“The Final Countdown” by Europe is a classic song to get things started. But what about if you play it with the dexterity of a person who’s never seen sheet music before? You get this.

Does that even qualify as music at that point? I mean yes ]]>

“The Final Countdown” by Europe is a classic song to get things started. But what about if you play it with the dexterity of a person who’s never seen sheet music before? You get this.

Does that even qualify as music at that point? I mean yes they used instruments to make noise, but if I land scrotum first on a pole and let out a squeal, that’s not music. And it’s probably more pleasing to the ear (albeit far less pleasing to the aforementioned scrotum). I had a point somewhere..oh yeah, this is bad and please don’t hit me in the testicles.

Jay Chandrasekhar and Kevin Heffernan of Broken Lizard (Super Troopers et al) fame answered a bunch of questions from Redditors in video form. This question is about which animal they’d give oral sex to.

The idea of getting revenge on a friend by blowing an animal is ]]>

Jay Chandrasekhar and Kevin Heffernan of Broken Lizard (Super Troopers et al) fame answered a bunch of questions from Redditors in video form. This question is about which animal they’d give oral sex to.

The idea of getting revenge on a friend by blowing an animal is probably the funniest thing I’ve heard today. Nothing I can add here would top that.

Jay and Kevin’s new movie, The Babymakers, hits theatres August 3rd.

In today’s Guyism Speed Round, Katie Nolan encourages you to hit on Bar Refaeli, provides you with pictures of girls in less-than-normal amounts of clothing for your enjoyment, and more.

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A little league umpire is an easy job. You call a lot of strikes and stay out of the way. One umpire did not get that memo and showed up a little kid on a called strike three in the most douchey way possible.

Either way, I’m ]]>

A little league umpire is an easy job. You call a lot of strikes and stay out of the way. One umpire did not get that memo and showed up a little kid on a called strike three in the most douchey way possible.

Either way, I’m sure this umpire will have a long and prosperous career. If there’s one thing little league parents are known for, it’s their tolerance and indifference regarding their children’s respective experiences in athletics.

Somewhere between Toddlers and Tiaras and WorldStarHipHop is this video in which a couple of little girls have a fight at a dance recital. It’s adorable and terrible!

I’m happy for the little girl that she didn’t back down in spite of a big size differential but, ]]>

Somewhere between Toddlers and Tiaras and WorldStarHipHop is this video in which a couple of little girls have a fight at a dance recital. It’s adorable and terrible!

I’m happy for the little girl that she didn’t back down in spite of a big size differential but, man, she’s already shaping up to be a problem. Is it possible for someone to be a prodigy at a career in reality TV? If so, I’m putting all my money on Petulant Little Girl stock futures.

Remember the other day when we took a look at some new Kate Upton bikini pictures that she did for Beach Bunny? Yes it was good. And now, of course, there’s another video. I love how every time they come out with new bikini pics featuring Kate ]]>

Remember the other day when we took a look at some new Kate Upton bikini pictures that she did for Beach Bunny? Yes it was good. And now, of course, there’s another video. I love how every time they come out with new bikini pics featuring Kate there’s always a video following shortly behind. Kind of like how I would be if I knew when and where these shoots were taking place. Damn them and their secrecy.

Yesterday’s Google Doodle of the Moog synthesizer in honor of Robert Moog had a lot of people creating bad synthetic music. This guy, Brett Domino, did something much better: Covering Daft Punk.

Sure this guy was able to create very competent music using an HTML 5 music ]]>

Yesterday’s Google Doodle of the Moog synthesizer in honor of Robert Moog had a lot of people creating bad synthetic music. This guy, Brett Domino, did something much better: Covering Daft Punk.

Sure this guy was able to create very competent music using an HTML 5 music creation device. But was he able to bang on the fake Moog synthesizer like a child or moderately advanced chimp might, as I did for 30 seconds? Doubtful. Very doubtful.

Meet Akiva. He’s a little dude in a karate outfit. He also fell into a laundry hamper while trying to grab his shoe and finds himself completely incapable of getting out. He is awesome.

I love how non-plussed Akiva was by the whole situation. He could have ]]>

Meet Akiva. He’s a little dude in a karate outfit. He also fell into a laundry hamper while trying to grab his shoe and finds himself completely incapable of getting out. He is awesome.

I love how non-plussed Akiva was by the whole situation. He could have hung out in there for days if he had to. Started a new life there. Made friends with some socks and hopefully not-too-disgusting used underwear. It’d be like a somewhat disgusting “Be Our Guest” performance. The power of positivity.

Will Smith slapped Vitalii Sediuk in the face after the Ukrainian reporter tried to kiss him on the lips during a red carpet event. Now, Sediuk is riding that 15 seconds of fame all the way to the top…a YouTube video exclusive.

Given that he does that ]]>

Will Smith slapped Vitalii Sediuk in the face after the Ukrainian reporter tried to kiss him on the lips during a red carpet event. Now, Sediuk is riding that 15 seconds of fame all the way to the top…a YouTube video exclusive.

Given that he does that lame kissing shtick with everyone, his explanation is pretty weak. After watching this moronic interview, I hope more people slap him in the face regardless of the situation. Birthdays, bat mitzvahs. At least it’d be a meaningful contribution to society.

In today’s Guyism Speed Round, Katie Nolan discusses Ochocinco’s Twitter rant about a minor theft, rumors that Gisele and Tom Brady are expecting, and more.

Make sure to subscribe on YouTube to see the bonus video every single day.

Every time I see an attempt at viral advertising, I wince a little, as if someone were throwing a punch at me of obnoxious marketing. But this video from Cape Cod Potato Chips featuring a flock of seagulls playing Flock of Seagulls’ “I Ran” absolutely nailed it.

This is a Slinky on a treadmill set to epic/Inception-esque music. It’s about as compelling of a cinematic thrill ride as a Slinky video can be.

How stoked do you think the PR team for Slinky are seeing all these Google Alerts today? I bet they had ]]>

This is a Slinky on a treadmill set to epic/Inception-esque music. It’s about as compelling of a cinematic thrill ride as a Slinky video can be.

How stoked do you think the PR team for Slinky are seeing all these Google Alerts today? I bet they had to blow the dust off of an old 1980s Macintosh to read the emails in the first place like they were uncovering some ancient scrolls. This video is their apex.

In today’s Guyism Speed Round, Katie Nolan discusses twin sisters who have found a kinky common ground to lay on, a man who got arrested for zebra endangerment, and more.

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Sarah Burge, known as a “Human Barbie,” previously made headlines for giving her seven-year-old daughter a coupon for future breast implants. Anderson Cooper had her on his show to discuss and, finally, had enough of her nonsense.

Oh, if I had a dollar for every ]]>

Sarah Burge, known as a “Human Barbie,” previously made headlines for giving her seven-year-old daughter a coupon for future breast implants. Anderson Cooper had her on his show to discuss and, finally, had enough of her nonsense.

Oh, if I had a dollar for every argument I’ve had that began discussing whether you can see Beyonce sweat on stage or not, I’d have at least $3,981,362 dollars.

That said, the effectiveness of his stand against Burge’s seemingly terrible parenting was highly limited by Anderson looking disgusted while walking away and muttering, “You actually do see Beyonce sweating on stage.” Not necessarily his most poignant moment.

Note: When threatening someone with your belt, you should probably make sure they won’t tire of your nonsense and beat your ass. This kid learned that lesson the hard way.

I feel bad for the belt in all of this. He was just doing his job, holding up some pants, ]]>

Note: When threatening someone with your belt, you should probably make sure they won’t tire of your nonsense and beat your ass. This kid learned that lesson the hard way.

I feel bad for the belt in all of this. He was just doing his job, holding up some pants, only to be used as a weapon and left discarded as soon as the heat was on. He’s like the guy taking a fall in a heist movie. Poor belt. Love ya, buddy.

In today’s Guyism Speed Round, Katie Nolan discusses Facebook’s poor performance on the market, the true meaning of Memorial Day, and more.

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Despite Kobe Bryant having the most Quintessentially Kobe game (42 points, two steals, no assists), the Los Angeles Lakers were knocked out of the NBA Playoffs last night. Momentum shifted in part due to this insane shot from the Thunder’s Russell Westbrook.

Now that Oklahoma City has a couple days ]]>

Despite Kobe Bryant having the most Quintessentially Kobe game (42 points, two steals, no assists), the Los Angeles Lakers were knocked out of the NBA Playoffs last night. Momentum shifted in part due to this insane shot from the Thunder’s Russell Westbrook.

Now that Oklahoma City has a couple days off before the Western conference finals against the San Antonio Spurs, perhaps Russell can take some time to get himself some lenses for his eyeglasses. You’ve earned it, friend.

Funny or Die recruited The League star Nick Kroll and chronic Bieber Fever sufferer Selena Gomez for a parody of Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s much less romantic and much more intentionally funny.

Despite Selena Gomez’s apparently developmental disabilities, you’d be a fool not to give the girl what ]]>

Funny or Die recruited The League star Nick Kroll and chronic Bieber Fever sufferer Selena Gomez for a parody of Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s much less romantic and much more intentionally funny.

Despite Selena Gomez’s apparently developmental disabilities, you’d be a fool not to give the girl what she wants. She could chew on paint swatches all day if I got to coat her walls, if you catch my drift.

Hmm, that turned out to be an extremely graphic sexual metaphor. Still works, though.

Here’s a woman who swears up and down that she doesn’t have anything against black people. Spoiler alert: If you have to go on a tirade about how you’re not racist, you’re probably a bit racist.

Well, I guess now we know who’ll be doing the voiceover ]]>

Here’s a woman who swears up and down that she doesn’t have anything against black people. Spoiler alert: If you have to go on a tirade about how you’re not racist, you’re probably a bit racist.

Well, I guess now we know who’ll be doing the voiceover on the next audiobook release of Roots. In other news, there has never been a situation in which a white Southerner in a rocking chair has said the word “black people” and had it end positively. I’d be willing to bet a whole lot on that.

Anchorman 2 isn’t out until next year but that’s not stopping them from dropping two teasers today. Both are embedded after the jump.

But will it be better than the comedic tour de force that is Battleship? Inquiring minds want to know.