Guyism » Tragic accidents that are totally real

Helicopter flying: You're doing it wrong

Chris Spags — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 15:30:52 +0000

Helicopters must crash a lot given how much they crash while carrying villains in movies. But man, seeing a real helicopter disaster is pretty surreal compared to every Michael Bay movie.

How does one even make a helicopter explode while it’s doing its basic helicopter duties? Like, I get that this guy was fairly incompetent, but it seems like even if you screw up quite a bit with your flying, the helicopter shouldn’t just give up on life and explode into worthless shards. Unless the helicopter was depressed. Kind of like Thomas the Tank Engine…if he were real, he’d probably end up running his own engine while closed up in a garage.

Woman "accidentally" gets hairspray can in her ass

Chris Spags — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 20:41:56 +0000

A Romanian woman was admitted to the hospital with quite a unique situation: She had a “huge” can of hairspray lodged in her rectum.

SHOCKED surgeons were forced to use their imagination after operating on woman with a huge can of hairspray stuck in her bum.

Mirela Gradinaru, 37, arrived at the clinic in Arad, western Romania, in agony, begging docs to help.

But she refused to tell surgeons how the can came to be lodged in her rear even after a successful operation dislodged the canister.

Mirandolina Prisca, a doctor at the clinic, explained: “We had X-rays done to localise the object and then we carried out the operation. The patient was fine after it.

“She was very embarrassed. She was clearly in a lot of pain, however it got there.”

“This was not just a little can of deodorant, this was a massive can of hairspray,” said one hospital worker.

You can see the x-ray of the situation in question here.

I think we can all relate on some level though. Who hasn’t slipped and been like “Oops, what landed in my buttocks?” especially when you’re like in the lockerroom at a Knicks’ game or something. The floors there are so slippery, I feel like it’s happened to me at least three times!

Also, not to get too gross, but how loose must your asshole be to be able to take a big can of hairspray? Was she f’ing elephants on the side? And if so, I hope she was in a serious committed relationship with these elephants because if there’s one thing elephants hate, it’s being toyed with emotionally. Otherwise they get depressed and write elephant emo, which frankly has too many minor chords. Where was I? Oh yeah, what a slut.

[source]

Twenty six teen cheerleaders stuck in an elevator

Chris Spags — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 19:59:55 +0000

When I ask for feedback on this site, I always hear about how I don’t have enough sexy yet humorous stories about elevator breakdowns. Well, your prayers have been answered as 26 teen cheerleaders at the University of Texas got stuck in an elevator.

“Why so cheerious?”

Twenty-six teenage cheerleaders tried to cram themselves into an elevator at the University of Texas to see how many would fit, but then they got stuck and had to be rescued. One girl was treated and released at a hospital and two others were treated at the scene after the Tuesday night prank, officials said.

The group of 14-17 year-olds were attending a cheerleading camp when they decided to stuff themselves into an elevator at Jester Residence Hall on the UT campus. The elevator went down to the first floor but then the doors of the overloaded elevator wouldn’t open, officials said.

After a few panicked cell phone calls, police and firefighters were called to the scene and it took a repairman about 25 minutes to fix the door, police said.

UT officials didn’t think the prank was all that funny.

“It’s dangerous, actually,” said UT police spokeswoman Rhonda Weldon. “They’re lucky that that’s all that happened.”

Well, no, it’s probably not a funny prank for the girls any more since they almost suffocated on each other’s nubile bodies. And it’s horrific for everyone else involved too. Imagine the poor rescue worker who first thought he was going on a prank call, only to find himself suffering from the most uncomfortable rescue effort ever. “Watch your hand, Bill…steady…steady…they’re just victims…think of the old lady you had to pull out of the tree yesterday…it’s your job…professionalism…” That’s enough to traumatize a man.

Though these girls are underage so, unless you like a certain special type of Breyer’s ice cream, you better keep your thoughts pure, friend.

[Derby tip to on205th, a leader in cheerleader science]

Houston reporters think wrestling is real

Chris Spags — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 19:05:32 +0000

People often like to mock Southerners but, well, it’s pretty well-deserved. Some Houston station is reporting that WWE Chairman Vince McMahon was hurt last night on RAW. See the clip below and make your own call. Hint: IT’S NOT REAL YOU FING DOLTS.

WWE Chairman Vince McMahon was injured in a freak accident in San Antonio Monday night.

Just moments after giving away $500,000 in “McMahon’s Million Dollar Mania,” McMahon was crushed by a large electric sign that fell from the AT&T Center.

The extent of his injuries was unclear, but he was rushed to the hospital.

WrestleMania officials planned to update fans on McMahon’s condition at a press conference in Houston Tuesday.

WWE stars were scheduled to be on hand at the Toyota Center before filming SmackDown and ECW at the arena.

You know when sets collapse, I’d like to think that they actually, you know, hit the person they’re collapsing on. Granted, Vince McMahon has had a bad run of luck this past year…his limo was blown up last June….oh, until that whole messy (literally and figuratively) Chris Benoit double-murder thing happened. Then he was ok. Whew, good thing these real life situations are so reversible!

Fun Chris Fact: I try not to divulge personal work stuff here, but it’s totally relevant so whatever. I worked for WWE’s PR department last year during the time Vince’s limo blew up. I will preface this by saying that I greatly enjoyed my time at WWE and was treated extremely well. It was an awesome experience and made me even better at what I do. But holy crap that was f’ing ridiculous. I had to pretend TO LEGITIMATE MEDIA that Vince McMahon has actually been blown up in a limo accident. Actually, no, I couldn’t say “Vince McMahon”. I had to say “MR. MCMAHON” (because that’s the character). I remember talking to a producer at Extra about it and he was like, “Funny stunt after that ending of The Sopranos, eh?” And I replied, in a complete stoic delivery, “Funny? Sir, this is tragic.” Granted, as you know by now, I relish in being a douchebag, but as a PR person, I’m pretty good. So I felt annoyed and sad that day. Not to mention that I received calls from legitimate newspapers (granted, most were small town), asking if Vince was okay. Seriously people? Seriously?

Anyway yeah, sure hope Vince is okay. Stupid media.