There are dozens more Slutty Pikachus at Unreality.

My main question is this…how does one get so far removed from conventional sexuality? Like do you happen to start masturbating, then you drop your remote and find yourself on an old episode of Pokemon and go, “YEAH I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE TURNED ON”? Or do you see Pikachu and think “Well, that’s cute, but it’d be sexy if you slapped some booty shorts and big yellow boobs on it.” I’ve never jerked off to a fictional battle monster, so I’m genuinely curious. Though, ironically, I am often referred to as Squirtle in some circles. Probably for unrelated reasons.

Personnel at Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, report extracting 52 foreign objects that 10 teenage girls deliberately embedded in their arms, hands, feet, ankles and necks over the last three years, including needles, staples, wood, stone, glass, pencil lead and a crayon.

One patient had inserted 11 objects, including an unfolded metal paper clip more than 6 inches long.

The study, presented Wednesday at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America in Chicago, is the first to report on this type of self-inflicted injury among teenagers, the researchers said. They call the behavior “self-embedding disorder.”

Dr. Elizabeth Berger, a spokeswoman for the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, said parents should know that most teens do not injure themselves. But some teens might be at risk, and professionals who work with young people should be made aware of the study, she said.

“The take-home message would be that children who have it tough, carry psychological wounds and disability as the result,” Berger said. “Tortured people internalize the torture.”

That’s pretty fed up though I think embedding a paper clip is lower priority when compared to someone putting ROCKS inside of them. What the f kind of retard do you have to be to think that inserting a rock underneath your flesh would be a good way to ease the pains of not feeling pretty or your dad’s drunkenness or whatever? Don’t these girls know that the way to ease your pain is to live a good life? Or do a lot of drugs? Actually, probably more of the latter. Yeah, definitely drugs.

Look, I’m not saying that I’m without fault. I’ve been known to find naive teenage girls missing something in lives and trying to get them to embed something of mine in them. It distracts them from their other pains for at least 2 minutes. Then I buy them wine coolers because, hey, I enjoy contributing to things including but not limited to delinquency. I’m a giver, what can I say?

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A junior high school student could be charged with sexual battery after allegedly giving a school social worker an “inappropriate” hug, MyFOXKC.com reported.

The employee at Chisholm Trail Junior High School told an assistant principal that the 13-year-old boy embraced her in a way that made her uncomfortable, according to police in Olathe, Kan.

A school official contacted the boy about the incident and then released him to his parents, but the local prosecutor is weighing whether to file charges, according to MyFOXKC.com.

“The incident was documented and it has been forwarded to the district attorney’s office,” said Olathe Police Sgt. Johnnie Rowland. “They will review it and decide from that point what action should be taken.”

It’s kind of absurd to charge the kid. In all seriousness, I would guess that the kid hugged her from behind, perhaps had a little teenage erection (or large, depending upon what area of town this is, if you catch my drift) and probably lingered a little long. In which case we should probably applaud this kid for knowing how to seduce a woman at such a young age. Or revile him for getting more action than you have in the past month.

I hope that’s what happened, because that hug would have to be unbearably inappropriate for this to make any sense. I’m talking like a full-on hug that left yogurt stains on her dress. Or the kind of hug I used to get at Boy Scouts that got me my Good at Keeping a Secret badge.

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A couple have divorced after the husband was caught having a “virtual affair” with a female character in an online game.

David Pollard and Amy Taylor met in an online chat room in 2003 and married after discovering a shared love of the internet game Second Life.

In the game, players create characters known as avatars, which then interact with others in a virtual world. To his wife’s horror, Mr Pollard’s interaction included virtual infidelity with a female character playing the role of a prostitute. Ms Taylor said yesterday that her husband had been guilty of the “ultimate betrayal”, even though he had never met the real person behind his online affair.

The lovely virtual couple and the even lovelier real life couple are pictured above. It’s reasonably absurd that something like this would happen, but I guess there’s something to be said about the damage that a spiritual affair can do…it’s almost as hurtful as a physical one, if not moreso. So yes, this is a rare occasion…I’m taking a woman’s side. I know, I know, I’m sorry.

In related news, I jerked off to Ms. Pac Man. The way she gobbled those bananas…she knew what she was doing. Slut.

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