You know what? God bless America. Sure, the American spirit is quickly going the way of the dodo, but I’m pretty sure there’s one occupation that you won’t find anywhere in China is of custom beer pong table manufacturer.

But what makes the River Falls Pong Table Company, located in River Falls, Wisconsin, is how it’s a family run business! One, and how they make video game themed tables if you’ll let them…

Plus, as highlighted by Destructoid, this Tetris design…

And finally, for gamer dorks who have an affinity for Japan, that too can be taken care off…

The following proves that the asking of $60 in real world currency for a virtual roller coaster was not some kind of fluke: Destructoid reports that there’s a car in Need For Speed World that will cost users… get this… $100 of real world money to actually ride around in.

It’s a Koenigsegg CCX “Elite” Edition, and here’s what it looks like…

It’s awfully fast. But hey, for $100, it better damn well be. Though the fact that it’s game breaking fast is the real problem. Though once more, for that price, once can’t expect to confront such a vehicle in the game very foten. Unless there’s a lot of idiots with money to burn.

Actually, the person above got it via some other means, which I might understand if I played the damn thing on a regular basis. And the YouTube comments are filled with folks begging the uploader for clarification.

Also, as Destructoid also points out, it’s “on sale” for just $75 for the time being. What a bargain! Anyhow, bonus video time: since I can’t seem to fit the following anywhere else, here’s a totally random clip of someone playing Tetris really, really well. Via Kotaku…

And no, that wasn’t sped up footage, it was all real time. Also, you see, in my previous post about EA’s shenanigans, I mentioned Tetris, and… Sorry, it’s been a really long day, it’s late Friday afternoon, and I’m just aching for that first drink of the early evening.

Where to start? First of all, they’ve re-released a popular game of theirs on the iPhone so it’s a cheaper initial price, but the real money is being made via in-app purchases and a subscription. So something that’s just $0.99 initially may cost $29.99 a year, if EA had it their way. Pretty lame, huh?

And what game is this? The iPhone version of Battlefield? Madden? Dragon Age? Nope… it’s Tetris. Yes, Tetris. The simple block puzzle game that pretty much ever single device has been running for over twenty years now, and which epitomizes gaming with zero bells and whistles. According to Destructoid, EA has supposedly found tweaks to the formula that justifies the extra cash that they’re demanding.

But it gets better! They’re also re-releasing the PC classic Theme Park, but instead of using resource management skills to build up your very own Disneyland, as in the original, EA has apparently rigged it that doing so the old fashioned way takes forever, according to the Games Blog, and the preferred method is by forking over actual cash to build stuff. Okay, but the actual cost is the most ridiculous part: just one rollercoaster (one of the cheaper ones) will cost you $60. Again, in REAL money.

Then you have their Online Pass making the news once again. As noted many times already, it’s designed to eek as much money out of their games as possible, from the secondary market. But get this: they apparently expire. Which means, even if you bought something new, you’ll still need to pay extra money for everything. What an f’n rip.

Joystiq tried contacting EA to get clarification, and they basically said that no Online Pass should expire… but some do anyway. Gee, thanks. BTW, I just checked… I got the game ages ago, and it would seem that I had forgotten to redeem its pass at the time. So I guess I’m SOL. lol.

Admittedly, the following is one of the most benign examples you’ll find, though the best ones… like some guy who was legit caught on fire and is running around, with the Super Mario invincible tune playing, and others like it… keep getting yanked by YouTube. But the following illustrates my point nonetheless…

And you know, there’s plenty of non-gaming examples. Just search for Benny Hill theme or Yakety Sax in YouTube. Now, let’s flip it around and see what happens with you infuse hyper realistic sounds to the game?

Best part is either when Mario belches (I guess from the mushroom) or screams “My arm!” after getting hit. Anyhow, how about some more, but with other games? Personally, I think Tetris would be twenty times more awesome if it sounded like the following. Maybe…

As some may have noticed, I barely do any reviews around here, mostly because they’re a pain in the ass. Pain in the ass to do correctly, to be exact. Though it’s something I’m looking to change, but in the meanwhile, I’m trying my best to figure out the best approach, one that’ll get across all the important points across with minimal effort (I think it’s also clear that I’m a tad bit long-winded, something I’m also trying my best to rectify).

Or maybe I should just get the guy who did the following. You know a review works when it’s about something you’ve completely unfamiliar with, perhaps because it’s not your usual cup of tea, but which you all of a sudden need to get your hands on, ASAP…

… Actually, upon further investigation, it’s apparently rubbish, but if Bro Team Pill says it’s good, then it’s good.

Here we have another take on the form that I really dig. His name is Josh and he’s from The Bit Block and his reviews is something everyone should strive towards…

… I don’t know why I dig his rundowns so much. Guess it’s mostly due to his genuine enthusiasm for the subject matter, something that’s oddly missing in most reviews. Yet he does’t come off as a total blithering fan boy either, just a normal guy.

Plus he breaks everything down, nice and clear, never taking for granted that the viewer knows everything (even his explanation of Tetris is appreciated; by demonstrating how he’s able to break down info that we know like the back of our heads shows that he’ll know what he’s talking about from that point forward).

Guss I’m just sick of the typical angry video game nerd vibe that everyone uses and abuses (thought the original is still okay). Not enough people are positive when it comes to video games! Especially reviewers who forget that they have a job that most 13 year old boys would give their left nuts to have.

First thing’s first: via GoNintendo is Tetris created in Minecraft, and in stop motion no less. That means this video was created by stringing together countless screenshots, which hides the insane amount of busy work that went between each frame. The fact that he was able to get the audio to sync up as well as both amazing (as well as slightly depressing)…

And via Kotaku, we the same thing, but in real life, and using Post It notes! Unfortunately there’s no sound effects, which means the chances of the person behind this clip having a girlfriend are slightly higher than the one before…

BTW, here’s a huge shocker: there’s a new version of Tetris on the way, courtesy of Nintendo, for the 3DS. Some argue that having it available on day one would have definitely helped the very early rocky first days (given that without the original, the old school Game Boy, may not have taken off the way that it eventually did). And not surprisingly, it’s got a bunch of new, fancy 3D tricks up its sleeve…

… Gotta say, Tower Climber looks the best of the bunch. along with Stage Racer (which I predict will lead to even more people to curse randomly on the A train than there already is). Tetris Axis comes out later this weekend, this Sunday to be exact.

First off, screw these goofy YouTube comedy troupes, filled with bright faces and high end production values. This young angry black man with a fake mustache nails Mario and Luigi down to an epic degree. Warning: pretty NSFW language…

… Granted, he’s a bit off with his Mario history… Donkey Kong didn’t kidnap Peach, it was Pauline, his previous girlfriend. But it’s totally forgivable mistake. Meanwhile, the following has no screw-ups. Granted, it’s not a straightforward process, which makes it all the more impressive; someone creating Mario’s bro in Tetris…

… Nice to see the green guy get some much needed love! Also looking forward to Luigi’s Mansion 2 as well, naturally.

Mario brothers in a new light. This guy is an amazing actor. [Reddit] & Man uses Tetris to create Luigi [Joystiq]

First off, the following got posted on Kotaku a few days ago, of some dude playing the PSP version of Taiko no Tatsujin (a port of an arcade game in which one beats a gigantic Japanese drum, sorta like in Rock Band, but there’s no Bon Jovi sadly)…

Most impressive, especially for a handheld title. I’m amazed the PSP doesn’t just fly out of his hands, or simply buckle under the pressure. Sorta minds me of the following; instead of gigantic bursts, everything more self contained, but thusly more intense…

… Oh, and I think I posted it before. Sorry for being lazy, but it’s totally relevant. Anyhow, on a similar note, check out one guy playing two players by himself in Ikaruga…

… An understanding of the game itself is necessary to truly appreciate the clip. Even controlling one ship, on the easiest setting, in level 1, gives most people migraines. Fun fact: dorks across America, when they first saw the video, thought the player was female due to the small, slender hands. Sorry guys, but most Asian guys have svelte hands. Is that the secret to their game-playing prowess?

First, as promised, 10 full hours of Super Mario action…

Favorite YouTube comment? “3:57:01 F*CK THIS” Next, Tetris for 10 hours…

For you Pokemon fans out there…

Along with my personal favorite, KFC Chicken Guy X the Guile theme…

All the videos are from one dude, “TehN1ppe”, who has has ten hour long clips featuring Nyan cat and the Hypnotoad. Oh kids today!

Watch Mario Climbing A Vine, Tetris, And More For 10 Hours [GameSetWatch]

As you’ll see, you have to clear four lines of Tetris to disable the alarm. Thankfully it shuts off upon the touch of a button, but if it’s idle for more than 30 seconds, it starts to beep again…

… Unfortunately it’s not something you can buy at some shop, but something you’ll have to build. I’m honestly shocked that such a thing doesn’t already exist (it might if someone who works for Spencer’s Gift stumbles across the video). Though if you have an Android phone, you might be able to download this real soon…

… Thankfully that Tetris music is far more pleasant than some random beeps. Though Tetris with a touchscreen still totally blows.

Alarm Clock Helps You Fight The Snooze With Tetris [GameSetWatch]

My God, think of the possibilities if the above was brought onto the battlefield, during a match of capture the flag let’s say. Meanwhile, here we have Portals combined with Tetris…

… You can play the thing here. It will literally take you five seconds.

And finally, how about some Portals with your Mad Men?

Hence why Ecstasy of Order: The Tetris Masters looks to be so promising. It’s about the trials and tribulations of the world’s very best block spinners and droppers, as they face off at the Classic Tetris World Championship…

Ecstasy of Order: The Tetris Masters Full Trailer from Adam Cornelius on Vimeo.

Bonus points for them using the NES version and not some more modern one. Then again… and meanwhile in Japan… their absolute ace players are cutting their teeth via an arcade version called Tetris: The Grand Moaster. All over YouTube you’ll find folks who skills frankly mop the floors of those exhibited in the documentary I’m afraid. Here’s a taste…

The Ecstasy Of Order: Trailer For Tetris Championship Documentary [GameSetWatch]

First off, this being a Russian duo at some competition in the middle of Moscow, they really missed the boat by not doing something Tetris related. Sorry, but someone dressed at the L block doing the robot can’t be anymore awkward as the girl dressed up as Mario.

Also, I’m confident if you traveled to some far-away, hidden tropical island in the middle of the Pacific, and found some American solder who had crash landed there during WW2 and was completely oblivious to all the changes in the world, you’d have a conversation like the following:

“Do you know what year it is, old timer?”

“Green. Everyone knows that. What, do I look like a sh*thead to you or something?”

But I digress. BTW, the above can’t hold a candle to the original Super Mario on ice, starring Alyssa Milano and the guy who played Mr. Belvedere…

Moscow’s 2011 Figure Skating World Championships features some Mario love [Go Nintendo]

Case in point: Tetris, the game we all know like know and love, bigger. MUCH bigger…

But even that’s fairly pedestrian compared to other offerings available. If rotating and placing blocks is not your thing, how about… channeling those painful memories from you childhood, of when your dad after a long day at the office, would be prone to outbursts at the dinner table? It’s called Cho Chabudai Gaeshi, and the goal of the game is to see how much stuff you can break at the dinner table…

If that’s still not wild enough, how about an arcade game that one won’t find in on the arcade floor proper, but the bathroom? That’s where Toirettsu (which is a play on the words “toy” and “toilets” in Japanese) can be found. It’s basically a collection of mini-games that you play via your urination. They range from the innocent, like erasing graffiti, to the more questionable, like dispersing “milk” from some on-screen character’s noses. Yeah right…

Though the holy grail of “OMG WTF JAPAN!!!” games was actually developed in South Korea (but for the Japanese market). Called Boong-Ga Boong-Ga, or Spank’em, the object of the game is to perform one of two actions. Either you spank a hapless “victim” (the cast of characters that you inflict such misery upon includes an ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, mother in low, gold digger, prostitute… or get this, a child molester) or you do a kancho on them. Which is a Japanese practical joke involving you sticking your fingers up the ass of someone that’s distracted. The highlight of the arcade unite was the protruding ass, plus a gigantic hand with the index finger extended, to do the aforementioned poking.

I’ve looked high and low for videos featuring the kancho and have found nothing, but here’s the spanking part in action at least…

Pretty annoying actually! In the instance of the car crash Outrun, what used to be not such a big deal becomes rather gruesome, and for everything else, you will seriously want to jab your ear drums out. Though I must admit, I do enjoy the added dramatic flair that Tetris has all of a sudden has.

You’ve Never Heard Tetris, Pac-Man and Mega Man Sound Like This [Kotaku]

I think this is so funny because it’s so far-fetched. Now if it were Doctor Mario, oh man, I’d be blowing a load in my own right eye right now. The way Mario took his honorary doctorate so seriously and somehow cured AIDS through the power of well-placed colored pills is something I can completely get behind.