Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee is a PETA lover. As such, he’s defending the rights of animals everywhere. And his wrath is now hitting SeaWorld for its treatment of whales, specifically in regards to their caging and masturbation.

Obviously Tommy Lee relates to the plight of ]]>

Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee is a PETA lover. As such, he’s defending the rights of animals everywhere. And his wrath is now hitting SeaWorld for its treatment of whales, specifically in regards to their caging and masturbation.

Obviously Tommy Lee relates to the plight of the whales and their getting jerked off due to the fact that his penis size is not dissimilar from that of a blue whale. SeaWorld’s bizarre masturbation practices are basically oversized penis discrimination. Tommy Lee, the whales, and I should all start a support group. That is if we can all stop passing out from losing blood to our massive erections. I’d go on, but I’m feeling a little light-headed already.

Tommy Lee Explodes Over Whale Sperm [TMZ]

Ever get so drunk that you accuse someone of murdering a whale? Yeah, I think we’ve all been there.

A belligerent Sequim woman climbed onto a casino table, kicked a police officer and screamed “whale killer” during a bizarre scene Saturday night at the Point Casino, according to Kitsap ]]>

Ever get so drunk that you accuse someone of murdering a whale? Yeah, I think we’ve all been there.

A belligerent Sequim woman climbed onto a casino table, kicked a police officer and screamed “whale killer” during a bizarre scene Saturday night at the Point Casino, according to Kitsap County Sheriff’s Office reports.

The 56-year-old woman had reportedly consumed several alcoholic beverages when she became “loud, rude and aggressive” and drew the attention of casino security.

After being pulled off the gaming table, she “began running around the casino” while screaming “whale killer,” reports said. Two officers from the Port Gamble S’Kllalam Tribe’s Office of Public Safety arrived and arrested the woman. She kicked one of the officers several times in the lower leg, reports said.

[via]

From some concert that wasn’t actually at Sea World; I just got confused because she looks like Shamu.

Jessica Simpson’s still doing the country thing, which is evident not only in her wearing daisy dukes, but also in the fact that she’s apparently been grazing the ]]>

From some concert that wasn’t actually at Sea World; I just got confused because she looks like Shamu.

Jessica Simpson’s still doing the country thing, which is evident not only in her wearing daisy dukes, but also in the fact that she’s apparently been grazing the fields to build her tractorlike physique. I mean seriously, she could probably work the fields for days without tiring, just so long as you trust her to not swallow the cows whole. That’s assuming she can tear herself away from masturbating to Thisiswhyourefat long enough to do some real work.

Also, to anyone about to leave a comment about how she’s not fat, save it. Her f’ing corset looks like it’s going to bust apart and send pieces of shrapnel into the already-tortured eyes of anyone nearby. Yeah, keep emphasizing the big boobs with your wardrobe choices and hopefully no one will notice that you’re literally busting apart at the seams like one of the Three Little Pigs’ houses filled by a hose dispersing marshmallows.

[Editor's Note: I'm keeping the Girls I Would Copulate With tag on for now, but we're getting DANGEROUSLY CLOSE to it being revoked, Simpson. Watch your ass. All of it. You may need a panoramic lens.]

I’m going to be honest, I don’t feel like putting in a lot of “effort” into writing today. And what do bloggers do when they’re lazy and disdainful of the fact that they churn out so much content daily? A silly video! Ho ho Shamu really treats his trainer like ]]>

I’m going to be honest, I don’t feel like putting in a lot of “effort” into writing today. And what do bloggers do when they’re lazy and disdainful of the fact that they churn out so much content daily? A silly video! Ho ho Shamu really treats his trainer like a bitch in this clip.

I’ve always kind of hated whales since the whole Free Willy thing. It’s like who gives a crap if a whale is free or not? They just hang around and eat fish and have a stupid hole on the top of their head. That’s a necessary part of the world? I swear if I see a whale I will punch him right in his stupid face. What’s he going to do about it? Nothing. Because I can go on land and he can’t. Though if he figures out how to do that…I guess I’m probably pretty fed.

Then again, it’s a pretty extravagant way to go out. I can think of worse ways to die than pissing off a whale so much that it gains the ability to travel on land, stalks me and kills me. It’s probably better than my current reality of knee deep in blood and semen with a half-eaten grilled cheese in my hand. Sigh. Oh Future Chris. You’re incorrigible.