Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez nude statue gets new home
“The life-size statue of the two teen stars will make its way to a Dallas-area porn shop in the very near future.”

Gary Busey kicked a kid in the stomach
“…he goes ‘Get outta here with that bullsh*t!’ And he kicked me in the stomach.”

Justin Timberlake back in new music video
“FreeSol has a new video called ‘Hoodies On, Hats Low,’ that JT directed and makes an appearance in…”

Paula Abdul demands staffers call her “Warrior,” “Gift”
“She also makes them check the TiVo for any mention of her and put it on a DVD.”

Camille Grammer — Kelsey’s got a small penis
“Big hands, big feet, big disappointment.”

Shenae Grimes: I “paid my dues” during Teen Vogue internship
“Sometimes, that meant fetching coffee for the magazine’s editors.”

Vanessa Hudgens ‘smitten’ with guitarist Felix Rodriguez after mega smooch session
“They were majorly making out.”

Beanie Sigel pleads guilty to tax charges
“…the former Jay-Z rap protégé is now facing up to three years in prison…”

Snooki on new boyfriend Jionni: “I’m making guido babies with him!”
“When it’s time to get married, I’ll be an amazing wife.”

Miranda Cosgrove breaks ankle in tour bus accident
“Her tour is postponed until further notice.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Trailer for the movie Red Tails which stars among others, the sexy Daniela Ruah.

I understand a lot of you probably see the title “This Week in Women” and write this little ditty off as a weekly dose of feminism tossed in to make Guyism seem versatile. Besides, what kind of self-respecting female contributes a weekly column to a men’s Web site tearing apart her own gender and its tendency to make headlines for its lack of common sense?

Clearly we haven’t met. Welcome to your weekly wrap-up of the dumb things celebs and other women managed to accomplish in our headlines. On this fine Thursday we’ve got boner kryptonite in the form of a hair cut, a new incentive for men to give out foot rubs, an erroneous lawsuit over an erroneous face, and a woman who distracted an entire nation without even having to take off her bra. This, gentlemen, is your week in women.

Midnight-to-Six Bitch of the Week: Vanessa Hudgens
Nothing worse than a hot chick who goes and does something terrible to herself and ruins the perfectly good images you had stored in your spank bank. Hudgens traded in her sexy long hair this week for a butch soccer mom look, apparently in preparation for a role. That role better be a lead one in a huge blockbuster, because so far the risk is looking like it ain’t gonna be worth the reward. You can go ahead and take as many cell phone pics of your little bikini body as you want, V, but nothing will erase the image I now have of you chopping up orange slices and loading the kids into your Dodge Caravan. I’d actually take Natalie Portman’s bald head or even Shannyn Sossaman’s I-did-this-myself-with-child-safe-scissors look over your mommy-mullet any day of the week. For the sake of men everywhere, I pray to God it takes you less time to bang out this flick than it took you to bang out Zac Efron.

Game-Changing Bitch of the Week: The Woman with a Nipple on Her Foot
Sort of gave this one away in the headline, but this 22-year-old Brazilian woman clearly wishes to remain anonymous so I was left with no other option. Titty Foot here sought medical attention this week for a lesion she’s had her whole life, which doctors then discovered to be a fully-formed nipple. I’m just curious as to how you live 22 years with a nipple on your foot and don’t think to tell anyone. Yeah, it’s pretty gross, but don’t walk into my doctor’s office and tell me you’ve got a “lesion” when you know damn well I could milk it.

More importantly, I’m officially confused as to what constitutes an inappropriate photo for a publication. Up until now, it’s pretty much been common knowledge that you can show all the cleavage as you want, as long as there’s no glimpse of a nipple. Now I’ve got pictures of this foot-nip, zoomed in close enough to resemble your typical, garden-variety areola, staring me in the face on Google News. How is that fair? I’m sure the poor Internet perv who was 5 pumps in before he realized he just signed up for a foot fetish would appreciate a little consistency, FCC.

Self-Involved Bitch of the Week: Kim Kardashian
Yes, I know; this is like the third time she’s been a Bitch of the Week. I don’t write the news stories, people. Your girl Kim is suing Old Navy this week for featuring a similar-looking woman as the lead in one of their commercials. This is almost as ridiculous as Paris Hilton’s copyright of “that’s hot,” since it appears Kim here thinks she’s the only person in the world that should be allowed to have her face. If this works out in her favor, it could start a wave of heated legal battles across Hollywood. Natalie Portman suing Keira Knightley for stealing her constipated jawline, Penelope Cruz slapping Paz Vega with a lawsuit for encroaching on her monopoly of the role of adorable ESL woman… Hell, Derek Luke made a shit-ton of money off P. Diddy’s face in Notorious. Where is the justice?

Considering no one pays attention to Kim’s physical features that reside above her waistline, I can’t honestly think of a reason why she’d go out of her way to pursue this lawsuit. Oh wait a second, you’re tell me the actress she’s suing over is sleeping with her ex, Reggie Bush? I get it now.

Spotlight-Stealing Bitch of the Week: Wendy Deng
Rupert Murdoch’s Asian wife bitch-slapped an angry protestor at her husband’s parliamentary hearing on Tuesday. China’s going nuts, saying she’s some sort of “guardian angel” and she’s “renewed their faith in love,” but here in America I’d prefer to call a spade a spade. This bitch is married to a painfully wealthy dude that’s 40 years her senior. Love, in this case, is the feeling she gets when she looks upon her shiny black Bentley. Jumping up to attack someone who disagrees with her husband’s shady business is what we in the States like to call a “diversion.” I’d be willing to be that hubby dearest promised her a new vacation home if she could find a way to distract people from the actual content of his trial. But if a subservient wife married to a powerful man renews your faith in love, China, then I hope it’s ok that it also renews my faith in stereotypes.

Rep: Vanessa Hudgens wasn’t doing drugs in Coachella pic
“Hudgens, 22, was photographed reaching in a small bag and licking a mysterious white substance off of her fingers.”

Lindsay Lohan to get a two-movie deal
“I want Lindsay to be in Gotti and another movie that I’m producing. She’s a great, great actress.”

Boardwalk Empire star Paz de la Huerta charged with assault
“The judge also granted a temporary restraining order against Paz…”

Demi Lovato has admitted that she was a “cutter”
“Lovato said the cutting was, ‘A way of expressing my own shame, of myself, on my own body.’”

Beyonce’s new single, ‘Girls (Who Run The World),’ leaks online
“It samples Major Lazer’s “Pon de Floor” and serves as Bey’s lead single off her forthcoming new album, set for release later this year.”

Charlie Sheen loses custody bid
“Despite appearing ‘unsteady on her feet’ and ‘glassy-eyed’ Mueller was all smiles as she left the Stanley Mosk Courthouse.”

Kate Middleton’s coat of arms explained
“This coat of arms, which will stay with the Middletons, will be merged with Prince William’s when the couple is married…”

Dark Knight Rises adds Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Marion Cotillard
“…Gordon-Levitt will play John Blake, a Gotham City beat cop assigned to special duty under the command of Commissioner Gordon. Cotillard will appear as Miranda Tate…”

Daniel Radcliffe admires Lady Gaga’s ‘outspoken’ gay rights advocacy
“I mean, she has a slightly more flamboyant way of putting her point across than I would, and it suits her a lot better than it would me.”

‘Real Housewife’ Michaele Salahi’s Playboy spread will not appear in the magazine
“Playboy informed Michaele the company would instead feature her on the website.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Reese Witherspoon’s sexy cover shoot for the latest issue of Elle UK.

Peace right back at ya, Vanessa...

In case you weren’t aware, the Coachella Music and Arts Festival is happening this weekend featuring dozens of artists like Cee Lo Green, Wiz Khalifa, Kanye West, Eliza Doolittle, Duran Duran, Ms. Lauryn Hill, and Kings of Leon. The real highlight of the event though is the sexy celebrity babes in attendance each year. Like for example, this year Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Greene, Alessandra Ambrosio, Lindsay Lohan, Kate Bosworth, Whitney Port, Dita Von Teese, Paris Hilton, Alexa Chung, Jessica Stroup, and Nina Dobrev are there enjoying themselves (well, I’m not so sure about LiLo) and causing those in their vicinity to enjoy themselves as well. Dammit I should have gone to this thing. Next year!! (P.S. I’ll update this page with more pics of other hot celeb babes if and when I come across them. Cheers!)

Pia Toscano signing with Interscope after Idol dismissal
“…first thing [Friday] morning Interscope brass started calling every top songwriter and producer in town to get an album together and rush release it.”

Idol may not allow Pia Toscano to release CD
“When you compete on Idol, you must sign one of the strictest contracts in the business.”

Vanessa Hudgens’ nude photo scandal still haunts her
“The fact that somebody keeps bringing up the past is just selfish. I mean, it sucks … It’s just unfortunate that it keeps reminding people about the past and not the present.”

The Osbournes $1.7 million in debt, risk losing home
“Their daughter Kelly, 26, also owes the government money.”

Holly Madison won’t attend Hugh Hefner’s wedding
“As portrayed on E!’s Girls Next Door, Madison hoped to marry Hefner but eventually moved on and relocated to Las Vegas.”

Hulk Hogan training little people to wrestle for new show
“It will show their extraordinary physical capabilities and the true strength of people of that stature.”

Liam Neeson’s Hangover 2 cameo gets cut
“The scene filmed by Neeson, 58, was cut out of the movie and is now being re-shot with actor/director Nick Cassavetes playing the role.”

Rihanna, Jennifer Lopez to perform at Billboard Music Awards
“Rihanna, Jennifer Lopez, the Black Eyed Peas, Taio Cruz, Keith Urban and 2010′s crossover kings, Lady Antebellum, have all been tapped to perform at the show…”

Rosa Blasi accuses her NFL star ex-husband of using hookers and drugs
“He also slept with my best friend on our wedding day. That was news to me too.”

Ashley Judd clarifies controversial hip-hop statements
“Please, people. Seriously. I am white, yes, but in spite of some allegations to the contrary, I am not an idiot.”

TODAY’S VIDEO
Brazilian model Cintia Dicker’s sexy shoot for Aerie’s summer swimwear catalog (pics here).

In case you didn’t hear, there is a new batch of pictures of Vanessa Hudgens naked floating around the Internet. This would be the second time that the former High School Musical star has had this happen, but anytime something like this occurs one always has to wonder if they’re real. Thanks to Vanessa, we now know that they are.

“Vanessa is deeply upset and angered that these old photos, which were taken years ago, continue to resurface,” the star’s attorney, Christopher Wong, tells UsMagazine.com in a statement.

Continues Wong: “It is particularly disturbing that whoever got hold of these private photos seems to be intent on illegally leaking them out over a long period of time. We are actively working with law enforcement to determine who is responsible and hold them accountable for their actions.”

She was so upset, in fact, that on the day after the pictures were released on the Internet she sat floorside at the Lakers-Magic game. That’s coping, right there, people.

The timing of this set of photos is similar to the last time leaked nude pics of Vanessa hit the Internet, around the opening of a new movie she is starring in, as her movie Sucker Punch is set to be released on March 25. These pictures are also reported to be from the same set of nude photos that were released in 2009.

What makes this batch even more interesting, if that’s the proper word, is that in these she is seen locking lips with Zoey 101 star Alexa Nikolas, plus the fact that they are even more explicit than the first set. Of course, with this being a family site I can’t actually show you any of the pictures, but they’re not too hard to find as one would expect. (Oh, who am I kidding? I’d show them to you in a minute if we wouldn’t lose all of our advertisers and get sued.)

Vanessa Hudgens “Upset and Angered” by Nude Pics Leak [Us]
Vanessa Hudgens — More Nude Photos Surface [TMZ]

There’s just something about celebrity breakups. For some reason, they make us absolutely giddy. Sure, it’s a difficult moment in those two people’s lives, but it’s almost like we feel that just because Celebrity Hottie A broke up with Celebrity Dude B, all of sudden we might actually have a shot with her. Even though that couldn’t be further from the truth, here’s a list of some recent celebrity breakups that still have us foaming at the mouth.

9 Denise Richards/Nikki Sixx
She’s not exactly the “wild thing” she once was, but she still looks pretty damn good. If she somehow managed to marry Charlie Sheen and followed up that mess of a marriage by dating a variety of rock stars, you know the woman likes to get crazy. Even so, as one gets older, they usually tend to look for something a little more stable. Don’t worry if you’re not the sanest person yourself. To a woman who was married to Charlie Sheen, you’ll look like Mr. Stability regardless.

8 Scarlett Johansson/Ryan Reynolds
The only good thing to come out of Iron Man 2 was Scarlett Johansson in a skin-tight bodysuit. And since then, we’ve patiently waited for ScarJo to come out of her marriage. Look’s like there’s only room for one comic book superhero in a serious relationship. It’s time for one of us to step in and show Miss Johansson the benefits of being mediocre.

7 Eva Longoria/Tony Parker
Whether you’re a Spurs fan or not, you’ve hated Tony Parker since the day he took Eva away from the rest of us. But now… everyone’s favorite desperate housewife is, all of a sudden, no longer a housewife. Hopefully she’s still desperate, because that will really help our chances here.

6 Rihanna/Matt Kemp
Can you blame her? She’s cranking out hit after hit while he can barely even get one these days. At some point, she probably realized that she needs to be dating a guy with at least a .300 batting average. So, start practicing that swing, fellas. Not you, Chris Brown.

5 Courteney Cox/David Arquette
Our chances look really good with this one. At this point in her life, I’m sure Courteney Cox would appreciate anyone who can sit still for more than two minutes at a time. As long as you promise not to fidget during the premiere of Scream 4, she’ll probably give you a shot. Then you can brag to all of your friends that you’ve spent some serious time in Cougartown.

4 Vanessa Hudgens/Zac Efron
Efron’s out, so it’s time for anyone else to swoop in. Based on those few leaked photos, we know she’s no stranger to taking a few risqué photos. So, make like Brett Favre, guys. Break out your phones and let the exchange of dirty pics begin.

3 Jenny McCarthy/Jim Carrey
You have to love a woman who seems to get even more attractive the older she gets. Sure, if you end up dating her, you might feel some pressure to be as funny as Jim Carrey is… but I’m sure she’ll appreciate any guy at this point who doesn’t bust out into a Fire Marshall Bill impression during sex.

2 Taylor Swift/Jake Gyllenhaal
She’s America’s sweetheart and the girl next door all rolled into one. But we can talk about Jake Gyllenhall another time. Let’s focus on Taylor Swift for now. Sure, there’s the obvious… she’s beautiful, talented, and famous. Those are all reason enough to want to move in now that Jakey’s out of the picture. Dating her is a plus, but the true magic happens when you break up with her. How many guys get to have a #1 single written about them? Break Swift’s heart, live on forever in music history.

1 Mila Kunis/Macaulay Culkin
We’ve been patient. We’ve scratched our heads at the thought. We’ve suffered many sleepless nights trying to figure out how he even managed to land her. Outsmarting a couple of dimwitted robbers is one thing, but convincing one of the hottest actresses around to date you for an extended period of time is something on a whole other level. So, he gets some credit. But this has been a long time coming. It’s about time Mila left Macaulay home alone and gave the rest of us a chance. And the timing couldn’t be more perfect. Thanks to her steamy make-out scene with Natalie Portman in Black Swan, our Mila Kunis fantasies are at an all time high.