Another week, another wacky GTA 4 mod. Out guest star last time was the leader of the Autobots, so this time? The last good thing about Star Wars.

Though I will say, I certainly wouldn’t mind a mod in which Niko Bellic has been altered to resemble ]]>

Another week, another wacky GTA 4 mod. Out guest star last time was the leader of the Autobots, so this time? The last good thing about Star Wars.

Though I will say, I certainly wouldn’t mind a mod in which Niko Bellic has been altered to resemble Boba Fett, even though the once mysterious bounty hunter has since become overexposed and flat out ruined by Lucas’ machinations in recent years.

Still, R2 will always be awesome no matter what, and the main reason why he trumps the Optimus mod, in my mind at least, is how he’s actually true to scale here. Yes, that kind of stuff matters to me.

Why torture one’s self by sitting through three excruciatingly bad Michael Bay movies, running seven hours total, when one handy YouTube clip that’s less than a minute can tell you everything you need to know?

The above was recently highlighted by Topless Robot and does a ]]>

Why torture one’s self by sitting through three excruciatingly bad Michael Bay movies, running seven hours total, when one handy YouTube clip that’s less than a minute can tell you everything you need to know?

The above was recently highlighted by Topless Robot and does a brilliant job, via Gary’s Mod, to encapsulate what it’s like when someone whose produced Coyote Ugly and directed Pearl Harbor is entrusted with our childhood heroes, and totally takes a crap on them.

As much as I try not to sound like a whiny fan boy, much like the majority of Star Wars diehard that are currently concocting wacky, revisionist schemes for when it comes time for their children to watch said partially mutilated flicks, I can’t help but get upset by what a hot mess Optimus and company have become.

Can’t wait for Bay to totally ruin the Ninja Turtles!

There’s a salon in Denmark called Ruben & Bobby, whose proprietor has a ridiculously bad haircut, but you should let him cut your hair anyway. Why? Because you can say that you paid for that horrendous trim with old Nintendo games. Or old Transformers.

Best part, as

There’s a salon in Denmark called Ruben & Bobby, whose proprietor has a ridiculously bad haircut, but you should let him cut your hair anyway. Why? Because you can say that you paid for that horrendous trim with old Nintendo games. Or old Transformers.

Best part, as Destructoid points out, is how you can get a discount if you beat the top score in Tetris and Rad Racer!

But yeah, despite Bobby Ågren’s questionable skills as a hairdresser, one can’t deny how his love for cool crap from our childhoods make for a damn fine place to get a trim.

And a crazy looking mullet apparently.

Everyone knows that GTA IV is the perfect crash course, but what if you replaced their generic, vaguely familiar vehicles with something that you’ve always wanted to test drive (and wreck)? The enjoyment factor is multiplied exponentially.

The video above, of a BMW M3 E30, is courtesy of a ]]>

Everyone knows that GTA IV is the perfect crash course, but what if you replaced their generic, vaguely familiar vehicles with something that you’ve always wanted to test drive (and wreck)? The enjoyment factor is multiplied exponentially.

The video above, of a BMW M3 E30, is courtesy of a YouTube user that Kotaku recently highlighted, who compiles mods of high end luxuries cars and then records himself putting them through their paces.

Oh, and for whatever reason, he also did a video featuring that Optimus Prime mod that we featured a little while ago. I can be seen here.

Unfortunately, those seeking catharsis, i.e. watching Michael Bay’s abominable reinterpretation of a childhood hero being knocked around like a pinball, will be disappointed. But you can see him getting a blowjob, hence why it’s somewhat NSFW.

If you own a smartphone, you probably have a computer roughly equivalent to where the most advanced desktops were about five years ago. Realistically speaking, a lot of us buy more computer than we need. So, Asus, a Taiwanese laptop maker, has decided that we need even more computer than ]]>

If you own a smartphone, you probably have a computer roughly equivalent to where the most advanced desktops were about five years ago. Realistically speaking, a lot of us buy more computer than we need. So, Asus, a Taiwanese laptop maker, has decided that we need even more computer than we actually need, and introduced the ridiculous PadFone.

As you might have guessed, it’s an “all in one” solution, or trying to be. In reality, it’s pretty much the computer equivalent of a mullet: outdated and kind of ridiculous.

It starts with a smartphone, and actually a fairly powerful one, with a dual core Snapdragon processor. It’s well-designed, runs Android, basically what you’d expect from a modern, $600 smartphone. But then, then there are the “accessories”.

First, there’s the tablet dock, which will run you $850 without the phone. Slot the phone in the back and suddenly you’ve got a ten-inch tablet. But if you really want to go all out, you can drop another $950 on a keyboard dock for your tablet dock. So you’ve got a phone, a tablet, and a laptop for…$2300!

Which would be great if you couldn’t get Apple products for much cheaper. We’re not kidding: an iPhone is $200 with contract, a WiFi only iPad is $500, and a Macbook will run you $1000. In fact, you could up the iPad to a nice 64GB version ($700) and bump the Macbook up to a nice thirteen-incher ($1300) and still save $100.

So, yeah, maybe save your money.

ASUS PadFone Priced [Engadget]

Time for yet another wacky Grand Theft Auto 4 mod. Previously, we saw the underbelly of the internet’s de facto representative, the troll face, roaming around Liberty City. Now it’s the champion of Cybertron’s turn.

And as you can see, it’s somehow weirder than the previous mod, ]]>

Time for yet another wacky Grand Theft Auto 4 mod. Previously, we saw the underbelly of the internet’s de facto representative, the troll face, roaming around Liberty City. Now it’s the champion of Cybertron’s turn.

And as you can see, it’s somehow weirder than the previous mod, as well as even less realistic somehow. The fact that he’s not as big as he’s supposed to be is the biggest problem. Along with how he doesn’t transform.

But most of all is the straightforward look at the Prime of today, without all the fancy camera work that generally accompanies every Michael Bay flick. Which mostly hides how not only God awful stupid he looks, but also moves.

Remember that dude who created the NES Zapper Transformer made out of Legos? Yup, that guy. Well he just managed to just top himself in the awesomest way possible.

The attention to detail on this Game Boy Transformer is pretty insane. Channeling the greatest Transformer of them ]]>

Remember that dude who created the NES Zapper Transformer made out of Legos? Yup, that guy. Well he just managed to just top himself in the awesomest way possible.

The attention to detail on this Game Boy Transformer is pretty insane. Channeling the greatest Transformer of them all, the original Soundwave, even the Tetris cartridge transforms! Not only that, but its creator, Baron von Brunk, even included batteries.

Hey, remember when Transformers, when not in robot mode, resembled stuff that was recognizable, lending credence to that whole “robots in disguise” slogan? Yeah, me too. And once again, Michael Bay can go screw himself.

And some other guy made a statue of Dr. Mario, looking all horny. Cuz that’s what nerds who are good with their hands do.

Via Kotaku comes a rather neat looking, albeit non-functional mishmash. Though considering how old the underlining tech is, I’m willing to bet that ]]>

And some other guy made a statue of Dr. Mario, looking all horny. Cuz that’s what nerds who are good with their hands do.

Via Kotaku comes a rather neat looking, albeit non-functional mishmash. Though considering how old the underlining tech is, I’m willing to bet that it wouldn’t take to actually make the following operable…

But hey, the fact that it’s actually transformable is fairly impressive in its own right…

You can see more pics at the creator’s Tumblr. He also explains why it’s based more upon Megatron than Shockwave, though it mostly looks like Starscream to me. Mind you, I’m talking about the old school, 80s designs, not that pile of CGI rubbish that passes itself off as Transformers these days. But which kids are eating up, alas.

And finally, the aforementioned custom made horny Dr Mario figure that was making the rounds not too long ago…

I know I passed along trailers for both already, yesterday in fact, but two slightly longer clips just arrived, so time to take a closer look! Mostly because I’m such a big MGS fanboy/former TF fanboy.

First, here’s an ever so slightly extended look at Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance (God ]]>

I know I passed along trailers for both already, yesterday in fact, but two slightly longer clips just arrived, so time to take a closer look! Mostly because I’m such a big MGS fanboy/former TF fanboy.

First, here’s an ever so slightly extended look at Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance (God I love that tagline). There’s a tad bit more of the confrontation with the Metal Gear Ray, plus an extra bit of comedy at the very end…

So here’s the deal: not a lot of people are looking forward to this game. In fact, many think it looks like utter garbage. Are they nuts? Yup. Their main point of contention is how it doesn’t look like your usual Metal Gear experience, and that’s true. As in, there’s no sneaking around.

As it’s been disclosed in the past few days, the game that was announced last year had been in developmental limbo for a while, and was quietly cancelled. But when someone from Platinum stopped by the office asked how things were going, and heard the news, they offered to take over.

So naturally it’s going to be different, it’s in other people’s hands. Ones who know a thing or two about wanton action; Platinum’s pedigree include Devil May Cry, Baytonetta, Vanquish, plus plenty of other, fast paced, button mashing greats. Also, a more traditional experience is on the way, via the just confirmed Metal Gear Solid 5, so everyone should just chill.

Next is another look at the new Transformers: Fall of Cybertron trailer, this time a behind the scenes look. As noted above, I used to be a big fan of the franchise, but no longer, at this point can only get my rocks off my pointing and laughing…

You know, I TOTALLY respect people who are super into their work, and no doubt that much effort was put into the trailer, along with the rest of the game, but a part of me still can’t help but both chuckle and roll my eyes. I mean, Jesus, it’s an overly dramatic, emotionally gut wrenching teaser for a Transformer game for God’s sake.

And like Kotaku, I also think it looks like the president of the company making the game is almost in tears, talking about the emotional moment between Prime and Bumblebee. Granted, I cried when Optimus died in the original movie. I was also 7 at the time.

By the way, is there some unwritten law that I’m unaware of that states that no one doing a TF game can use the original, vastly superior character design? Cuz the bots just look ridiculous. Not as bad as the Michael Bay designs, but that’s hardly a compliment or achievement.

BTW, the reaction among gamers is perhaps not what they folks behind the clip were expecting, who sense the stink of Dead Island, with the overdramatic, totally out of left field, sappy song. Which is a valid response.

As for the game itself, it was on-hand at the New York Comic Con I believe, but I didn’t bother checking it out; the line was too damn long. And those that had bothered all said the same thing: I’d be better off waiting in line for the way overpriced hot dogs at the convention center.

As noted yesterday, the VGAs again made a mockery of that which it was designed to celebrate. But like in years past, at least some good came out of it: some kick-ass debut footage of various games.

First things first, my personal favorite trailer of the entire affair, ]]>

As noted yesterday, the VGAs again made a mockery of that which it was designed to celebrate. But like in years past, at least some good came out of it: some kick-ass debut footage of various games.

First things first, my personal favorite trailer of the entire affair, and the biggest revelation of the entire affair was how Metal Gear Solid: Rising had a rebirth of sorts. Apparently, the MGS spin-off that was announced last year had been in developmental limbo for a long while, until Platinum Games, who has a pedigree in creating the kind of balls out action titles that Kojima Production had been struggle to assemble themselves, asked to take over.

And the results speak for themselves; it’s been renamed Metal Gear Rising is brings together the concepts of revenge, and vengeance, to form the best Engrish in recent memory: REVENGEANCE!

The other big debut was Sony’s The Last Of Us. Remember my prediction that it would be some super pretentious title from the makers of Heavy Rain? Well, I could not have been any wrong; it’s from the same folks who gave us Uncharted and therefore should be a really good game…

So for years folks have been begging for an HD version of the original Tony Hawk Pro Skater. And finally, people are getting what they’ve wanted, with Tony Hawk Pro Skater HD. The top YouTube comment sorta says it all: “the tony hawk series finally found a way to redeem itself…by being itself”…

So that new BioWare game ended up being a new Command and Conquer thing after-all. Command and Conquer Generals 2 to be exact. It’s really not my cup of tea, never been a strategy fan myself. But the idea of such a game, with ultra detailed graphics, has gotten fans of the genre to literally soil themselves, so mission accomplished!

Meanwhile, Mass Effect 3 also plays around with epic battles, and sense of scale. But it’s about skirmishes in out space and aliens, which is more up my alley…

And speaking of giant, robotic spiders, I thought the new Amazing Spider-Man game would feature his classic foes? Mysterios could still show up later on, perhaps. Still hate the new costume with a passion, though…

There’s literally 200 things that are so hilariously retarded about this first look at Transformers: Fall of Cybertron. Used to be such a big TF fan back in the day; now I wish it hadn’t existed…

… And that’s it for now. I’ll be back later this morning with the second helping!

Along with the chunky dude from Superbad. Behold the latest star studded, video game commercials.

First we have an ad for the last Need For Speed from the guy best known for ruining Transformers for us 30 years olds…

The thing is, all Bay did was edit the thing. ]]>

Along with the chunky dude from Superbad. Behold the latest star studded, video game commercials.

First we have an ad for the last Need For Speed from the guy best known for ruining Transformers for us 30 years olds…

The thing is, all Bay did was edit the thing. I’m pretty sure all these story cinematics are the product of someone else. Unless Bay is far more involved that initially believed. So in the end, we just have a game that tries to be all Michael Bay that now has a commercial that the man himself pieced together.

Anyhow, next, is an advertisement for the next Call of Duty starring Sam Worthington, the aforementioned milquetoast lead from Avatar, Jonah Hill, best known for Superbad and star of the upcoming 21 Jump Street reboot (whut), plus Orlando Magic b-baller Dwight Howard…

Modern Warfare 3 comes out this Tuesday, and The Run the one after that.

This past weekend was perhaps the biggest and sweatiest gathering of comic book nerds, sci fi geeks, animu dorks, and of course, gamers, ever in NYC. And for that later quotient, a bunch of games were on-hand, so here’s a taste of the stand-outs.

First you had the latest installment ]]>

This past weekend was perhaps the biggest and sweatiest gathering of comic book nerds, sci fi geeks, animu dorks, and of course, gamers, ever in NYC. And for that later quotient, a bunch of games were on-hand, so here’s a taste of the stand-outs.

First you had the latest installment of Final Fantasy XIII, titled XIII-2. Not to be mistaken for Final Fantasy Versus XIII. Confusing, I know, but not nearly as much as the following trailer. Basically, as those who played through the first game knows already (and my best guess is that 95% of the Guyism audience are HARDCORE Final Fantasy fans), the game’s lead was successful in saving the world, but also caused some kind of time paradox, so Lighting basically never existed in the end. How her efforts could possibly still occur is beyond me, but the bottom-line is how her sis has to figure a way to re-write history yet again, who thus serves as the lead in the new game (plus some dude in an alternate timeline in which the missing sibling somehow ended up in)…

Speaking of role playing games, you also had the latest from BioWare, and their grand return to the Star Wars franchise, The Old Republic. Some might recall their first foray into the world that Lucas built (and has been slowly destroying in recent years) as the best thing to happen to the franchise in ages (again, they blew away the prequels like nothing else). But given BioWare’s output as of late, I’m not nearly as optimistic as I once would have been. Still, it looks neat (and both the character and universe design are much better than the aforementioned crap movies)…

A Transformers MMO was also unveiled, though no trailer has been revealed as of yet (and my insider sources tell me that game looks like completely rubbish, so the powers that be might be wisely gun-shy at this point). At the very least they had a teaser for the new action romp, Transformers: Fall of Cybertron, which is the sequel to the not so bad War for Cybertron. It’s you run of the mill follow up, but hey, Grimlock’s in it!

Next is the trailer for the new Spidey game, based upon the upcoming flick, The Amazing Spider-Man. Which also hasn’t been released officially, but at least it exists, which some NYCC attendee managed to film in secrecy. According to a report by Joystiq, the game has actually been in the works for the past 4 years, even before the last two Spidey releases, Shattered Dimensions and Edge of Time (the latter of which just came out). It was also noted that yet another Spider-Man game was being worked on the fourth flick to be produced by Sam Raimi, but when that movie got cancelled, so did was the tie-in game. Which one would assume was the basis for this new one, since the timing is just right, but that’s apparently not the case (it was being made by a separate studio)…

Speaking of super heroes, we have Batman: Arkham City. Not sure what needs to be said here; it’s the follow-up to the game starring the caped crusader that came out of literally nowhere to become the gold standard in which all comic book based games are to be judged upon. Though it hasn’t been without controversy; as I’ll explain in a bit, instead of forcing poor ass gamers to pay an extra $10 bucks to play some multiplayer mode, this game is withholding an entire character, i.e. Catwoman. Quite the dirty deed Warner Bros…

Perhaps the hottest title of the entire show was Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3. I remember everyone getting all upset over it being a stand-alone title and not an update for the first edition (myself included), but now that details are starting to become clear, the extra $$$ for the scant few new characters is starting to become somewhat justified. For perhaps Phoenix Wright alone, who to be honest is so awesome that it makes all the others lame in comparison. For the nitty gritty, please refer to Seth Killian, Capcom’s ace fighting game spokesperson, and his detailed explanation for Kotaku, but long-story short: as you fight and build up that super meter, you’re also looking for clues. Hence why in his most devastating super, your foe goes on trail, which is demonstrated at the end of this clip (which also includes a heavy dose of fellow newbie, Nova, looking mighty awesome as well)…

JarJar Binks may have left an indelible bad taste in the mouths of many when it comes to the topic of CGI characters in movies. However, the truth is there have been plenty of great computer-animated characters to grace the big screen over the years. Below are 10 of ]]>

JarJar Binks may have left an indelible bad taste in the mouths of many when it comes to the topic of CGI characters in movies. However, the truth is there have been plenty of great computer-animated characters to grace the big screen over the years. Below are 10 of the best and most important CGI characters of all time.

10 T-1000 – Terminator 2: Judgment Day
While the T-1000 was not a completely computer-generated character, the special effects used to enhance the character are easily the most memorable part of Robert Patrick’s performance. Who can forget the liquidification of his entire body, or the bullet hole ripping through his metallic flesh?

9 Optimus Prime – Transformers
Really, the visual effects of the Autobots are the only reason worth seeing the Transformers films. While the quality of the plot and on-stage performances of the real-life actors may be put into question, there’s no doubt that the shape-shifting Robots in Disguise were pretty freaking bad ass. At the top of the heap, of course, is Mr. Optimus Prime himself.

8 Casper – Casper the Friendly Ghost
Yeah, you may laugh off the Casper film, but the truth of the matter is Casper was the first lead character in a movie to be completely CGI. And unlike other early CGI characters in live-action films, the animators easily integrated him without making him seem out of place. Add in the subtle realism and simplicity of the classic Casper persona, and this is definitely an important moment in CGI history.

7 Neytiri – Avatar
Avatar was the first film to use fully computer-generated 3D graphics to create a photo-realistic world. Whether or not you think the plot is a rip off of FernGully, the realistic portrayal of Neytiri and the rest of the Na’vi is reason enough to see this film.

6 Davy Jones – Pirates of the Caribbean
Thanks to the evolution of computer technology, you’d never know that Bill Nighy is the man behind the tentacles. As one of the more recent examples of the amazing abilities of motion capture, Davy Jones’ claw hand and hideous face look every bit as real as the dreadlocks on Captain Jack Sparrow’s head. Of course, the fact that the character himself boasts all the characteristics of a classic Disney villain, and you’ve got yourself a near-perfect CGI character.

5 WALL-E
It’s amazing how much emotion the Pixar animators are capable of pulling out of this sad bucket of bolts. While any number of Pixar characters could make this list, WALL-E is among the most loveable and well-rounded of them all. Add in the fact that WALL-E has absolutely zero dialogue, and this is truly a triumph of computer character creation.

4 Yoda – Star Wars Episode II and III
Watching the wise and elderly Yoda flip and zip around the room with lightsaber in hand as he kicks Count Dooku’s ass is perhaps the greatest highlight of Star Wars Episode II. While George Lucas previously made do with puppet technology to grant Yoda his realism, the advancements in technology since the original trilogy freed up the character to be much more agile and awesome.

3 The Toy Story Cast
Pixar has made a name for itself by creating incredibly stunning CG movies. This all started in 1995, when the company released their first film – Toy Story. This was the first film ever released that was created completely from CGI. Despite the lack of a precedent, Woody, Buzz Lightyear and the rest of the characters hit a home run right out of the gate. The film is still considered one of the best animated films of all time.

2 T-Rex – Jurassic Park
Way back in 1993, the special effects of Jurassic Park were heralded as a breakthrough in cinema. As the first film to integrate photorealistic CG characters, you’d be hard-pressed to make a more realistic-looking dino with today’s technology. While the entire cast of dino characters was amazing, that hulking, scary-as-hell Tyrannosaurus Rex earns top marks with us here at Guyism.

1 Gollum – Lord of the Rings
Following the failure of JarJar Binks, Gollum single-handedly proved that CGI characters could believably be inserted into live-action films. To create the character Peter Jackson hired then-unknown Andy Serkis for motion capture purposes on set. Then, the visage of Gollum was digitally rendered in post-production. Serkis’ performance was so good, and the animation so great, that the character almost received an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor.

Too bad it features transformable robots that don’t resemble the ones I grew up with. And I know what everyone’s saying: boo f’n hoo, and get over it. Sorry, I will not; the hurt, it runs THAT deep.

Even three movies later, I still cannot get over how fugly Bumblebee ]]>

Too bad it features transformable robots that don’t resemble the ones I grew up with. And I know what everyone’s saying: boo f’n hoo, and get over it. Sorry, I will not; the hurt, it runs THAT deep.

Even three movies later, I still cannot get over how fugly Bumblebee and company have become. BTW, I only saw the first flick; am still interested in the second, if only cuz Optimus supposedly goes all Gundam Wing, and not only is there a robot uncomfortably based upon a black stereotype, I also hear that there’s a robot uncomfortably based upon an Italian stereotype as well. But anyway, the game at least looks good. I mean REAL good…

… Which, sorry, totally blows. When Transformers were first hot, there were far too few attempts at games, and what did exist were left behind in Japan cuz they totally blew. Like this NES title that stars Ultra Magnus…

… Was about to say it’s not the best example, because the player didn’t die in the first 3 seconds like everyone else does, but he doesn’t go past the first minute with his first life at least. But at least Ultra Magnus looks like Ultra f’n Magnus!

It would be a very time before another take would be attempted, for the PS2 in Japan (yeah, not a single 16-bit version exists, which is such a shame considering the high amount of awesome side-scrolling mech titles, so the platform was certainly sufficient). Here’s that title, which features fully English voiceovers and text; me thinks no one in America wants to touch the stinker, despite not having to do any translation-work…

Fun-fact: the guy doing Optimus’s voice is none other than the guy who plays Alucard in Symphony of the Night! Also, I sorta like: there was a Beast Masters games for the PSone. But seriously, who ever gave a rat’s ass about Beast Masters?

An actually good Transformers perhaps the very first ever, came out for the PS2 here in America, based on the Armada series (which shares a number of qualities with the game above to be honest). Still it was not Generation 1, so I could not have cared less. But at least those designs weren’t as offensive as this Michael Bay nonsense. So yeah, that’s what sucks the most: the games are finally getting good, but it’s starring the bots I know and love. Oh the pains of adulthood.

I know times are tough, but Jesus Christ man…

What you’ve just witnessed/are currently watching/are wishing you had never seen is something that’s pretty popular in Japan right now, which are “games” that allow you to gawk at polygonal chicks that J-pop and look all super kawaii (that’s Japanese ]]>

I know times are tough, but Jesus Christ man…

What you’ve just witnessed/are currently watching/are wishing you had never seen is something that’s pretty popular in Japan right now, which are “games” that allow you to gawk at polygonal chicks that J-pop and look all super kawaii (that’s Japanese for cute, for those who aren’t multiculturally enlightened). The game part is how you get to play the part of manager, which mostly includes making sure their outfits are just right.

Certain iterations allow one to tinker with the virtual actresses, with what you see above being just one example. Something related, and quite red hot popular in Japan to be precise, are Vocaloids. Imagine auto-tune software, but with a lovable anime chick part of the package (of course). Anyhow, best random YouTube comment?

“First, I found the video on anotherÿ site, an asian girl made it. Second I like Vocaloid. And third, Since Soundwave is a mechanoid, I really doubt he (or any other Transformer) has a real gender at all. My car or computer doesn’t, why should they? (And no matterÿ what Hasbro says, a machine is a machine.) Besides, what if he can modulate his voice to sound like a woman? His voice is a software.”

Cool story, bro.

“soundwave how did you get so moe?” [Twitter]

That’s right, another film based on one of your childhood toys is coming to the big screen. Battleship is shaping up to be a sci-fi thriller about an alien invasion at sea and will star Alexander Skarsgard, Taylor Kitsch, Tom Arnold and Rihanna. I assume there will also be a ]]>

That’s right, another film based on one of your childhood toys is coming to the big screen. Battleship is shaping up to be a sci-fi thriller about an alien invasion at sea and will star Alexander Skarsgard, Taylor Kitsch, Tom Arnold and Rihanna. I assume there will also be a lot of expensive boats.

As Universal’s “Battleship” steams toward a start date this month, the pricey adaptation of the Hasbro board game is entering deep, treacherous waters. With a budget of $200 million or more and no major movie stars on board, the project is raising eyebrows among industry insiders who question whether this expensive gamble will pay off.

I stood quietly and watched Transformers and GI Joe get the green light from film studios and not quite live up to the lofty expectations I had for them. I worked in the industry, I knew that in the end the movies didn’t matter as much as the money they’d collect off merchandising and so I watched Michael Bay napalm my childhood into oblivion without blinking an eye. I can’t say I was surprised the script was as terrible as it was, but I ended up being impressed by the special effects and told myself that it was what it was: a $200 million dollar movie with talking robots and $100 million worth of explosions. Oh yeah, and Megan Fox.

But I’ve got to say that a movie based off of a game that nobody seemed to like and everyone seemed to cheat at is not a sound business investment. Other than Rihanna, is there anyone in the cast I listed that you’d pay to see? Do you even know who those guys are? Do you really want to spend two hours of your life watching Pearl Harbor on steroids? Independence Day with boats? Look, I’m all for adapting my 80s toys and cartoons into films, but I thought I’d see the Monopoly movie before I saw Battleship made into a feature film.

By far the most significant entry from the relatively new regime of Fogelson and co-chairman Donna Langley, “Battleship” is based on the Hasbro game about naval strategy that’s been around since World War I. Berg has come up with a modern twist: making “Battleship” a movie about an alien invasion at sea. But the grief and financial woe brought about over the years by oceanic epics — think “Waterworld” — is a part of Hollywood history.

When you start comparing upcoming films to Waterworld, you know your ship is taking on too much water. And I know Peter Berg does good work when it comes to directing (he was the Great White Hype after all), but with no name stars, a singer that has never really acted before and a budget over $200 million…

B-5 — You sunk my studio. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200 million.

The $200 million gamble on ‘Battleship’ film [THR]

Here’s Rosie Huntington-Whiteley on the set of the latest installment in the Transformers series and by the looks of things she is giving an Academy Award performance. Huh… I guess Megan Fox can be replaced. Go figure…