Williams was booked into Oklahoma County jail on complaints of public drunkenness and causing a minor to be in need of supervision. She was in jail Wednesday with bail set at $1,000. She had not been charged.

Sanchez said he found Williams in the cold food section of the store with her children sitting on the floor playing. She had an odor of alcohol on her breath and slurred speech, and could not stand up, Sanchez wrote in the report.

Williams’ 7-year-old daughter told Sanchez her mom “gets like this every day,” according to the report.

DHS takes children after mother accused of public drunkenness [News OK]

Eva Uhlin, aged 19, has recovered her looks after suffering a once-in-a-million allergic reaction to the commonly used household pain killer purchased over the counter.

During her illness parts of her chest, arms, back and stomach fell off. At one point the damage to Miss Uhlin’s face was so bad that her lips grew together.

“It felt like something was crawling around under my skin, I was in total shock – it was like something out of a horror film,” she said.

Miss Uhlin’s nightmare began in September 2005 when she became ill with a fever on holiday. Then aged 15, she was told to take a couple of Paracetamol tablets to relieve her symptoms but the combination of her virus and the drug created a freak reaction.

That’s how Eva looks now, pictured above. She’s grown into a very pretty girl. Not for the faint of heart, here’s how she looked with the disease. It’s kind of like the movie Face-Off, only slightly less painful for everyone involved.

Apparently 40% of the people afflicted with the disease that hit Eva end up dying, so she’s pretty lucky to be alive, let alone looking pretty close to how she did before. I’m not a religious man so maybe I’m not the best to speak to this, but any time you see a pretty girl have her face fall off, you may want to temporarily question your belief in higher powers. Pretty faces are to be loved, caressed, occasionally skeeted upon angrily in the throes of passion. But maybe I’m just an idealist like that.

[Telegraph]

There are too many crazy things to go on here. The best overall theme though is when dumb people are attempting to appear intelligent. It’s like a kid dressing up as a cowboy…what are you wrangling little guy? Nothing. In fact, a cow could murder you. So stop playing pretend.

A nation is only as strong as our weakest members. So I think we should have the dumbest Republicans and Liberals debating during election season. If nothing else, it’ll be an important reminder of how futile your voting efforts are…no matter what you do, there will still be people like this, as passionate, if not more so, than the most intelligent politico. So yeah, we’re in a good spot.

I guess inherently Jello is kind of depressing…kids deriving joy by changing wholesome water into some hybrid super chemical that looks like the blob…but still, this really could make even the biggest optimist want to shoot herself in the face. This ad tells me that living as a woman in the 50s was basically like being on a treadmill in which the various weights of life are slung at you with your only escape coming in making pudding for your probably-ungrateful child. Things are totally different now though. Women can have dreams and goals. Like being a stripper or marrying a rich husband who cheats on you on the side so that you don’t have to put out for him and you get all the benefits of his labor. And the other day I saw a woman picking up a dollar that she found on the street. What luck! Truly a wondrous time we live in.

[via]

OMG do you get it? It’s actually the Angus Burger, but someone either forgot the G or changed the sign! I have never seen anything like that before!

Not to totally get up on a high horse because, whatever, we all take the easy joke sometimes. Not anything to be proud of, but not anything wholly unique. But the repetition of jokes and content, combined with people still laughing at it, just makes me sad. But as someone who cruises the Internet for humor like Gary Glitter cruises it for seductive Pampers ads to avoid government suspicions, can we please not make this joke any more? Unless you’re actually serving up a burger made from real anus, in which case you’re not so original either since I think we’ve all eaten at Arby’s at some point in our lives.

That is so adorable and so mean at the same time. This bear is doing pratfalls like Dick Van Dyke (skip to :40), but it’s doing it out of sheer horror. I’m pretty sure that qualifies as some sort of animal torture, assuming that horror in the eyes of a once-majestic animal can be considered cruel. I don’t think it’s so awful to suggest that perhaps at some point, this bear grows up and rips this woman and half and eats her innards like Winnie the Pooh scooping out a honey pot. Then again, maybe he’s not capable of such bearlike violence. Based upon the evidence in this video, he’d probably go to eat the trainer, then slip on a banana peel while a sad trumpet plays. Poor bear.

[via]

A North Carolina man is accused of arranging to have his wife raped through personal ads on the Web site Craigslist, police said Wednesday.

The 25-year-old man, of Kannapolis, North Carolina, was arrested in connection with the incident that occurred at his home early Sunday, police said in a statement.

But on Tuesday, police found that the man “had responded to at least two personal ads on Craigslist.com in an effort to arrange for someone to come to his home and have sex with his wife using some type of scare tactic.”

“Investigators believe [he] arranged this incident without the knowledge or consent of the victim,” the police statement said.

The woman was taken to a hospital after the assault, where she underwent a forensic examination and was interviewed, police said. She suffered no serious physical injuries and was released shortly afterward.

It’s unclear if the husband did this as some sort of twisted sexual fetish or if he did it to f with his wife. Either way, I think we can all agree that this isn’t the funniest prank involving forcible sodomy that’s been pulled. That honor absolutely goes to the time I got my friend locked up in Riker’s for killing a prostitute. Little did he know that the prostitute was actually a mannequin with ketchup sprayed on its face and abdomen. Boy was his face red! Not from embarrassment, but from the beatings and the prison rape. Who knew that rectal bleeding reddened the face?

[via]

Has there ever been a supposed-to-be-ironic t-shirt more factually based in reality?

I don’t want to be SO mean to this kid because he’s just so weak that it almost makes it unfair. Comically wiggerish AND a rare genetic condition that makes you look like a Mad Magazine caricature of Ron Howard? I mean, even I have a threshold.

I think he got confused here. Just because he looks like an ostrich doesn’t mean that he’s “fly.”

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is much less charming in real life, isn’t it? View more of his videos here.

So who’s the one to blame for this? At what point did the representation of Italian people go from a pizza man with a monkey with an organ to a mobster to some orange goblin with electric shocked hair? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I hate racism as much as anyone, as evidenced by how open-minded I am when I pour Aunt Jemima’s syrup onto my pancakes. But I have to point out that I don’t think I’ve ever seen an orange-tanned person with an Italian name as a doctor or a lawyer or a knight or really in any career that requires any type of talent. But man, if there’s ever a company that needs a VP of Getting Drunk and Bopping Around to Techno Music, well, prepare for some social mobility.

I don’t really care so much about mocking a tragic situation or how Fox News looks like assholes here. I’m not much of a Howard Stern guy, more of an Opie and Anthony man myself, but I’m sure he does a fine show still. But overall, whether the show Stern show is going strong or not, this “Baba Booey” joke needs to stop now. Like, it’s done. Over. We’re good. It had its run. We don’t see people riding down the street on those bicycles with one huge wheel and a handlebar mustache, we don’t have guys still playing huge boomboxes in the street while breakdancing on cardboard, so we can probably put this “joke” which has been going on FOR THREE DECADES to rest, can’t we?

Then again, that Fox News anchorlady does look pretty freaking retarded. The guy basically said his prank and stopped and she continued with the line of questioning like a freight train. What would it have taken to make her realize the call wasn’t real? Saying the shooter was f’ing the ears of his hostages? Or that he had turned into a firebreathing dragon at some point? Because firebreathing dragons don’t commit crimes like this. That’s just a stereotype. Take your dragon-bashing elsewhere, fascist.

A group of investors and Italian inventors have handpicked a long-time Indianapolis bakery to help bring to the U.S. a newfangled food called Pizza Cone.

Pizza Cone is exactly what it sounds like: A cone made of pizza dough stuffed with ingredients like cheese, pepperoni and pizza sauce and then eaten on the go like an ice cream cone.

Taylor’s Bakery, founded in 1913, has signed an agreement with Hilton Head, S.C.-based Pino Gelato to be the sole producer of the cone for all of North America.

The equipment arrived at Taylor’s a few weeks ago and production is set to begin in a month.

“Everyone thinks it’s going to be the next hula hoop,” said John Allen, who runs Taylor’s along with his two sons, Matt and Drew. “It’s been very secretive and under the radar.”

Who is this “EVERYONE,” John Allen? What fat diabetic man with an eye for trends wired your house with a speaker and pretended that he was a higher power telling you that it was your divine mission to provide America with a f’ing pizza that you can eat on the go? And theoretically a slice and a half worth of pizza to go isn’t bad, but you know it won’t stop there. The cones will eventually end up the size of a roadside cone and we’ll all eat them vigorously while hating ourselves the entire time. It’s kind of ridiculous that with people poorer than ever, for the most part, we’re eating like we’re decadent hedonists being fanned by manservants. But on the plus side, PIZZA…IN A CONE! BUY BUY BUY HULA HOOP BUY BUY.

It also seems appropriate to throw in this SNL bit “Taco Town” here. We’re not that far, people. Whether that’s good or bad depends on whether you have fat covering your genitals like a Muslim woman, I suppose.

[source]

And with that we have the official most depressing comic ever. Depressing in terms of content but also depressing because I got cut out of the comic too. I was featured in this brilliant panel where I was rubbing my hands together malevolently after putting a roofie in some girl’s drink, then going on some soliloquy about the fleetingness of man and how I’m going to solve my various existential crises by ejaculating on the breasts of a woman in a comatose state. It really tugged on the heart strings.