The second week in December usually marks the time when workplaces hold their Christmas parties; shoppers start hustlin’ and bustlin’; and trampy chicks grace the internets in Santa costumes. It also brings about fantasy football playoff time. So, if your team didn’t make the playoffs because of that nine-yard ]]>

The second week in December usually marks the time when workplaces hold their Christmas parties; shoppers start hustlin’ and bustlin’; and trampy chicks grace the internets in Santa costumes. It also brings about fantasy football playoff time. So, if your team didn’t make the playoffs because of that nine-yard catch by Steve Smith, here’s your chance to recoup those losses. Away we go…

1. Detroit Lions at Indianapolis Colts -17 – Over/Under 45 – Take the Colts, but stick with the under – The Colts have been rollin’ rollin’ rollin’, rollin’, what! Did I just reference Fred Durst? How lame is that? Anyway, you don’t have to be a fool to know that Peyton Manning will get his. The Colts will do their part to push the limit on the O/U, but the Lions won’t. They’re garbage. Enough said. 0 and 16, here they come. The pick: In-dy-face 31 D-League 13

2. Washington -7 at Cincinnati – Washington – Clinton Portis could show up in one of his ultra-stupid costumes and the ‘Skins would still beat the Bengals. The Redskins are fighting for their playoff lives. The Bengals are fighting for the second overall draft pick. Plus, redskin potatoes make an excellent side dish to any meal. That’s good enough for me. The pick: ‘Skins 23 ‘Gals 14

3. Buffalo at New York Jets -7.5 – NYJ – My name is Tim and I’m a Bills fan. The Bills’ play hinges on their quarterback. J.P. Losman sucks. He sucks so much. I’m going to start calling my enemies “Losmans”. To increase my disdain for him, he’ll probably hit Lee Evans on a 60 yard score and wreck my fantasy hopes for this week (yeah, I’m not the one who got burned on Steve Smith’s nine-yard catch – I’m in the playoffs). The pick: Jetropolitans 27 Go fly a kite, J.P. 13

4. Pittsburgh +2.5 at Baltimore – Pittsburgh – This game smells fishy to me. “Yeah! crabcakes and football. That’s what Maryland does!” Name the movie. It really does smell fishy…and it isn’t the crabcakes. Pittsburgh has a better offense, a better defense and they don’t wear purple. My gut tells me that they have to win and that it’s time for a turkey sandwich. By the way, it’s from Wedding Crashers. The pick: Thieves 17 Grimace 16

5. Minnesota Vikings at Arizona Cardinals -3 – Arizona – Which QB has a worse first name? Kurt or Tavaris? I’m not so sure. But, I do know which QB has a worse game… The pick: Redbirds 27 Barney 17

6. New England Patriots -7 at Oakland Raiders – New England – The Pats have not been impressive the past couple weeks. They sit atop the AFC East in a three-way tie. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Belichick run up the score this week, like he’s Bob Stoops in the BCS race. Man, I can’t stand Belichick. What a Losman. The pick: Losman 23 Quick, name the Raiders head coach. (It’s Tom Cable.) 13

I’m not good at predictions, I barely understand how betting lines work, and I eat and drink heavily during the games. So instead of giving you half-hearted lousy pick-ems, WOI brings in some talent off the bench.

Who needs a little extra dough for Christmas shopping? You do. Well, ]]>

I’m not good at predictions, I barely understand how betting lines work, and I eat and drink heavily during the games. So instead of giving you half-hearted lousy pick-ems, WOI brings in some talent off the bench.

Who needs a little extra dough for Christmas shopping? You do. Well, what better way to earn it than sitting through some white-knucklers in Week 14? If you should happen to lose a few, don’t worry, your GF didn’t need that necklace anyway. It was the thought that counts. Here we go with the picks:

1. Atlanta Falcons +3 at New Orleans (Atlanta & Over 51.5)

Atlanta is playing for their playoff lives. With Carolina hosting Tampa Bay on MNF, a win would propel Atlanta to a first place tie in the NFC South. Consider it done. For the double dip in this game, pick the over too. Warmlanta’s offense has been clicking, N.O. has NO defense and Drew Brees will throw it ’til the cows come home. Moooooo. The pick:

Sizzlinglanta 34
Cool Brees 28

2. Houston Texans at Green Bay Packers -6 (Green Bay)

Houston had a short week following the MNF snoozefest against Jacksonville. Green Bay has been Green Bad over the past month, but there is no better medicine than a warm weather team coming into Lambeau. On Sunday, it’ll feel like it’s seven below. Houston will be the chicken soup that the Packers need. The pick:

Mr. Rodgers 24
Mr. Schaub 17

3. Miami Dolphins +1 vs. Buffalo (Miami)

Warm weather team + 15 degrees Fahrenheit + the Ralph Wilson Stadium home field advantage = Bills win. Wait, what? They’re playing this game inside in Toronto? The NFL stole a home game from them in December? Oh ok, at least they will be wearing their home navy blues. At least Bills fans can take solace in that. Not. It’ll be sunny and 70 in the dome. The pick:

70 & Sunny 27
15 & Snowy 23

4. New York Jets -4 at San Francisco 49ers (NYJ)

Have you ever been to Cold Stone Creamery? You know, the place with the overpriced glorified Blizzard? It’s the place that names their sizes “Like it”, “Love it” and “Wanna marry it”. Ok, maybe just like it and love it. Well, for this game, I’ll take the “Love it” Jets. The pick:

NY Bretts 28
SF Danny Tanners (hey, he lived in SF) 10

5. New England Patriots -4 at Seattle Seahawks (NE)

Bill Belichick is to the NFL as Spencer Pratt is to the world. Really, I couldn’t be more sick of looking at either of them. I want to see someone yank Spencer around by his beard and I want see someone sew sleeves on Belichick’s hoody. By the way, since when did hooded sweatshirts become hoodies? I’ll take the Patriots giving the four and Heidi Montag and her fake boobies. The pick:

Red Sawx 31
Mariners 17

I’m not good at predictions, I barely understand how betting lines work, and I eat and drink heavily during the games. So instead of giving you half-hearted lousy pick-ems, WOI brings in some talent off the bench.

I didn’t fare too well last week. I started cold and couldn’t ]]>

I’m not good at predictions, I barely understand how betting lines work, and I eat and drink heavily during the games. So instead of giving you half-hearted lousy pick-ems, WOI brings in some talent off the bench.

I didn’t fare too well last week. I started cold and couldn’t find a rhythm. So, that means I’ll just have to bet more this week. Have a happy Thanksgiving – the Titans, Cowboys and Cardinals will. Here we go . . .

1. San Francisco 49ers at Buffalo Bills -7 (Buffalo)

I let my cat pick this one. “Hey Buddy, Bills giving seven at home versus San Fran – pick it.” “Meow.” Good thing I speak cat. What he said was, “Beast Mode is in for a big day. The Bills pick up where they left off last week. Re-fill my food bowl.” The pick: Dolla’ Bills 24 48ers 13

2. Pittsburgh Steelers -1 at New England (New England)

Matt Cassel will be a very rich man after this year. I think he’s so solid that if I were GM of the Pats, I’d deal Tom Brady. Yeah, you heard me. Aside from Belichick, Randy, Moss and the rest of the Patriots organization, the thing that irks me the most about this game are the gloves that Roethlisberger will be wearing. You know it bothers you too. The guy won’t wear a helmet riding a motorcycle, but he wears gloves to protect his French manicure. Not a fan. The pick: Sand Cassel 23 It’s Not About the Benjamin’s 21

3. Kansas City Chiefs +3 at Oakland Raiders (KC)

This game doesn’t deserve a lead-in. Both teams are hot garbage. The pick: Kansas Sucky 21 Suckland 20

4. Jacksonville Jaguars +3 at Houston Texans (Jacksonville)

It’s too bad the NFL couldn’t use their flex scheduling to swap this one out. The good news – people should be well rested Tuesday morning. No use staying up for this one. I can’t see Jacksonville falling into the AFC South cellar behind Houston. Can Sage Rosenfels prove me wrong once again? I don’t think so. The pick: Jumping Jacksonville 25 Skip to my Houston 17

I’m not good at predictions, I barely understand how betting lines work, and I eat and drink heavily during the games. So instead of giving you half-hearted lousy pick-ems, WOI brings in some talent off the bench.

College Flavor:

Michigan State +15 at Penn State (Michigan State)

Do I ]]>

I’m not good at predictions, I barely understand how betting lines work, and I eat and drink heavily during the games. So instead of giving you half-hearted lousy pick-ems, WOI brings in some talent off the bench.

College Flavor:

Michigan State +15 at Penn State (Michigan State)

Do I expect Michigan State to win? Yes. Do I think they will? I havent decided. Do I think itll be a good game? Absolutely. Of Mark Dantonio’s eight losses in the green and white, only one has been by more than seven points. The pick … why not: Em Ess Ewe 24 Pee Ess Ewe 21

Texas Tech at Oklahoma (Under 75.5)

Yes, I know that nobody in the Big XII plays defense. But, 76 points is a lot of points. Its like six more than 70. See. Texas Techs magic carpet ride ends on Saturday. The pick: Boom goes the Sooners 38 The Technicians 31

Pro Flavor:

New England +1.5 at Miami (New England)

Miami came into Foxboro and took the Pats behind the tool shed in week 2. Week 2 also marked the birth of this crazy Wildcat offensive phenomenon. I have to think that Bill Belicheat has been looking at all sorts of film this week hopefully no raunchy adult film. The pick: Wicked Cheatuhs 27 Souff Beach 23

San Francisco at Dallas -10 (Dallas)

Jessica Simpson could show up to this game and Dallas would still cover. I detest all things Cowboys, but I think theyre starting to roll. Shoot, I hope Jessica does show up to this game in a bikini

It might make it interesting. The pick: Cowgirls 31 Forteh Niners 13

Tampa Bay at Detroit +8.5 (Detroit)

Dont think Guyism wont be lurking outside the Bucs hotel hoping to catch a glimpse of Jeff Garcias wife, Carmella DeCesare

Really, what does she see in him? If she keeps Garcia up all night, the Lions might just keep it close. The pick: The Yucks 19 Rod Verysmelly 16

Oakland at Denver -9 (Denver)

Can you believe that Jennifer Stano actually posted here?

WTF? OMG. Call me, Jennifer. XOXO. The pick: Denver 28 Oakland 17

Green Bay at New Orleans (Over 51.5)

Drew Brees deep to Devery Henderson. Aaron Rodgers deep to Greg Jennings. Drew Brees to Lance Moore. Aaron Rodgers to Donald Driver. Seriously, call me, XO. Brees to Marques Colston. Rodgers back to Jennings …you get my drift. The pick: Nawlins 526 Green Ay Bay Bay 505

I’m not good at predictions, I barely understand how betting lines work, and I eat and drink heavily during the games. So instead of giving you half-hearted lousy pick-ems, WOI brings in some talent off the bench.

TimmyG’s Picks for Week 11

As my wise uncle once said, you ]]>

I’m not good at predictions, I barely understand how betting lines work, and I eat and drink heavily during the games. So instead of giving you half-hearted lousy pick-ems, WOI brings in some talent off the bench.

TimmyG’s Picks for Week 11

As my wise uncle once said, you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose. Since I can’t pick your nose, how about I pick your games? Here you go. Lock ‘em up!

1. Tennessee at Jacksonville – Under 39.5 – Both teams love to run it. Plus, I spiked Jeff Fisher’s and Jack Del Rio’s coffee with laxatives. Both teams will have the runs come Sunday. Gross, I know. Ten and Oh 23 Haguars 13

2. Denver at Atlanta – Over 51 – Roddy White will use Dre Bly. Jay Cutler will throw and throw and throw some more. Michael Turner feasts on poor run defenses. Denver’s has given up the fourth most rushing scores. Warmlanta 34 DONEver 27

3. Houston at Indianapolis – Indy -8 – Remember what happened last time Sage Rosenfels played the Colts? He was far from Sage and things were far from Rosie for the Texans. Bob Sanders will spy Steve Slaton. The rest of the Colts secondary will cover Andre Johnson. Peyton Manning will have his troops ready. Peyton 31 Rosie 17

4. Baltimore at New York Giants – Under 41.5 – The Giants give up 17.8 points a game. The Ravens give up 16.7. You do the math. Both teams will leave this game black and blue and then after a few days, they’ll be yellow. Well, Joe Flacco and Eli Manning will be yellow. I don’t know if bruised African American skin turns yellow. You get my drift. They Might Be Giants 21 Ray Lewis 13

5. Oakland at Miami – Miami -10.5 – The word on the street is that Al Davis will be calling the plays and playing QB for the Raiders this week. Raise your hand if you think Oakland can stop Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams. That’s what I thought. Eggs over My Hammy 28 Suckland 10

6. New Orleans at Kansas City – Over 50 – New Orleans’ defense is garbage. Kansas City’s is worse. Tyler Thigpen (who?) is rolling. Larry Johnson returns. Drew Brees should have all day to throw against KC’s nonexistent pass rush. And, my fantasy team could use a healthy day from him. The Sunshine Band 31 Aints 28

7. Arizona at Seattle – Arizona -3 – Kurt Warner has been nothing short of awesome this year. The Seahawks will get Matt Hasselbeck and Deion Branch back, but they can’t play defense. Warner connects with his husband on a pair of scores. Cards win big. Card Sharks 31 Seagulls 14

8. Cleveland at Buffalo – Buffalo -5.5 – If you’re a football fan, you need to make your way up to Orchard Park, NY for a Bills game. Fans have had their RVs parked in the stadium lot since Wednesday. The drunken idiots will be out in full effect. Brady Quinn didn’t get a proper welcome to the NFL against Denver. He should expect one in Buffalo. Williams 27 Brownies 20

Written by WOI Contributor Tim Goergen

“A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly, and is also known as a busta.”

Two weeks ago, Henry Schulman of the San Francisco Chronicle dubbed Tigers ultra-reserve Ryan Raburn a “scrub”. That game, Raburn hit a pinch-hit ]]>

Written by WOI Contributor Tim Goergen

“A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly, and is also known as a busta.”

Two weeks ago, Henry Schulman of the San Francisco Chronicle dubbed Tigers ultra-reserve Ryan Raburn a “scrub”. That game, Raburn hit a pinch-hit solo homerun to put the Tigers ahead and up for good on their way to a 5-1 win against the San Francisco Little People. Since then, the Tigers are 9-2 and their “scrubs” have had a considerable hand in each of the nine victories.

On paper, the Tigers have a lineup that you only see in video games. They hold the second highest payroll in baseball and have multiple future Hall of Famers. But, no matter how talented one or two or three regulars might be, you need a full 25-man roster to win 15 of your last 18 games. Guys like Raburn, Armando Galarraga, Clete Thomas and Dane Sardinha and Eddie freakin Bonine are essential to a winning club. Wait, who? Eddie Bonine? Clete Thomas?

Following Raburn’s pinch-hit dinger, the Tigers have received darn near daily boosts from guys who were barely known to the nerdiest of baseball nerds before their recent triumphs.

June 18 – Galarraga, who is well-deserving of a spot on the American League All Star team (a scrub on an All Star team – get out), threw six innings rendering zero earned runs, and K’ing five. While it may be somewhat apparent after 12 starts, this kid knows how to get Major League hitters out.

June 20 – Despite the team losing to the San Diego Fathers, Bonine matched HOFer Greg Maddux pitch for pitch before giving way to the big names in the bullpen. Bonine went seven strong and his only two mistakes resulted in solo homeruns. You can’t ask for more than that from a minor league journeyman making his second big league start.

June 21 – Two lesser-known bats came off the bench with big pinch-hits to key the victory. Marcus “The Babe” Thames hit a two-run job while Jeff Larish added an RBI single.

June 25 – Clete “don’t call me Cletus” Thomas was responsible for two of the Tigers three RBIs on the game, including taking a game-ending walk that forced in the winning run. Thomas has arguably been the second most important reserve for the Tigers during the first half. Don’t look now, but the Todd Helton pupil has a .400 on-base percentage through 30 games.

June 27 – Eddie freakin Bonine was back at it, lulling a normally good hitting Colorado Rockies team to sleep over eight innings. He scattered five hits and gave up one earned run. Who would have thought that his numbers through three Big League starts would match his first three at AAA Toledo this season? I wouldn’t have and neither would you.

June 28 – Scrub Rayburn proved his worth again, this time coming off the bench to replace an injured Magglio Ordonez. Raburn stepped to the plate with the bases juiced and lined a BP fastball into the left field seats. I just happened to be at this game. I called the salami and I lost a bet because of it, but hey, it ended up being a crucial hit in a 7-6 win.

June 29 – I would like to unofficially dub June 29, 2008 Dane Sardinha Day in Detroit. With the Tigers trailing 3-2 in the fourth inning of Sunday’s contest, Sardinha stepped to the plate with one out and runners on the corners. What’d he do? He grounded into an inning-ending 6-4-3. But, two innings later, he stepped to the plate in the same situation and hammered his first Major League hit for a triple to the gap in left-center, driving in the tying and winning runs. This guy won’t be considered to replace Pudge next year, nor should he be; but he proved his worth on Sunday.

Short story long, the Tigers have had contributions from a lot of guys in their recent resurgence, many of who were unknowns before the season started.

Contrary to what Chili, T-Boz and the late Left Eye Lopez said, I would take these scrubs and I’d take them any day of the week.