Last week the world was treated to NYC subway video of some dude stripping buck naked on a subway and going insane. This week, we get the other side of subway demeanor: A man showing off his tremendous etiquette skills in the form of ]]>

Last week the world was treated to NYC subway video of some dude stripping buck naked on a subway and going insane. This week, we get the other side of subway demeanor: A man showing off his tremendous etiquette skills in the form of vigorously licking shoes while on the train.

Sure, it looks insane when he’s going at the sole of his shoe like a cat who just got sutures after getting spayed. But how else is going to look fresh and clean for the rest of society when he gets back above ground? What, should he use a napkin? Or some sort of shoe cleaner? Get out of here with your crazy theories.

The irony of it all is that I feel like crap after catching some sort of flulike bug last week but I bet the guy licking his shoes in the middle of a subway car is the epitome of health. And his tongue smells like a pleasant milieu of previously chewed gum and dog shit. Days like this make me shake my fist at the sky.

Via Sinfest.net comes this comic about the unfortunate side effects of swine flu on a pig’s happiness.

I’m sick of hearing about swine flu but thought this comic was fairly humorous, so instead I’m going to talk about this guy on the train ]]>

Via Sinfest.net comes this comic about the unfortunate side effects of swine flu on a pig’s happiness.

I’m sick of hearing about swine flu but thought this comic was fairly humorous, so instead I’m going to talk about this guy on the train today who kept leaning on my back, as if we were shooting the poster for a buddy cop film. Why the f do people insist on doing this on the train? He had room, he could have given us a couple inches. But no, instead he had to use me like a handsome, strong support beam. One day I hope that I don’t have to be ass to ass with a stranger on the train like I was Jennifer Connelly in Requiem for a Dream.

Amazingly this isn’t a question that I have ever asked myself, but now that it’s been done I wonder why not? Surprisingly this didn’t end up in quite what I had hoped for when a train moving at 100 mph hits the containers. I mean, where was the kaboom? There ]]>

Amazingly this isn’t a question that I have ever asked myself, but now that it’s been done I wonder why not? Surprisingly this didn’t end up in quite what I had hoped for when a train moving at 100 mph hits the containers. I mean, where was the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom.

H/T: Gizmodo

Lindsay Lohan and gal pal (I sound like a real gossiper!) Samantha Ronson were in NYC yesterday.

This is what happens in a tough economy guys. Hot chicks shouldn’t be riding the train. They just shouldn’t. The train is for average Joes and ethnic minorities beatboxing. ]]>

Lindsay Lohan and gal pal (I sound like a real gossiper!) Samantha Ronson were in NYC yesterday.

This is what happens in a tough economy guys. Hot chicks shouldn’t be riding the train. They just shouldn’t. The train is for average Joes and ethnic minorities beatboxing. All the attractive women take cabs or magical unicorns who sing pop songs while escorting them to their destination.

I guess she might have been doing it ironically. She probably heard “run to the train” and got on her back all excited with her mouth open then had to be told that the train wasn’t running on her. Oh, the disappointment in her eyes would break your soul.

I take the train everyday so you can imagine my disappointment when I read a study about the majority of women being groped on trains and I’m somehow not involved.

You’re on the subway, heading to work, when someone rubs up against ]]>

I take the train everyday so you can imagine my disappointment when I read a study about the majority of women being groped on trains and I’m somehow not involved.

You’re on the subway, heading to work, when someone rubs up against you in an inappropriate way. In New York City is happens to women more often than you think.

CBS 2 HD has learned the Metropolitan Transportation Authority has no real plan to deal with the problem.

It’s rush hour and the subway is full of people in a hurry to get somewhere. And that’s when it usually happens.

“Somebody came up behind me and touched my butt,” Judith Doren said.

A study by Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer found 63 percent of women surveyed reported being sexually harassed while on subways and another 10 percent said they were sexually assaulted.

The study also found that 69 percent of the women surveyed reported they had felt the threat of sexual assault or harassment while on the city subway system.

“Felt the threat”? Sounds to me like a couple of fatties were sticking their big ol’ butts out and waiting for a grouping which went unfulfilled.

I dunno though, I also feel like this number might be slightly inflated. Like I’m sure I’ve gotten penises all over me on the train (some deliberate, some not; who are you to judge?!?!)…it’s kind of what happens when you’re in extremely close quarters with a couple hundred other people in a 40×10 box. There was a midget on the 6 train the other day and fortunately for him, the train wasn’t packed. Otherwise I would have delicately placed my scrotum on his head. It’s not sexual harassment, it’s a fact of life.