Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends and holidays to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

Making a good Super Bowl commercial is hard. It takes months, if not years, of planning and research to make people remember your company’s ad. Conversely, 30 seconds of awfulness can make people remember you too, but for all the wrong reasons. Here are seven ads which definitely fall into the latter category.

6 Christopher Reeve walking – Nuveen Investments, 2000
In 2000, paralyzed former Superman star Christopher Reeve “appeared” in this commercial. The message was that in the future, a whole lot of crazy crap is going to happen. Including, apparently, Christopher Reeve’s head being grafted to the body of a giant.

The goal of the commercial was to touch the hearts of Americans everywhere. Instead, everyone just kind of went, “Uh, that was creepy” and awkwardly took a bite out of their chicken wings. Oh also no one had any clue what Nuveen Investments did either because the commercial was really vague and almost made Nuveen Investments seem like an evil corporation from the future. Probably like the one that made Robocop.

5 Meet the official Holiday Inn transsexual – Holiday Inn, 1997
The gist of this commercial was that being a man getting a sex change was basically what Holiday Inn was doing to their hotels. Why this would make you want to stay there, no one was really sure, but if it’s good enough for Seinfeld’s Kenny Banya, it’s good enough for me.

The commercial was universally disliked and even resulted in some boycotts from various gay/transsexual/transgender groups. Probably not even for the hurtful depiction of their people, but rather for the tremendous slap in the face of being compared to a Holiday Inn.

4 White guys hunt down Kenyan, give him shoes – Just for Feet, 1999
There are few situations in which white men hunting down a black guy is going to make for a nicely received ad. This ad falls in line with that bold theorem on my part.

The premise if you’re too lazy to click: A Kenyan guy is walking around, being barefoot and Kenyan when some white guys in a Hummer drug him, capture him, then put sneakers on him. Eventually, he gets up all wobbly and runs, trying to free himself from these strange objects on his feet. The ad was so poorly received that it got a feature story on how bad it was on Salon.com, got the ad agency behind it sued (Saatchi & Saatchi, the agency in question, would countersue for Just for Feet’s ineptitude), and had a hand in Just for Feet’s bankruptcy later that year. So yeah, that turned out well.

3 Lemmings – Apple, 1985
In 1984, Apple had what some have called the most amazing commercial ever with their cleverly titled ad “1984”, a name which no one has ever been able to decipher the meaning of. Amidst pressure to possibly match that ad, they came up with another artistic bizarre ad that, well, sucked. Hard.

The commercial was so poorly reviewed that Apple stayed away from Super Bowl ads until 1999. And to make the indignities suffered to viewers worse, this is the one Apple commercial that has a bunch of people dying gruesome deaths, yet Justin Long and his smug Mac-loving face are nowhere to be found. Bastards.

2 Salesgenie.com and their racist panda bears – Salesgenie.com, 2008
After a 2007 Super Bowl ad universally rated as the worst one of the year, Salesgenie.com came back determined to make more awful ads that would stick with viewers for being so awful. Seriously, they even distributed a press release about it. Well they can wipe their hands thusly because this certainly proved to be a job well done.

It may shock you to learn that this ad never ran again amidst protests from Asian groups for A) Being racist and B) Finding a way to make pandas seem utterly annoying (do you know how hard that is? Look at this guy!). Also I fail to see how pandas could be running a profitable business, particularly when it’s a business selling furniture made of their favorite food. I’d find myself wholly incapable of selling Hamburger Chairs so it wouldn’t be fair to expect more from my cartoon pandas.

1 Fred Astaire dances with vacuums – Dirt Devil, 1997
I don’t think this was the first in the tacky “Dead Guy Sells Product” type of ads, but it was definitely one of the earlier ones. And what better way to honor probably the only masculine dancer ever than by putting a vacuum in his hands.

Semi-related: you know what would be awesome? A game based on Superman: Red Son, which is another “what if”, in which the last son of Krypton crash lands on Russian soil, not American. Though I guess what would be nice is just a decent Superman game to being with.

Click through for super-duper-sexy-hi-res if you need it.

I don’t know how this’ll make me sound (wait, yes I do, like a little girl), but I don’t feel like this current incarnation of Superman is handsome enough for me. I mean, yeah, I’m sure he’s all super and shit, but to me, Superman should be like the PERFECT guy. Universally attractive, ripped, and able to burn stuff with his eyes (just like every woman’s dream guy). I’m not feeling it.

I will however make sure to check out future promotional images and let you know if my homoeroticism masquerading as critical reception changes.

And again we have further proof that there’s plenty of life in GTA 4, with the help of some modding…

… Granted, it’s not perfect. The way he flies is all wrong, plus it’s not you’re able to smash and toss cars around either. But hey, it’s far more fun looking than the previous attempts at Superman games. Mostly because the simple act of just flying around has sucked ass. And that’s because previous attempts at serving up Metropolis have been paltry at best. Whereas Liberty City is perfect, given how both and Supes’ actual digs are both based upon New York City.

Here’s another clip, sans the iconic music, but with a better bird’s eye view of everything…

And one more, featuring Captain America. Though it’s really not much…

… Should have gone with Iron Man instead. Cuz of, you know, the flying. I wonder if a Spider-Man mod is possible? No doubt that’s being worked on.

It’s pretty obvious that sci-fi TV shows are pretty fond of aliens. Through the great expanses of TV history there have been plenty of alien life forms to grace the TV screen and we here at Guyism have waded through all the slimy skin, tentacles, multiple eyes and enlarged brains to put together this list of the most awesome TV aliens of all time.

12 Invader Zim
With its black comedy and unique style of animation, Zim is a cult classic of sorts. The show revolved around Zim from the planet Irk, and followed his exploits as he sought to take over the world. However, much like his lab rat equivalents – Pinky and the Brain – these plots were typically foiled thanks to Zim’s bumbling or other unforeseen circumstances.

11 The Daleks
The Daleks are simultaneously one of the most feared and laughable aliens of all time. Featured on the classicly campy British show Dr. Who, these tiny tin cans look harmless, but are the scourge of the entire universe. Engineered to have the absence of every emotion except for hate, these little critters are hell-bent on conquering the entire universe. The Daleks also earn extra points for their classic catchphrase, “Ex-term-inate!”

10 Marvin the Martian
Did you know that Marvin the Martian only appeared in five of the original Looney Tunes cartoons? While surprising, this fact only serves as a testament to how awesome Marvin actually is. Despite this limited screen time, he’s built up a massive cult following and endured for over 60 years. In late 2011, the little Martian that could will even get his own feature film (starring Mike Myers).

9 Mork
Robin Williams has the sitcom Mork & Mindy to thank for his celebrity success. This first major acting role saw him as the title character – an alien who travels to earth in his one-man egg-shaped spaceship to observe human behavior. While cheesy and a bit on the hackneyed side of things, the show opened the door for a number of alien-themed sitcoms in the future (see next entry).

8 ALF
ALF was the party alien that every 80s kid wanted to hang out with. With his patented Hawaiian t-shirt and slacker attitude, it was clear that this was the older, hairier brother we all wish we had. Hailing from the planet Melmac, the show revolved mostly around ALF trying to eat cats and the Tanner family trying to keep him a secret from the rest of the world. One modern-day alien, American Dad’s Roger (who nearly made this list) was clearly influenced by ALF.

7 Stitch
Yeah, Stitch got his start on the big screen, but the Lilo & Stitch TV series spin-off makes him fair game for this list. In many ways, Stitch can be described as an alien version of the pug dog breed. He’s so ugly he’s cute, he likes getting into trouble and he’s got a big heart. Add in a healthy dose of Elvis Presley moves, and it’s safe to say that Stitch is one awesome alien.

6 The Solomons
The Solomons of 3rd Rock From the Sun were essentially an updated version of the TV series Mork & Mindy (which itself was based partially off of My Favorite Martian). However, this 90s TV show boasted an entire family of aliens sent to earth to research human activity. When not communicating with their home-based boss, The Big Giant Head, the Solomons struggle to fit in with everyday life on earth.

5 Lord Nibbler
On Futurama, Leela’s pet Nibbler leads a dual life. By day, he’s a cuddly cute lap alien that spouts gibberish and poops dark matter into a diaper. By night, he’s a super-intelligent Nibblonian ambassador tasked with preserving peace throughout the universe. This juxtaposition is balanced carefully by the show’s writers – and serves to effectively cement Nibbler as both an adorable and essential addition to this list.

4 Superman
Everyone’s favorite Kryptonian has been featured in a number of media forms, including television. Given his legacy and supreme super powers, it’s pretty much unnecessary to detail why he is so incredibly awesome. However, here’s a brief list – x-ray vision, ability to fly, super strength, immovable set of morals and an uncanny ability to look good in spandex.

3 Kang and Kodos
Kang and Kodos have become a welcome treat on The Simpsons’ annual Treehouse of Horror. For 20 years, this alien odd couple has been attempting to take over earth. While these exploits usually fail, the pair has succeeded in enslaving the human race on a few occasions. However, it doesn’t take much more than a simple board with a nail in it to quickly restore peace to the town of Springfield.

2 Spock
It would be illogical to put together a list of famous TV aliens without including Spock. For eleven years, this intrepid alien served as the analytical foil to both Captain Christopher Pike and Captain Kirk. While his TV appearances are some of his best, the world cried together as his coffin was shipped out to deep space in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

1 Dr. Who
With over 30 seasons now in the bag, Dr. Who is one of the most iconic and long-lived aliens in television history. And though his form may change, his mission remains the same – to travel the depths of space in his TARDIS to fight evil and make the universe a better place for all. Throughout the years, eleven actors have portrayed the good doctor, and science fiction fans everywhere cheered when the series returned to television in 2005.

Though Italy is suffering floods and Milan heavy rains, Zucchelli is envisaging a balmy summer next year. So much so, many sweatshirts were cropped half way up the chest, the better to see the models’ six-pack abdomen. Several of these feature logos, though even the Calvin was cut in half. Part sweatshirt, part micro cape, the garment would be impossible to wear without a flat stomach, but a cool look if one is gym rat buffed.

No, no, no. Not listening. I stopped reading when I heard the word capes. I’m not going to the gym to get my Abs of Steel on just so I can wear a cape. It’s too late, I’m already on my way to the liquor store in my Batman pajamas. “How about a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue my good man, as Batman is feeling quite regal today. Lets throw in a few scratch-off tickets, a Snickers bar and, oh yeah, do you guys sell mirrors here?”

If you saw a man walking around wearing a half-cape/half-shirt design it’d be difficult to take anything that person said seriously. I just don’t see this trend catching on. But to be safe I’m going to go ahead and cut all my shirts and capes in half anyway. I’ve waited most of my adult life for capes to come back in style (I wore them regularly as a child) and I’m going to ride this baby into the ground.

Calvin Klein’s Capes for Cool Guys [Yahoo]

That’s a pretty impressive physical talent. It wasn’t like he got lightly tapped by the car either, that was a full on flip. It’s like he’s some sort of modern day superhero, only instead of an amazing lifesaving power, he just gets hit by large objects and goes on with the rest of his crapty life. Which is probably how Superman would have turned out if he were real anyway. He’d have just been getting hit by cars or taking flight and then have to go back to a menial job as a fry cook or temp at an insurance agency. Plus Lois Lane would have probably been a Thai former prostitute named Guardita with a slightly ambiguous gender and Lex Luthor would have been his neighbor who always flushes used condoms down the toilet, forcing Superman’s sick to clog up with a bleachy-smelling viscous liquid. Not quite Super now, is it?

Superman had a pretty crapty life. At least as far as a guy who can fly and shoot rays out of his eyes and see through women’s clothes and who’s innately jacked could have a crapty life. He was abandoned and grew up with a couple of elderly people raising him and never got laid because his jizm would blow a load through any woman’s cervix and his job seemed kind of crapty too. I think he secretly wore that crapty disguise of glasses and a vest in the hopes that it was such an obvious disguise that people would see him and go, “Oh, you’re Superman,” so he could be like, “Noooooo, get outttttt” and blush. I’m onto your tricks, alien.

Check out the comics here. Seriously worth the 10 minutes you’ll spend, without question.

I can’t say I have a whole lot of experience in supervillainy, so I’d hate to be a backseat villain but how about you just roofie Lois Lane and shove a Kryptonite Nuvaring in her cooch? At that point, it just seems like it’d be a matter of patience. Plus any time he got around her, he’d start to feel woozy. But he loves her too much to stay away. It’s like really wanting to bang a girl but then you find out she has herpes. But you’re like, “Hmm, but I’ve invested like a couple hours now…what are the odds I’d catch it?” Anyway, that’s how I got this cold sore. So basically I’m Superman.