Remember Stephanie Pratt? The Hills? No? Alright! Good! Well, she must be trying to get a new job because she went to the beach in a bikini and lo and behold there was a photographer there. The last time Steph made an appearance here on this site it was in ]]>

Remember Stephanie Pratt? The Hills? No? Alright! Good! Well, she must be trying to get a new job because she went to the beach in a bikini and lo and behold there was a photographer there. The last time Steph made an appearance here on this site it was in October 2010 (and she was in a bikini then too). I thought we were done with her and her ilk, but here she is again. Dear Lord don’t let them have another show in the works.

Heidi Montag is filing a sexual harassment claim against The Hills producer Adam DiVello. Says an “insider” (aka Heidi’s mouthpiece), “Adam wasn’t on set much for six seasons until Heidi got her new boobs. And now ]]>

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

Heidi Montag is filing a sexual harassment claim against The Hills producer Adam DiVello. Says an “insider” (aka Heidi’s mouthpiece), “Adam wasn’t on set much for six seasons until Heidi got her new boobs. And now he shows up everywhere.” She should be happy for the attention. Isn’t it the reason for her existence?

Speaking of chicks with big, fake boobies, a terrified Amy Winehouse was “rushed to hospital with agonising pains from her boob implants” this week. She is waiting for a decision on whether the implants have to come out or not. We’ll keep you updated on this very, very important story should anything break.

And speaking of people with breast implants who like to sing, Tila Tequila is entering the music scene as “Miss Tila” and will be dropping her first single entitled I Love My DJ next week. A full album will hit stores the following month.

Kiefer Sutherland likes to drink. We knew that. What we didn’t know was that he also likes to get tossed from strip clubs. The Stringfellow’s Gentleman’s Club in London to be more precise. He was ejected by four guys in tuxedos, one of whom reportedly had Sutherland in a headlock. Is Kiefer the new Lindsay Lohan? Oh wait, we still have the current Lindsay Lohan. Never mind.

In “about time” news, Kate Hudson got breast implants. Little ones. Really that was about all she was missing in my book. That and a movie I actually enjoy. “…her chest has always been one of her biggest insecurities,” a source said. That and bad movies. Oops, I already said that.

In WTF news, Nicolas Cage recently had a 9-foot tall pyramid-shaped super-tomb built in a New Orleans cemetery. Tell me that this news surprises you even a little.

Mel Gibson and his Russian girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva (you know, the one that cause Mel to leave his wife and mother of his seven kids last year) have called it quits. Never mind the fact that Mel knocked her up and she had a kid five months ago. How Christian of him.

In other domestic celebrity news, Larry King is getting a divorce (yes, again) in part due to the fact that he and his estranged liked to hit each other. One friend recalls an incident outside of Nate ‘n Al in Beverly Hills a year and a half ago where the couple was “punching each other.” Let that one roll around in your head for awhile.

Not to be outdone, (because who could possibly out do him?) Charlie Sheen has reportedly been cheating on his wife in their own bed. RadarOnline.com learned exclusively that he met his latest POA, Angelina, through an escort Web site. Seriously, Charlie? A Web site?

Apparently Pamela Anderson hates paying taxes as much as the rest of us. Even more so it seems since Pam owes the state of California $493,000 in unpaid income taxes. I wonder if the pay from doing Dancing with the Stars will cover it?

And just in case you don’t hate Lady Gaga or are one of those “green” people, this will help you along that path. She tours with three private 747s. Yes, three. I assume one is just for all her stupid outfits. You know, because they’re so valuable. This babe will be broke singing at state fairs by 2013.

Here’s one for all the sports fans out there. Jake Gyllenhaal is set to play Joe Namath in a biopic. No word on when it will be released (or even filmed) yet, but director James Mangold has been hired, which may kick the project back into high gear.

In other sports news, Cristiano Ronaldo allegedly hooked up with Kim Kardashian this week. On-lookers revealed that they saw the pair ‘kissing and being very affectionate’. Cristiano really is a man-whore isn’t he? God love him.

And finally, you didn’t think the week could possibly go by without some Lindsay Lohan stupidity did you? In 2007, Lindsay Lohan hijacked an SUV with three men inside, and chased her former assistant through the streets of Santa Monica. She plead guilty to reckless driving, driving under the influence of cocaine. and driving with a blood alcohol level of .08 or higher. And got sued. This week was the deposition for said suit. She did show up for it, but because she wanted to go shopping instead she never got out of the car. I don’t make this stuff up. Oh yeah, Lilo also got fall-down drunk this week. Again.

Apparently Jesse James has a little Tiger Woods in him. A third woman has come forward with claims of getting thumped by Jesse James while he was married to Sandra Bullock. Oh, did ]]>

Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

Apparently Jesse James has a little Tiger Woods in him. A third woman has come forward with claims of getting thumped by Jesse James while he was married to Sandra Bullock. Oh, did I fail to mention that there was a second? Brigitte Daguerre — a Los Angeles photographer — claims Jesse hired her in 2008 to do styling work for a West Coast Choppers photo shoot. She says the two emailed and texted each other for a year, but claims they only had sex four times before she cut it off. Yep, more sexts… Wait, late news coming in… Now it’s FOUR women. You go, Jesse…

And speaking of Jesse James, he could have avoided this whole unpleasant situation with “Bombshell” McGee if he’d just been a little looser with some cash. She reports she wanted some hush money, but he wouldn’t pay up, so that’s why she went public. Now who would’ve thought a completely tatted up babe with a Nazi fetish would ever break bad on a guy? Oh well, Jesse should just be thankful that Sandra didn’t have a baseball bat handy.

At least Jesse James can take solace in the fact that he isn’t the only one who got busted for cheating recently. Reggie Bush, come on down!! Reggie Bush was apparently cheating on Kim Kardashian with a blonde waitress named January Gessert. Says a report, “Reggie has reportedly set up an elaborate system to hide his cheating from Kim.” Which, of course, failed. As it always does. Celebs are so stupid.

And the day wouldn’t be complete without just one more Jesse story. It seems that Jesse James settled a sexual harassment lawsuit out of court with a West Coast Chopper employee who apparently blew him while he was still with Sandra Bullock in 2007. In the settlement docs, Jesse neither admitted nor denied the allegations. And now we know why.

Speaking of getting sued, Lady Gaga is getting sued for $30 million by a former lover. Rob Fusari is claiming that while he received some royalties from the songs that he co-wrote with Lady Gaga, he’s been significantly shortchanged. He even claims he came up with her name. Okay, you had me feeling for you Rob, until that part. At least she didn’t ask you to autograph her vagina.

Oh well, don’t feel too bad, Jesse and Gaga, at least you didn’t kill someone, like Pete Doherty (allegedly). In January, filmmaker/heiress Robin Whitehead was found dead of a drug overdose. Last Friday, cops arrested Doherty on suspicion of supplying the drugs that killed Whitehead. Of course, he is now free on bond and claiming innocence. Maybe he was too stoned to know what he was doing? Man, I should have been a lawyer.

In other news, Lindsay Lohan was photographed stumbling over herself and falling into a cactus. Of course, she claims it isn’t because she was drunk, because you know, she quit drinking. Tweeted LiLo: “Only I would get pushed into a large, sharp plant by crazy paparazzi!!! I need to start wearing more flats :/” Wearing more flats = code for Do my drinking at home.

Speaking of famous people with little to no talent, The Hills is getting canceled. Not only is this good news for soceity, it’s good news for us, because once the checks start drying up for Audrina Patridge and Heidi Montag who knows what levels they’ll sink to in order to stay famous. I can hardly wait.

In what will probably shock very few of you, TMZ has learned Brittany Murphy received no fewer than 200 pills every month from January 2008 through August 2009 … and sometimes as many as 400. But yeah, the producers of Surf’s Up 2 killed her, right Simon?

In other news that will also probably shock very few of you, a judge, Judge Irma Gonzalez to be precise, called Dr. Phil “a terrible, terrible man,” adding, “what a charlatan this man is.” Apparently the two defendants in front of her were on his show and the judge said he didn’t give them enough counseling. You mean going on the one show wasn’t enough?

And finally, in news that will give you tremendous relief Pirates of the Caribbean 4 will be fake-boob-free. Disney made clear in a recent casting call that any actresses looking to land a role in Pirates 4 should be silicone-free, and willing to prove it by jiggling. Oh to be a Disney exec these days. What a life…

As is custom for all babes who want to either become or remain famous, The Hills’/The City’s Whitney Port is in Miami lounging around in a bikini in order for the paparazzi to take pictures of her. God bless America. These babes going to Miami is kind ]]>

As is custom for all babes who want to either become or remain famous, The Hills’/The City’s Whitney Port is in Miami lounging around in a bikini in order for the paparazzi to take pictures of her. God bless America. These babes going to Miami is kind of like the birds flying south for the winter, only more sexy. There’s also some chick named Roxy Olin there with Whitney. No idea who she is. I assume she’s also on whatever show Whitney is now on, but I really don’t care enough to find out.

From Barbie’s Dream House 50th Anniversary Celebration or some sort of similar event name that has less capitalized words…

I like Barbie a lot and not because of her so-awesome-I-would-drive-it-and-look-like-a-total-’mo pink Volkswagen New Beetle, but rather because of the kickass job she does of objectifying women. ]]>

From Barbie’s Dream House 50th Anniversary Celebration or some sort of similar event name that has less capitalized words…

I like Barbie a lot and not because of her so-awesome-I-would-drive-it-and-look-like-a-total-’mo pink Volkswagen New Beetle, but rather because of the kickass job she does of objectifying women. Not only because of her hilariously absurd proportions but the way that she pretty much glamorizes how okay it is to be a woman completely lacking substance so long as you’re pretty and fashionable. I get so tired of women talking about “Oh blah blah I believe in this” and it’s just like toots, why don’t you just wear something fancy and quit your yammering. What better way to reinforce that than a party with women like Aubrey O’Day, the lesser Kardashians, the Hills girls, and Heidi Klum (who may be a genius but barely speaks English, so it works out really well).

So thank you, Barbie. I feel totally vindicated in making my GI Joes attempt to pick you up in GI Joe’s Dream Vietnamese Bar rather than have them actually fight in toy wars and such. Psh. How gay would that be?

Defamer unearthed the salaries of the Hills starlets and, apparently, they make a fload.

Heidi Montag: $65,000 per episode ($1.25 million per year) Spencer Pratt: $65,000 per episode ($1.25 million per year) Audrina Patridge: $35,000 per episode ($665,000 annually) Whitney Port: $20,000 per ]]>

Defamer unearthed the salaries of the Hills starlets and, apparently, they make a fload.

Heidi Montag: $65,000 per episode ($1.25 million per year)
Spencer Pratt: $65,000 per episode ($1.25 million per year)
Audrina Patridge: $35,000 per episode ($665,000 annually)
Whitney Port: $20,000 per episode ($380,000 per season)
Brody Jenner: $10,000 per episode ($190,000 a year)
Lauren “Lo” Bosworth: $10,000 per episode ($190,000 for The Hills Season 4)
Stephanie Pratt: $8,000 per episode ($152,000 for The Hills Season 4)

I’d be totally okay with this if $34,999 of Audrina’s paycheck were made out to “Audrina Patridge’s Breasts” and only $1 actually went to the name of Audrina. Because yeah, she’d still be able to cash the checks, but she’d have to remember each time who brought her to the dance. Until her breasts decide to renegotiate their contract and hold out. But then younger, newer breasts will come onto the scene and Audrina’s breasts will end up coming back at a reduced rate out of fear of losing the spotlight. The breasts’ ego is too strong.

Doesn’t it kind of sabotage the “reality” when the girls make that much? They should be living like real early 20s LA girls, blowing older men with money for extravagant gifts and then going back to mediocre, Ikea-decorated apartment in Koreatown. That’s what’s reality TV. And, sadly, that’s what’s reality for most of us. *single tear