’d fire you, but they’d definitely keep a close eye on you any time a Planters commercial came on while everyone’s gathered in the break room during lunch.

[via]

Twice a year before its pledge drive starts, local public-radio station KRCC likes to offer members a thank-you gift for donating early.

Sometimes it’s symphony tickets. Sometimes it’s museum passes. This time, it is squirrel underpants.

Seriously.

“They are really tiny cotton underwear,” said KRCC general manager Delaney Utterback.

The 100-percent cotton tighty-whiteys have a 3-inch waist and are machine-washable.

They are sold by Seattle-based oddity peddler Archee McFee, purveyor of the inflatable fruitcake and unisex prosthetic chest hair.

The company markets the knickers as “The underpants squirrels prefer!”

[source]

A woman in Northern Ireland says her home has been over-run by grey squirrels.

Oonagh Nutt, from Moira in County Down, says the animals first came into her garden from an adjoining park six years ago, but in the last 18 months they got too close for comfort.

“I thought it was lovely, I called one of them Hazel but then the next thing they’d got into the house,” she said.

Mrs Nutt says the squirrels have caused serious damage: “They chewed their way through my roof in several places, they tunnel through the cavity walls, they live under the floor boards, they go to the toilet in the attic.

“Up close they are quite frightening – they look like puppy dogs with big hands, they growl and bark at you, they’re vicious things. They’ll go for you.”

[via]

History will show it was the squirrel who started this war.

In an instinctive act of aggression, it occupied the territories known as the Jensens’ attic. The Greendale family had no choice but to fight back.

For weeks now the battle has raged, with each side advancing and retreating. Dave Jensen, the king of the castle under siege, has developed a healthy respect for the gray squirrel across enemy lines.

“Normally when you see a squirrel, it’s just a squirrel. But now it’s like I know him. He’s a very worthy adversary,” Dave said when I embedded with his forces this week.

Dave, who runs a marketing and communications firm when he’s not playing Bill Murray in “Caddyshack,” liberally applies pronouns to the squirrel. Sometimes he says him, sometimes her. Who can say for sure?

[source]