Clearly bad timing to be picking at a wedgie or adjusting one’s crotch, I’d say. If he were actually aroused and subsequently adjusting himself after that clip, I’d really have to question his status as a man. A couple of moderately attractive girls half-assedly gyrating with the rhythm of a Pilates instructor having a seizure shouldn’t be enough to get you to start stroking in the middle of your job on live TV. Maybe if he spent the last three years in a cave reporting solely on news related to male sphincters.

And once again, it’s for the doubles category for some pole dancing competition in the UK. I would make a joke about their fake mustaches, and how one might believe this was taking place in Italy, but that wouldn’t be nice, now would it?

As you can see, this effort completely blows the two Lauras out of the water. The source of inspiration is used FAR more effectively (love the Euro trash techno remix of all the Mario tunes), plus the women just look like they’re having more fun.

As for the dancing itself, just seems like the same things over and over again, so I’m not the best person to judge, though I found it more enjoyable that the two Laura’s routines at least.

Finally, the Mario Bros. pole dancing routine we all wanted [GoNintendo]

A popular area for Detroit Lions fans to tailgate is also home to The Booty Lounge–a mobile strip club if you will. The presence of the Booty Lounge is not a secret, in fact, many of the scantily clad ladies openly walk through the crowd in an effort to lure more clients. Fans who have tailgated at Eastern Market for years are aware of what’s going on and ignore it. The police, who often patrol the area, are probably aware of it too and turn a blind eye.

All in all, the whole thing is harmless. I mean, let’s be honest, a bunch of chicks popping their tops for a few bucks isn’t exactly the worst thing in a downtrodden economy.

But all the fun and games has come crashing down after an investigative report from a local Detroit TV station. WDIV sent a reporter into the bus and pretty much declared it a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah.

Let the fire and brimstone rain down!

Hmm, that’s funny. The description in the video says, “Wait until you see where some football fans were having fun just blocks from the stadium and in plain view of kids!” And yet, in that same video, there’s a bunch of drunk a$$holes partaking in a 10-person beer bong in front of children.

Appalling I say, appalling! “The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks” a parent must feel when their kid accidentally sees a woman in a bikini bottom. He’ll be scarred for life and will inevitably turn into a pillar of salt.

Well, it’s nice to know that they’re actually familiar with the games (well, one of them especially, at least) and didn’t just come up with the idea of dressing up as Croft after stumbling across a late night viewing of the Tomb Raider flick on the telly.

Also, interesting to hear the somewhat avid gamer talk about her affinity for old school computer games. Granted, your average dude who goes to… well, whatever you call a place where women swing around poles that isn’t a strip club (I guess the circus?)… might indeed not get the Monkey Island reference, but trust me, it’ll be HUGE hit at some of the hardcore sci fi/fantasy/comic book/gaming cons that I’ve been to.

As for the other’s statement as to how she can’t see Crash Bandicoot on a pole, well, someone is clearly unfamiliar with furry cons! Ladies, if you’re reading this, and want to be booked in America, please email me. I’m actually deadly serious.

Pole-dancing Lara Crofts video interview [GamesRadar]

'Why of course she's qualified to teach this class...have you seen her glasses AND apple?'

The class, which requires a $150 admission fee [ED. NOTE: In traditional stripper environments, this would be known as a "cover charge"], featured three exotic dancers in bikinis who serviced students and Rappaport himself with lap dances during the lesson.

Rappaport had told students that strippers were booked for the class weeks in advance, though many students expected them to be a prop in the lesson rather than so hands (and crotch) on.

Forty five minutes into the class, the dean of the Business School came into the lecture hall and broke up the class.

The school is “launching a full investigation” and Rappaport will be suspended until they come to a decision.

This just seems like a simple matter of miscommunication, in my eyes. Students came to the classroom expecting a lesson on ethics as espoused by G.W.F. Hegel. But instead, clearly Rappaport meant that he would teach the students about ethics and Kegels, also known as the exercises designed to flex and strengthen the vaginal muscles. It’s not Rappaport’s fault that his love of two interests so seemingly unrelated were misinterpreted like that.

Plus there’s a lot of things you can learn about business ethics from strippers. Mainly that the best way to get your way in this world is to vigorously rub your genitals on the crotch of someone with money. That’s pretty much our entire ad sales process here at Guyism.

Students say La Salle symposium featured strippers, lap dances [City Paper]

When Ward and his teammates entered the club, super hot dancers converged on them. They spent a few minutes in the VIP at the back of the club. But as the music pumped and the bootylicious women strode across the four stages, the Steelers huddled in the front corner of the club for closer looks.

Ward, wearing a plaid shirt and jeans, danced with a couple of strippers. At one point, he tossed out dollars as various hotties gave him lap dances. Other Steelers joined him in the fun.

Some fine investigative reporting from this outlet, although, I was hoping for a live update from the Champagne Room. And, for what it’s worth, wouldn’t every heterosexual male love to have that gig?

“Yea, we need you to hang out at the titty club all week and report back when athletes come in. You’ll have a daily stipend of $500 all in one dollar bills like you requested”.

Mr. Gromer Jeffers Jr., I envy you sir.

Hines Ward, Steelers visit local strip club [Dallasnews.com]

The Dallas-Fort Worth area is looking for as many as 10,000 strippers for Super Bowl week.

Walsh told TMZ he is not the only understaffed exotic club in the area. In fact, Walsh said, DFW’s 60 or so adult establishments are short a total of 10,000 exotic dancers.

Arlington city officials said they expect to host 300,000 visitors during Super Bowl weekend, which puts the tourist-to-stripper ratio at about a hearty 30:1.

The Super Bowl has been about much more than the game for years. The parties, the women, the athletes, and the hoopla surrounding media day all seem to take center stage until Sunday. For many men, especially those who are traveling without their significant other, it’s a perfect opportunity to blow February’s mortgage on lap dances. And for the dancers themselves, it’s a perfect way to pay this year’s tuition for that PhD they’ve been pursuing for the last decade.

By the way, I’d feel remiss if I didn’t share this story. At the Detroit Super Bowl in 2006, a stripper named Angel who was quite skilled at shaking her rather luscious booty for minutes on end told me that she made as much in the week leading up to the game as she had the entire year before. Granted, Detroit was in the pits economically but I believe she may have had a visit from our good friend Pacman Jones. Although, she never specifically shared who unloaded (no pun intended) the Benjamins on her but I have a sneaky suspicion that somehow former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was involved….but I digress.

‘Dallas-Fort Worth Needs 10,000 More Strippers for Super Bowl’ [Fox]

Which brings us to the thing men love almost as much as boobies–football. If you thought that lap dance at the Cowboys game was risque, check out this stripper at a Philadelphia Eagles tailgate a few weeks ago. Language is definitely not safe for work and fortunately for everyone involved, she’s clothed (although the pasties are hard to spot).

The dialogue between the parking attendant, the stripper and the John make this video comedy gold.

Some of the better one-liners.

Stripper: “I’m trying to give him a show and stuff”
John: “Would you let me the f out of my car”
Parking Attendant: “Get outta there, you retard”
Parking Attendant 2: “Nobody wants to touch her”

She doesn’t exactly get a ringing endorsement from the tailgate crowd. Sometimes, the drive to watch your home team trumps that of a half-naked stripper throwing herself at you. By the way, I hope those were Eagles pasties…she’d probably get more clients that way.

However, when Ireland got a dance from a stripper named “Suki” [ED. NOTE: Call me crazy, but I think this young lady may be using a pseudonym], he claims he was kicked in the eye by one of her high heels.

Ireland sustained a punctured eye socket and broken bones around his eye and nose as a result of the reckless stripping. His lawyer claims that Ireland now has permanent double vision.

The strip club decided to settle the suit out of fear of paying more in damages if the case went to trial.

I know it’s fun to act like, “Heh I bet he still had a good time though” or say that this guy shouldn’t have gotten as much money because it’s funny that this happened to a man at a strip club. But to get an injury that serious does not sound like fun. I’m sure most of you reading this have been to a crappy strip club before, so imagine this scenario: You go to a terrible strip club. After twenty minutes, you decide that the club is a complete abomination and want to get out of there. Your friends don’t want to go, so you acquiesce and end up getting a lap dance from a girl who looks vaguely like a transvestite. Then she starts giving you a clumsy dance culminating in her smacking you in the face with her whore heels, resulting in serious eye damage. Does that not sound like the worst experience ever? Poor Mr. Ireland should have been awarded cuddles and mindbending drugs in addition to all the money he got and then some.

Man Gets $650,000 After Eye Injury During Lap Dance [NBC Miami]

According to a report from the Associated Press, New Beginnings pastor Bill Dunfee said:

“As a Christian community, we cannot share territory with the devil,” Dunfee said. “Light and darkness cannot exist together, so the Fox Hole has got to go.

Fox Hole owner Tommy George offered to call off his stripper protest if Dunfee agreed to call of his church’s protests of the club. However, Dunfee refuses to relent.

The protests have taken their toll on the strip club’s business. One dancer named Laura Meske, known as “Lola” when performing on stage, has been rallying the strip club’s girls who stand to lose hundreds of dollars during each protest. The AP says:

The Fox Hole encourages customers to check out its $30 private dance special, promoting it on the kind of sign convenience stores use to advertise cheap milk and cigarettes. Out back, letters on a bulletin board have faded away so that “No touching” now reads “ouch.”

It’s here where dancers strip down to panties and pasties for cash. Meske — a tattooed mother of four — said she made $30 instead of a couple hundred dollars last Friday with the protesters outside.

“I’m not the most beautiful woman in the world,” she said. “I go out there and I try to make my money.”

There’s a whole lot more on this at the Detroit News.

I’m really not a fan of a ministry trying to impose its will upon a legal business that’s not even remotely in the vicinity of their church. Dunfee’s quote about “light and dark” is just ridiculous. While I don’t think I’d want my daughter to grow up and strip for a living, I don’t think her willingness to flash a boob to pay rent or try to improve the life of her children is going to automatically stamp her ticket to cornholing Satan. Then again, I’m not so sure I’d want to see a woman from the urban metropolis of Warsaw, Ohio in the buff since I imagine they look vaguely like one of the dead pig carcasses the guys on Myth Busters use for their field tests.

So who’s side are you on?

Bikini-clad strippers protest church [Detroit News]

Missouri’s strip clubs will have more clothing, reduced hours and no alcohol after Aug. 28 under a bill signed Friday by Gov. Jay Nixon.

A group of adult entertainment business owners has vowed to sue to stop the new law, much as they did in 2005, when a similar law was overturned in court as an unconstitutional infringement of free speech.

“I’m very disappointed in the governor’s decision,” said Mike Ocello, president of VGA Holding Corp., which owns several adult entertainment businesses throughout the country.

“I’m upset about the impact this will have on the state’s economy,” Ocello said. “Jobs will be lost.”

The new law — which was sponsored by Sen. Matt Bartle, R-Independence — would prohibit full nudity at strip clubs and prohibit such establishments from selling alcohol. Adult businesses — including adult bookstores and strip clubs — could not be located within 1,000 feet of a school, church or public park. Such businesses would have to close at midnight, and nobody younger than 18 would be allowed.

No offense to the fine people of Missouri, but I’m not sure this is such a grand idea. You have an arch and a beer brewing company there and that’s wonderful. But in terms of being an artistic capital of the world, there may be a bit left to be desired. Unless you consider gang gunfire and overt racism to be art forms.

Plus, why would you go to a strip club if there’s no nudity or alcohol? If I wanted to drink a Diet Coke and watch girls in bikinis, I’d have never quit my job lifeguarding for middle schoolers. Well, I guess it wasn’t a job so much as it was a lifestyle choice. But either way, I think we can all agree binoculars aren’t cutting it.

No booze, no nudity at Missouri strip clubs [STL Today]

A lower court judge, presumably after several persuasive arguments from local exotic dance talents, ruled that strippers were taking part in “dramatic or musical arts” and, as a result, qualified for tax-free status.

But the tax appeal board overruled the judge said that the performances couldn’t be considered in the same bracket as “things such as ballet performance.” Presumably because men aren’t bored to tears to by strip club performances.

There are more parallels with strippers and ballerinas than these tax appeal board folks would be willing to admit. Most of the girls are Russian and probably here illegally. They’re very flexible. They wear garish clothes. If more men came to ballet performances with opened shirts and cheap cologne, I don’t think you’d be able to tell the difference.

Stripping Not Art, Does Not Qualify For Tax-Free Status [MyFoxDC]

No, this isn’t a wet t-shirt contest or a bunch of college kids on spring break. That lady in black, yea, she’s someone’s mom. Dwight Howard’s baby mama to be more specfic.

Apparently she REALLY wanted tickets for the Super Bowl and showed off her stripper moves for Terrell Owens and Ludacris at some party.

And this isn’t the first time Royce Reed, has been in the news. Reed, who was a dancer for the Orlando Magic was sued in December by Howard for 9.25 million dollars. She made some rather nasty remarks about Howard on some groupie website and he didn’t take too kindly.

All that aside, the girl can move. She pulls some moves in this video that would make any Las Vegas stripper proud.

But yea, she’s somebody mom. So you should all be ashamed for watching and ogling.

{SportsByBrooks} {YouBeenBlinded}

Nothing gets me hotter than malpractice lawsuits that make women look like Pez dispensers that were a result of a malfunctioning machine at the factory.

On the plus side, if you want to see unhappy freaks of nature forced into stripping by a cruel doctor who ruined their lives and forever damaged the health of their spinal cord, there’s no better place than the Valley Club! It’s like The Island of Dr. Moreau, but less sexy and with smaller boobs than Marlon Brando’s.

A few minutes before 2 a.m. Saturday, a Seattle police officer was dispatched to the Lusty Lady, the peep show strip club in the 1300 block of First Avenue.

A man there planned to crawl into the dancers’ dressing room, police said. When they arrived, he was still in the ceiling crawl space.

“SPD officers arrived and contacted the suspect as he was attempting to climb down near the front door,” an officer wrote in an incident report. “The subject was taken into custody (by) SPD officers after he jumped down from the crawl space.”

A stripper “was startled when (the man’s) legs came crashing through the glass panel ceiling above her,” according to the police report. “She stated before the subject fell through she had heard what she thought was kicking or pounding above her head.”

I could imagine how a stripper would be startled. I’m sure going into a Seattle strip club isn’t the most awesome everyday experience for a gal; if you add in guys falling through the glass ceilings (classy), that might be the clincher to going and getting your GED or finally getting into the pants of a successful coke dealer.

Worst Peeping Tom ever though. Any time you can see a woman nude for the cost of a Starbucks coffee and have her grind upon your crotch as though it had the power to heal her chlamydia, you don’t need to act like Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible to see her naked. Just asking nicely with a shiny nickel will at least get you a bit of butt cheek.

[Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

A 150 pound goat smashed [its] way into his business. It gets on [its] hind legs and rammed into the quarter inch think glass. It breaks through one door, then starts ramming another one, before trotting inside.

Why would a goat try to break into a strip club? The best the owner can figure, the goat saw it’s reflection in the door and got aggressive.

The goat spent the next a half hour dazed, staring at itself in a mirror.

Reports that the goat tucked its genitals in between its thighs and said “I’d f**k me” while dancing to Goodbye Horses were not confirmed by the surveillance video. You can see the video of the goat’s “ram-page” here. The club owner said the goat did $2000 worth of damage to his club.

It’s good to see that we have more in common with goats than we realized. What man hasn’t been in that goat’s hooves? Every time I’ve gone to a strip club and spent $20 on a Heineken and had to watch a woman with stretchmarks dancing her coke habit away, I’ve have probably gotten more joy out of running headfirst into the wall then staring at myself in a mirror too. Much better than attempting to discuss politics with Candi or Cristal during a lap dance. Strippers are notoriously conservative.

[KESQ]

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‘Tis the season! That’s right—Christmas. We all endure the holidays with that familiar combination of dread and enjoyment. So much to look forward to! There are the office parties, the family get-togethers, the decorations, and the gift exchanges. Everyone has their own unique holiday traditions. My favorite tradition is to spend the holidays in the buff. In fact, the holidays just aren’t the same if I’m not naked. Why? Because I’m a stripper, and naked is what I do best.

It feels tacky to gloat in this economy, but this holiday season is lining up to be my most lucrative. I’ve amassed several regular customers—I cheerfully refer to them as my “fan club”—and each one of them is going to give me a nice little gift. Or—fingers crossed—a big, pricey gift. I’ll get each special guy something thoughtful, too.

Stripping provides an opportunity for me to spread some holiday cheer the way I know best: with my big knockers. I admit my methods are unorthodox, but they sure are effective. I like to surprise a worthy customer with a free private dance, or pony up for a round of drinks for a particularly generous table. When a customer complains that he’s “just not feeling” the spirit, well, a quick smother of my cleavage relieves him of his grinchiness.

[Read the full article at The Frisky]

Strip clubs need ugly strippers, I know that; you can’t appreciate a fine New York strip steak without eating a few hamburgers with ecoli, love handles, and three kids. But what self-respecting woman is going to be like, “Hey, I’m here for the stripping position.” “The attractive one?” “Oh, of course not, look at me, I’m a mess! No no, ugly one please.” Yes, perhaps I am taking a leap of faith saying that any stripper would be self-respecting, but they get naked for money, you should probably be nice to them. Or continue being mean to them but give them money. Same result either way. It’s cool though, you’re empowering them. And cocaine.

[Reddit]

In the immortal words of Tila Tequila herdamnself,

LMFAO!!!! So in case ya’ll don’t know, Spectacular made a very controversial video of himself dancin and grinding called “SPECTACULAR SEXY PECS” So I challenged him to a GRIND OFF on twitter and he accepted!!!! SO YA’LL PLACE YOUR BETS! WHO WINS THIS GRIND OFF??? ME OR SPECTACULAR????? LMFAO!!!! U KNOW I LOVE YA BABE! xoxox

Uh, anyway, here she is dancing and stripping in her underwear for a Web cam… like I said, found her calling…

Finally! I am back from my business trip. Man, that was hell being away from the Internet for almost a week. So let’s get things rolling with one of our faves, a babe we never heard of who is a smokin’ piece of ass, shall we? Introducing Adabel Guerrero, her tongue, and her super awesome stickers. Who the hell is Adabel Guerrero? Well, she has her own Web site, so she’s either famous or a porn star. Hmmm… Condsidering that I found a video of her stripping and working the pole – after the jump – (turn the sound off, it’s awful) at some very public event somewhere I am going to withhold judgment on what it is she actually does. Maybe someone with an Argentinian connection out there can fill us in on the details…